Robbie, an active member over at our forums, recently shared his story on his own blog. While he was never an intern, his experiences at Acquire the Fire and on a Global Expeditions mission trip will ring true with a lot of us. Click here to read his story on his blog. but the story is copied below
Hi everyone. My name is Robbie. I got involved with Teen Mania Ministries at a very young age, and attended Acquire The Fire rallies annually through many of my teenage years. When I was a little older, I went on a Global Expedition to Venezuela with TMM. My involvement with Teen Mania marked the beginning of a decade long downward spiral in my life.
I honestly believe that my involvement with Teen Mania really screwed me up, and that they represent a real danger to many kids–spiritually, emotionally, and physically. For those of you interested in hearing more about my Teen Mania experience, I have written a lengthy, detailed narrative below which chronicles my Teen Mania journey. I tried to write what I was feeling at the time, without too much critical analysis from my current point of view…although there is some. This is a very personal, emotional story for me to share, and I have not done so in a public forum before. So, without further ado: My Teen Mania Experience.
Part I: Acquire the Fire
I was 13 years old when I first heard about Teen Mania. I had just joined my church’s youth group, and the youth pastor told us about a Christian youth rally coming to Pittsburgh called Acquire the Fire. My first ATF experience was incredible (at least I thought so at the time)…I grew up simply in a small western-Pennsylvania town, and that ATF convention in 1996 was the first time I remember that I could really feel the presence of God. They were the most emotionally intense two days I had had in my entire life until that point. I remember leaving ATF that evening feeling as though my world had really changed…I had been a Christian before Acquire the Fire, but now I was “on fire,” and I was going to go out and stop watching television, listening to secular music, start getting people saved, and go on a missions trip!
The day after Acquire the Fire was great…I got to wake up and have my quiet time (a new concept for me introduced by Ron Luce), go to church, and spend time with the people I had shared my Acquire the Fire experience with. I even think we got to watch an “ATF Wrap-Up Video” that Teen Mania had sent my youth pastor. I remember that afternoon starting to feel sad that I wasn’t still at Acquire the Fire, feeling the warm, euphoric feelings I had been experiencing the day earlier. But, I was determined to “keep the fire,” and knew school the next day would be my first real chance to put my newly-found zeal to change the world to work. I remember taking my Bible and my copy of the devotional Ron Luce had given me to school, thinking that someone would definitely ask me about it and I would have the chance to share my faith and maybe even “get them saved.”
The school day did not unfold that way, and I remember continuing to feel sad that Acquire the Fire wouldn’t be back in town for another year, and that I was starting to lose that “passionate, on-fire” feeling I had experienced that weekend. I was having my quiet times, avoiding TV & music, trying to share my faith, and really seeking God with all my heart…but I couldn’t feel His presence like I could when I was at Acquire the Fire. I tried to remember the praise & worship songs I had learned at ATF that weekend, but even singing those couldn’t make that emotional, “close-to-God” feeling come back. When I look back on things, those first few days after my first Acquire the Fire really started what would be a downward spiral of depression and despair that took me almost a decade to get over, and the effects of which still impact my life and my relationship with God to this day.
I kept doing my quiet times for a few weeks, praying regularly, reading my Bible, concentrating on worship, etc. But no matter what, I couldn’t get that on-fire feeling back, and eventually I was just getting so frustrated and depressed that I allowed those things to become less and less regular in my life. It was the first time in my life that I actually questioned my salvation, or the fact that God loved me. What had been one of my only sources of love & comfort, my relationship with God, now felt far away and inaccessible. The fall & winter months passed, and the depression got worse & worse.
The new year came, and I remembered that Acquire the Fire would be coming back to Pittsburgh in a few months. I was so excited…I had literally been waiting a year for this! I contacted Teen Mania to get an information packet and promotional video even before my youth pastor did. I became the youth organizer for ATF at my church, and I spent a couple of months really trying to get people excited about ATF and inviting everyone that I could possibly think of (as the materials that Teen Mania sent me strongly recommended that I do). I even made a little countdown chart in my school notebook, and started counting down 100 days before Acquire the Fire…that’s how excited I was!
The first night of the 1997 Acquire the Fire in Pittsburgh was absolutely amazing! As soon as praise and worship started that evening, I remember I started to get back that close-to-God feeling I had so desperately been missing for almost a year. Ron’s message that evening captivated me, and I came forward during the altar call to re-dedicate my life to Christ–something that would become all too common in the coming years. I had trouble sleeping that night because I was just so excited that emotional high was back. In hindsight, I was downright manic that evening…a Teen Mania induced mania, if you will.
The next day of Acquire the Fire was incredible, and by time the break for lunch rolled around, I was absolutely convinced that God was calling me to go on a Teen Mania missions trip that summer. I spoke with an intern who had me fill out a missions trip application, and I was encouraged to call home and speak with my parents about my “calling” to go on a $1600 missions trip that summer. I was so convinced that God would speak to my parents and they would agree, but my call home was met with a harsh reality check, and my parents said there was no possible way that my family could raise that much money in just a few months. I was disappointed, but figured I could go on a Christmas break missions trip instead, so I set my eyes on that.
Determined to “keep the fire” this time around, I remember spending $100 (which at the age of 14 took me months to save) on Teen Mania books, tapes, and t-shirts before I left the arena that evening. My on-fire feeling was even more intense at the end of this Acquire the Fire convention, and it actually stuck with me for a few weeks this time, as did my strong excitement about going on a Teen Mania Global Expedition. Inevitably, that emotional feeling of closeness to God did start to fade once again, and the depression hit me even harder and faster than it had the previous year.
At some point that fall, I called the Teen Mania 800-number in utter despair and desperation to talk to someone about how I was feeling and hoping for some advice about how I could feel close to God again. A female intern answered the phone, and she listened to me sympathetically and offered to pray with me. She did offer some encouragement, and the call did make me feel better. I told her I had felt called to go on a Teen Mania missions trip, and she pounced on that. She got me really pumped up about going on a Christmas missions trip, and those emotionally intense feelings started to come rushing back. In hindsight, I should have realized that, at least for me, the emotionally-intense world of Teen Mania was a drug and I was hooked.
