Molly over at Adventures in Mercy had a great post today..
“Jesus didn’t lace his relationships with expectations and he refused to be trapped when others sought to put expectations on him. He disappointed Mary and Martha by delaying his trip to Bethany when they begged him to come and heal their brother, Lazarus. He didn’t tell people all they wanted to know, nor did he heal people just to prove his power.
Many misunderstood him, and others got angry with him, yet he just kept loving them as they were, gently pointing them to the truth and letting them decide whether to come or not. He refused to manipulate people even for their own good, and he was not crushed when they turned on him. The popular saying is true, ‘Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.’ We sabotage many of our relationships by imposing expectations on others or trying to meet theirs. It cannot be done. People who live with expectations will never be satisfied.” ~Wayne Jacobsen, Authentic Relationships
I was recently privy to a conversation where a couple was tsk-tsking the way a new convert dressed but felt good about how they were planning on waiting a little while before having “the conversation” with her about modest apparel. I know they meant well, but I was quietly furious. “Bait and switch” came to mind, the idea that we’ll make you think that we’re not controlling until we’ve got you fully invested here, and then we’ll let you know what you have to do to merit our approval.
I know there’s nothing wrong with standards. I just hate the idea that we’re supposed to be about the business of minding everyone else’s business. I hate the fact that minding everyone else’s business is often equated with righteousness, or, even worse, love, when in reality, the only “love” it has anything to do with is love of self. It’s basically a big, “I love the way I am so much, I’m going to help you become just like me, overtly or through subtle manipulations. Aren’t you thankful for my great and mighty wisdom?”
These are harsh words, but very true. Although, it’s usually hard to see until you’re on the receiving end of the disapproving stares.
3 comments:
wow..very good points here. I know I’ve been guilty of this in the past and have to ‘catch’ myself from falling back into judging others..
February 1, 2010 11:54 PM
Anonymous said…
That is so true. It is wrong to manipulate. When I came to TM I received strange looks. It wasn’t because of the way that I dressed. It was because I stood up for what I believed and searched the scriptures for myself.
My CA told me that I was a little too pushy and some of the girls perceived it to be rude and “unteachable”. I am a very teachable person but one thing I can’t stand is a judging and critical spirit.
It is Christ’s love that draws us. When he was talking to the woman at the well. I didn’t say, come here you whore let me rid you of all your demons and teach you about modesty. He asked her if she wanted living water and filled what was void in her life.
April 18, 2010 9:56 AM
Anonymous said…
sorry, he didn’t say
April 18, 2010 9:57 AM