From what I’ve seen, the Honor Academy’s “counseling” techniques are woefully inadequate. I’ve heard of many cases where life long problems stemming from severe pain and hurt are addressed with three overly simplistic ideas:
- Spend time alone with God
- Figure out everything you did wrong
- Then stop it
This Mad TV sketch shows just how ludicrous these “techniques” are.
Teen Mania often fails to recognize the place of love and relationships in the healing process. The only lasting change in our lives comes from a foundation of experiencing God’s love for us. So how can we know that love?
In the book, How People Grow by Cloud and Townsend, they state:
While the head works with “information gathering” the heart works with “experience gathering.”
So, it doesn’t matter how many times my parents or pastor tell me that “God loves me.” If they don’t love me, I won’t be able to feel it. It will be all head knowledge and no heart knowledge.
And isn’t that the problem so many of us have? A plethora of head knowledge with little heart knowledge? How many of us really feel loved and valued by God? How many of us feel that God likes us and that we don’t have to prove anything to Him?
The book goes on…
To experience God’s grace, our hearts have to be connected to it. We can certainly connect to God “vertically” through prayer, but to feel his grace completely we have to open our hearts to the full expression of it “horizontally” through other people. To connect fully with the grace of God, we have to go where it is, and he has chosen to put it in other people. So those who only study the “facts” of the grace of God and do not experience other people loving them will fall short in their realization of that grace.
This is why a program that imparts head knowledge of God’s love but without the grace, patience and love actually extended to its participants is dangerous. They gain head knowledge without the accompanying heart knowledge. And only heart knowledge truly changes us.
The body of Christ is meant to extend total acceptance, unconditional love, support and encouragement to one another so that God’s love can be made real among us! He wants to heal the broken places in people’s lives by extending His love through you into their deepest, darkest parts.
But we can’t do that if we run from those dark parts. If we cringe when we hear their struggles with that sin.
You want to see people grow? Don’t shun them when they tell you that they’re addicted to porn, or they are depressed, or they smoke, or they are thinking about a divorce, or whatever. Lavish God’s love and grace on them!
Otherwise, how will they ever know it?
18 comments:
LizBR said…
I love this sketch! My family says “STOP IT!” quite often, and occasionally it is followed by, “Or I’ll bury you alive in a box!”
Although, didn’t TM already do that a few years ago during ESOAL? 🙂
Also, nice thoughts on the importance of showing love.September 28, 2010 8:15 AM
Anonymous said…
Praise God for this one RA!!! Very Good.September 28, 2010 9:13 AM
Anonymous said…
WOW!!! I love this post. Great job, RA. I just watched the video. This reminds me of the one time I met with my DI!! hahaha.
I think they are not helpful because they don’t know how to “stop it” either. WOW!! Good post.September 28, 2010 9:21 AM
CarrieSaum said…
Oh man, thanks for the laugh! I needed it today. I LOVE that sketch. One of my favorites.
And thank you for pointing it all back to Love. 🙂September 28, 2010 10:24 AM
Shiloh said…
Good word R.A.
This is glorious to me because, though hard I guess, really the easiest thing to do is love. The only thing I really ever WANT to do is love. I want to be compassionate with people, I want to take time with people, I want to abundantly give the love of Christ that He so graciously has poured out to me. Some times I’m bursting with joy and shouts of praise and I just want to do something CRAZY in the name of love.
It’s the lies that trip me up. ‘That person is hopeless.’ ‘that person would never change.’ (question… do they have to?) ‘that person *This*’ ‘That person *That*’ ‘It’s too hard.’ ‘It’s not worth it.’
You see what I’m saying? But the most freeing thing is walking out in love.
Thanks so much for this!September 28, 2010 1:19 PM
ian said…
I agree almost completely. The heart is important, and you can’t reason with it. It’s a beautiful mystery.
We’re not any less transformed by head knowledge than we are by heart knowledge though. TM is definitely slanted towards head knowledge, but being slanted towards heart knowledge isn’t any less dangerous. We’re changed equally by them both, and neglecting either will put you into an unbalanced position. God gave both of them to us for a reason, and you’re not going to become complete if you discount and marginalize one half of yourself.September 28, 2010 8:24 PM
layne said…
IAN!!!! Friend! It’s good to see you here.September 29, 2010 9:31 AM
Anonymous said…
When I was an intern, I met with the male counselor (there was not female option) about my childhood sexual abuse. It was the first time I had really talked about it to anyone. He told me to buy an expensive book on co-dependency. He never offered to meet with me again.September 29, 2010 1:42 PM
Recovering Alumni said…
Anon – I am SO sorry to hear that. Its unconscionable. You reached out and that was very brave. Please know that other counselors will not treat you that way. I’m sorry you had a bad experience and I am always available to listen if you ever want to talk about that or anything else.September 29, 2010 1:44 PM
Anonymous said…
So funny story they actually played this in a class once as a way to deal with ‘issues within the core’October 3, 2010 8:55 PM
Shiloh said…
@Anon 8:55 – For real?
Yeah, cause I could see it. There is sort of this mentality I have that thinks like this. ‘Just stop.’
But when Jesus blood is added to it, it’s like, ‘Just stop.’ But God forgives you when you do it. So if you do, do this thing, don’t do it again. But if you do it again… you’re forgiven. So the next time don’t do it. But then if you do do it… you’re forgiven. So if you accept that you’re a sinner and He’s forgiven you… don’t do it again… But if you do it…
lol.
Most of time it takes a while but in the end… ‘it’s His kindness that leads to repentance… It’s His blood that brings forgiveness… It’s His mercy that leads me here… to His throne of grace…”
*Minor disclaimer,.. I am MOSTLY talking about those little things in life that trip us up and are really hard to move past. God forgives all sins on multiple levels 70×70 and also gives us the freedom to conquer. You are forgiven forgiven forgiven. But there are still consequences for your actions.
Even so— He’s got a lot of mercy stored up for His children.October 4, 2010 12:43 PM
Anonymous said…
heh, you said “do do”October 4, 2010 4:37 PM
Shiloh said…
NO I DIDN’T GOSH.October 4, 2010 6:25 PM
joyG said…
This is a beautiful post. It really corresponds to my journey- steeped in head knowledge of who God was, but several experiences left me with the nagging feeling He wasn’t on my side. You know what I mean. It took years of affirming, merciful “heart” interactions between myself & God, and others & me, to slowly recreate a positive heart orientation toward Him. God felt like a cruel person.
Only through opening up and receiving grace from others did I get the courage to let Him come near me again. I experienced grace in community before I felt it from God. Or before the “concepts” made any sense.
Twisted ideas about God plus difficult circumstances equals a really screwed-up relationship with Him. Our “head” needs to be reinforced with accurate Grace-based theology, and we need to experience unconditional love & acceptance from people & God.
Thanks, RA. Healing is possible!October 8, 2010 3:16 PM
joyG said…
Anonymous 1:42- I am so sorry… Don’t give up. You definitely deserve healing. Your story is important. There is freedom. A lot of people have endured similar things and your heart is so precious to God. You are valuable.
Thanks for letting us hear your voice.October 8, 2010 3:22 PM
Anonymous said…
anon at September 29, 2010 1:42 PM ….did you try to reach out to him again? Its not all that “unconscionable” RA, when I was there it seemed like almost every minute of his day was booked with meetings. Why is it completely his fault if anon didn’t even try to reach out on her part? Not pointing fingers, I’m just sayin…October 8, 2010 7:27 PM
Recovering Alumni said…
It’s his fault because he is a licensed counselor and he should have known better than to give her a book and send her on her way. Any licensed counselor worth a darn would know that.October 8, 2010 7:44 PM
heartsfire said…
Anon Oct 8
There are two licensed therapists here that are also recovering Alumni. As one of them if I just sent people away with a book that came for help I could loose my entire practice before it really begins. Therapy requires more than just one session it requires enough to care about the human that comes to you to help them through their thing. To listen to them for weeks of hour long appointments and offer suggestions for them to implement in their life so that they can move on from past hurts. It’s not a one week one hour thing. It’s not a hand them a book and leave them to their own devices thing. That “therapist” doesn’t sound very professional to me. I would lose my license very quickly doing that and I have a feeling so would he if others knew!October 9, 2010 8:20 AM