I want to start this by saying that I don’t hold any unforgiveness or bitterness towards any of my friends or staff members at Teen Mania. I just want to share the story of what happened to me during my undergrad year starting August 07. A lot of the people involved in the situation, I am now friends with again and they understand what I went through.
I’d volunteered in the summers of both 06 and 07, finishing summer 07 with a mission trip to Dallas with GE (as is required by the Honor Academy). Volunteering and the mission trip were amazing! They really were!
Then August came and the start of my intern year.
We were the first internship class to go through “Orange Block”. Orange Block was something the Mr. Hasz came up with. The rules are simple: No sugar except at breakfast, no fizzy drinks, no contemporary Christian music – only worship music that you would sing at church, no texting except for weekends, corporate exercise every weekday morning, with daily room inspections and “extra training” at weekends if your room was a mess. (Maybe I’ve left some things out?)
It was pretty weird, although I’d heard about OB whilst I was volunteering.
The start of the intern year was pretty good – apart from the Orange Block stuff, it really did feel like we were at a conference with classes during the day and great worship in the morning and evening.
After a couple of weeks Orange Block was over and we were starting to get more into our ministry placements and classes.
With the classes, I would firstly like to point out that I can NEVER recollect Mr. Hasz reading anything from the Bible. Pretty much everything he said about scripture, and things that he taught were based on things he had read and studied from other books. I mean, yeah they might be great books. But unless it’s backed up and proven in scripture then all you have is man’s opinion. Red Flag.
Then ESOAL came. At first I was dead set against doing it. But then as it got closer I really wanted to! Anyway, to cut it short I didn’t do ESOAL, but I saw my friends go through it and it was breaking. My best friend ended up being sent home because it made him so depressed that he became suicidal and wanted to kill himself!
Corporate exercise was tough – like “Lindsay” said, it was all about “beating [your] body daily and making it [your] slave”, which was just one of the scriptures used out of context to make you push yourself physically. (Taken from 1 Corinthians 9)
I also found the running side of things tough, and as the internship carried on, I stayed behind to do alternate corporate (occasionally leading it on the weekends for extra training).
We also had a class…I can’t remember the name. It used to be a mandatory class (like Trailer Club but more in depth), but because of the sexually explicit conversation it was actually causing people to fall deeper into their lust! And so it became optional after a month or so.
A couple more weeks down the line came the Fasting LTE (Life Transforming Event). I missed the main LTE and so I ended up doing the alternate fasting LTE. This is when I really started to notice that the teaching was off. We were quoted scriptures such as Habakkuk 2:2, “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets…” (note not the WHOLE verse or passage), and from that we were told that we would need to write down a “5 year plan” of what God wanted us to do. The main purpose of the fasting LTE (this was no food, and no communication) was to seek God for our future. I was told that God would reveal everything to me, and that if He didn’t then I didn’t have enough faith or I had sin in my life.
After the LTE I went home over thanksgiving to try and raise more funds before they ran out, and then came back to the HA.
We were given so many assignments to do, and along with our Bible reading plan and Scripture memorization plan, and book reading, there was really no spare time to really seek the Lord and research the things we were being taught in Scripture, which is never a good place to be in because you leave yourself open to receiving all kinds of teaching with no way to check if they’re based in scripture or not!
Even though I was beginning to notice things that were being taught that didn’t line up with Scripture, or were based on Scripture taken out of context, I had conformed. I loved Teen Mania and always told myself that I would be a “lifer”.
As it came to Christmas I was really looking forward to having some real rest, and some time to spend with Jesus. I couldn’t go home, and so I stayed with the Pastor and his wife of the church that I’d been going to and actively serving in on the worship team. We had some amazing prayer and worship times over Christmas, and we had some great Bible studies. This is when the Lord really opened my eyes to what was going on.
We would read scriptures and then talk about them and their application to our lives. And so I gave my comments on scriptures that we read based on things that we’d been taught at the HA, only to find to my surprise that when we read the whole verse or passage in scripture that I’d been taught it wrong! So I got out my HA notebook and we re-studied things that we’d been taught and I learned what the Word was really saying!
One scripture example is Matthew 24:12 “In the last days, the love of many will grow cold…” We were taught that Jesus was referring to those out in the world. But if you read the whole verse: “In the last days, the love of many will grow cold because of increased distance from the Torah” (TJB) – Jesus was actually talking about the church!
Okay, I know it’s just a small example.
Over Christmas I was seeking the Lord about what I should do next, and I knew that I had to leave the Honor Academy. I hate letting people down, and I knew that people would be hurt by my choice and that I would get hurt too, but I also knew that obedience to the Lord is better than sacrifice.
I spoke to my parents about my decision, and I spoke to some friends at Teen Mania who proceeded to give me the whole out of context “Gibeonite” speech from Joshua 9, which if you read in context actually makes TM look bad as they would be the deceivers!
I told our newly appointed ACA, and my manager at my ministry placement. My manager was one of the few staff members that supported me in my decision and told me that I had to be obedient to the Lord no matter what.
I stalled leaving for a couple of weeks, but I could feel the Holy Spirit telling me that I needed to get out of there because my time was up! I was met with a lot of opposition from the majority of staff and interns that I talked with about leaving. Yes, I mainly heard the Gibeonite speech. I was also questioned numerous times as to why I thought God would call me to be somewhere only for a season and not for the whole thing? Why would God have me “commit” to the HA if He was going to call me away before my “commitment” was up?
The night before I left was horrible. The people I had come to love and trust, and that I considered to be close to me now turned on me telling me that I was demon possessed for wanting to leave. I was told that obviously I couldn’t hear God clearly because I didn’t have a good relationship with my dad when I was growing up and so I didn’t see God as a father figure. I was accused of being in secret sin, and accused of sleeping with my pastor’s daughter over the Christmas period – even though the only time I spent with her was when her parents were present, and I’m a virgin! I was told that because God had placed my core advisor (CA) in authority over me and that God hadn’t told him that I was supposed to leave, that obviously I was wrong (which isn’t Scriptural at all!). I was told that I was breaking my commitment and therefore I was a whore for cheating on God (bearing in mind that the HA had already broken their commitment to me?).
The weeks after leaving weren’t much better. I had moved in with the pastors I had stayed with over Christmas. Mr. Hasz had requested a meeting with me, but wouldn’t answer my emails or return phone calls when I tried to arrange one. Nobody from there would really talk to me, and lots of interns left the church I was at because they all thought that I was living in sin for leaving, and I was still a part of the church worship team.
My resident director called my Pastor from back home and told him that I’d left the Honor Academy and joined a cult, and that I owed them money. Neither statements were true, but for some reason my pastor chose to believe a “credible” organization rather than someone who he knew and had spent a lot of time working with 5 years previous to the HA, because I used to lead worship at church before! Even now, almost 2 years on, rumors are still going around the HA about my reasons for leaving and what happened afterwards, and people at my old church won’t speak to me because they think that I stole the donations that they gave me to pay for the HA.
It took me a while to come to terms with everything that happened. The whole time I held on tight to the Lord because I knew that I had walked out in obedience to Him. But it also took time for me to forgive people – unforgiveness that I didn’t even know I was holding towards people there!
Since leaving I am back in contact with some of my old friends there who now understand exactly what I was feeling and going through, because some of them went through the same right after I left and they ended up leaving too.
14 comments:
I would like to say that one of the books/sermons that REALLY helped me after I left was John Bevere’s “The Bait of Satan”.
Also the sermon titled “Run” by Carter Conlon was an immense help and blessing over the weeks before I left, and afterwards.
January 18, 2010 12:02 PM
Curious George said…
Thank you “Eric.” This is a very well written post. Anyone who questions your decision would be hard pressed to find anything negative against you by reading your post. The double standards become more and more obvious to me. It seems as though the HA encourages you to follow the Spirit… as long as everything lines up with the HA’s teachings and ideologies. I’m ashamed of myself as I recall how I looked down on those who left as “lesser Christians.” How arrogant of anyone to assume they cornered the God market and presume to know what He is telling you BETTER THAN WHAT HE IS ACTUALLY TELLING YOU!
I applaud you in leaving despite all the backbiting and gossip. No one does backbiting and gossip like “Christians.” It cuts deep. It shakes everything you’ve ever known, because its spiritual as well as emotional and mental.
January 18, 2010 7:08 PM
Curious George said…
As per your friend who was suicidal. I wonder what the percentage of interns who experience suicidal tendencies is. I knew some folks who developed suicidal tendencies while at the HA. I was nearly successful in ending my life after the HA. I wonder how the statistics compare between current/former interns and the rest of the 18 to 21 year olds in the US? My guess is that current/former interns have a higher rate of depression and suicidal tendencies than their peers who are the same age. Thoughts?
January 18, 2010 7:36 PM
Recovering Alumni said…
Curious George – that is a GREAT point. I truly wonder how interns would compare to the general population…Even if the rates weren’t higher for interns, I’m betting that they aren’t lower than the general population – which would burst Dave Hasz’s theory about how interns are so much better/more spiritual than the rest of the world.
January 18, 2010 10:03 PM
Nunquam Honorablus said…
Oh man, I definitely remember this ordeal my year. About how controversial this all was, and how we were to never go to that church again. Oi vey.
For them to call your old church and tell them that load of garbage is insane. Why would you even do that?? It makes no sense to me. They don’t even profit from that.
I like how they say “seriously guys never ever speak ill of any participant of the Honor Academy, past present or future…. UNLESS they leave. Then talk all the smack you want”.
To be absolutely honest, I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t gone through the HA myself.
January 18, 2010 10:17 PM
Anonymous said…
wow…that’s all I can say–wow…this is stunning and unbelievable–but I know it’s true..having a ‘dismissed’ relative..
For them to contact Eric’s old church is unbelievable and to spread lies is preposterous…I’m just stunned and can’t believe we actually encouraged our relative to go to HA and judged that person when they got dismissed. Thanks for this blog and your stories to show the deception down there and to help former interns in their healing..
I agree–Bevere’s Bait of Satan is a great book in helping with forgiveness and healing.
May God be with you Eric as you heal from this experience–and to all the other former (and current) interns.
January 19, 2010 8:31 AM
Natalie said…
Wow. That really happened? No one was supposed to go to Eric’s church? And they didn’t? Was it a church near T.M. or a random church somewhere else?
That one is a little crazy. Even for T.M. standards. I remember I was weird and judgmental and stuff… But only to other interns. Not to the surrounding churches. They werent as godly as I was.
wow. I’m humbled right now.
I’m sorry you went through that Eric. I probably knew you too! I didn’t know about it though.
January 19, 2010 7:21 PM
“Eric” said…
Natalie – You can contact me if you want to. Send an email to RA and he can forward it to me (if that’s okay RA?) and I’ll email you back when I can!
January 20, 2010 6:28 AM
Natalie said…
Eric – If you see this – Just email me (and anyone else on this site I know!) Natalie.RHaskell@gmail.com
January 21, 2010 12:56 AM
“Eric” said…
Natalie – I sent you an email
January 21, 2010 7:07 AM
“Eric” said…
Oh by the way, if anyone has any questions about anything here then please feel free to ask. I might not know all the answers, but i’ll answer as honestly and as well as I can 🙂
January 21, 2010 9:35 AM
“Eric” said…
Curious George – I meant to say that my friend is no longer suicidal. He went majorly off the rails, but he’s come back round to the Lord and is more in love with Jesus than he ever was before! He still has the occasional struggle with depression, but God is strengthening him day by day.
January 31, 2010 6:18 PM
Curious George said…
Glad to hear it, Eric.
February 5, 2010 4:52 PM
Lluffman said…
I went through the exact same thing at HA except I left 2 weeks into the program. I too went through a life changing GE trip and volunteered for 3 summers in a row. I loved the place. But when we started the year, we were given a completely different handbook than what they had originally sent us. If we didn’t raise our hands and “cry out” to God during the worship services in the morning, our CA would come have a little chat with us about how we’re not honoring God and were being rebelious.
February 9, 2010 8:56 PM