The OTHER massively diff part of my story is fast-forwarded 12 months later. I’m a Core Advisor. I love my Core to bits. I love leadership. I love it all.
I also started to fall in love with a hottie worship leader named Joel. We were both CA’s, related on a ton of different levels, sang together in worship, etc etc. We bonded! We went on a little trip with some friends to S. Padre Island. We sinned BIG TIME by holding hands and gave eachother a back rub. LOL! I wish I was kidding but it’s true. No kissing. Nothing more.
When we got back from the trip, I was pulled in by a leader asking me if I had feelings or had been too close to Joel at all. I lied and said no. I told them he was just a friend and had nothing else for him. Little did I know, that Joel’s advisor had pulled him in at the same time telling him that he had a dream concerning Joel and I. Joel confessed we had held hands (and the backrub too) and we both were dismissed 2 wks before graduating. I thought I was going to die. Everything in me felt ashamed. I had to tell my Core and I remember feeling SO awful in front of them. Most of them showed me incredible grace and love despite the disappointment.
What I recall most is a talk with Brenda Bertrand the day I was dismissed. She asked me poignant questions about truth and honesty – even from my past. I had opened up some areas to her I had told no one and had lied about for years. It was one of the most healing and freeing discussions I have ever had to this day.
While I did feel the ‘drama of being dismissed’ is a little much at TM, for me, I took the good out of the bad. fter about a week of processing and encouragement from TM friends, Brenda and my parents…I forgave myself. I also made a phone call to Joel telling him I’m sorry. A week later, he came to my home town, apologized to my Dad and myself and asked if he’d mind if the two of us began a courtship…9 yrs later, we are married happily…with 2 children.
I am not one to boast in TM’s power over my life. I can only boast in what GOD has done through the trials, mistakes, triumphs that were before me in those 2 wild years of my life. I am thoroughly aware that changes can/should be made to make the environment one more open to everyone, with more grace/mercy and more teaching to the CA’s about having grace/mercy. I also feel the ‘drama factor’ regarding dismissals was a little much – I honestly felt as if I’d cheated on my husband or something…not just ‘held hands’. I carry no bitterness whatsoever and hope and pray that my story can somehow inspire others that God’s word is SO true…and He will work ALL THINGS for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.
18 comments:
Anonymoussays:April 9, 2010 at 6:40 AMReply
it’s kinda comforting reading that people’s lives continue after HA dismissal, and that lying to save face isn’t as unthinkable as it felt. I was called before the Honor Council in the middle of my year. I lied my butt off and graduated without another incident. I feel a weight lifted for a first time after reading this that maybe, right or wrong, it’s a victory if we learn.
Anonymoussays:April 9, 2010 at 7:48 AMReply
Kinda of unrelated but I’m curious… does TM encourage the men to ask the father’s of girls they are interested in dating for permission to “court”? Does it also work the other way? Do women have to ask permission from the mothers or fathers of the guys? What’s the biblical (non cultural) standing for this?
Shannon Kishsays:April 9, 2010 at 8:21 AMReply
This story confuses me, not because of the way Jessica tells it or anything similar. I was always under the understanding the GIs could date. if that is the case, then why would he be dismissed- I imagine Jessica was dismissed for the lying part, which is dumb also- but I don’t get why Joel was dismissed.
kristensays:April 9, 2010 at 8:48 AMReply
shannon –
i know that in my GI year [04-05], GIs could date starting on 01 March… so, of course, there was this buzz and drama about “March 1st”. Good grief, it was kind of nauseating lol.. i could ramble more about this, but i think i’ll just stop now 😉
Shannon Kishsays:April 9, 2010 at 8:56 AMReply
I wasn’t a GI, so I could be completely wrong. Though, I seem to remember other GIs dating as well.
Shannon Kishsays:April 9, 2010 at 9:53 AMReply
Anon @7:48 I am not sure if that was specifically endorsed by TM staff, but it was a prevalent belief of the interns. And, I believe it just works as the man has to ask the father of the girl.
Personally, I think it is a good idea, though not because of TM or the bible but because it is out of respect for the family.
JMillerFamsays:April 9, 2010 at 10:12 AMReply
Oh easy answer Shannon….we could date as GI’s – just not eachother. 😉
So, if it was someone back home, etc….but not anyone in the class you were in. Again….the forbidden fruit.
And yes, I have always hoped for a way for us “Dissed Kids” to have a healing place. It feels like death on the campus after one person goes home. And then….its like they vanish never to be spoken of again.
I am proud to say Joel and I are alive and well…happily married with 2 boys! I look back and think on that time and just smile….yes, we broke the rules…but I did find the love of my life there. 🙂
Shilohsays:April 9, 2010 at 10:41 AMReply
“A week later, he came to my home town, apologized to my Dad and myself and asked if he’d mind if the two of us began a courtship…9 yrs later, we are married happily…with 2 children.”
Now that is what’s up.
Way to be Joel. 😉
Layne Tannersays:April 9, 2010 at 12:04 PMReply
If my fiance had asked my father for permission for the two of us to “court” or “date’ or even marry, I would have left him and we’d not be engaged at this time. Had he done so, it would have embarassed and offended me and my dad would have been amused (and probably very confused) by such a gesture. But that’s just me and my family. We aren’t “old fashioned” as they say. My future husband will not be receiving any dowry upon our marriage, though I’m sure he’s dissapointed that I don’t come with a herd of sheep.
I think it’s a sweet love story, though, and I’m very happy for you and Joel.
CarrieSaumsays:April 9, 2010 at 12:32 PMReply
i’m very happy you broke the rules. 🙂 i think it’s worked out pretty well for you both! jude and leeland are glad, too.
i’m so grateful for brenda. she was always very loving and honest….even if she got it “wrong”, she was still very grounded. what a wonderful gift she gave you during all of that.
Shannon Kishsays:April 9, 2010 at 1:31 PMReply
“Oh easy answer Shannon….we could date as GI’s – just not eachother. ;)”
That makes sense. Thank you for clarifying that Jessica! 🙂
Though I am not sure what the premise would be for you to date someone back home but not someone who is a GI.
“I am proud to say Joel and I are alive and well…happily married with 2 boys! I look back and think on that time and just smile….yes, we broke the rules…but I did find the love of my life there. :)”
And, I think that God does not love you any less for breaking the rules!
JMillerFamsays:April 9, 2010 at 1:54 PMReply
YES & Thank God for that, Shannon!! He is a GOOD God….
Thanks all for listening….
As for the ‘old fashioned’ part….funny cuz I wouldn’t have expected that either, however, I think Joel felt he owed it to my Dad after the painful removal of his daughter from TM….and it was a good way to show his intentions were pure from the start….just premature. 😉
Shawna Mizersays:April 9, 2010 at 5:17 PMReply
It’s good to hear that things turned out so well Momma Heebs. 🙂 You made LeaderD pretty rad.
Candorsays:April 9, 2010 at 6:24 PMReply
Thanks so much for sharing your story. The fact you got dismissed for holding hands and (what I’m assuming was) a fully clothed back rub makes me want to barf.
I think the “asking for your dad’s permission” is a personal preference. I’m an extreme liberal and my dad is an extreme conservative and we still have a great relationship. I would personally never date someone who asked my parents first. That thought gives me excessive anxiety. My parents have only ever met a handful of my boyfriends and I would prefer to keep it that way (unless I was really serious about someone).
However, I would find it respectful for the man I was going to marry to talk to my dad beforehand. It’s not for his “permission” or “blessing” or anything else; just simply for the fact that my dad is completely old school and despite that, I still love him and want him know that I respect him. It’s not like He’s going to object to someone I choose. However, I do know it would make that crazy, old, Rush Limbaugh fan very happy.
Princesssays:April 9, 2010 at 8:22 PMReplyThis comment has been removed by the author.
Nataliesays:April 9, 2010 at 8:54 PMReply
Dang it! heehee. I forgot that my screen name was Princess. Total inside family joke. 😉
I changed it. I thought about this yesterday but didn’t say anything. Because your stay at T.M. was so long ago you may have been the one that started it. hahahahaha.
There is now a sort of, ‘love rule’ over the G.I. in L.D.
I know this from my room-mate who was one of these said G.I.’s in L.D. and is getting married here in a few months.
Apparently every year there is a G.I. that gets married within a year after the internship to their boss or co-worker (I think. It might be to another random G.I. I’m not exactly sure what the rule is.)
hahahahahaha.
JMillerFamsays:April 10, 2010 at 11:39 AMReply
Funny Natalie! Not sure if I started it but its funny.
And yes, its a conservative route, but one I really appreciated about Joel. My Dad also appreciated it. It paved the way for a great relationship all around. After all, you not only marry the ‘person’ you love…but their family too! 🙂
Carr525says:April 20, 2010 at 7:09 PMReply
Jess….I love you. Love your heart. Love that we can be so far removed from this place and still pull the good from it. Your story is amazing, and I KNOW God has used it in many ways in the last 10/11 years…and will continue to do so. I’m honored to call you friend. *hug*
