Even though I abandoned many of the things I learned at Teen Mania, like many of you I still lived under guilt and condemnation. Even years after leaving the Honor Academy, the thought of Dave’s disapproval still hurt and hung heavy over me. Getting over his opinion of me was one of the greatest days of freedom in my life.
While studying Colossians, it was this passage that set me free:
Colossians 2: 16,17,20-23
Therefore do not let anyone judge you by what you eat or drink, or with regard to a religious festival, a New Moon celebration or a Sabbath day. These are a shadow of the things that were to come; the reality, however, is found in Christ.
Since you died with Christ to the basic principles of this world, why, as though you still belonged to it, do you submit to its rules: “Do not handle! Do not taste! Do not touch!”? These are all destined to perish with use, because they are based on human commands and teachings. Such regulations indeed have an appearance of wisdom, with their self-imposed worship, their false humility and their harsh treatment of the body, but they lack any value in restraining sensual indulgence.
The culture of the Honor Academy is largely based on judging. You are constantly being judged by your peers and your leadership based on the things you do or don’t do – exercising, quiet times, praying correctly, keeping your room clean – even down to the most minor detail like whether you have your elbows on the table while eating! That is crazy and insane! Nobody is meant to live under this spirit-crushing environment. Certainly, we as Christians are called to love each other, not belittle and judge one another constantly.
If you are judging yourself based on your religious actions, read this and BE FREE!
I’ve also blogged about this before here.
19 comments:
Thank you so much! Wow. That is so amazing!!!
The thing that keeps getting me is that it was the same for you as it was for me! (I was an intern like, 10 years after you!!!)
Why is TeenMania still doing the same things? I mean, it REALLY surprises me. I would think that it would have gotten better, they would have learned from their lessons, even taught differently. But they dont. they said the exact same things to you that they said to us.
I feel lied to and cheated and manipulated.
This feeling is so painful
I’m sorry to hear that, anonymous. I actually wish I was wrong about Teen Mania, but comments and stories like yours keep pouring in. And it hurts.
Really? At TM you are judged on keeping your room clean? Like God cares about the state of your room.
I hate the way TM will twist anything they can into being sin. They make excessive rules and anyone who doesn’t or can’t follow their rules isn’t “submitting to authority.” That’s how they can get you on a sin issue for everything from not having a clean room to not being somewhere at the proper time. Am I right?
Recovering Alumni, that’s an interesting passage you chose. I used the same passage in my recovery to find freedom. My trouble came on a TM mission trip because I am a vegetarian. For that simple fact, I was told I was rebellious, hadn’t given my whole heart to God, etc. The leaders made my life miserable and more or less told me I had to give up being a vegetarian in order to put God first. I can’t do that and it tore me up inside. I felt hopeless and confused for a long time after returning. Then I started stumbling across passages such as Colossians 2:16 and realized I had been overtly lied to! Another one I love is 1 Corinthians 8:8 “But food does not recommend us to God. For neither if we eat are we the better, nor if we do not eat are we the worse.”
God has given us free choice over how we manage the small details of our lives and he doesn’t judge us for irrelevant details that have nothing to do with eternity.
2nd Anonymous – Yes – you are right that they make everything into a sin issue by saying you aren’t submitting to authority. Dave Hasz even said something like “If you don’t wear shoes in the dorm you are in rebellion against authority and wicked sin.”
What?! It’s laughable if they weren’t so serious about it.
3rd Anonymous – I find it bizarre that they would say being a vegetarian has anything to do with your Christianity?! How strange. I had a roommate that was vegetarian and it was never an issue…I’m sorry they treated you that way but glad that you have found freedom.
The anonymous that felt condemned because of being a vegetarian said it was on a mission trip. I am seeing this perhaps falling into their hard, fast rule about eating anything and everything that was put in front of you on a mission trip giving an example of “even if you just saw a cockroach run across it”
The thing I was thinking about was Fasting today. At TeenMania we were forced to fast every two weeks as a way of ‘training’ of how to be a good Christian. They shut down the kitchen and no one was aloud to eat. If anyone saw you eating you could get dismissed because of it.
HOW TERRIBLE.
It just kind of clicked today. You CANT force anyone to fast, it’s a matter of the heart. And if you struggled because you didn’t want to fast and broke it. You were conscidered a HORRIBLE intern. I mean really, what worse way is there to upset God than break fast?!?!?! uhh.. that was ALL SARCASIM. God is not disapointed with you EVER because you break fast!!!!!!!! Not what Teen Mania told me. Teen Mania taught me how to endure things like fasting and prayer and reading the bible. what a way to get a cold heart! Were we ever made to ‘endure’ these things?! NO!!! We were made to enjoy them! sometimes it’s not fun, but they’re NEVER fun if you’re being forced to do it. and then you just learn that you have to do it to be a Christian. Which does not please God.
It’s so nice that this blog is around.
TM was probably just trying to save money on food by closing the kitchen. Fasting is a convenient excuse.
You’re right anonymous. Fasting because the kitchen is closed (and Garden Valley is in the middle of nowhere) is really no more holy than Ethiopians starving and praying during a famine. It isn’t really even fasting if there is no food available. That’s just starving and praying.
What were you fasting for? Usually people fast for specific very heavy burdens on their hearts. If the fasting is scheduled on the calender it doesn’t seem very authentic.
How long did each fasting period last? I am convinced that too much frequent fasting for no good reason can really screw up one’s metabolism the same way yo-yo dieting and binge eating can.
…when TM ran out of food, we knew about it–whether it was a fasting day or not. my second year, there were frequent occasions in which the caf ran out of food an hour into the meal–and we would have to settle for toast/pb&j sandwiches, or wait around for awhile until they could frantically cook up something extra. those were the days of the nametags, too–in order to eat, you had to have an HA name badge that you wore and presented–if you didn’t have it, they wouldn’t let you eat. one brave intern made an HA facebook group–“i’m not anorexic, i just don’t have my HA name tag”. if i remember right, Dave got word of it, and the creator got talked to–it stayed up, but he had to change the profile picture of the group.
we never fasted for specific reasons, unless the two different fasting retreats count. one of those was for…i don’t even know, and the other was for our “life vision” [that God was undoubtedly going to show us in three days time…right]. otherwise, they were bi-weekly, and we’d have to go into the auditorium while a speaker [normally katie luce, occasionally someone else] would tell us what to pray for–usually ATF and the GE trips, sometimes other things.
the bi-weekly fasting days were only 24 hours. the retreats were three days long.
h – would you email me at recoveringalumni at hotmail dot com? I want to ask you something.
me and a few others started ‘the fasting club’. every fasting thursday, we’d gather at the couches in our dorm and bring everything we had to eat.. chips, cookies, some people went and bought burgers.. and RIGHT when midnight hit (and we were watching closely) we’d have ourselves a feast.
it was actually a lot of fun! though also pretty looked down on.
my year[s] the day of choice was monday. oh, we did that too–believe me! we’d sit around with our bowls of ramen noodles in the room, waiting, or if you couldn’t make that happen, you’d wake yourself up wayyyy too early to make it to breakfast as soon as it opened.
dave talked about that one in enrichment, i believe…told us we were missing the heart of fasting, by counting down the hours until we could eat again. [things that totally didn’t stop it, however…haha]
The HA sounds like a concentration camp — free labour, not enough food.
I think it’s interesting that we were “missing the heart of fasting” by eating at midnight… when forcing people to fast bi-weekly kind of totally misses the mark too.
My GI year, they eventually changed it to “no breaking fast until 6:00 the next morning”. And I totally accepted it! Praise the Lord for your ministry, RA.
I’m not sure how any meaningful growth is possible without true free will. You can’t “force” spiritual growth.
Amen!
I have a condition where it’s not great if I skip meals. So, Teen Mania provided me with crackers and juice on fasting days. Not great, but it got me through. I never felt looked down on though. What got me was that someone told me I couldn’t chew gum unless it was sugar free-and then told me to spit it out (it was another intern, not a leader). Hello, legalism! I did think I was going to pass out during the fasting retreat though. Plus, no food, we couldn’t talk-my two favorite things! LOL!
I definitely dealt with issues of guilt and depression, and a fellow intern helped shine light on it for me! He told me Nicole it’s not about being perfect, remember we are all sinners in need of a savior! That stuck with me and I realized it was about loving God with all my heart soul mind and strength and loving your neighbor as yourself! I know TM has a lot of issues I don’t believe its their intention to make you feel so guilty I believe they want the teens to strive for perfection but forgetting we were human and no body is perfect. That was my biggest issue is people assuming you weren’t as good of a Christian or that you were such a sinner because you were dealing with something for example for me it was lust, I had the hardest time dealing with my thought life, but later realized again I’m only human! The one instance I actually felt like woah was during the 2001 election and TM wanted everyone to vote for Bush, that was the only time I felt truly brainwashed and sensed something wasn’t settling right with me there. I was like voting is private and personal and should be unbiased by an organization that has so many impressionable young minds. It was during ESOAL Dave had people rolling down a hill and he was asking people who they were voting for if they didn’t say Bush down the hill they went, I was praying they didn’t come to me, because I was totally gonna say I don’t know I haven’t examined them both enough yet but I am a democrat haha. I actually emailed Dave about that and he apologized which was nice. I hope RA you can find some resolve and maybe even working with someone at TM in fixing some of these issues. Some of the things like fasting day I went into those days with things I had on my heart and used those days for clarity which is what fasting is for to take away any distraction and to really focus in on God’s voice, I was one of those people that waited till midnight too and my ACA would try to make us feel guilty but I was like whatever I’m hungry God will forgive me hahaha
Wow!!!! I am reading all of this and my heart is seriously going out to all who have experienced this. I grew up in a very strong “Word” church. I was taught about the balance of the Grace and Mercy of God and wanting to live a seperated Holy life, through the Biblical standards. My husband, on the other hand was raised with a very “sin” conscious background. I can see how that mind set was a struggle for him in his earlier years. I am a Team Leader Alumni with Teen Mania. I have great respect for the ministry, but having also been in youth ministry for years I can see how going into their program without a solid foundational/revelational understanding of the love and grace of God, could really be hurtful and devestating. This site has been an eye opener for me. I encourage people to check into the HA, and I still will, but I am now aware that if they have come from that Works/sin conscious ideology or mindset it isn’t going to be the right fit.I do realize that from what you are saying that is the teaching they are promoting there. How sad. Still I believe it is a great ministry and needs our prayers. There is not one single group or camp of belief in the body of Christ that has it all together. They can be doing great things on one hand and walking in deception in another area. I’m pretty sure that anyone who has been on a Teen Mania trip will agree that they have done a lot of great things. Praise God for each of you have begin to discover truth through the Word. There is a vast difference in growing up in a church that is very “sin/feeling, what am I doing wrong”, opposed to one where you are taught the right perspective on life and Christianity through the Word of God. God Bless each of you. My favorite scripture seems appropriate here…Romans 2:4b The Goodness of God leads man to repentance… Take the good things you have recieved from TM ministries and pray for them on the negative….All of us need to continue to grow, even the ones who seem so great in our eyes…