Spiritual abuse can happen in a variety of ways, but I’d like to highlight a great description of what I think is the most common way it occurs at Teen Mania’s Honor Academy. I’m returning to the excellent book, Soul Repair, that gives this description of how spiritual abuse happens:
For some of us, our faith journey began with an understanding that we didn’t need to do anything to earn God’s love and grace. This good news came to us as a blessing. We knew we needed grace, and God provided it for us. At that point our hearts were tender towards God, and we wanted to do the things that God desired of us. Even if we weren’t capable of making all the changes we needed to make on our own power, we suddenly found ourselves wanting to do the right things.
Unfortunately, that desire made us susceptible to people who said, “Hey, you want to know God’s agenda? Well, we know more about that than anybody else. We’ll tell you what God wants, and encourage you to work really hard to make it happen.” Then – very subtly and with good intentions – we began the game of trying to measure up.
The belief that we must work for God’s approval immediately creates two problems. First, as soon as we begin to work for God’s approval we begin to judge others. We work hard to get grace and so we feel justified in condemning anyone not working as hard as we are working. Second, working to earn God’s grace usually means that we have to hide many unpleasant things about ourselves in order to measure up to expectations. Hiding or suppressing our sins rather than confessing them leads to a dual life. We become convinced that if anyone ever knew the truth about what goes on inside us, they would condemn us.
This is almost a verbatim description of what life at the Honor Academy is like. It takes our God given desire to become Christ-like and and turns into a works based religion that sets us up to judge ourselves against others. And all with what seems like the best intentions.
15 comments:
Why do u have all this stuff posted?
I understand the description of spiritual abuse, but I do not see the context in the allegations. My understanding of the purpose of the HA was that they would provide an environment with classes to help us pursue our relationship with God to help us find a purpose or path for our lives. I do not see where TM claimed about knowing God’s agenda. There is no cookie-cutter mold for Christians (short of the pursuit of mimicking Christ, which most of us fail at horribly, but yet we keep trying…we fall and get back up), and I never got that feeling from anything that was taught at TM. For example, while I was raised in a non-denominational church, I had one particular friend at the HA who was Catholic. While I do not agree with a lot of the doctrine that is specific to Roman Catholicism, it did not prevent me from being able to converse with her on a spiritual level about what work God was doing in our lives. The things she was learning and taking away from the classes and her Quiet Times was different from mine (and vice versa); some things I believed (and took for granted) for a long time were a mind-blowing realization to others…we all have our own distinct view of God. My friend graduated from the HA, still a Catholic. She was not converted to some other denomination that was Protestant-based.
(to be continued)
(continued)
The suggestion that TM was subtle about being works-based is, in my opinion, false. Yes, they encouraged the idea that dedicating a year-long internship to “serve the Lord” would help us grow spiritually. They equipped us with an understanding of integrity…who we are when no one else is looking. Yes, they taught on other things as well, some of which may have been quite different from what we grew up in church learning…and in those times, that is when spiritual discernment comes in. I wish there was more teaching on that in the HA and the church in general, honestly, but you cannot believe EVERYTHING you are taught without questioning it. That is why we are encouraged to “continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling.” Figure out what you believe, and then stick with it. The rules they set forth in the Honor Pledge/Code or whatever were clear from the start, and while there will always be undergrads and GIs on the legalistic side of things, the intent of the policies were for our benefit, keeping us from emotional ties in relationships or allowing “bad stuff” in R-rated movies or secular movies to enter our thoughts…it may not be evil, but it certainly can distract us in our Quiet Times. Also, the famous “what’s your calling” pick-up line is the precise reason why dating is forbidden. If we truly hear from God about the direction for our lives, it is all too easy to get distracted and use that to go looking for someone to marry with a similar calling instead of letting God bring them to us, or worse, if we allow that person in our lives to pull us away from what God has told us specifically to do, we will answer for that one day.
To the argument that works are bad, I contend that Philippians 2:12-17 talks about acting to fulfill God’s purpose, about not grumbling…”then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or LABOR in vain”(emphasis added)…”even if I am poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you.” Paul talks about labor, about work, and about being emptied of himself. Perhaps you, RA, experienced this as a Core Advisor mentoring your 18 ladies…the work burns you out, pours you out, etc…but you will never know how much your Core needed it, until one day when you give account. I sincerely believe that it did not go unnoticed…God looks at the heart, even if you were a little more works-oriented because of your time at the HA, I believe you poured yourself into those women’s lives, spoke scripture, and did everything you could to mentor them…God’s word does not return void (Isaiah 55:11). Dave might have been unwise to suggest that more church participation/involvement was going to change anything. As it was, you were poured out already. Perhaps that was the cue for you to rest in Him…the emptiness sometimes wakes us up and question, “am I too busy doing the Lord’s work that I’m missing the Lord?” That may have been the answer you needed to hear, and I’m sorry that you did not if that is the case.
John, as you have said there were a LOT of things that you had always known given your church background that others were >just realizing< Coming from a very open protestant background some of that is because there are cookie cutter ideals that TM puts forth that you happened to already fit that others didn’t. Saying that because you had a good experience and your catholic friend stayed catholic is a lack of spiritual abuse ignores many things about spiritual abuse. To tell someone that not wearing make up makes them less of a christian or not being able to do the workouts due to health issues means they don’t believe in the power of Christ enough are things I personally encountered there. These don’t take away from your experience but they do point to where people pushed a mold that you had to be in to make it. If you weren’t it was harder if you already fit the mold It didn’t seem like a struggle. For you already fitting in those guides of course it wouldn’t seem that different but for another raised another way it might have. Did you ever ask your catholic friend about her ability to say her rosary during her quiet times? I know of at least one girl who had one taken away from her during the first week.
I thought I posted the continuation earlier, apparently I did not, or someone deleted it, who knows? But in the hopes that it was just an error on my part, I am posting the continuation…
(continued)
The suggestion that TM was subtle about being works-based is, in my opinion, false. Yes, they encouraged the idea that dedicating a year-long internship to “serve the Lord” would help us grow spiritually. They equipped us with an understanding of integrity…who we are when no one else is looking. Yes, they taught on other things as well, some of which may have been quite different from what we grew up in church learning…and in those times, that is when spiritual discernment comes in. I wish there was more teaching on that in the HA and the church in general, honestly, but you cannot believe EVERYTHING you are taught without questioning it. That is why we are encouraged to “continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling.” Figure out what you believe, and then stick with it. The rules they set forth in the Honor Pledge/Code or whatever were clear from the start, and while there will always be undergrads and GIs on the legalistic side of things, the intent of the policies were for our benefit, keeping us from emotional ties in relationships or allowing “bad stuff” in R-rated movies or secular movies to enter our thoughts…it may not be evil, but it certainly can distract us in our Quiet Times. Also, the famous “what’s your calling” pick-up line is the precise reason why dating is forbidden. If we truly hear from God about the direction for our lives, it is all too easy to get distracted and use that to go looking for someone to marry with a similar calling instead of letting God bring them to us, or worse, if we allow that person in our lives to pull us away from what God has told us specifically to do, we will answer for that one day.
(continued part 3)
To the argument that works are bad, I contend that Philippians 2:12-17 talks about acting to fulfill God’s purpose, about not grumbling…”then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or LABOR in vain”(emphasis added)…”even if I am poured out like a drink offering on the sacrifice and service coming from your faith, I am glad and rejoice with all of you.” Paul talks about labor, about work, and about being emptied of himself. Perhaps you, RA, experienced this as a Core Advisor mentoring your 18 ladies…the work burns you out, pours you out, etc…but you will never know how much your Core needed it, until one day when you give account. I sincerely believe that it did not go unnoticed…God looks at the heart, even if you were a little more works-oriented because of what you learned in your time at the HA, I believe you poured yourself into those women’s lives, spoke scripture, and did everything you could to mentor them…God’s word does not return void (Isaiah 55:11). I believe that God will reward you with a “well done, good and faithful servant” for your sacrifices that year. Perhaps He will even show you the positive things that resulted in those 18 women’s lives out of your sacrifice, and all the people they reached out to because of it, and so on.
Dave might have been unwise to suggest that more church participation/involvement was going to make things better. As it was, you were poured out already. Perhaps that was the cue for you to rest in Him…the emptiness sometimes wakes us up and question, “am I too busy doing the Lord’s work that I’m missing the Lord?” That may have been the answer you needed to hear, and I’m sorry that you did not if that is the case. Perhaps Dave should have kept silent if he did not think of this solution…would that we could change the past and stop kicking ourselves for what we wish had happened, I would have changed a lot of things I did back then…but 10 years later, it does me no good to wish things had been different, I can only move forward.
Perhaps I don’t understand why my comment apparently violates the comment policy. I had heard that it got censored but I believe I followed the guidelines set forth…
(continued part 2)
Since TM made a lot of the rules and regulations very clear up front, I will contest the argument that they did not subtly introduce the works-based mentality, the works-based aspect was pretty blatant from the beginning. Yes, they encouraged the idea that dedicating a year-long internship to “serve the Lord” would help us grow spiritually. They equipped us with an understanding of integrity…who we are when no one else is looking. Yes, they taught on other things as well, some of which may have been quite different from what we grew up in church learning…and in those times, that is when spiritual discernment comes in. I wish there was more teaching on that in the HA and the church in general, honestly, but you cannot believe EVERYTHING you are taught without questioning it. That is why we are encouraged to “continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling.” Figure out what you believe, and then stick with it. The rules they set forth in the Honor Pledge/Code or whatever were clear from the start, and while there will always be undergrads and GIs on the legalistic side of things, the intent of the policies were for our benefit, keeping us from emotional ties in relationships or allowing “bad stuff” in R-rated movies or secular movies to enter our thoughts…it may not be evil, but it certainly can distract us in our Quiet Times. Also, the famous “what’s your calling” pick-up line is the precise reason why dating is forbidden. If we truly hear from God about the direction for our lives, it is all too easy to get distracted and use that to go looking for someone to marry with a similar calling instead of letting God bring them to us, or worse, if we allow that person in our lives to pull us away from what God has told us specifically to do, we will answer for that one day.
Wow, really? You’re going to just silence my comments repeatedly without telling me how they violet the comment policy, huh? If what I’m posting is untruthful, then let it be discredited in the proper light. We have differing opinions, isn’t that the point of discussion? Or are you only looking for supporters? Posts like “TM is beyond saving,” which are equally as unproductive as “TM is doing great things” are not treated with the same level of fairness. Anyone with a “useless” comment supporting your view is untouched…double standard?
John, I haven’t deleted any of your comments. I had this same problem with someone else yesterday…not sure why some comments in blogger are getting eaten….
In that case I apologize, my bad. It’s just ironic I guess that it happened to be the same post every time it didn’t post. I had also responded to heartsfire but it didn’t take either. Maybe it’s the fact that I was on a government computer and there were certificate errors, lol.
I tried to repost your comment to heartsfire, but it ate mine too. I’ll try again…
@heartsfire, I don’t know of anything about saying her rosary to be honest, she never mentioned it. I would have to ask if it was a CA’s decision that it was unhealthy for her (in the situation you mentioned) spiritually, or if an advisor (Developmental Instructors back then) or other staff member made that call. The only practices I am aware of that were actually removed was incense-burning, and that was because it was deemed a “fire hazard” or some such thing. I don’t know how many interns coming into the HA are accustomed to burning incense in a Christian ritual, but I suppose people are out there.
As far as the mold mentioned, I stated that there isn’t one…not being physically on campus for over 8 years, I suppose there could be things that are different, but I can say that I was not told a certain way to spend time with God. They encouraged prayer and reading the word, but there were no time limits nor orthodox/unorthodox means of having a “quiet time.” We were taught that being a Christian is about the relationship with our Savior…how we chose (or didn’t choose) to do that was completely up to our discretion. Yes, I got confronted by ACA’s or CA’s who thought I wasn’t doing what I was supposed to do in my quiet time, but who cares? I will stand before God and give an account for my own actions based on my knowledge of what God’s will is for my life, not some arbitrary restrictions placed on me by an overzealous peer.
For what it’s worth John I saw your comments in the comment feed!
@heartsfire, I’m sorry, I don’t know if my friend’s rosary was challenged. If it was, as the girl you knew, perhaps it was an overzealous ACA or CA, or maybe it was a staff member. All I’m saying is, perhaps the ills we suffered were a product of legalism, but while perhaps fostered by the ministry, it may have been someone who felt the need to press their beliefs on others. If that is the case, it is very sad. TM has enough problems as it is without interns acting of their own accord to muddy up the waters. Some offenses certainly have been caused by interns in this manner, and I believe that it’s possible that staff members are not immune from this syndrome as well. However, I would have to see a policy stating that rosaries are evil or un-Christian by the ministry before I believed they were pushing the issue in that way.
Personally for me, I did occasionally get confronted by ACA’s or CA’s who thought I wasn’t doing my Quiet Time “right”…no offense, but who gives a damn what someone else thinks? Who is going to stand before God and answer for the relationship I have with Jesus? Me. So, who cares what these zealous peers of ours think/thought? I, for one, did not receive any “instruction” on my relationship with God, aside from including prayer (in my own words and on my own terms) and suggested study of the Bible. Of course, we talked about it amongst my roommates, about the experiences or “methods” we used to converse with the Lord, but I never saw a mold of how to be a “good Christian” being taught. The only thing I can think that might possibly have been disallowed was incense-burning (probably for 2 reasons…1) safety/fire hazard etc., and 2)it is generally uncommon in most denominations I’m aware of to personally burn incense as a Christian ritual), but that’s all I can think of as far as restrictions go…but it’s been over 8 years since I last visited the campus, I’ll allow that things might have changed in teachings over the years.