We did this new L.T.E. (Life Transforming Event) called “World Awareness.” They didn’t tell us what was going on and it wasn’t optional. It was said to be called “The Movie LTE” we were going to watch movies about persecution and talk about it. We went in for our first movie then all the GI’s ran in wearing camp pants and black shirts (your average T.M. LTE apparel). They told us that campus was going to be taken over by a “new government” a “non-Christian government” lol. oh man, the horror’s. haha. We then went to the “refugee camp” for anyone who didn’t want to renounce their faith. once in the refugee camp there were missions we had to go on to get food and if you got caught while out on your mission you would go to the “concentration camp” (the O-course) or to “jail” (the women’s shower house). Sounds like a great L.T.E. and some of it was a lot of fun. — Except it threw me through such a loop spiritually. Once in the jail or concentration camp everyone asked you theological questions, and it turned more into a game of apologetics than actual persecution. and if you couldn’t answer the questions all the G.I’s would laugh in your face really mockingly. But it wasn’t like role playing after a while. it became more about making all the interns feel really dumb because they didn’t know the answer’s to their questions. It was much like ringing out of E.S.O.A.L. with out a good excuse. You just weren’t up to standard. There was also this tattoo we were forced to wear if the new government caught us. There was all this talk about it being the mark of the beast. (which I now know is totally unbiblical. No one can force you to take the mark. Did they tell us that then? nope. No one knew. I don’t even think a lot of the G.I.’s knew why they were giving us the tattoo. So a lot of us thought in our little pretend world we were taking the mark. Did that stop us from taking the mark? lol. no. H.A. Doctrinal issues? I think so….)
The L.T.E. left me so messed up. I WAS SO CONFUSED!!! nothing made sense and there was all kinds of conflict between leadership. We didn’t know what was happening, riots were breaking out, the G.I’s and interns were getting in fist fights, it was CRAZY. There was so much doctrinal debate and mental games that were played. I had so many questions about what they did/ said and made us do because it was all just so conflicting and there was no explanation for any of it. Spiritually I was a wreck. And our debriefing? Write down your thoughts on what you learned. I didn’t write down anyt thoughts. I literally only wrote down, “I don’t know what to think right now, the H.A. confuses me so much.” was there a meeting to talk about it or explain what happened? Nope. A lot of the LTE’s were like that. They left me with really funny stories and just confused spiritually.
I met with the director of the undergraduate interns once. Well, I actually kinda came to his office unexpected…I was on my mission trip, all the people were fighting, none of the leaders were being consistent, everyone was talking about healing’ and stuff (which I was totally unfamiliar with) seeing God move, but no one was loving each other, I was so confused and genuinely wondering if Christianity was true or not. I asked him if God still moved today. If God was alive. He was kinda shocked and asked me if I believed in Jesus. (fair enough question…) I told him I was saved. He got really uncomfortable and told me that God was moving in the underground church in China. I asked him how he knew if God was moving in the underground church in China ( I was pretty upset.) He said he heard stories and stuff in biographies. I became utterly depressed at that point and just got up and left. What I needed to know is if God was really alive and that Christianity wasn’t just dead religion, not a story he heard one time in a book. I went through about 3 spells at T.M. where I was so confused by leadership not being consistent in what they were saying that I nearly gave up on Christianity all together, I never could though. When the Holy Spirit takes residency in a person, He doesn’t like to just leave.
The ministry almost went bankrupt if I remember correctly and they did a fundraiser to raise like a $1,000,000 (I don’t remember exacts at the moment.) Everyone was to raise $500 for the ministry. This included calling family members, friends, friends of family members and going above and beyond the call of duty to save the ministry. The expectation from leadership (Dave Hasz and Ron Luce) was that everyone would help out. Mr. Hasz said many times that it was a very easy task to accomplish and everyone should at least try to help to the best of their ability (with a high emphasis on it was a pretty easy task). The top fundraisers would win a brand new laptop as well as a trip to six flags I think. I never heard if anyone actually got the laptop. I’m sure they did. There was also a puzzle made and put up in the lobby. Each puzzle piece represented $500 and once you raised your $500 you could go put up your piece to the puzzle. I didn’t realize this at the time, but there is so much wrong with this!!! First of all- if you didn’t lift a finger to help out, you were looked down on. On top of all the stress you already face daily with finances, now you have to raise $500 to give to T.M. because they didn’t spend their money well (or biblically and I think maybe a little illegally.) It was literally like another thing they gave us to do, that was not part of the deal at all and I felt really guilty because I just couldn’t muster up the strength to ask anyone I knew for more money. Looking back I’m sure a lot of people didn’t do any fundraising, but it was a really hushed topic. We all had to put up our piece of the puzzle or the ministry would fall to pieces. This actually happened twice while I was there. The second time they went under they did this big car wash. Made everyone raise money- 10 cents a car. They washed 1,000 cars. raised $100 per donor. It was really bad. I mean, you think it’s a good thing, but it wasn’t because of the way we had to do it. Fundraising for Teen Mania was not in the acceptance package. T.M. had no grounds to make us fundraise, they had no grounds to ask us to. But they did, and being 20 and wanting to be radical for God a lot of us went for it. Or felt REALLY guilty if we couldn’t.
The funny thing though- I know God was ok with me being at the H.A. He answered so many prayers, He allowed me to go (and even provided miraculously for me to do so) because I really wanted to. Sometimes He gives us what we want so we can see what we really need. I really wanted someone to tell me how to be a “Good Christian.” So He let someone tell me how to be one. It messed me up for a few years. But now I’m seeing… He’s the only One that I need to tell me how to live. 🙂
2 comments:
“Sometimes He gives us what we want so we can see what we really need.”
That’s very wise, and I think true of many of us. I was at a kind of spiritual wall when I went, and I thought that devoting a year to growth with God at the HA would surely cause a break through. I guess I shared a bit of their thinking: If you give it enough ‘oomph’ in one go, you’ll get over the top and it’ll all be downhill from there.
In the end, I did find significant growth, but it was Jesus coming after me in spite of where I was, rather than because of it. The HA unwittingly put me in the right circumstances to know God’s grace and favor in ways I could not have otherwise. I hope that eventually becomes true for everyone who has been hurt there.
That fundraiser is outrageous! I didn’t hear about this, and it makes me mad! With all the stress on interns to raise enough money to just make it through the program, they were asked to go back to their supporters and ask for MORE because TM doesn’t budget well?! TM pulls in a LOT of money with HA, ATF, GE, camps, etc. It boggles my me how they could possibly be wanting for money. And to use time that interns could be in training (which is why they are paying to attend!) for a car wash?! Unbelievable.
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