Emotional/Spiritual Abuse
This is the area that really pushed me to leave. When I arrived I had been asked about ESOAL (having previously indicated that I knew what it was) to which I stated that I would not participate. From that point on I was treated as though I was mentally ill for not wanting to take part in the activities of ESOAL. I was criticized by other interns constantly, being told that I was depriving God of a chance to change my life. Being there alone was life changing, I didn’t need to spend a few days nearly killing myself to come closer to Him. When the Commitment Banquet came up I was pressured into signing the contract. I felt that if I didn’t sign it, I would get reprimanded constantly, even if I did sign it later. Almost everything that was asked of us, was asked with pressure behind it. Constantly being told to submit to the will of your leaders and that God’s will is what the leaders want us to do. Basically it boiled down to they didn’t want to do something so they had us do it. I.e. cleaning up after every single event, setting up every event at the church, and so on. Similar to the HA yes but they made us feel bad if they had to lift a finger to do something. At one of the “pep rallies” we had at a church not far from HAO we were having trouble finding a table to put promotional stuff on. The youth leader went off and pulled out a fold out table for us to use. I had not once been told where said table was but as soon as one of the other interns saw that he was doing work and not me, I was basically yelled at for not doing my job. I responded saying that I had been looking for a table and the next thing I know he is pulling out a table for us. He never told me where to get one, he just got one so I wouldn’t have the trouble of having to go and find one in a building I had never been in. That set the tone that night and I was treated like an outcast by all but 3 of the other interns. 2 of which would leave in the two days following that night and me later the next monday. The constant reprimand led me to look down on myself and one night I had found myself sitting in my bed seriously contemplating suicide. I had not thought of taking my life in 5 or 6 years. I hadnt even considered it when I was going through my trials in December, but to consider it an option because of a group with too much religious power really scared me.
The first “rule” of the Honor Academy is to not lie. A totally understandable rule and as with all rules, I expect the rule makers to abide by those rules as well because they should be a good example. All along I had been told of a previous intern leaving because he had tried to force his view on the other interns. The other two interns were said to have left due to falling to the trappings of the world. I accepted these things because it was all I knew at that point. Well after an in depth discussion with one of the other interns, she informed me that the male in question was actually trying to expose the truth to the other interns. In response he was told to either leave or they would kick him out. He chose to leave. While I don’t know the story on the other two that left, I have a feeling the treatment of the interns had to do with it. After this little revelation I started to keep my ears open for anything that didn’t line up. I didn’t have to wait long. The day the second intern left in late February, the interns were called in for a family meeting and we were informed that the second intern had left because they felt that it was cool to leave because someone else had left the day before. I knew that said intern had left for personal reasons. This small inconsistency can be attributed to lack of knowledge so I let it slide in my mind. What blew me away was that when the pastor of the church was addressing this to us, he told us to tell anyone that asked that the intern had left for personal reasons. While we would be telling the truth, the fundamental fact is that we were told, by the pastor, to lie. This simple fact rang in my head and put the nail in the coffin for me. That Sunday I met with the pastor, my CA, and the male director and told them of my choice to leave and I packed up and headed out the next morning.
I encourage everyone to steer clear of the Honor Academy of the Ozarks.
18 comments:
Shannon Kishsays:April 28, 2010 at 8:20 AMReply
I am still very confused at these new charter locations. Are they run by graduates or just simply by a local church?
CR, I think what you went through was horrible and I am truly sorry for that. I hope you find healing in this place. Join us in the forums.
C.R.says:April 28, 2010 at 9:07 AMReply
Its run by a local church
CarrieSaumsays:April 28, 2010 at 9:15 AMReply
C.R., i would really like to know more as well about the basic structure and idea behind these charter programs. can you lend any insight? and how often would you meet up with the other branches? is dave still in charge ultimately? sorry for the questions, just very curious as to how it all works.
C.R.says:April 28, 2010 at 9:38 AMReply
We would meet up with the original HA every once and a while. I would like to think that dave is in charge but it seems that the directors had all the control. Kind of a kids given the keys to the ferrari kind of deal.
Eric P.says:April 28, 2010 at 12:27 PMReply
C.R. — Good for you for being smart enough to leave and brave enough to tell things like they are.
I’m sure your story will help other people think twice before going to the HA or HAO or adopting the failed TM “leadership” model in their churches.
How have you been finding healing from this experience, if you don’t mind our asking? (That’s always my favorite part of the stories.)
C.R.says:April 28, 2010 at 2:24 PMReply
My healing has come from support from my girlfriend. She has been really supportive as I have been recovering. My parents haven’t been helping much because they see it from the HAO perspective and not the perspective of the actual former intern/son.
Anonymoussays:April 29, 2010 at 5:31 PMReply
What about the HA in TX? Do you feel the same about Garden Valley?
Recovering Alumnisays:April 29, 2010 at 5:31 PMReply
I do!
Anonymoussays:April 30, 2010 at 9:57 AMReply
I would encourage you to find your support in God and not in man for only HE will be the one to set your paths straight and bring comfort and joy when man dissapoints….just a thought
C.R.says:April 30, 2010 at 11:11 AMReply
Anon 9:57 I fully understand that and I have been dwelling in His presence dont have to worry about that.
Recovering Alumnisays:April 30, 2010 at 11:32 AMReply
Anon at 9:57am – Ultimately, God is our strength but the body of Christ is supposed to be a support system to bear our burdens and encourage us – NOT a place of abuse. Its a myth to think that over the long term we can just find our support in God and not man. God works through people…
Nunquam Honorablussays:April 30, 2010 at 12:30 PMReply
Anon- Wow, tell any physical abuse victim that and see how far it gets you. Holy cow.
Shannon Kishsays:April 30, 2010 at 12:45 PMReply
Anon- in my case God couldn’t provide any comfort in the death of my mother. But, my family has never disappointed me in regards to that.
Anonymoussays:May 1, 2010 at 8:32 PMReply
Thanks for the subtle confrontation Nunquam & RA., 😉 I am a physical abuse victim in many more ways that you can imagine and in deeper ways than what is listed here in this story none of which I wish to go into detail about here. That was the number one thing that got me through 12 years of physical abuse & 18 years of mental abuse is knowing that man will almost always dissapoint but God remains firm, our rock forever. Now you try and tell me that word is worthless for an abuse victim to hear
RA, you are right that the body of Christ is supposed to be a support system to bear our burdens and encourage us but I dare say that alot of the reason we have been abused by the HA is because we relyed maybe to much on the body of Christ to support us and carry our burdens instead of putting that total reliance in the Lord. You are right in the fact that the body should be there for us but it doesn’t matter where you go, HA, college, church, youth group….you will always wind up hurt if you are putting your sole reliance in man and not in God….I have found healing through this site in some ways just like everyone else but even the support system on here I guarantee are human and can end up hurting me, some already have just by reading their comments not just on this post but other posts as well…just my thoughts
C.R. I do thank you for bringing your story forward as I know it must have taken a lot of courage but like I said, I encourage you as you find healing that you continue to press into the Lord to find that support and healing
Recovering Alumnisays:May 1, 2010 at 9:10 PMReply
Anonymous – I think “confrontation” is a strong word, just sharing my opinion. 🙂
I agree with you that depending on people leads to hurt, it always will until Jesus comes back. However, I think there is a difference between hurt feelings and being abused. I think you would agree?
Part of our internal coping mechanisms for dealing with abuse is to retreat into ourselves and trust no one. We are wired that way for our protection. But eventually, when we are around safe people again, we can learn to trust and depend on others. It doesn’t mean we put them above God or even next to God, but recognize that God designed us to be in community and to support each other as we walk this journey called life. If you try to depend solely on God, and never depend on people, you will live a very lonely, unsatisfying life. Does that clarify what I meant?
I would definitely encourage you to let us know if you have been hurt by the comments on this site. I know the readers intention here is not to hurt any other alumni, but it can happen at times. I know if you’ll read back through some other comment threads, you’ll notice other who have been hurt. They spoke up about it and we’ve been able to work it out once the different sides are explained. I’m pretty sure that anyone who hurt your feelings would want to know about it and be able to apologize. If I’m in that category, please let me know. It was certainly not my intent.
Anonymoussays:May 1, 2010 at 10:37 PMReply
RA, thanks for your thoughts I do appreciate them.
Please note that I am all about community, in the words of Rick Warren, “we were created for community”. I believe that God has placed men and woman in each of our lives that are supposed to spur us on and be catalysts for each of us. I do not think it is healthy to “retreat into ourselves and trust no one” and thats not necessarily what I was saying. I think that when you go through a rough time you should turn to those in your direct sphere of influence for comfort and sometimes guidance but I do think that it is possible to depend solely on God and God alone whether that be through His word, the people He has surrounded us with or just through prayer with Him…..I believe that while we are in community with each other, the glory must be given to God and ultimately the final answer needs to come from God. does that make sense?
You are right that there COULD be a difference between hurt feelings and being abused but generally I think the two of them flow hand in hand as I’m sure you will agree with as when you are abused your feelings are hurt typically when with comes to emotional/mental abuse….does that make sense?
Words are words ultimately so honestly my life is not directed up or down based on what people on this site say, I take the good for what it is and throw away the rest ultimately finding truth in the word and trusting that God will use those that have powerful testimonies and any other words just meant to complain will fall to the ground……does that make sense?
thank you for words and for your apology however I assure you that I am good, no hurt feelings 🙂
Anonymoussays:May 13, 2012 at 10:49 AMReply
I have spent a large part of my adult life in these types of ministries, HOWEVER, I went into these lifestyles with my eyes wide open. If you join them then you follow their rules. It doesn’t mean that all of their rules are biblical…it’s rules they have adopted as an organization. You have to be able to separate “their” rules from God’s commands. God has a lot less…He asks for you to love Him and others. But I realize as a young person it is easy to get caught up in what your leaders tell you.
It was interesting that when one of our kids went to help some missionaries the comment that came back to us was: “great kid, does what is ask of him but has no initiation”. That is the down side to these “accountability” ministries. The kids are not taught to think…they are taught to obey.
I don’t think these ministries set out to hurt or destroy people but no group, church, work place etc is perfect. Because they are a “God” organization it makes it a little harder to separate what is real from opinions.
My advise before joining any group. Read what they believe before you join.
Ericsays:May 13, 2012 at 11:57 PMReply
> “You have to be able to separate “their” rules from God’s commands.”
That’s just the problem though– this ministry doesn’t do that!
