By the time I went home for Christmas, he would webcam with me while he was naked. He would be in the shower, jerking off showing me literally every inch of his body. Being a man who “struggled” with homosexuality, I was curious, so I didn’t stop him, even though I could have. Even though I did allow him to talk dirty to me and to webcam, I NEVER consented to anything physical and I never reciprocated the naked webcam, even when he asked me to.
After “graduating” I stayed for a second year, and during this year is when I was done.
Once, he invited me over and I crashed at his house on a bed. At one point we both were in the same bed. I felt really uncomfortable and I didn’t know what to do so I just laid there and pretended I was asleep.
Another time, I ended up going to his house with a couple other core guys, and he called me to come back to his room to see something… I went into his room and he was in a towel. He dropped the towel, put his dick in front of my face while pushing it against my mouth, but no way in HELL was I doing that. When I didn’t show interest, he walked into the bathroom and put his clothes on and came out with the other intern guys.
After that I felt really bad since I was trying to be a good Christian and a good intern. I told him that either he would confess or I would. But he just said something along the lines of “Its been a struggle for me, and the people who need to know know,” and then deleted me as a friend on Facebook.
My life is nowhere near perfect as I am trying to find the balance of loving God and living my life (as a homosexual man) especially because my family does not agree with my lifestyle. I never “confessed” to anyone at TM about this situation in fear of being dismissed for doing bad things while being an intern, I just packed up and left. Even to this day (literally, today), he will message me and try initiating a conversation, but I don’t entertain it… He is no longer a staff member at Teen Mania.
I think it is important for people to know about this, and maybe if there is a situation with a current intern going thru something similar I hope that this will help them to be strong enough to speak out rather than living in fear of “dismissal.” Now I look back and it was so stupid!
Life is too short to live in bondage and constantly beating yourself up for things out of your control. When I was finally able to accept myself for who I am, and let go of my past, the bright future is all I have to look forward to! Granted, life still isn’t easy, and living a homosexual life definitely makes it interesting, but I have finally found peace and joy now that I have a boyfriend who truly cares about me and loves me, knows my past, and is looking to the future with me. 🙂
32 comments:
Note: This comment thread is not a referendum on homosexuality. I will not be publishing comments that try to argue or debate that particular topic.
Steven’s story is instructive because even though he was a victim (like Anna, in Anna’s story) Teen Mania was not a safe place for him to come forward. That is very disturbing.
I also wonder how many other interns were assaulted by that same staff member…and if Teen Mania had a policy to protect victimized interns, these things would happen less frequently and be dealt with more appropriately.
Oh, Steven….thank you so much for your bravery. I cannot imagine what you must have felt. It was courageous to speak up….
Steven, I am so sorry for what you went through at TM. Especially the anguish of reconciling what was happening and undoubtedly the shame and hippocrisy that you felt from the mixed messages you were receiving. Bless you.
WOW. Steven I’m so sorry you went through this, none of this was ok. I’ve heard rumors of hazing male interns who were thought to be gay…but I never imagined this, and I don’t doubt you for 1 second. You were harassed; in a place that should have been safe from any sexual encounters. I’m so sorry.
Steven, I am SO sorry. Love of any variety is not something that is pressured, expected, or invaded upon. I am sorry you experienced all of those things. I am also GLAD that you found someone who truly loves you. That is what it’s all about, and I truly hope your life is more peaceful and satisfied in the future.
You are very brave to come out and say this. It would be great if you would take the next step and reveal who this individual was to someone who can make a difference. He is probably still out there doing this same thing wherever he is. Even tell TM so he can’t use them as a reference.
Thank you so much for sharing your story.
I’m totally happy that you are confident enough in yourself, despite Teen Mania to know this was wrong AND your sexuality is ok.
I really pray others who suffered this same treatment will find rest in this testimony. They are NOT the only ones. Teen Mania is not a safe place and leadership hardly does anything to prevent this behavior.
Thanks for the kind words…. It is such a reassuring thing to know that my past doesn’t define who I am.
Steven, I’m sorry that this happened to you. You were in a place where you should have been able to trust the leaders around you, and if you ever had a problem you should have felt comfortable enough to approach someone higher up. That obviously was not the case.
You were, black and white, unarguably abused and taken advantage of.
Please don’t guess who you think the staff member in question might be…this isn’t the place for that. Regardless of who the individual staff member is (and he certainly acted like a predator in this situation) the entire TM machine enabled this assault to take place.
This is heartbreaking, Stephen. Thank you for being brave enough to share, and please don’t blame yourself for being “curious,” if you do. It’s absolutely unconscionable that you were put into that situation in the first place. At HA of ALL places, there should have been someone that you felt you could come forward to and explain and trust that some action would be taken without repercussions for you. The fact that there was no such person speaks volumes about TM, not you.
Oh Stephen I am so sorry about this, I wish you had felt right coming forward because this is a horrible thing that he did. Sexual harassment isn’t ok and it’s not limited just to one gender or another. It’s sick they knew this was an issue and did nothing to protect people. Thank you for being Strong Stephen *hugs*
I am not a follower of this blog however I was emailed this am to look at this post. I am so sorry that this happened to you. I don’t believe teen mania fosters the environment for such abuse- in the same way a doctor abuses a patient isn’t the hospitals environment that causes such abuse. I am terribly sorry for the pain this has caused you and that staff member should receive the appropriate punishment for his actions according to the full extent of the law.
“I hope that this will help them to be strong enough to speak out rather than living in fear of “dismissal.” Now I look back and it was so stupid!”
Chilling. I’m sorry that this happened, and I’m sorry that you were in a situation that made you fearful of speaking out and getting help.
“I don’t believe teen mania fosters the environment for such abuse- in the same way a doctor abuses a patient isn’t the hospitals environment that causes such abuse.”
I don’t believe that this is an accurate statement. Why do you think that the hospital would not be at least partially responsible for the protection of it’s patients? The same goes for an office scenerio… this is why sexual harassment training is such a big deal for businesses.
John Perks,
On what do you base your opinion that you “…don’t believe teen mania fosters the environment for such abuse?” Your example about the hospital is not a good one, as the psych department at Parkland Hospital in Dallas is in trouble right now precisely for creating an environment that has led to abuse. Personally, I DO believe that Teen Mania “fosters the environment for such abuse” as you put it, and I base my belief in part on many of the things I have read on this blog.
John Perks– Unfortunately, the evidence in the story itself indicates that Teen Mania does indeed “foster the environment for such abuse.” This is because, as Steven describes it, interns are caused to be “living in fear of ‘dismissal.'” Compare Anna’s story, in which she relates that when she reported being taken advantage of by a staff member, she was dismissed for having “physical contact” (as though it was her fault!).
An environment where people are afraid of the consequences of speaking out about abuse is by very definition an environment that fosters abuse.
Any office, hospital, etc. where people could be terminated for reporting abuse from their superiors would get socked with a massive wrongful termination lawsuit. I don’t know all the laws involved here, but it is quite possible that Teen Mania’s policies are illegal as well as just unethical and immoral. To make people afraid to speak out about abuse is to put up a sign that says, “Abuse encouraged.”
John Perks –
Odd you’d say that it’s not the environment that fosters it, specially after Stephen said, “But he just said something along the lines of “Its been a struggle for me, and the people who need to know know,” and then deleted me as a friend on Facebook.”
I think the chilling line there is “…and the people who need to know know”. Right there the staff member ADMITS that upper staff knew about the assaults, and did nothing to get rid of the guy.
The other thing is- did you want this relationship? Becauase that’s ok too. It’s ok if you were curious about it.
It sounds like this staff member (who… Honestly- could have been anyone. Nothing would surprise me at this point.)he wasn’t very shy about what he was doing. It takes a lot of confidence to do what he did, my guess would be someone else did the same thing to him and he didn’t tell anyone so he knew you wouldn’t.
I’m sorry this happened to you.
AND-
Teen Mania does too foster this kind of behavior!
Abuse is flipping EVERYWHERE! If it’s not your boss it’s your CA. If it’s not your CA it’s the men/women’s director! If it’s not them it’s Ron himself. If it’s not the adverage disrespect for the human race, it’s harassment and if it’s not harassment it’s the real darkness that stays behind closed doors, when exposed no one is surprised… Just horrified.
Guardian – The way I read it is that people knew he was gay, but not that he was sexually assaulting people. But it certainly was vague and not handled correctly…
I think John Perks was somewhat right but he poorly worded his argument.
Just like a hospital would never set out to intentionally hurt someone, TM never intentionally set out to foster an environment where sexual abuse was tolerated or where truth was feared.
Do people still get neglected and hurt at hospitals? yep. Do people still get neglected and hurt at TM? Obviously.
TM definitely has some blame to bear, and needs to up their game on training and awareness of staff and interns.
“Steven” obviously came to his own conclusion eventually and is working out his faith on his own. That, we can be thankful for. We can also trust in the Lord that “Steven” will come to the right conclusions about his sexuality.
Anonymous – That analogy makes more sense. Thanks for your expansion/clarification.
Of course, it begs the question, would you trust your health, or your loved ones, to a hospital with a record of patient abuse? Even if the hospital administrators had the best of intentions?
Don’t worry…. “Steven” has made the right decision about his sexuality…. -___-
I saw that comment Steven and thought about saying something.
#1- if they actually trusted God they wouldn’t have to say anything.
#2- you’re fine just the way you are. I’m SO great full you were bold enough to share your story!!! I know it wasn’t easy.
Yes, kudos to you, Steven. Thank you for sharing your story.
I know who it was 😉
As a former staff member I would guess that nobody in upper leadership knew about this staff members sexual struggles….I would say that as I know of 3 other staff members in the 7 years I was there that were released due to their homosexual tendencies coming out to upper leadership. My guess is that nobody probably knew about this staff members struggles and that he probably lied to Steven with that statement which is probably why he deleted him on Facebook as if Steven did come forward, he probably wanted to get rid of any links between them. I do think some of the blame falls on TM as they need to know what is happening with their staff members. For several years, I mentored groups of men and made sure boundaries were never crossed and was completely open to my leadership even if they didn’t ask me and that is what should be expected of those staff engaging in outside “friendships” with undergrads
I am also fairly confident I know who the staff member was and I believe he was found out and fired immediately. It goes to show, nothing can stay indarkness, everything comes to light eventually and I am glad that it did so that he is no longer there.
I am so sorry that this happened to you Steven, I pray you continue to walk out in peace and confidence man!!!!!!
Nate, I don’t think that you meant this (you seem super nice and level-headed), but I just wanted to point out that the “homosexual tendancies” are not the issue here but, rather, the sexual harrassment that occurred. A friend of mine was a closeted homosexual while on staff at TM, and he never assulted an intern (or anyone else for that matter). Change the genders and this situation is still grossly unacceptable.
Absolutely Layne….I guess what I was meaning is that I was making the point that if TM leadership really knew, they would have terminated him right away. I only say that because someone said something along the lines of TM leadership knowing about it and not doing anything (not sure of exact wording).
Do not get me wrong at all, this situation is 100% absolutely unacceptable in every way. I wonder about is guys roommates, pretty much all staff have roommates so I wonder if they knew anything.
Anyway, thanks for the feedback Layne 🙂
Steven,
i hope you have a good support system, or some therapy at least, to deal with the sexual abuse you experienced at teen mania, as well as the rejection you are facing on account of your natural, born sexuality. i am honestly not surprised. in fact, i wondered when a sexual abuse story would surface. nothing i hear about teen mania will surprise me anymore. i am so sorry he took advantage of you and harmed you in this way. i am glad you had the strength to deny his advances, as he was surely a predator.
Steven, You are so tremendously brave for speaking out. Your story is heartbreaking. I am thankful you have found a loving support system. Your courage and poise is beautiful. I’m proud to be in your corner!
I would like to say that there have been gay’s at TM – past and present that have served and serve with distinction, professionalism and courage dispite a woefully homophopic and repressive environment. I agree with RA that this should not be a referendum on homosexuality but would like to point out that the actions of this predator while disgusting were the actions of a PREDATOR using his position as a staff member to victimize an intern, it would be equally tragic had it been a man-woman or woman-man situation.
Once again there have been (and I’d imagine still are) gay’s that serve at TM that have done so with real professionalism. Who have not allowed their personal lives to interfere with their work. Its got to be difficult for people who genuinely love God and want to serve but must do so from a place of fear. Be careful not to marginalize all gays because of one or two idots!