At this point, I just needed to get off campus and clear my head so I called RA (I had already talked with her on the phone several times previously). She picked me up and I spent the weekend at her house (Labor Day). I was thinking about leaving the HA but I had mixed feelings about it. I did have a few friends there and I felt sad about leaving them. Also, I had some friends and family members who didn’t think I was going to make it at the HA and I wanted to prove them wrong. I felt ashamed to come back home after only a couple of weeks. What would my church think?
Plus, my CA and my DD and other people at the HA kept telling me stuff like, “If you leave the HA you’ll never be successful at anything you do in life. You are just running from your problems and you’ll never be able to keep a commitment. You will fail in your marriage. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.” I was afraid they might be right and I didn’t want to disobey God.
After being off campus for the weekend, I realized what a shock it was to feel “normal” again. Going a whole weekend without fear, threats and condemnation showed me that the HA was not healthy. I decided I wanted to leave but the only problem is that I wasn’t sure if I would have a place to live. It took almost a week and a half to find a family member that was willing to take me in.
Finally, the week of ESOAL, I found a place to stay. RA helped me buy a plane ticket and I planned to pack on Wednesday and leave on Thursday.
That is when the really, really crazy stuff starts to happen.
There was a girl on campus that was doing drugs. I found out about it and told the leadership so we both got pulled into an Honor Council meeting on Wednesday. (I had been smoking cigarettes and so that is why the girl confided in me about the drugs and why I had to appear before the Honor Council.) All day Wednesday I had to stay with a staff member or CA. They kept me in a staff member’s office. So, there was no way I could pack my stuff.
At 5:30pm on Wednesday, I had to meet with Heath Stoner. He asked me how I felt about the HA and if I wanted to stay. I told him some of my issues (not all) and he tried to reason it out with me. He asked me where I was on Labor Day weekend and I told him at a friend’s house. He asked if it was your house (RAs house). So I told him yes, it was. Then he started telling me that you (RA) were just using me for information and that you did this to other interns as well. I felt really intimidated the whole time. They were forcing me to make a decision about whether I was going to stay at the HA or not. I told them that I already had a plane ticket. I honestly don’t even remember everything we talked about because the meeting was 2 hours and it was all kind of a blur. I felt like I had to give them the answers they wanted or they were never going to let me out of that room. They kept asking me questions about you (RA), trying to get information. And I had to give it to them.
They told me that I had to call you (RA) and cancel the plane ticket and tell you that I was going to stay at the HA. They also said that I had to cut off all communication with you as part of my probation.
RA: When you called me that night, you sounded SO different, not like your normal self at all. Do you remember how surprised I was?
Yeah.
RA: You told me you wanted to stay and I asked you why. You just said that you felt that was what God wanted you to do. You sounded so different, that I asked you, ““Is anyone standing over your shoulder making you do this?” And you said, “No.”
Yeah, they told me to say that even though Heath Stoner and my DD were sitting there in the conference room listening to the call on speakerphone. I felt so bad when I was telling you all that, but I didn’t really feel like I had a choice.
Anyway, during the meeting, Heath said he would sign me up for ESOAL, which started later that night. I had already signed out of ESOAL because of my knee problems and because I had a wound on my arm that was still healing from a surgery that summer, but Heath kept saying, “Well, why don’t you just try it, you can always ring out?” and stuff like that. So basically, I felt coerced to do ESOAL by Heath Stoner. Before that meeting, I had already signed out and had no intentions of doing it.
On my way to get ready for ESOAL, the girl with the drugs confronted me in the lobby of the dorm. She wanted to know why I snitched on her and I told her it was because the drugs were dangerous. Then she physically wrapped her hands around my neck and choked me and cussed me out. She even followed me back to my room and acted like she wanted to beat me up. I told my dorm director and as far as I know, she did nothing about it.
I knew ESOAL was going to be hard, but I had no idea how hard. They are not joking around. Of course we were doing physical stuff pretty much the whole time but I think the hardest was probably the emotional stuff. One of the girls in my company was on her hands and knees puking and the leaders were yelling at her to get up and run. I couldn’t believe that.
Also, there were a few different times that I wanted to ring out. When I would go tell the leaders, they would tell me that I was being really selfish. How could I leave my company out here while I went to take a warm shower and get in bed. They also asked me if I was going to “ring out of my relationship with God.” It’s weird because they are taunting you the whole time, asking you if you want to ring out but when you actually try to ring out they don’t want to let you. I had to try several times before they would let me ring out.
My knee was killing me so I went to the med tent. An intern (she said she was an RN) asked me some questions about my pain level and stuff like that. Then they said they would send someone to check on me in 24 hours. They didn’t even look at my knee or give me ice or anything. The dismissed girl (from the drugs) was also working in the med tent, she tried to follow me out but a staff member stopped her. I really felt unsafe and threatened by her and I was really surprised that they allowed her to stay on campus.
By this time, it was Thursday morning. I called RA back and told her that I wanted to leave after all. She told me to get some rest first before making the decision since I had just rung out of ESOAL. When I woke up later that afternoon, I called her again and asked her to come get me. However, by this time Heath had banned her from campus so she sent a friend to pick me up with all my stuff and I met her in Lindale. The next day, the reporter called RA to ask her about ESOAL and so she asked me to confirm some details. Then the reporter got on the phone with me and asked me if I would give an interview. So, I did. And then I flew home the next day.
(Conclusion tomorrow)
25 comments:
I can hardly believe what happened to you, but I can believe it. I am so sorry that the people at TeenMania treated you like much less that an amazing person made in God’s own image- which is exactly what you are.
Wow. They made you lie on the phone to RA? They pounded you with questions about her? Wow. Wouldn’t it have been more beneficial for them to call her on to campus and have a talk with her for themselves? Wow. Wow. Heath gets more and more awesome (in the terrible sense of the word) with ever tale of him. How very sad.
“If you leave the HA you’ll never be successful at anything you do in life. You are just running from your problems and you’ll never be able to keep a commitment. You will fail in your marriage. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
Just wanted to affirm (and I will do so… over and over and over again if necessary) that this is a LIE. I was told this as well… and my life and marriage are blessed. Christ came so that we would have freedom. And this kind of crap will keep us in bondage.
I am so sorry for what you have been through, relieved that you’re no longer there, and amazed at your courage to be open about the abuse.
The whole, you’ll be a failure in life if you leave, is obviously a lie to keep their free labor. Speaking up about what is clearly wrong when so many refuse to see it out of fear and shame is a quality that will make you a successful, HEALTHY person. Conversely, what they tell you about everybody admiring your maturity spiritually and professionally once you graduate, is a HUGE lie too. No one in the business world is impressed that you answered phones in the middle of no where for a year, and that we paid to do it! Many interns are a mess for a while after they leave trying to process what just happened.
The above is so true! When I tried to get a job after the Honor Academy… people weren’t impressed. I had clerical skills, sure. But the HA didn’t count as work experience or education. So I was starting from scratch.
Well so much for their claim that ESOAL is optional.
Hannah – they way they treated you is deplorable, and EVERYTHING they said was a lie. The only thing you’ve quit, is letting them play mind games with you. You absolutely did the right thing in leaving.
And some say the government tries to control our minds. This is a classic case of mind control. Using ESOAL to break your spirit into sumbission is also classic TORTURE. Last check, it’s ILLEGAL to force someone to do something against their will. Of course, I could be wrong.
You know – I think David Hasz & Heath Stoner are right – the Honor Academy has changed in the past 10 years.
For the worse!
I can’t imagine this ministry lasting much longer with this kind of deception and manipulation. And, it doesn’t neccessarily have to be “Evil RA” using interns for “information” (aka true stories) … the Spirit of God will just leave …
CULT! I will be demonstrating out front of the next Teen Mania event held in my area…this is beyond outrageous….forcing someone to lie in order to cover their man child asses!
Hannah-I am so sorry this happened to you…thanks for braving it by telling your story!
I’ve always believed TM was bad, but I never thought it was evil. Until now.
Hannah I am so very very sorry that you committed to strengthen your relationship with God only to have two months full of hell. I am so sorry that they treated you like that. I am so sad that someone that was not healthy was pushed/forced into doing an abusive retreat like ESOAL.
Jesus isn’t like that! Jesus doesn’t force you to beat yourself up over your hurts Jesus carries you when it’s too hard he doesn’t yell at you through your trials. He doesn’t throw some arbitrary measure of your faith at you.
I love you though I don’t know you and I am so very very sorry that they did those things to you. I am so glad that you found the strength to leave and get the help you need and if you ever wanna talk just find so many of us on the forum.
<3 you
After reading this story it has inspired me to write my own story in order to heal form my experience. Hannah you are so brave to leave the HA and to be so vulnerable to share your heart and pain with us. This is the first time I have commented on this blog, but I starting to see the support we all share for each other, and I want you to know that you are not alone there are many like you out there including myself, even though my story is different the pain it all the same. I support your decision to leave, the condemnation that you can feel coming from TM can be very crippling, I know first hand. I was a dismissed intern and then returned to graduate the next year! I know you have read this over and over, but please use this blog as a support team for you as you get through the numbing pain your heart and mind may feel at times as you rebuild your belief system. You are my encouragement today your story has healed me, thank you!
Wow. Just wow. I don’t even know what to say. Hannah, you are such a brave person. Thank goodness you’re out of there now.
This is beyond despicable!!
Hannah you are amazing! The fact that you can share this with us shows your strength. I truly believe that you can accomplish anything you set out to do. You are a survivor and you can suceed despite TMs highly misguided opinion.
There has to be some kind of lawsuit here? Negligence? Being ordered to lie under mental duress in regards to her ability to leave and then being pressured into something they knew was unsafe for her?
Unreal. They forced to to call RA on speaker phone and then LIE to her?! Sounds just like something Jesus would do. They need to get a clue. Sorry, Hannah.
I’m reading about how much you went through there and I wonder how the organization views the gospel of Christ, since all they seem to be doing is condemning people and bullying Christians into serving God. What a mischaracterization of God they’re presenting to people there. The commands given to Christians are always in the light of everything Christ has done for us, and we obey with cheerful hearts, we repent and cling to Christ our faithful and forgiving Lord when we sin, rather than do things for fear that God would utterly forsake us or beat us into submission. But that’s my two cents. I pray that you would surround yourself with believers who know their Bibles and always point you to Christ and everything He did for you. Christians need the gospel too as this short post I found explains very well: http://www.newcitymilledgeville.org/christians-need-the-gospel-too
I sorry you went through all of that!
W. T. F.
Teenmania has REALLY lost their minds.
And I’m now convinced with out any doubt that they are brain washing the kids with ESOAL.
pt. 1 was reading like a pretty “normal” honor academy story (that’s sad that there’s enough of these for a story to seem “normal”…), pt 2…. not so much. i really wrestle with how far to let my sense of justice take me when it comes to the ha. it often threatens to leave no room for the wrath of God.. i kind of feel like Jesus’ disciples might have when they said “hey want us to call fire down on that city to destroy it?? cause we’re totally up for it.”
i’m glad all this is out in the open. they can’t last long.
Hey thanks for all of they support!! I just want every one to know the truth and I want my story to help others. Anna Im so glad the my story has brought you healing and i am so happy you can share yor story!!!!
Hannah, you are awesome. I admire your courage. Please realize that everything HA stands for is the exact opposite of what Jesus, God, Christianity, the Bible, and the Gospel are all about.
RA, you rock. Changing the world one life at a time.
The rest of what I feel like saying is completely unprintable, so I’ll demur. I’m getting the word out on this, though.
well this just reinforces why I didn’t participate in ESOL and why Im so thankful I got dismissed from the HA when I did. As much pain and frustration dismal brought into my life Im glad my time there was cut short. Im so sad about what Hannah went through and that Heath had a part in it (he was my leader on my mission trip to Nepal…at the time I was 16 and just loved and respected him and his wife so much). I just found this website today and reading over all of these stories brings it all back to me…. Im glad we aren’t alone out there without our “honor rings”.
heath has always seemed super weird to me ever since he gave a “sex talk” to our core my intern year and basically told us once we get married we are our husband’s sex slave, in any way he wishes, any time he wants it. i knew then this guy had serious issues!!
I stumbled across this blog tonight…
“If you leave the HA you’ll never be successful at anything you do in life. You are just running from your problems and you’ll never be able to keep a commitment. You will fail in your marriage. You’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”
I was told this exact line of BS. When I read it… it was as if I could hear the person saying it to me.
Best decision I ever made was leaving January 2001.
I know people who completed the program and are having all sorts of issues. Saying the “quitters” are the only ones who will have trouble in life is bull s***. One of my classmates because an athiest a year later. Another one went to hollywood and ditched everything Godly and is doing everything typical of a hollywood person. Both completed the program.
RA-Not too much of a story. I knew immediately what he was trying to do when he sent me an email. Not much that the email said, but I made a comment on the blog on how HA has become all about the money. He asked me why I thought that (still on the blog feed) and I said from what I understand, it’s not hard to get into the HA, and practically everyone is admitted. I then made another comment to which he then sent me an email saying that he would not be approving my comment for posting until I told him who I got the information from. I ignored him after that.
Not surprising…they have to exercise complete control over everything and everyone..
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