Even though what we’ve been through has been devastating, its nice to look back and realize the things that we have gained as a result. I came across this great post at What Really Matters that reminds us about the good things that can come out of our experiences with spiritually abusive groups. I would like to add to this list the beautiful, grace-filled friendships that have formed in this community. What have you gained? Here is her list… Check out her blog for more great insights on recovering from spiritual abuse:
The words in Romans 8:28 ring true to me today…..
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to His purpose.”
God looks out for us, even when we have gone places He did not lead us. He helps us learn from our mistakes and turns bad situations around for our good. That’s what He has done for many people who have left controlling, abusive situations. Even though we haved walked through some very difficult moments, we can now look at the positive side.
Here are some strengths I have noticed that develop in people when they leave controlling churches:
*Greater compassion and empathy towards others
*Analytical thinking You think deeply about core concerns. From this point forward you will exercise keen judgment and discernment so you will never find yourself in the same situation again.
*Greater level of honesty and trustworthiness You are so disgusted at the lies, fraud, dishonesty, and even criminality that went on, it makes you resolve yourself to live in a higher degree of honor and trustworthiness. You don’t want to be anything like your former leaders.
*Social/community activism You are so tired of looking inward and catering to the needs of selfish leaders, you become extremely enthusiastic about reaching out and serving others.
*Fearlessness You have given into a bully for so long, it’s time to stand up for yourself and take a new direction. You decide no one is going to control you or stand in your way! You also decide to step out and go after your dreams.
*Courage
*Gratitude You are so glad to be free from the control, manipulation, and harsh judgment you were under, you become more thankful even for the little things in life.
*Inquisitiveness and curiosity You realize it’s okay to question anything!
*Sense of direction and purpose
*Flexibility
*Openness
*Ability to show emotion
*Ability to be yourself
*Ability to find meaning in adversity
*Ability to cope with difficulties After all that you experienced and dealt with in a controlling church, handling the normal strains of everyday life seem like nothing. If you have survived a controlling, abusive situation, you can survive just about anything!
2 comments:
Moriahsays:July 16, 2010 at 9:17 AM
now were talking!
love this post.
relevant.
hopeful.
forward thinking.
Lisasays:July 16, 2010 at 10:31 AM
Oh this is so good and so true! These are all wonderful things and things I am now noticing in myself. This is freedom!