Before I post my response to Ron…here is a look at what his email was responding to.
Hi Fellow Alumni,
Over the past several years, there have been many Honor Academy alumni that look back at the internship and wonder, “What was that all about?” For the most part, we enjoyed our time at the HA but when we re-entered the real world our expectations collided with reality. Confusion, depression, pain and isolation are just a few of the things we’ve experienced as we try to make sense of our experiences. After talking with many alumni and processing through my own experiences, I’ve come to realize that many of us are in the same boat. The legalistic and performance based atmosphere wounded us spiritually and emotionally. Some of us are constantly trying to get back to the spiritual high of our intern year but instead can’t shake the nagging feeling that we will never measure up. Instead of joy, we are burdened by our Christian walk. And we keep wondering what we are doing wrong.
I have good news for you. You are not alone. It is not your fault. You were taught some very bad things about who God is and how He feels about you.
Instead of continuing this journey alone, we are now on the journey to healing and wholeness together. If you were wounded at the Honor Academy, there is a safe place for you to talk about your negative experiences without being labeled bitter, backslidden or weak.
Visit the blog to read stories from your fellow alumni as well as critiques of HA teachings and culture that point the way to grace, freedom and love.
I hope you’ll take the time to see what we are doing and, if you need it, find a safe place to begin the healing process.
Peace,
Recovering Alumni
www.teenmaniahonoracademy.blogspot.com
PS – The Board of Directors is now looking into the specific allegations I’ve made regarding the spiritual, emotional and physical abuse that occurs at the Honor Academy. They are asking interns to share their story so they can best decide how to proceed. For all the details, including how you can participate click here.
PSS – If you disagree with the premise of this blog, please read the comment policy before responding.
(2021 Update: The blog has obviously changed domains since this email.)
24 comments:
Hi RA – Thank you so much for posting this! I did not receive this email, and now that I have read through it, I see very little wrong with what was written.
I really like this sentence: “For the most part, we enjoyed our time at the HA but when we re-entered the real world our expectations collided with reality.” This sums up my experience in one sentence. I loved my year at TM, but had such a hard time processing everything that I had learned once I left the internship. I felt used and tossed aside. There was no follow up, there was no one to reach out to once we left, and even when I tried to contact leaders at TM after leaving, I received little response. The rug was pulled out from under me. At least that’s how I felt when I left TM.
I will reiterate this until the day I die – THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH COMING TOGETHER AS A COMMUNITY TO SHARE OUR EXPERIENCES. I love the fact that TM is still doing what they are doing and striving to improve. But I also LOVE the fact that we are able to come together as a community to process everything that we experienced. Some folks were more hurt than others, some had a great experience and some fell to pieces. We all had different experiences and I really like the fact that we can come together and talk about that – both good and bad!
Keep doing what you’re doing RA – YOU ARE HELPING PEOPLE!
March 16, 2010 6:43 PM
gc1998 said…
i cannot WAIT to read your response to this.
March 16, 2010 6:45 PM
Shannon said…
I am with Carol and gc1998.. Very well written and I am thankful I received it. I thought I was alone for a long time.
March 16, 2010 6:55 PM
Josh said…
I agree that many people have had similar experiences. And that a place to receive healing and guidance would be great.
But it would be very sad if this site/community turned into a place of bitterness, anger, and resentment.
It seems like your heart and intentions are good. But the way you’ve gained this platform is questionable.
Maybe TM is not perfect, but that doesn’t give us the right to dishonor it or the people that run it. I believe Ron and Dave and the other leaders love God very much. They will always be part of the christian family and I want to treat them as so and honor them, even if in disagreement.
My hopes are to see people healed and whole and for TM to become all that it can be, being a blessing to all and baring Godly fruit. And I hope this community is a push in that direction.
March 16, 2010 8:41 PM
Dan Gross said…
RA, I’m pretty disappointed with Ron’s (assuming he composed it) email. I felt like the subtext was patronizing to you and this community. I’ve commented on this blog before to this effect, but I think that TM’s appropriate response is contrition, graciousness, and ownership of the problem.
I can’t say that I agree 100% with every single thing on this site, but I will say again that as Carol put so well, this community has every right to exist, and I can’t say enough how respectful, honest, and sincere you and other members of this community seem to be. I think that TM’s defensive posturing is what’s truly inappropriate here.
Please keep this up. Keep challenging. Keep questioning. It’s healthy, it’s refreshing, and it’s comforting knowing that there are others who have similar frustrations.
March 16, 2010 8:48 PM
Lisa said…
Will you post the letter from Ron? I left the HA early and so I’m not technically considered alumni which is who I’m figuring he sent it to?
March 16, 2010 8:51 PM
Lisa said…
hehe I guess I spoke too soon 😉
March 16, 2010 9:01 PM
Recovering Alumni said…
Nope, I just did it at your request, Lisa!
March 16, 2010 9:02 PM
Shiloh said…
Wow!
I’m laughing very hard right now.
THAT’S what all this big deal was about?!?!?
I’m nearly disopointed… I thought it was going to actually be confrontational and maybe even have something slanderous in it, or SOMETHING in regards to how all these people found a way to accuse you of bashing the ministry.
Oh my.
O.K., to be HONEST I could see how a few back woods kids from the south or… like… Wisconsin or someplace like that would think your email sounds a little bit on the, ‘hippy, peace, love and happiness – uber therapist/group helpish’ sort with a comment like: “Instead of continuing this journey alone, we are now on the journey to healing and wholeness together.” But other than that This email is pretty…. ON.
I don’t know many interns NOT feeling that way.
And the funniest thing is – Ron ended up emailing the ENTIRE internship. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh. If that’s not God I don’t know what is… 🙂 🙂 🙂
March 16, 2010 9:05 PM
Wesley Wiley said…
So I’ve started about 10 different comments and deleted all of them…can’t really figure out how to get what is in my heart into words…
Let me pose a question – is coming together to share about our negative experiences really “healing?”
Would it be healing in your local church to form a group to share your negative experiences in the church and about how the pastor is wrong on this or that? Would it be healing in your workplace to get all the employees together and talk about the negative aspects of your job and boss? What about in your family?
I’m very serious. Is this healing? It might make you feel better to know that you’re not alone. But is that healing? It might validate your experiences…but is that healing? At the end of the day do you feel truly healed and restored, or do you feel that you’ve opened the door for bitterness & resentment?
I absolutely believe that there are times when it can be healthy to talk openly about things that have hurt us. Biblically though, the only examples I can find where groups came together to talk openly about their negative experiences and find “community” in their anger was the Israelites…and the end result was not healing.
If you just want to be “understood” or “validated,” then you’re absolutely in the right place. But if you feel hurt or wounded by TM (or by anyone) and truly want healing, your road to healing will be much shorter by finding someone you can trust in your church, and talking/praying through the areas where you feel wounded.
Connecting with THE HEALER is going to mend you a thousand times faster than hanging out with other wounded people.
March 16, 2010 9:28 PM
Recovering Alumni said…
Wesley,
I understand where you are coming from but think you are not familiar with the concept of support groups or recovery groups. I don’t have time to go into here in the comments, but you can read more about it under the “recovery” category. Walk into any church that does the “Celebrate Recovery” program, and this is the same kind of thing they will be doing – hanging out with other broken people, seeking the Healer together.
March 16, 2010 9:31 PM
Shannon said…
Wesley,
I disagree with your post. First of all, it is only in discovering what each of us have experienced that we can begin to discuss what we need to do to heal from the experiences. As RA mentioned, any support group, AA/NA, or counseling session does this very thing. Do they only sit around and complain, no. They move toward healing by sharing experiences and skills that have helped them to cope with their experiences. RA does a wonderful job of balancing that. Not only is this place a place of shared experiences, but RA also share insights, materials, and resource on how he/she has moved through the pain. Others have also shared that in their stories. So, I would agree with you if all this place was was a complaint factory, but since there are also discussions on what some have done to move on, I think it discredits your argument.
March 16, 2010 9:53 PM
Anonymous said…
There are recovery and support groups for victims of all sorts of abuse, physical, sexual and emotional.
These are not just disgruntled people who are suffering “struggles and challenges”. Many of the people here feel they have been seriously wounded emotionally, physically and spiritually by Teen Mania and they deserve a place where they can safely share their experiences and have a place to heal. Being able to talk about what happened to you with people who understand and have been through similar experiences is not an unusual step in the healing process.
If you are equating what some of them have gone through to a disagreement with a boss or a pastor, you really don’t understand what has gone on.
March 16, 2010 10:05 PM
Carol said…
Hi Wes,
I completely understand where you are coming from when you said, “Would it be healing in your local church to form a group to share your negative experiences in the church and about how the pastor is wrong on this or that? Would it be healing in your workplace to get all the employees together and talk about the negative aspects of your job and boss? What about in your family?”.
To answer your question – no, this would not be ‘healing’. But I think there is more than that going on here. Folks are coming together to share their experiences. I can’t tell you how many times, while reading through the posts, that I thought, “wow, I’m glad I’m not alone”, or “holy cow, I remember when that happened”, or even, “I knew there was something off about it, and for 12 years now I haven’t been able to put my finger on it”. This is a place where people can come share their experiences and BEGIN the healing process. I look at it like this: A family member of mine was an alcoholic at one point. That person’s behavior was unhealthy and it greatly affected my life. Another family member thought the same thing but neither of us ever talked about it while the unhealthy behavior was going on because we just dealt with it on our own. It wasn’t until after we both realized that the person was unhealthy and had some work to do before we could really start to heal from the unhealthy behavior. We acknowledged that we were not alone, talked about it and was able to recognize that we were not to blame.
You can look at this website as the first step. Folks are stepping out and acknowledging that there was some unhealthy behavior so we no longer have to sit in wonder if our experience was unique. We are simply sharing that so we can come together and START to heal in a healthy way. In fact, most of us have started, are in the middle of, or have been completely healed. But there are others who are just beginning, or are still confused about their experiences, whether that be from long ago or from this most recent class of graduates.
RA has posted some great things about the grace of God and for that I’m thankful. These are things folks need to hear. I hope and expect that more positive posts are coming.
Let me say again – no, coming to a place to bash a ministry or people involved in the ministry is not healing. But coming together to share experiences, to RE-LEARN grace versus works, to acknowledge that we are not alone, are all good things.
Some comment-ers are still bitter and angry – you are correct. But I for one, try to look past the bitterness to figure out why they are bitter, and hopefully, just maybe my experience or someone else’s will be able to help that person move into healing.
I hope you stick around this website, it sounds like you have some good insight and some really good things to share.
March 16, 2010 10:24 PM
April Williams Stevenson said…
Oh my gosh!
Wes I can’t believe it! It’s been so long. Thanks for your post and I want to say that I have to disagree with you because I have been healing by reading a lot of the posts on spiritual abuse because I came out of the internship with a very superior attitude and then depression hit in. Struggled till I got to ORU and then got out and life was never the same….followed the prescribed formula of finding a spouse where you be friends, court/engagement and get married!
Became super codependent with my husband and have been struggling ever since! Had a child born with spinabifida who can’t walk, has cognitive delays and huge eating issues. I numbed myself because I just couldn’t believe I made all these mistakes and this was not how my life was suppose to turn out! I wanted to have this great ministry and instead I am struggling to stay married because heaven forbid I get a divorce and I don’t want to take care of my kid!
I have just been able to deal with every thing with the help of a counselor and hearing what others have to say has let me see that no amount of pulling my bootstraps up is going to make things better. It is only the work of the Holy Spirit in my life that is going to change my heart.
I have learned in the past two years of being in Celebrate Recovery and counseling that sharing your story helps you get all the thoughts and emotions out in the open and bringing them to the light so that healing can take place. No matter how much I want to be perfect. I can’t. My daughter will never be perfect no matter what I do but that’s what God is showing me. She is perfect just the way she is and I am learning all about GRACE, mercy and most of all LOVE.
I loved the internship when I was in it, and 4 years ago I would have said it had some good and bad but mostly good in it. After having my daughter well not so much! It’s been a uphill battle for me and that striving nature to do more, be better just didn’t cut it for me. I hope this makes sense. I don’t want pity but I said all that to say that I am healing and by others sharing I am learning to see what is truth and what is not.
I would not say I’m bitter in the least but just sad that I have had to struggle with my relationship with the Lord and know that it is nothing that I do in and of myself, but simply that my value and worth comes from him.
March 16, 2010 11:22 PM
Anonymous said…
@ April – Thank you so much for sharing your story! Wow. I’m BLESSED by that!!!
As my father is terminally ill right now I’m struggling with a lot of unanswered questions. “What is REALLY important in this life?” Does giving up 2 or 3 years of my life to take care of my dad count toward the kingdom? or is college more practical? Am I just wasting my days?
hmmm…
What benefits the kingdom more? Oh, Jesus help us, please.
April, you will be rewarded greatly in the coming age. That truly is our hope. But you will be rewarded on this earth as well. I bet your daughter is one pretty little angel. 🙂
Bless you tonight!
March 17, 2010 12:28 AM
Anonymous said…
*I would like to just state I was using sarcasm. – I think giving up 3 years to take care of my dad and skip college would benefit me MUCH MORE than not.
March 17, 2010 12:31 AM
Micheal McComber said…
@ April
Thank you for being real, thank you for sharing your heart.
MM
March 17, 2010 12:42 AM
Recovering Alumni said…
Carol – thanks for your encouragement. “Rug pulled out from under me” – so true.
Josh – I don’t think there is anything in this email that “dishonors” them. And, I’m less concerned with their hurt feelings than I am with the devastation they’ve caused (whether intentionally or by accident).
Dan – Your comment was a breath of fresh air. So well put and I’m glad you for your participation here.
Shiloh – No kidding! That’s why I was so suprised at the backlash! I thought it was really mellow…
April – Thanks for your vulnerability. Even though you are going through a hard experience, I’m really glad that the Lord is using it to bring you into freedom and grace.
March 17, 2010 1:04 AM
Anonymous said…
I think the reason your seeing backlash is because they may be concerned with how you got the emails of all of the alumni because they really do try to protect what goes out to them. If you got them in an immoral way then I would be concerned to but if you didn’t, hey its fair game…free world. I never got the email so I know it didn’t go out to all alumni
March 17, 2010 7:32 AM
Anonymous said…
I’ve been mulling over my experience as an alumnus. It’s a mixed bag. I had some great experiences. I met some really outstanding people. I also experienced a lot of not-so-great things that really left a mark. My hesitance for providing a laundry list is mostly out of my desire to move on. In moving on, I also find myself moving away from an association with TM. This is mostly due to my feeling that organizationally, I have little faith that anything would change. Typically in any movement, whether it’s a cultural phenomenon, or group, there’s a point where it becomes an institution too rigid to significantly change. At least not enough to to really change hearts and minds, heal wounded spirits, and propel it forward in a healthy, relevant way.
So, my personal laundry list will remain my own at this time. But there has been one thing that has been rolling in my gut for the past couple of months. It was during the debriefing of my first year. Jim Jones was giving a talk and started addressing “those” intern alumni that where struggling with their experience. He started mimicking them in a whiney, cartoonish voice:
“But this hasn’t taught me anything about the real world…” etc
His rebuttal was a barking, “Did we teach ya to love God? Did we teach ya to worship your face off? GET OVER IT!”
And that is my lasting impression of TM’s stance on my fellow Alumni when they start to struggle with their experience. That is why my personal issues have yet to be aired in a public forum. I simply don’t think they’ll be addressed in any way other than a rhetorical exercise of a dodge, perry, and counter. I would hope that TM could be different, but I gave it a rather large chunk of my life all ready. Taking a cue from Mr. Luce, I don’t wish to waste anymore of my youth. If the board of directors wishes to prove that TM is capable of meaningful dialog and even reconciliation, that would be awesome. That might even change the world.
March 17, 2010 8:46 AM
Anonymous said…
I can not express how grateful I was to receive this e-mail a few days ago, I actually received it as a forward from one of the only HA friends I kept in contact with, the reason being is that my initial way of dealing with the confusion I felt after the TM internship experience was to forget I was ever an intern there, I marked it off as “something I did when I was too innocent to know any better”
But when I read the e-mail I felt relief wash over me as I realized “I was not the ONLY ONE!”
I Thank GOD for this blog and the courage it took RA to create it and continue this effort to not a silent victim
March 17, 2010 9:04 AM
Anonymous said…
@last two anon’s-
I know how ya’ll fell…
March 17, 2010 10:04 AM
Anonymous said…
hahahaha –
uhhh…
“Feel.”
lol.
I meant ‘FEEL’ not fell.
hahaha.
March 17, 2010 10:05 AM
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