How Long Does it Take?

I’ve been out of the Honor Academy for quite a while now…enough time to graduate from college, start a career and get married. Throughout the years I’ve dealt with various issues in my life related to TM. Each time they were resolved, I would think, “Yes, now I am FINALLY done with healing from TM.” And then about 6 months later, the Lord would bring another issue to the surface and the process would repeat itself. It was really like an onion, just peeling back layer after layer of faulty mindsets and hurts.

My very best friend in the whole world is a pastor’s wife and has been since we became friends right after I left the HA. She has walked with me through a lot of the crap I’ve endured and spent many nights in deep conversation with me, especially during my first few years of recovery. I can tell her absolutely anything. Today we were talking about some things in my life that I’ve come to realize still stem from the hurts I experienced at TM. For my sake, I know she wants me to be “over it” so that it doesn’t negatively affect my heart anymore. She doesn’t want to see me hurting. I told her that I wanted to be “over it” as well, but that it was a process that can’t be rushed. I do feel like I am right where God wants me to be right now, though its still painful. She agreed and then said something that really touched me and that I think exemplifies what Christian community can and should be: “I will walk with you through this process, no matter how long it takes. Even if its until we die.”

The reality is, it takes as long as it takes. God is not in a hurry. He is thorough. He wants healing for you and He won’t stop until you get it. People may rush you by saying that you shouldn’t have negative feelings, that you should just get over it, that you are dwelling on the past, etc. The truth is that God knows exactly what you need and how you need it more than any man does. He accepts you wherever you are at – and not just when you’ve cleaned yourself up enough to be acceptable to religious folks.

I hope that you have at least one friend to walk beside you on this journey. Because if you are anything like me, its going to take a lot longer than you expected.

5 comments:

katydid said…

RA—AMEN AND AMEN!!!
August 12, 2010 9:23 AM

gc1998 said…

this is beautiful. i have (and am) a friend(s) like this. i’m glad you’ve got one, too.
August 12, 2010 7:55 PM

C.R. said…

I am with you on this. I was only with the HAO for two months and I am still struggling to get over what happened. Glad you have someone to turn to 🙂
August 13, 2010 12:35 AM

moriah said…

It takes a while. I felt it for the longest time, didn’t know how to deal with it . . . stumbling across your website was one of the best things that has ever happened to me in terms of getting over that strange year i gave to TM and the previous summers. thanks again, and I wish you well in your recovery.
just a note: as you get involved with healthy, functioning organizations as a volunteer, I think you will be able to start replacing your toxic memories of TM with new and beautiful memories. Three years ago, when my boyfriend and I broke up, I made a pointed habit of revisiting the places that had a negative connection to him in order to make new healthy memories in that space. Pretty soon, I could go to those places that were once very sad for me with a joyful heart because I had re-created them with new memories.

Love,
moriah
August 13, 2010 3:07 AM

Heather said…

Thank you for this post. It has been close to 6 years for me and I know there are those in my life that have gotten sick of me having to sort through so much but there are those loyal few that are willing to continue to walk through this with me.

I love hearing similar stories to mine…it makes me feel more “normal”
August 19, 2010 1:34 PM