Halfway through the year (after I had seen Mr. Cano and who I couldn’t seem to schedule a follow up appointment with) one of my good friends left the HA. She did not feel comfortable with Ron Luce’s stand on some theological ideas, and made this clear when she left. Because she was so strong about leaving the HA I was encouraged that I could finally leave as well. There had been times I wanted to leave the HA, but (as in the case with Mr. Cano) ended up feeling like it was a problem with me, which only led me to have greater dependence on Teen Mania who seemed to be the answer for all my short comings. I also felt like there was a huge stigma against leaving. You were considered weak or a failure if you decided you couldn’t stay any longer. This is where I feel the most manipulated. David Hasz would say, “You are going to disappoint your supporters if you don’t finish.” He would also threaten us that if we don’t finish the internship we would fail at our marriage, our jobs, our schooling, parenting our future children, basically whatever you did you would be a failure for the rest of your life. He would even say you were disappointing your supporters if you were late to class!
For my ministry placement job, I worked in a call center and I did not enjoy it. There was constant turnover in the staff and the one consistent goal that we had was our quota. If you didn’t get enough applications or commits, it was because you either hadn’t prayed enough or there was some sin in your life that kept you from getting Teen Mania’s rightfully deserved blessing. In this case (even though this was not true) I was made to feel like I was somehow sabotaging Teen Mania and, in a more indirect way, the kingdom of God. Somewhere Teen Mania and God were confused, and I was made to feel that Teen Mania’s will was God’s will, which meant that when I “failed” Teen Mania by not getting enough applications for missions trips I was actually failing God. And because Teen Mania’s quotas were always impossible and out of reach this meant that I was always a failure. These feelings were both said and implied. As I mentioned earlier, David Hasz would out right manipulate us, but lower staff would be subtler. For instance, if you were having a bad day or discouraged because of the impossible responsibilities that Teen Mania gave you, you were supposed to “Take five with Jesus” and that would fix it. Or when you told them your numbers were down, they’d say, “Well you tell me what the problem is.” Then whatever you told them, they would use that information against you! David Hasz never used this form of manipulation against me personally, but supervisors and CAs definitely had the personal connection that this kind of manipulation required. Obviously, they had the information on our accountability cards.
For months and months we didn’t have any soap in the bathroom. We would run out of toilet paper and would go for days without it. If we needed to use the bathroom we had 2 choices: either go to a different dorm or walk up to Mission Control on the other side of campus. Some girls even kept an emergency roll of toilet paper secretly so that they would be taken care of if there was an emergency. We would also go months and months without paper towels. The maintenance in the dorms was terrible; toilets would be clogged with feces for over a week at a time. On top of that, the cleaning chemicals would never be closed – just open bottles – and the stench was horrible. It smelled like we were in a radioactive area. Plus, nobody really ever cleaned the bathroom. There was a constant fear of getting sick. When Mr. Hasz was asked why we did not have these basic necessities we were told that we needed to buy our own soap, and implied that we were stupid because we didn’t think of this ourselves. To this day, I wonder what how large Ron Luce’s off shore accounts are. The fact that were paying $8,000 and were deprived toilet paper and soap is ridiculous.
20 comments:
Wow, Melissa. I am so sorry you had to go through this…especially the weakening of your relationship with your Mother. I hope that since your time at TMM you have been able to repair the damage and move forward in your relationship with her.
Now this just makes me angry. As a former custodial intern that is appalling! When I was an intern we made sure the restrooms were serviced daily in the dorms and there was extra TP, PT, and Soap underneath the sinks. The showers were cleaned daily. The toilets were also cleaned daily. The hallways and tile were swept and mopped daily and the door windows were cleaned daily as well.
The administration building restrooms were cleaned every day, the lobby restrooms were sometimes cleaned twice daily.
My team was passionate about excellence and did the best we could with what we were given. The cleaning supplies always had tops on them and were most of the time in locked closets (mostly because I was tired of other people on campus “borrowing” our supplies and not returning).
I am seriously not sure what happened. This infuriates me and grosses me out. A lot must have happened since 2002.
I am so sorry you went through all that. *HUGS*
I have to agree. I learned how to meticulous when cleaning at the HA. I’ve actually lost a job because I took too long cleaning the bathroom. The really stupid part is that a lack of proper supplies could just be a logistical problem. I was taken off Custodial for most of my first semester at the HA, but was transferred back during the Campus reset. As far as I was aware, I was the only person who did inventory. On at least one occasion, part of our supplies were delivered out to the warehouse instead of the storage outside of the kitchen. The manager and I were the only ones who knew.
The uncleanliness of the dorms and the lack of proper supplies in the bathrooms have been a common complaint among recent interns. It looks like one way the Honor Academy tries to save money is by spending less on supplies and leaving it up to interns to come up with their own soap, tp, etc once they run out. I think we’ve also had some stories indicating it is now up to the interns to clean their bathrooms and dorms.
some people just need tough love.
toilet clogged? fix it yourself!
need soap? I’ve seen what the interns have. spend a buck and get some.
you complain about dirty bathrooms and open chemical containers? PUT THE TWO TOGETHER AND CLEAN THE BATHROOM!
Anon-
$8000 better get and intern a workable toilet, a clean restroom, and basic needs such as toilet paper, paper towels, and soap. You are sort of being ridiculous. When I was an intern I literally did not have 25 cents to my name for months. I had to end up randomly borrowing toothpaste for over a month because I didn’t have a quarter to my name to buy any. Then once an intern buys some, why should they share? There are 40 people using the same bathroom. Should there be 40 soaps? Toilet paper rolls? Seriously. Not all interns have incredible means. And if they are required to purchase these basic dorm necessities, then they should be informed of this prior to coming. That isn’t tough love. That’s neglect.
Are they told before they come that they’ll need to buy tp and soap? Maybe they are saying that now…
If you can borrow toothpaste you can borrow soap. I know exactly who you are, 1stTimeMommy. I’ve listened to your relentless stories about cleaning the fountain and how you were wronged by sam and whoever else.
Did you ever stop to think that maybe they just didnt’ like you? Maybe you should have just left sooner than you did?
Anon – So attempting to bully others and writing nasty comments are suppose to convince people that TM/HA is a good thing?
Anon, I really hope you just have a wacky sense of humor here and you’re not aware of how your comment comes across. Otherwise, this would just be REALLY mean and I’m sure you aren’t trying to be mean, right?
1st time mommy, you have always handled yourself with grace and dignity and great love for others. Thank you for caring so much about basic human needs. 🙂
Wow, that is totally uncalled for, not to mention un-Christlike. If I had gotten here earlier, I would have deleted it. Luckily, I know 1st Time Mommy is recovered enough not to let such an ignorant and hateful comment effect her.
1st Time Mommy,
I second what Carrie said!!! You exemplified Christ in everything I saw you do, and you managed to conduct yourself with extraordinary grace under a really difficult set of circumstances. I KNOW that some people had a much better internship than they would have if someone else had been their supervisor.
I’m guessing that the people who “didn’t like you” probably wouldn’t like Jesus much, either.
1st time Mommy,
You have handled yourself with beauty and grace and strength don’t let people’s hate and ignorance ruin that strength! I So agree with Carry and LGG here.
WOW!
Thanks for the kind comments friends! Yeah, pretty much haven’t had anyone say something that immature and mean since junior high. For sure wasn’t feeling any Jesus love or “tough love” from it, ha! I know in my heart I literally poured my heart out at HA so I’m not worried about what “Anon” thinks of me. Anon-you didn’t figure out some mystery here. I know everyone knows who I am-I don’t have a pseudonym because I am afraid for people to find out Anon (perhaps you are?). I blog, thus the first time mommy name. And I have a picture on my profile in case you needed visual confirmation. I’d love for you to be brave enough to back up your immature, thoughtless, loveless comments with a face and a name.
Sincerely, Dawn Meyer Karels
Aw snap! 1st time mommy is throwin’ it down, scaredy cat anon! 🙂
First of all, I am also horrified by Anon’s behavior. I was an SA when Dawn was and actually lived in the same house for awhile and I know she worked her butt off and poured her heart and soul into her interns and her job. She was incredible at it! I can’t believe someone would say such cruel and dishonest things.
Secondly, I think Jose Cano was full of crap in his counseling techniques. I’ll never forget going through personality tests with him and being told we needed to answer it as we would have from our childhood perspective/personality because that’s who we really were. Bull-crap! I don’t believe in limiting myself to being the same person I was when I was beginning school. I prefer to grow, develop and mature, thank you very much.
One of my dear friends has her Masters’ in Counseling and I have learned so much from her as to what counseling TRULY is and it breaks my heart that it was apparently abused with you, Melissa.
~CP
CP/Anon at 10:51 am-totally agree with you about the counseling issues. A true counselor is supposed to have confidentiality with their clients. I can’t figure out who you are by your initials?! Would love to reconnect with any of my roomies.
Melissa, it makes me so sad that your confidence with a counselor was betrayed and that you received such damaging instruction. I’m so sorry! I have a very confidential therapist. It’s a wonderful thing to be able to talk to someone and know beyond a shadow of a doubt your thoughts will be really heard and listened to, and won’t leave the confidence of that relationship. It makes me sad that doesn’t happen at the HA. I think that with the issues of today’s youth programs that deal with young people must have good and healthy counseling in place. So many young people deal with abuse whether sexual or verbal or physical, cutting, depression, and addiction. It’s a disservice to these young adults when there is a stigma against counseling and when the counseling that is offered is done so in an unhealthy way. Not sure if you ended up going to any counseling after HA or if you want/need to. If so, I hope you have found or will find a great counselor relationship.
I’ve posted this here before, but when I went to visit Jose Cano about being depressed and feeling far away from God, after I mentioned I had been involved in occult practices in middle school he told me those spirits were still influencing me and gave me a pamphlet for a local group that performed “spiritual cleansings” (exorcisms basically). I’m so glad I never followed up on that. But it goes to show Jose is full of crap. And I also never got more than one meeting with him.