That’s kind of like the comment section of this website.
There are many people here in very real, very deep pain. Their wounds are still open and even the slightest amount of pressure or provocation on the wounded area will cause a great amount of pain and probably a verbal reaction.
That is normal.
Have you ever been to the doctor for an injury and as he applies pressure to different points in your body, he asks, “Does this hurt?” If you scream out in pain, he knows that’s the area that needs healing.
It would be a really crappy doctor who said, “What’s wrong with you?! I barely touched you! You are messed up! Get out of here!”
And so, please bear this in mind if you are not one of the wounded. We’ve got the ER equivalent of people walking around here with broken limbs, bleeding wounds, etc. If that kind of thing bothers you, don’t hang out here. You don’t walk into an emergency room and complain you don’t like blood – so don’t come in here and complain you don’t like “negativity.”
Ground Rules for Commenting
Please keep the above scenario in mind when making your comments. Disagreement is welcome as long as its done respectfully. Using actual facts is also helpful. Most objections have already been answered, so please check the “Frequent Objections” tab at the top.
There will be one comment thread reserved specifically for fellow recovering alumni. This thread will NOT be open to debate. It will be in true recovery group format with no judgmental comments and a true safe space for anyone who is hurt. I will have a zero tolerance policy for unsafe/hurtful comments on that thread.
A Very Brave Thing
The four other fellow interns that agreed to be part of the MSNBC show are quite brave. Three of them are all very recent interns from the past 2-3 years, which makes it even more difficult to break the silence. If you remember how difficult it has been for you to share your story, even anonymously or with trusted friends, just image how nerve wracking it is to share it on national television, even more so when you have no control over how you will be edited. We bared our souls for the entire world to see during that weekend workshop and I just want to publicly say how proud I am of each of those women for having the courage to speak their truth.
Any comment which insults any of these women will be IMMEDIATELY DELETED. I will not allow this space to be used for Teen Mania and/or its followers to cause them any more suffering.
If their bravery inspires you, please consider signing this “Open Letter to Those Considering the Honor Academy” I am not the author of that letter or website, but I support what they are doing and feel it is a very valuable endeavor. If everyone felt comfortable signing their name, I feel confident that we would easily have hundreds of signatures. However, I know that not everyone feels safe or recovered enough to do that and there is no pressure to make a stand that is not helpful to your recovery. But if you can, please help prevent future teens from going what you went through.
10 comments:
Thank you so much for posting this. Even though I shared part of my story in 2010, I am still wary to visit this site too much because of the deep shame I continue to feel about who I am and what I’m not (a super Christian). I don’t know if anyone is familiar with any of Neil Anderson’s works, but when I read a book of his where he said you should never tell someone “Dont feel that way” or “what you feel isn’t real, etc.” I was shocked. I did not know that a Christian would ever say that–that hasn’t been my experience.
When people are so deeply hurt and you say those types of things, you discount their feelings. You invalidate their identity. You impress upon them that all of the pain they feel is their fault and somehow DUE to them–that they deserve it. And you know what? Some of us are admittedly more sensitive than others. I am.
So yes, thank you for this post.
shannikitty – I’m so sorry that Christians have not been a safe place for you. Thank you for sharing.
I really want to sign, but I still have several friends who support Teen Mania, and coming out and discouraging people from attending the HA would very likely damage or destroy those friendships. Perhaps if that’s what those friendships depend on, they’re not worth it, but I don’t think I can do it just yet. But know that I really want to.
Totally agree, RA. We are getting more emails and phone calls than usual. AND the documentary has not even been aired! I don’t really take much stock in all the alumni who think Teen Mania was a grand experience. Denial is a defense mechanism.
I am concerned with those who will be validated by watching the documentary and will realize that they are not alone. I am also concerned about the participants in the documentary who had the courage to acknowledge they were a part of a spiritually unhealthy group and were willing to share their story.
I am praying so hard for the young women who had the courage to participate in this documentary. Please know that you are the heroes!!! RA has invested so much of her time and emotional energy to this blog. I have no idea how she has done it! But the good she has done is beyond description. May God give her and the other young women peace and a clear conviction that they did the right thing.
Speaking from a former member of a pseudo-Christian group, recovery is possible. It doesn’t come easily, but there are people out there who can help in your recovery.
This site is amazing. I am so grateful to RA for being willing to fight this fight. I have been suicidal and thought I was truly going insane in these years since leaving TM. Seeing that I am not the only one puts some of my feelings into perspective.
Wendy, you are right about denial. I started the xanga blogring No, Teen Mania is Not a Cult, years ago. I was in complete denial. Even after I wrote to Brenda Bertrand and Dave after the internship and I was told to quit running away and move on… I thought I failed them.
This site IS amazing and the work RA has done to give former TM alumni a place to talk, think, feel and start the hard work of recovery is precious. Recovery takes time and validation of your feelings, knowing you are not alone or crazy.
Unfortunately I know what recovery from damaging Christian theology is like as my entire family and I have been in recovery for 5 years now. I wrote that bit about my daughter having problems on a TM missions trip that was posted over at No Longer Quivering. My daughter pointed me here and reading the stories here has helped with her healing and being able to open up to me about her TM years. We are both going to be watching the show on MSNBC Sunday. The young women that stepped forward for the show ARE heroes! Keep up the good fight!
Out of curiosity, having not seen the show as it has not yet aired, I wonder why there were not any men who were available for the MSNBC show and the cult recovery group?
Not to sound self-centered; I would have made the effort had I known about it.
But, I think that it would have been best to have a mix of both genders present for the process to provide more credibility and a better perspective of what we endured and have been dealing with since our time at TM.
~ Blue Lantern
So I was an intern once too…in Tulsa, not in TX so take this with a grain of salt. All of us (as humans) are wounded. It is part of life. Don’t we all share an intrinsic responsibility to make sure we are in healthy environments? I would guess that any type of research would say that the majority of HA participants had positive experiences versus negative ones (or why did they stay for an entire year)…that’s not to mitigate anyone’s woundedness at all (sincerely). But again, are we saying that TM was 100% to blame for our wounds, or did the stress and presure (and I’ll grant you the TX experience seems a bit extreme) bring our wounds to the surface.
My comment is that we examine ourselves and take responsibility for our own lives and growth as Christians, and as men and women.
When I was in the military I didn’t have a choice to leave (at least not for 4 years); when I was an intern I was free to go home at any time.
If the internship wasn’t a healthy place (for “you”) why did you stay? Again, maybe it has deteriorated way beyond what I remember. And maybe there it is only for certain people and there needs to be a better recruitment/orientation process. I just think that healing absolutely requires internal responsibility and a personal drive to “move on”…Love is a choice; joy is a choice; forgiveness is a choice.
God bless each and every one of you in your journey and process! “I don’t trust a man who hasn’t suffered” – John Eldridge
Signed,
Not TM’s biggest fan; but someone who has seen a lot of positive fruit their ministry over the years nonetheless; and doesn’t truly believe that they are from the devil. 😉
Tulsa intern, I’ll go ahead and answer your question about why people who were wounded stayed at the internship. There are 2 main reasons. First,if you attempt to speak to a staff person about your desire to leave, you are reminded you made a commitment to stay for the whole year and if you break that commitment you are showing you’re a quitter and you are setting yourself up to fail at everything you attempt for the rest of your life. This is something that people in leadership have literally told interns, you will fail at marriage if you don’t honor your one year commitment to the Honor Academy.
Secondly, many people didn’t realize at the time that what was happening was wrong. The environment at the HA discourages interns from questioning anything that happens there. It causes some people to feel like there is something wrong with THEM for even having a question or bad feeling in the first place.
Interns also might feel pressure from their parents, fear of letting their supporters down, or embarrassed to face their home church if they left.
All of these factors have caused people to stay, even when they didn’t want to. So while they were technically free to leave at anytime, many were afraid to do so.
Tulsa Intern – I’m not sure how much the Tulsa internship can be compared to the TX internship, especially if you were there pre-Dave Hasz…They really are two different animals.
As far as taking responsibility and assigning blame, my experience has been that former interns nearly always take all of the blame. In fact, that is what we were taught to do. If something is wrong in your life – you are sick or need money, for example – then you must have sin or a lack of faith or not be praying hard enough. If there is something you don’t like, you need to change your attitude – it can’t possibly be anyone else’s fault. The fruit of this is that interns learn to blame themselves for everything. In fact, I have YET to meet or speak to a former intern that doesn’t suffer from this malady. So, all that to say, telling interns to take responsibility for their lives/decisions/etc. is really taking the wrong message to the wrong crowd. They’ve probably been taking responsibility (and the shame and guilt) for their depression, confusion, etc in their post-HA lives instead of looking at where all that stuff REALLY comes from – Teen Mania.
Does that mean we have no role to play and its 100% on Teen Mania? I’m not saying that – but I really don’t think thats a valid concern for 95% or more of former interns.