There is a current graduate intern who has commented on the blog recently and in reading his Twitter account and blog, he seems like a really genuinely nice guy who loves the Lord. Unfortunately, he has been sucked deep into the bowels of Teen Mania’s Honor Academy and it honestly breaks my heart to read some of his writings.
I’d especially like to take a look at this post which I think is representative of common intern mindsets and talk through what I think is dangerous about it. (2021 Update: Blog has since been taken down.)
Once upon a time in a land far away the was a kingdom of honor and justice. In this land there where people of the most highest of character in all the Land. It was called Gendarll’vey.
This was a land of danger but inside these walls The young could come and train to fight the demons and dragons that plagued the land onside Gendarll’vey. Here we meet a knight, who has come to seek guidance and be a more effective warrior. He was such a diligent student. He worked so in his classes, studied for test an exams. He had many weakness, but he strived so hard to be a elite warrior. To be the best of the best. He graduated and was selected to become a elite warrior and stay another year to mentor new students. HE was give the Ring of Honor to symbolize what he was standing for. He was to become a Great Instructor, or part of the GI program. He was so excited to start. He had heard so many thing from past GI’s. He was standing in line when he say a women. His heart started to beat faster. He was dumbfounded by this. He began to talk to her, and they soon become friends. On day when he was by himself he began to realize he cared a lot about her.
He was torn. See in the Land of Gendarll’vey is was forbidden to express love until the forth moon of the new year had pasted. He was torn, he new he was attracted to her, but he could do nothing. So he still kept hanging out with her. Trying to ignore her. It was impossible. The feelings where to strong, then he feel into sin. He confessed his love to her. She felt the same way. The two knew they had done wrong and confessed to the higher council of the Land. They where furious they had broken their vow to the school. They where put on intense plans to help them grow. For 90 days the could not speak. At first the man was fine with this. Then he began to realize what he had done. The friends in his life, where all tied to her. When they would hang out with her, he could not go along. Soon he bagin to grow apart from people he greatly love. This made the man, cry. He misses them so much. Long to have a laugh with them at the secret location know as TAZA. Because she enjoyed to fellowship with these people he sacrificed his longing so that she could be happy. If he could not talk to her at least he could make her life more bearable but disappearing.
He could concentrate on friends and grow in his spiritual walk with God. Then as he would see her around the land. His heart hurt so much. He want to obey the vow, and honor his God, but this feeling was so intense. The man became angry at God. Why did he give me these feelings before the time? The man was not searching for love. Then 16 days before the vow was to be broken, his pain was unbearable. He was at his desk wrestling with the Lord. She sent a massage to him asking to see him. At first he did not go. Soon he began to entertain the thought, of seeing her face. Oh how he missed being friends with her. So he went to se her. The talk about life for a while. They where caught and to not talk till the six moon has pasted in the year. Now the man has realized that all the sacrifice he did for her so she could be happy, might have severed many good friends in his life, ones he cared so much about before this whole ordeal. The man was furious with himself. Sit in his room at night tormented by his decisions. His journey continues to this day…
Unfortunately, this story is interwoven with spiritual pride. Interns do not have the “highest character in all the land.” I would suggest that those individuals who actually do have the most character would never say that about themselves. Later in life, Paul called himself the chief of sinners. The closer we get to the Lord, the more we realize how little character we have.
“He worked so in his classes, studied for test an exams. He had many weakness, but he strived so hard to be a elite warrior. To be the best of the best.”
This statement really resonates with who I was during the internship. Working hard, pursuing God, being diligent – many times these traits are born out of a desire for approval, a desire to be a “good” Christian (or elite warrior). This is just legalism. We cannot be “elite.” We cannot be “better” Christians. If we think that, we are missing the heart of Christianity. But I get where this guy is coming from. He has a honest heart and he is applying his hunger and love for God in the only way he knows how at this point. Unfortunately, sooner or later this is going to lead to crushing defeat, disappointment and disillusionment.
“He was to become a Great Instructor”
This is (no offense) laughable. I look back on how much authority we were given as graduate interns and wonder what in the world leadership was thinking. Graduate interns have incredible influence over undergraduate interns – and what qualifies them? They have been at the internship for one year. So, 19 year old kids are given positions of great spiritual authority…over 18 year olds…Does that seem ridiculous to anyone else? And why the ambition to be a “great instructor?” I might be misreading this, but I am sensing a great need for approval, either from God or men. What he doesn’t know is that he already has God’s approval – and he didn’t have to do anything to get it! The “elite” are no more approved by God than the “non-elite.”
“then he feel into sin. He confessed his love to her.”
I think “falling into sin” is a great overstatement here. Maybe it was unwise for him to say anything given the rules, but I think calling something totally normal and healthy a sin is a gateway to unnecessary shame and condemnation.
“They where furious they had broken their vow to the school.”
Oh, the grace and love of Teen Mania.
“The man was furious with himself. Sit in his room at night tormented by his decisions.”
Does this sound emotionally or spiritually healthy to you? From what I’ve read in the New Testament, self-loathing is not a fruit of the Spirit.
This is what breaks my heart. All this torment and shame – and for what? This has absolutely NOTHING to do with his relationship with God, his approval before God, or the love God has for him. And yet, the Honor Academy leadership would like to heap burdens upon him instead of allowing grace and reasonable consequences. I understand the need to restrict romantic relationships in that environment – but to disallow speaking to her? To force him to abandon his prior friendships? This seems excessive. And I don’t see Jesus in any of it.
19 comments:
I find it ironic that he says this:
“The man became angry at God. Why did he give me these feelings before the time? The man was not searching for love.”
Isn’t God love?
I know it wasn’t intentional, but I believe it’s quite telling. Perhaps a subconscious cry for help?
March 3, 2010 9:12 AM
gc1998 said…
i dunno, nunquam…that might be reading into it a bit.
i think i would be angry at God in that situation, too…like…it is a miracle to find someone to whom your heart and soul connect…and if the timing is wrong, it is painful and horrible…and i would question God about it, too.
i understand the reason for the rule, too…and honestly…ha. i think those kids are probably too young to be going around falling in love. (but i didn’t know myself at that age, so…i’m clearly biased.) anyway, i hurt for these two and for others who find that kind of connection at a time when they cannot pursue it.
March 3, 2010 10:33 AM
Nunquam Honorablus said…
Oh, no 98, I totally get that. I went through a phase where I was upset with God too!
I was just being analytical and seeing the “the man was not searching for love” comment for more than what it was. You’re at the internship and you’re not looking for romantic love, sure. But the entire purpose of the internship is to pursue God, who IS love.
But… I dunno, I thought it was artistic and metaphorical and ironic and all that jazz. 😛 Again, I knew he didn’t mean it like that, but I think it reflected the oft loveless atmosphere of TM.
I have a hard time taking things at face-value sometimes 😛
March 3, 2010 10:42 AM
Ben said…
Is this guy ok with his blog being critiqued here? Not to assume the worst, but it just wasn’t addressed, and we’ve covered that ‘calling people out’ in public is biblically justified when it’s leadership, but this is just an intern.
March 3, 2010 12:44 PM
Recovering Alumni said…
Ben, my feeling is that if you put it on the internet for the whole world to see, then you are giving your approval…
March 3, 2010 12:45 PM
betweenbeauty said…
I read this when he posted the other day and I thought alot of the same things. How heartbreaking…. I thought maybe his posting was either a cry for help or a set up. If it is true, I hope he breaks free soon and follows through and decides to leave.
March 3, 2010 1:10 PM
Anonymous said…
@ ben
I don’t think that we’re critiquing his blog, but RA is right: if you publish it publicly, it’s fair game.
I think the deeper thing here is that he sounds so heartbroken. i don’t think that anyone here will disagree that you do need certain boundaries in regards to romantic relationships at TM. But there needs to be something to counterbalance all of that law.
March 3, 2010 3:52 PM
Eric said…
I hope he comes to realize what he’s so clearly demonstrating here: Works don’t work. Even if you are a diligent “elite warrior” striving to do your best, it won’t change the truth of Scripture: Such rules are “of no value” (Colossians 2:20-23). The sooner we learn this, even the hard way, and throw ourselves on God’s grace, the better.
…I will not comment on the proofreading, I won’t do it, I won’t, I won’t, I “The six moon has pasted“!!! Sorry.
March 3, 2010 5:42 PM
Natalie said…
Wow. Well guys I don’t care if it’s ‘free game’ or not. This is our brother in Christ. R.A. this isn’t cool.
March 3, 2010 10:50 PM
Recovering Alumni said…
Natalie, I don’t think I’m being harsh here at all. I’m not dissing him or anything…just looking at the reality of the intern mindset.
I think I was reallly generous with him and I really resonate with what he is saying as true about my own TM experience as well….I’m sorry if this offended you, it wasn’t my intent.
March 3, 2010 10:54 PM
Natalie said…
But to copy someone’s blog with-out asking. It’s like breaking the golden rule. he published it publicly but turning something into a nightmare for someone just isn’t ‘generous.’ You’ve got a lot better stuff you can post on here than that.
I’m just simply stating. ‘Not cool.’
March 3, 2010 11:00 PM
a different anonymous said…
I think his postings are a cry for help and show a very hurt and confused young man. I will certainly add him to my prayers.
March 3, 2010 11:09 PM
Robbie said…
I think RA was totally justified in posting this…this intern clearly put this story “out there” for the whole world to see, and RA has every right to post his or her analysis of the situation. If his blog was posted on a private Facebook page, or if he hadn’t clearly identified himself as a TM intern, it might be a different story…but neither of those things is the case, so I’m confused as to exactly what RA did wrong? What are the “rules” supposed to be on commenting on something that can be found with a simple google search? Nice work, RA!
March 4, 2010 12:03 AM
Recovering Alumni said…
Natalie, I respect your opinion and understand where you are coming from.
Perhaps you read the post with more harshness than I intended? I certainly didn’t intend to make this a “nightmare” for him and I’m unsure how it could be intrepreted that way.
And yes, you are right, I do have lots of stuff that is more compelling, but I thought hearing straight from the mouth of a current intern would add another perspective.
Perhaps this may be a situation where we’ll just have to agree to disagree…
March 4, 2010 12:21 AM
Recovering Alumni said…
Let me add that I do appreciate that Natalie, a regular commenter and email corresponder, felt the freedom to disagree here. We all have to come to terms with our own beliefs and convictions. And we can sincerely disagree with each other while still being charitable. 🙂 Thanks, Natalie!
March 4, 2010 12:27 AM
Lindsay West said…
The things that the original blogger writes about are heartbreaking. I am not defending his confusion nor the lack of grace shown by those who ordered them not to even talk to one another (I mean seriously? not even in the presence of an advisor or something?!!).
With that said, in order to better understand your opinion and your perspective – and not in a confrontational way (so hard to convey in written form!) – I do have a question. Everyone here knows that interns agree to avoid romantic entanglements for the duration of their year, as a requirement for being accepted at the HA. Since this poor kid was unable to do that, he (they) got in trouble, and his angst seems to stem from his continued attempts to abide by the rules, and punishments, that he agreed to.
So my question is this, which aspects of this do you feel are wrong?
1.) having a rule of no romantic relationships during the intern year?
He seems to give staying in the internship a higher priority than pursuing this relationship. are you simply debating the wisdom of that? I know how you feel about TM and all, but he did have another option – to quit the HA and simply wait for his lady (to either finish or quit) while still being free to communicate with his other HA friends.
so, i’m trying to learn whether you think he
A. should have put the relationship above the internship and quit,
B. should have followed the rules since he committed to them, or
C. should have ignored the rules/not followed through on his commitment because the rules were mean/not appropriate/too rigid/etc
2.) if you don’t object to the rule, per se, then is it simply being punished (at all) for breaking this rule (at any level) that bothers you?
Or is it the specific level of punishment for the specific level of “breaking” that he describes (ie saying they like each other)? (and for the record, do we know for sure that professing their love is all they did, or is it possible that he cut that out or downplayed it for artistic [or pride] reasons?)
Let me just reiterate again, ad nauseum I’m sure, that these are not loaded questions; I really truly want to get a feel for where you stand and what your perspective is. I’ll check back.
March 11, 2010 1:35 AM
Recovering Alumni said…
Hi Lindsay,
Those are very thoughtful questions and I’m happy to answer.
I don’t have a problem with the “no romantic relationships” rule. In fact, for the first year, I think its probably a pretty good rule.
So, to the first question, I would answer: B
To your second question, I would say that I think that the punishment needs to be given in a more grace-filled way and needs to be reasonable for the offense. Interns seem to be taught that violating this rule makes them huge wicked sinners – in reality, I would suggest that having romantic feelings for someone is normal, and its simply a mistake or lapse in judgment to pursue them before the time is right. The main problem I think is one of shame – and maybe he didn’t totally describe this in his post and I’m going off of other situations I know about – but the level of torment he is putting himself through because of this seems very shame-based to me.
And honestly, what most concerns me was is first paragraph:
Here we meet a knight, who has come to seek guidance and be a more effective warrior. He was such a diligent student. He worked so in his classes, studied for test an exams. He had many weakness, but he strived so hard to be a elite warrior. To be the best of the best. He graduated and was selected to become a elite warrior and stay another year to mentor new students. HE was give the Ring of Honor to symbolize what he was standing for. He was to become a Great Instructor, or part of the GI program.
What did I hear in that paragraph? Lots of working. Lots of trying to be good.
That is not the Gospel.
Does that make sense?
March 11, 2010 1:44 AM
Stephen Meinke, former MA said…
I wrote this as a story and a way to vent what was happening in my life. Here is the deal, back off this is my life. I sincerely have no ill feelings towards the Honor Academy or Teen Mania. I spoke with Dave today, listen the Honor Academy has really changed the whole leaving process. They care more about you as a person than keeping you here as an asset to the ministry. If they could keep me based on how important I was then, hands down I would stay. The fact is I broke my word, told them I would not talk to her, this is sin because it is disobedience. That is where I sinned. That is why I am being dismissed. It’s a consequence of my actions. My walk is not hindered, I am not going to fall away. My God is my God, not the God of the Honor Academy. triforcefan@aol.com
March 17, 2010 9:26 PM
Susie (Belknap) Specht said…
Stephen-
You are right, your relationship with God is yours. That is actually something that people here are finding. I realize (I try to) how uncomfortable it is to have people looking in on this moment in you life. From your blog it seems like you’ve been fighting a long difficult battle. And here we are popping in and adding our two cents. I want to thank you for sharing your story while it has been going on because as a former intern it has been difficult to connect what my time in Garden Valley was like with my thoughts at the time. That’s why your post was re-posted here, not to critique or judge (I really don’t get that impression anyway) but to remember what a sleepless night at Teen Mania when you’re wrestling with weighty issues feels like. I’m sorry to barge in on your story, but you’ve given me a helpful reminder.
May 18, 2010 12:25 AM
