After the HA, I went home for 2 years. I worked really hard to save money for school, served at my youth group, and took some Jr. college. The second year I was home, I began to have an intense burden for the interns who are placed in Facilities, specifically Custodial, like I was, and I went back to Teen Mania to help in this area. I had done janitorial work since I was about 9 years old in my family’s business. One of my concerns with HA is how the interns are placed in job placements. Just because I have experience in an area should not mean I have to pay to work in that area that I am already an expert in. Isn’t the point of HA to stretch an intern and gain new experiences? I had gone to an Honor Academy Preview weekend the spring prior with my dad, and I really bought into the whole campfire, bonding, dorm experience. I was very excited to call youth pastors about ATF, or get to work in an office since I had been cleaning 5-7 days a week for 9 years. When I was placed in Custodial my heart was broken. In addition, the January intern that was my “boss” (his name was Jesse, can’t remember his last name) was a condescending and cruel leader who specifically took delight in mocking me because I had experience in Janitorial, plus I was a girl and he came off pretty gender biased to me.
I actually went to Mr. Hasz to talk about my job placement and explained it wasn’t that I didn’t know how to work hard, or that I didn’t want to, but that I had come there to have a NEW experience. Of course, the leadership explained that is where I was assigned and I had to stick it out. In January when Jesse graduated, I was made the leader of the Custodial team. I personally had a lot of contact with Mr. “O” (my boss whom I loved and respected), but other than that, the spiritual and practical leadership of my small team was placed on my shoulders, and I had only been an intern for 5 months.
This is the reason that I had such a huge heart for custodial interns. I knew what it felt like to dream big dreams about HA and get stuck in a job placement that would not help a future resume and a job that other interns seemed to pity you for (and assume you must have no skills or were stupid so you couldn’t be placed in a superior office placement). In fall of 2000, I started petitioning Sam Kimmel who was the new facilities director to hire me as a Staff Associate to run custodial. I had a vision for better kept grounds (ever wonder why there is such an emphasis placed on excellence yet the custodial team is given crappy supplies, very little budget, and a team half as large as they need-while the money is sunk into fountains, a swimming pool, and who knows what else). I also had a heart for the interns to be truly poured into and believed in during their custodial placement by someone who wasn’t an intern peer.
Sam created a job position for me and I was hired. I went on 3 back to back 2 week trips that summer and began my Staff Associate year in August 2001. I was so optimistic, so excited, and had dreams and visions to make that part of the HA better. I got better supplies approved (not all that I wanted or needed, but better) and worked very hard to create a team of interns that took pride in their job placement, that supported and loved each other. I found out that the HA job placement process “drafting” if you will is a complete joke. I got to choose a few interns-2 I think, and the rest were placed for me. I had 11 or 12 interns in all. I even had a valedictorian on my team who was certainly intelligent and socially graced enough to do any job in the admin building-but because he was shy, was overlooked during “team building” day during gauntlet week. I also was assigned an autistic intern who was high functioning but very difficult to keep attention on mundane tasks, an intern with severe anger issues whom I was afraid of, and a former army veteran who became one of my closest friends. I was surprised at how cutthroat the staff was about choosing interns, also surprised to find out that very little if no prayer at all was involved in placements. There was trading, yelling, negotiation-but no consideration to where an intern would spiritually thrive. The whole focus was what department wanted what interns and if you had enough clout to get the ones you wanted for your own department to be successful. I was shocked and remembered how I had been told that I was to stick out my intern assignment because it was where “God” had placed me.
By the spring I had become very disenchanted with the HA. My interns would come to me with so many personal issues I felt their advisor and CA’s were not addressing. Also, I kept getting bad reviews on how the buildings were being kept up, even though we were working 2 shifts (8 to about 3, and 3 to about 10) every day. I had the interns split up into A and B shift and I worked both in between my Tyler Junior College Classes. In the fall when my interns couldn’t get the dorms done every day in time for dinner (there were 4 dorms, and about 5 interns to clean them. Each dorm had 4 bathrooms with multiple showers, tons of square footage of carpet and tile to clean, trash to take out, and windows as well to clean). This was an impossible task. But I was told by Dave Hasz to demand my team come back after dinner to finish what they were not getting done during their 8-3 shift. So I met them at 6pm to finish. They were exhausted, close to tears on a daily basis-some did cry, even a few boys, and they felt like I was punishing them. I was told to “complain up, smile down” and I tried to protect the HA by being tough on my team about this. Eventually, I went back to Mr. Hasz and told him my interns were just too tired and there weren’t enough of them to get this amount of work done. Even if they worked tirelessly all day. Early that spring, I was called into a meeting in Hasz’s office. Sam Kimmel was there, as well as David L. and some of the other facilities staff. It seemed the ATF and Global Expeditions teams were not finishing their calls and getting the results they needed. So instead of making THEIR interns work extra, or finish their quotas, they were taking a portion of everyone’s facilities interns away to make calls instead. I was told I would be losing half my team, for one month. Worse than that, they chose who they took from me – some of my very best and brightest people. I was told 30 minutes before they announced it to the entire ministry. The call center staff said they would clean their own offices – HAHAHA! I bawled my eyes out for the rest of the day. I felt like they had given me a responsibility but no authority to actually achieve a clean campus, a healthy team, and team morale that comes from getting a job well done. The interns left behind were furious, felt like they were unwanted, untalented, and were losing their best friends as we had worked very hard to build a solid team.
We made it through the month and they kept having family meetings to update us on the “crisis.” When things were getting better I went to Mr. Hasz to find out when my team would be returned to me. My interns loved each other, and missed being together, not to mention the campus looked like crap. Mr. Hasz went to the ATF administrator and she said she never agreed to return our interns. WHAT?! They outright lied. When I met with her and called her on it, she agreed to give me other interns instead. Why couldn’t I have back my team that was already trained, bonded with, etc.? She gave me the interns who had attitude problems, anger issues, and were lazy. As if I already didn’t have enough barriers to my team’s success, now I had to break up fights, find lazy interns sleeping in their rooms during work time, and explain to my original team why their leaders had lied to them…and me.
I notified Sam shortly after this that I wouldn’t be returning for a 2nd year as staff associate. I was simply too hurt and exhausted from all the mind games that year to sign up for a second. He informed me that they wouldn’t have me back anyway because a 1st or 2nd year intern could do my job just fine, for free. I don’t believe this was Sam’s decision, as Sam treated me very well throughout that year. It was simply another poor decision to devalue the facilities team and do a disservice to the interns who are assigned to those teams. I am still in contact with some of my custodial team members and know in my heart that I did the best I could with what I was given.
What started as a dream of an alumni to change HA, ended in despair, depression, and intense loneliness. I truly felt God had called me back to TM to make a difference, to truly change things in my department. What I found instead was a leadership that broke my heart, lied to me and my team, and continually undervalued me and others. It has been very difficult for me to trust spiritual leaders since, to trust God’s voice to lead me in the right direction, to trust myself to follow my dreams.
Dawn, I’m sorry for what you have experienced. Your heart was in such a good place, and I’m glad you were able to make the year better for your interns. It’s disheartening that when lower level staff people have dreams and visions for the ministry, they are drowned out by the almighty bottom dollar.
Oh sweetie I am so sorry for this. You had a heart for people and were trying to make the best of a not great situation and you were treated so badly. I don’t see how they can force “lesser departments” to work extra hard but then steal those same workers when things aren’t going the way they want. Just so sad. I hope in your healing even if it is long coming that you can see that they were wrong but that doesn’t mean God was *HUGS*
Wow. I can relate!
Teen Mania is such a freaking sham. I was there in 2007 and they did the same thing with taking interns from all over the ministry to help G.E. or ATF- using the SAME excuse that G.E. wasn’t making their quota’s. It’s just starting to scream that they know exsactly what they are doing. has there ever been a year when everything didn’t fall apart at some point and they had to screw with everyone’s minds? is there a single intern/gi/staff member who didn’t have some major chrises happen to them because of T.M. controling their life? I’m gonna take a ‘wild’ guess and say no.
It sounds like Dave and leadership don’t like to go to the trouble of actually caring for people’s feelings so they just fuck with you and manipulate and control. I’m sure they get off on it.
Assholes.
This is a really sad and frustrating story. Yet another instance where the HA show little to no concern for the well-being of their interns and staff.
“I found out that the HA job placement process “drafting” if you will is a complete joke.”
I remember the first drafting I went through as a Staff Associate and what an eye-opener it was. I want all HA alumni, HA interns, and HA potential interns to know that job placement is bullshit. You did not get your position because of a well-intentioned, loving staff praying and listening to God’s voice. The process is brutal. God is not involved.
Dawn,
I was on K-Crew in ’01-’02, so I had a lot of direct interaction with Custodial and the other facilities departments. I know exactly who each of the interns are that you mention were on your team. A girl in my core was in Custodial, and the autistic boy you mention was in my bro core (I mention him briefly in “Jamie”s story). Your team always seemed really tight-knit and up-beat. They looked out for each other and served the intern body with pride and grace, and I’ve got to believe their attitudes were reflective of your wise, compassionate leadership.
I remember you, though you probaby don’t remember me. You were always very kind and encouraging, and your team members with whom I was close never had anything but great things to say about you. You were their advocate, and they knew it. You went back to the HA to make a difference, and I’m absolutely confident that you did. Maybe not in the ministry as a whole, or even the department (and how could you? You were constantly undermined by the higher-ups and rendered completely powerless), but definitely in the lives and hearts of the interns you effectively served.
Oh Shiloh! I <3 you!
Dawn – If I did my math right you were a ’97? If so I remember you – you had such a huge heart and you always had a smile while working a job the leaders used as punishment for ‘bad seed’ interns.
I’m sorry they used you like they did – it wasn’t right. If it’s any consolation to you – you were probably one of the few bright spots for those kids during their year from hell.
((hugs))
I was an intern in 01-02. It’s funny because when I arrived to the HA, I was hoping and praying to be ON the grounds/facilities crew. Prior to arriving in Texas,I had been a leader in a church youth group for quite some time. I thought the cleaning or the k-crew team would be an amazing way to serve – I was very disappointed when I got selected to be a caller (which, I sucked at and hated the whole time!)
Anyhow, I knew some of the grounds and cleaning folks that year, and the whole time I think I was a little jealous I wasn’t a part of them. From a 10-years-later perspective, you did great! It is just awful to hear how the organization drained your passion for that gropup and didn’t encourage and equip you to create it into what you had dreamed.
@Pheonix – thanks. 😉
I went to a church one time about a year and half after leaving the internship. They happened to have just had a cleaning day. When the pastor just barley mentioned a thank you to everyone who helped clean, the ENTIRE church (of about 500) started clapping uncontrollably, even standing up! (and the pastor really didn’t say it in a way that would invoke that type of response.)
I just thought I’d share that with anyone who thinks T.M. acts like the ‘church.’
Layne, Dawn, could you guys elaborate on what the draft process is like? I’d like to know. Though maybe it might be too harsh to hear what people really thought?
Dawn, I remember you, we were interns together in Kimmie’s core. You were always amazing in your love for God and other people. To hear that you went back to TM to try and help and to hear that they treated you so disrespectfully… I’m so sorry it happened.
Church is where people love each other and live together- without dollars put as a high priority.
Dawn, I was on your custodial team and am completely shocked that you went through so much pain and was able to pour so much into me and my coworkers.
I LOVED working for you and have SO MUCH respect for you!
I voluntarily switched from ATF to Custodial after my event was done because my roommate was in custodial and I remember seeing him come home from work every day absolutely exhausted…
If i had to make the decision to switch departments over again, i would in a heartbeat! You were the best example of leadership that I had on campus.
I will never forget the hard work, love, and sacrifice that you poured out to us.
Hi everyone, it’s Dawn, also known as “hecametolifttheshame” and apparently, “1st Time Mommy” haha! I am terrible at maneuvering Google and have created a bunch of names by accident.
Thank you so much everyone for your kind and encouraging comments. Joe, your comment meant so much to me, not gonna lie, I had a few tears. I loved having you on my team as well, you were always very encouraging to me.
I really had a decent experience my first year at the HA, there was certainly some weirdness, but not enough for me to not want to return as a Staff Associate. It really was during the intern drafting process that I started to be disenchanted with the running of the ministry. The departments that were more elusive were the ones that got first picks and the most picks. Facilities got the least picks, like I mentioned before I was able to pick 1-2 people for my team, the rest were assigned to my department by default. It was so hard to look into the eyes of my team the first day-I well remembered the feeling of despair being assigned to custodial myself in my first year. I was so excited about HA I would call my intern rep nearly every day in the few months prior to August. I imagined myself calling youth pastors, working with missionaries, making a difference for eternity. The only consolation I had was that I was told God wanted me placed in custodial, and that the leadership was prayerful about placements. If I had only known!
The one bright spot in my Staff Associate year was my team. Littlegraygirl-my team was tight knit, and that was a huge blessing from the Lord. Thank you for your kind words and the encouragement that comes from finding out you noticed that God created something special between us that year.
As a side note, I did email Mr. Hasz regarding my concerns about many things recently. One of the items in my email was what happened in my story where the interns were taken and we were lied to. I also mentioned to him my feelings about how interns are drafted and that I don’t feel that facilities interns should be assigned to those placements all year, rather, those placements should rotate. I felt that if I was going to follow this blog I should respect Mr. Hasz enough to say to his face the feelings and oservations that I had. What I received was a “nice” email only addressing one of my concerns which was ESOAL. He never even acknowledged the hurt I told him about, the struggles I explained I had. That was when I actually realized that he did not care about my opinion, my hurt, the pain I went through. That’s when I decided that it was okay to share my story in this forum, because I had gone to my leadership and I needed to acknowledge it was not okay what happened.
Anyway, thank you everyone, this was very freeing for me! Much Love 🙂
WoW!! This whole thing is insane!! Don’t ever change you positive outlook on things,because that attitude made a great impact on many lives.
You left one thing out of your story: how amazing I was at being your roommate, both as an intern and again as a CEP/SA. (:
Seriously though, I knew you had struggles, but I had no idea how deep they were. You loved your teams with your whole heart! Every single person that ever worked with you or for you was blessed by you. I agree with the comment that said you made such an impact on those intern’s lives. Remember the little kiddos that we let skip class or steal my car all those times at the end? The guy from your team I let use my computer when he had pink eye? Anyways, all that to say you’re amazing and you made my experience at TM so much more wonderful because you were there.
Hi Dawn! I was a summer volunteer in 2001 and I enjoyed when I got custodial because I enjoyed working under you. As has already been said, you did indeed make a difference in people’s lives.
Cora,
You made MY experience so much better as well. I love you and am glad we stay in touch to this day. Thank you for your comments. I did love my team with my whole heart and tried to keep a lot of the pain to myself because I had been taught to complain up, smile down, and didn’t want to make things worse for myself. I also just wanted to make it to the end of the year without quitting so focusing on what was good, like all the awesome relationships I was making, helped get me through. You were especially important to my experience when my roommate was dismissed as a CEP/SA, and you replaced her in my room. I needed someone who understood me and I always felt you tried to “get” me. Love you 🙂
Esther-I remember you! Hope life treating you okay. I am so glad you had a pleasant volunteer experience in custodial. Besides custodial, how was your volunteer experience?
Dawn, it was really good. I enjoyed it. 🙂 Actually, every year that I volunteered was really good. The year that I went back to volunteer after I graduated the HA, I actually ended up finding healing (through one of the morning devotional sessions for the volly’s) and some peace where I’d been hurting so much from my classmate and very dear friend, Michael Tackett, dying right before graduation when we were interns.
Interesting thing, because of the experiences I had as a volunteer, I requested, and was granted, to go over to be a Summer Volunteer Coordinator when my call team in GE was disbanded when summer started. I really enjoyed it. And then one of MY volunteers was a SVC the year after me. So in a way, those of you who poured into us when we were volunteers, poured into other volunteers down the road.
I remember that year. I was sooo happy to learn the new floor machines. Then they threw me in the call center. I was terrible at it. Blah. I ASKED to be put back on Custodial when GE didn’t need us anymore. I got switched to ATF instead. Cold calls. What were they thinking? I didn’t get back on Custodial until after you were gone, Dawn.