Why It’s Ok to Be Angry

You know, when I was going through depression, it took years for me to realize that my feelings ARE NOT ME.

Who I am is underneath all of that. And the real me, that essence beneath my emotions, gifts, personality, etc. – God knows that me. And loves me.

When I finally realized that, I stopped feeling guilty for feeling “negative” emotions, turned to God when I felt depressed, and let him hold me those feelings rolled over me like waves.

And, amazingly, they started to become less and less frequent. Until they were gone.

“There is therefore NO CONDEMNATION for those in Christ Jesus.”

If anyone feels depressed or angry or lustful or whatever, know that it’s not who you actually are. See it as a sort of crusty chaff that covers you – and that God is cracking through to reveal the real you.

He loves you, and he will rescue you from the darkness – so that he can show you off to the rest of creation.

Thank you, Recovering Alumni, yet again for rescuing people from the darkness!

This whole blog saddens me as a parent. Will you now start a blog against your local church? Will you start a blog aganist your physical family? We as people often get hurt. I am one that knows.

I’m sure you as a Christian have called and talked to David Hasz about this, right? You have done to him what you would like people to do to you. Meaning, if you hurt people, would you want them to do a blog first before talking to you on the phone?

Just to answer the question although I do sense it dripping with sarcasm and even though it wasn’t directed to me. Yes, I did go to Dave Hasz through email and on the phone about the hurt and anger I was feeling about a year after I left the HA (I left in 1999) I outlined in detail the problems I had with the way I was treated while under his authority and I didn’t even realize at the time the damage that had actually been done. The solution? He offered me comfort in knowing they weren’t going to be doing the “crosswalk” anymore. (which in comparison to more recent events seems rather tame now) He invited me to participate in Alumni weekend even though I would “obviously” be excluded from the graduates only banquet. WTF? uh…thanks? Not exactly an apology or any step toward resolution for a confused and broken 19 year old.

I agree with RA this goes far beyond hurt feelings. I fully believe that the abuse I suffered while at the HA put me in a position to allow myself to enter an abusive marriage to someone who on the surface was exactly the mate I was “supposed” to be seeking by TM standards. The realization of that made me angry! Thankfully as part of the recovery process for divorce (which follows the same grief pattern outlined above) I have also dealt with the issue of the other abuse I suffered at the hand of TM and I am no longer experiencing anger for my own situation. Is Teen Mania to blame for my failed marriage? No, not directly. But, if my testimony can stop someone else from getting into the same manipulative situation or help them realize their’s is not an isolated case, and I can help them on their healing journey, I will happily continue to share my personal experience on this blog.

I am finding your blog quite interesting. As I view your above processing and how you are granting others permission to go through the grief process, anger and bitterness are allowed. However, I do not find bitterness the standard process of recovery. Could you post any biblical backing that allows for someone to be bitter and sin not? I do find support for the being angry yet not sinning. As you are posting the remarks of how you believe what is being spoken at the HA (of which I am an alumnus)is not in line with the word of God and rather brainwashing, can you post scripture to back your arguments, as i believe they will help me understand your premise better.

Where did RA mention bitterness?

at the top in the opening line of the blog. i’ve pasted the excerpt below. however, if you scroll to the top of the page you’ll see the same thing.

“Another one of the greatest objections I hear from people about this blog is that I am allowing or encouraging people to be bitter and angry.

Well, guess what?

I am.

Only through acknowledging what has happened to us can we truly heal. And acknowledging that should make you bitter and angry.”

Well you certainly can’t move past bitterness until you realize its there, acknowledge it and understand where it came from and why.

Haven’t been on here in a while with the holidays and all. Recovering Alumni, did you happen to address the previous post somewhere on your blog? thanks

To those who just started reading this blog: Read the two links that RA just referred to in the above post—DEFINITELY worth your time!!! (Or if you missed them during Christmas holidays.

Both posts are VERY well written and make excellent points and will help in the healing process.

also, Diane, from your post above, LOVE it–and you are right on the mark! Yay for your healing and the work God is doing with you and through you–remember people “there is now, therefore, NO condemnation to those who are in Christ”

Thanks, RA, for your blog and what you are doing too.

Can I ask a question? I know that it’s ok to be upset or angry and I definitely agree that we should be open about it and not try to sugar coat our feelings, but doesn’t Matthew 18:21-23 say that we should forgive seventy times seven times? I understand that a lot of people went through a lot of hardships via the HA, but isn’t God greater than that? I mean, isn’t He? I’m honestly unsure of what to think about this site, because I had an awesome time at the HA. I feel that even after being dismissed 6 months through my intern year. But regardless of feelings of the HA, I’m still Christian and I believe you are too. I just feel that you’ve created a site based on bitterness and unforgiveness and that you’ve justified it based on other’s feeling the same way. I feel that the Bible instructs us very clearly to not be disputing between each other and to be building up, not tearing down.

Well my experience with the HA certainly was not one where they built up. I mean, I was torn down and taught worthlessness on a daily basis.

personally I do not apply Matt. 18: 21-22 on its own. I take it with Luke 17:1-4. Jesus clarifies we forgive our brothers when they repent after sinning against us. Also I do feel that the happenings of TM fits the discussion of Matthew 23 much better. TM is an organization, which I believe should be accountable as leaders, not just “brothers”.
I also refer to Galatians 1:6-11… I could go on but it’s like 2am which is way post my bedtime 🙂

Isaac, It’s not bitterness to question seek to forgive then get lied to again and again. At some point you seek to cure that frustration through openness. Please do not assume YOU know everything that happened and call us bitter. Be blessed!

A FOOL gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control Proverbs 29:11

Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for mans anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. James 1:19-20

If you are going to be angry then you are not being righteous bro, there are few things that I agree with on this site, and I am disheartened by the biasness of it. I am sorry you didn’t like the HA. You chose to go to it. If you were wrong in your decisions don’t rage at them. They are entitled to view scripture as they read it. Some of it may be wrong, but who is perfect but Jesus? come on man get with it.

This would be like me getting mad after going to Calvary Bible College and wanting my tuission back because I dissagreed with their views.

You went to it, you didn’t agree with their views, and its cool. But to rage at them for it is not righteous.

Christian,
From your comment I wonder if you think all anger is wrong. You don’t give any room for that emotion to have a rightful place. Didn’t God give us emotions? Makes me wonder if you think some of them are secretly invented by Satan, so we have to pretend we don’t feel them.

“Full vent to his anger” does not equal “being angry at all”. It’s a natural human emotion. Anger itself is not bad, but the actions we commit in anger are what count.

It’s not about disagreeing with views, bro, it’s about their methods. Abuse is abuse, views and scriptural interpretation aside. You can argue Greek lexicon until the cows come home, but you can’t argue personal experience (well, you CAN, but you’d be a huge douchebag to say “LOL you weren’t really abused it was just a spiritual love tap”).

Also you might have a reason to ask for your “tuition” back.

Prooftexts? I love prooftexts! Here are some more.

“Be angry, yet do not sin.” (Ephesians 4:26)

Ergo: Not all anger is sinful. The fact that it can be used sinfully doesn’t make it a sin in every case.

“After looking around at them with anger, grieved at their hardness of heart, [Jesus] said to the man, ‘Stretch out your hand.’ And he stretched it out, and his hand was restored.” (Mark 3:5)

Jesus got angry. Specifically, He was angry with the Pharisees because their hard hearts placed the Law above healing someone in need. That anger became a part of an act of restoration and healing.

Corollary: If you’re not angry and grieved about people whose hard hearts keeps others from being healed, you’re not necessarily doing what Jesus would do.

Who is perfect but Jesus– and He was angry with the “Honor Academy” of His day.

Hey, I’d be angry too if I “chose to go” somewhere and only later learned that they took thousands of dollars of my money based on deceptive information, false doctrine, cultic mind control, and lies! The fact that you see that anger as “unrighteous” makes me wonder what you think righteousness is.

OH MY GOD! I cannot believe this website exists! I went to Garden Valley after my Global Expeditions trip back in about 2006. From the moment my parents left I felt the deepest sickness in my gut I cannot begin to describe! Like when you are in danger, and your intuition is screaming at you to run. A girl I knew and admired from my Africa trip was there, I was excited to see her, and when I did, cold chills ran over me, she was GONE. She put her hands on my shoulders and was in my face going “GOD wants you here. You need to be here.” I was wigging out. I told them I wanted out, and they made me talk to Ron face to face, I was crying and felt like I was betraying God. Then when I made a passing comment about how I didn’t know if I was going to be able to get the money every month, I was out. Told me my stuff had to be gone that night. I was only 17, and my parent’s were 1,000 miles away. Luckily someone overheard and brought me to the train station. Horrifying experience, even seeing Ron sends chills up my spine. It was crazy the brainwashing at Acquire the Fire, and Teen Mania. Thank you so much for making this site!!!!