I know that writing down your Teen Mania experience is a daunting task. The Honor Academy affected us physically, spiritually, emotionally – where do we even begin? What things are important for the board of directors to know and what things should you skip? And how do you even define the issues when you probably aren’t even fully aware of the damage and what exactly caused it?
There are no easy answers here, but if you are feeling overwhelmed about writing your story to the Board of Directors (which I highly encourage you to do), here are a few guidelines and writing prompts that might help. These are coming from me, not the board of directors. If any of these help you, great. If not, skip them. These are just meant to be idea-starters, not comprehensive guidelines.
During the HA:
- What did you expect the internship to be versus what it actually was?
- Did you ever feel lied to? Describe the situation.
- Describe your experiences regarding judgment, guilt and condemnation vs. grace and acceptance. Who was involved and how were you treated?
- Did you ever feel shamed? By who?
- Were you ever belittled by staff or leadership?
- Was leadership approachable? Did you ever speak with them about your concerns? What was the outcome?
- How did ESOAL affect you? What about the idea that physical suffering = spiritual maturity?
- Did you notice or experience any of the signs of spiritual abuse? Describe the situation.
- Ten Traits of Spiritually Abusive Environments:
- Control-oriented leadership
- Spiritual elitism
- Manipulation of members
- Perceived persecution
- Lifestyle rigidity
- Emphasis on experience
- Suppression of dissent
- Harsh discipline of members
- Denunciation of other churches
- Painful exit process
- Did your joy in the Lord and your experience of His love for you grow or diminish because of the HA? Why?
- How did the HA effect your view of your self? Your view of God?
After the HA:
- How did the HA effect your relationship with your friends and family back home? Did you feel too “elite” to be close with them?
- What was it like to re-integrate back into society after the HA? What have been your struggles?
- At what point did you realize that the HA was unhealthy? What brought you to that conclusion?
- Do you identify with anything on this list of “post-cult trauma syndrome?”
No one wants to re-live painful experiences and dredge up hurtful memories. This is not fun. But I promise you that writing your story is a part of the healing process. Good WILL come of it. Whether or not the Board of Directors follows through with an investigation, acknowledging what you went through and how it affected you is a healing thing. And sharing it with others who can say – yeah, me too! can lift your burdens.
We have a window of time here where we have the Board’s attention. Let’s not waste it, this opportunity may not come again. Your identity will not be disclosed to Dave, Ron or any TM staff – only the board of directors and an independent panel (if it is convened). If sending it directly to the board makes you break out in cold sweats, you can send it to me and I will forward it. However, if you can, it would be best to send it straight to them (copy me if you want). That way they know I am not just making this stuff up and that you guys are real and what you went through is real.
Once again, Dr. Mark Lewandowski’s address is marklewtulsa at gmail dot com. Mine is stories at recoveringalumni dot blog.
I’m going to hold off on any big posts this week so you can have the time to write your story. Read through the archives if you are aching for a post… 🙂
Feel free to add any ideas for writing prompts in the comments.
1 comments:
I’ll post my expirience soon, but I do have a question to add: Was there some sort of punishment to core advisors when one of their core members made the decision to leave? When I made decision to leave the honor academy I was talked out of it for about two hours before the CA finally even considered letting me leave. She was so insistent and persuasive that I wonder if she was going to get in trouble for “letting me leave”….
February 17, 2010 4:48 PM
