May 20, 2013
Mark’s Story
Hmm. Where to begin? I guess that my name is Mark. I was very recently at Teen Mania as an intern and also as a Core Advisor. In this story(or rant) I will be, for the first time, recounting some of my experiences at TM. So if my thoughts are scattered, I apologize in advance. It has now been a few years since I left TM, and every day my heart seems to grow colder. I do not fully blame TM for my hardened heart and disgust for the Christian religion, but I can see how my time there played into it. I’m doing this to possibly help myself. I find myself frustrated by the fact that I severely scrutinize preachers from my pew seat, or that I laugh at the hypocrisy I see from the “Christians” in my life. I would like to know the love of Christ once again, someday…
I left for TM in August, over a year after I graduated from high school. I was at the time, new to Christianity, and “on fire” for my new found faith (or so everyone told me). I’m going to backtrack to March, when I attended ATF for the first time as a teen leader in my youth group. It was loud and bright, like nothing I had experienced before in the religious world. The environment created was almost a false reality, and my pastor at the time marketed it as that. He said for weeks leading up to it, “escape the every day drudge and go to ATF with us!” The weekend was one big spiritual/emotional high. Somewhere in the middle of my emotional drunkeness, I was approached by a random young lady. She was all smiles and cute as could be when she said, “I typically don’t do this, but God showed me a vision of you doing something radical for His Kingdom. I think you should go check out the Honor Academy booth in the lobby.” She seemed so in tune with God, and so very convincing. And so I did. I even filled out part of an application. This was a radical step in my faith, or so I thought.
In the months between ATF and arrival day at TM. I did my very best to walk with conviction and righteousness, but my immaturity prevailed. I lied to the intern rep who called me once a week about how I was doing. I lied to my family and pastor as they encouraged me in my preparations. I even tried my hardest to squander away the money I was supposed to be saving. But through my best efforts to fail, “the blessings of God,” won in the end. My pastor ended up writing a check for $2,000 dollars the day before I left for TM. I smoked two packs of cigarettes on the road trip to Texas. I was determined to let this be a turning point for me. A fork in the road. Because all I had heard were amazing, godly testimonies from the interns at this place.
There were a few things that stood out to me my first day on campus, one of which was the evaluation I went through during registration. I thought it was weird at the time, but now I find it disturbing. We were given a series of exams, or personality profile tests, to evaluate our skill sets. From day one they start separating the more profitable individuals. The new interns who score high on organizational, or communicative qualities, are taken notice of by staff members immediately. Some interns arrive and are obviously less socially adjusted or mature, and those are pegged immediately as grounds and maintenance or kitchen crew members. I know all of this because of my second year as a core advisor. After a series of interviews all the interns are placed on a list. The top of the list are new arrivals who scored high on their personality tests, had an impressive resume, and/or did well in their interviews. At the bottom of this list, the socially awkward, the uneducated, and the lazy ones. Then the head of each department in the ministry gets together and practically has a fantasy baseball draft. Top picks are traded for. Certain departments get better picks. Kitchen crew doesn’t even get to pick, they just pick up the free agents at the end of the draft. The ministry as a whole was run like a business. I understand that with a certain amount of money coming through any given organization, a business structure is needed, but I figured TM would be different. Wrong again.
I have no really traumatic tales of ESOAL. I participated. I quit a few days in because of an injury. I did get sick for many days after the event. I can attest and agree with much of what has been said of ESOAL. It was abusive in nature, but not an overly detrimental experience for me.
I want to pair the Honor Academy and Global Expeditions together for a minute, with what is in my mind a horrible ministry tactic. Both of these ministries, will accept ANYONE to participate. I witnessed multiple interns and “missionaries” in my time at TM, who were NOT SAVED! This is sickening to me. Sending unsaved teenagers to “preach the gospel” to unsaved souls. Now given, not every child on a GE trip is unsaved. I would say the great majority of them do know Christ, but the one out of a hundred who doesn’t, still gets accepted for the trip. HA side of things are just the same. Many of the interns whom I knew in my two years had little or no knowledge of the bible or salvation before TM, which leaves TM as the basis of their theology (SCARY). And many interns were socially awkward to extremes. One kid my second year had a reading level of grade 3. I had a guy in my core, who could not read his bible, could not pass his “classes” and regularly had seizures. He graduated from his internship in the same khakis as everyone else in August.
A lot can be said of the gender roles issue at TM. I for one can say I did more borderline homosexual activities at TM than anywhere else in my life. Most of which was done in the context of joking around, but still. I feel like TM creates a horrible environment For those who have struggled with homosexuality. Interns are, in many ways, forced to spend ample amounts of time with the same gender, while at the same time, very limited to contact with the opposite sex. For me this was not an issue, but since my time at TM many of the men and women I knew there have confessed publicly to being gay/lesbian. Gender roles become construed and twisted through the lens of an intern. Men are men, and do stuff for women that women aren’t able to do. And women are women, and do stuff for men that men don’t want to do. That’s what I learned at TM at least.
I’ll briefly touch on the culture shock TM creates for interns.. I spent two years at TM, and felt like a stranger to my friends and family when I would go home to visit, and especially when I finished that two years. I can’t imagine how individuals that spend multiple years at TM feel. The move from the internship to my field of work now, was brutal to say the least. I felt as if I had no backbone after TM. Pardon my language, but TM turned me into a little bitch. I couldn’t stand up for myself because I was scared of ruining my witness. I think the whole experience, paired with the six months of hardship adjusting to real life after, actually matured me a lot. I’m thankful for TM. I learned a lot about myself and how deceptive others can be, and thus I am a stronger person. Did my family and friends notice a change? Probably so. It wasn’t a dramatic, life altering, praise Jesus kind of change though. Would I recommend TM to friends, or to anyone? Absolutely not.
The blog admin asked me to talk about this blog in reference to my time at TM. Yes the blog was up and running while I was an intern/CA. And yes it was talked about as a hot item on campus. I remember reading the blog myself a few months into my internship(at Starbucks of course, because the TM firewall blocked the blog). The only reason I had heard about it, was because Dave Hasz talked about it in a ministry wide meeting. He made it out to be a bad thing, a horrible thing. That everyone participating in the blog were liars and just bitter from outside factors. He removed the blame completely from TM. So in my ignorance, I too removed blame from TM in my head. We would read the blog and laugh and mock the “silly” stories of eating cat food and rolling through vomit. It was entertaining somehow. I guess that’s how exciting our lives were. I know now this is a place of healing and understanding amongst peers. Thanks you for all you are doing.
20 comments:
Thanks for your story, Mark. I’m sorry you went to the Honor Academy. I hope you begin to heal and sort everything out. It’s a process that takes years, but it’s easier when you can relate to other people who have experienced the same thing.
It makes me mad that people at Teen Mania are reading the stories of those they’ve hurt and mocking them. So much for Christian love.
I was just thinking about the “unsaved” students on the trip…a couple of things. One, Teen Mania doesn’t accept missionaries who tell them prior to the trip that they are not saved. I know that much. That means somebody lied….I even know that in both the Honor Academy / GE applications they require students to give their testimony. I know of one intern our year who admitted she lied on the application…….. That’s probably how that happens.
Second, I am a Team Leader with GE (I’m actually going this summer) and just want to state for the record that I actually had a teen boy get saved on one of my teams….It was amazing! He had grown up in the church but the conversation went like this:
* Boy was crying after the altar call ministry was over.
Boy’s Youth Pastor: ” _________, what’s up, friend?”
Boy: “What day is it, Pastor __________?”
Youth Pastor: “It’s July 24th”
Boy: “Then that’s the day that I truly gave my life to Christ!”
The change in that boy was obvious for the rest of the trip. Turns out he had heard about Christ and believed in Him but had never really submitted his life to Him…It was awesome to see!
Also, I was on Custodial and then K-Crew. I scored high on all of my tests (I have an IQ of 138). Of course, I don’t know what I got on my personality tests (though I have never been considered anti-social – I’m more the social coordinator of my friends LOL) but I do know this: I was placed on custodial because I had volunteered for the campus reset and caught the attention of the custodial manager for my positive attitude. While I didn’t relish my ministry placement at first I learned to love it. It was where I grew the most in the HA.
Mark, thanks for sharing your story and your journey of recovering. I pray you continue to experience more peace and joy as you adjust to life.
Mark your story was refreshing to hear.
I was there for 2 years and I felt the same way. All I can encourage you on is to just wait it out a few years and everything will clear up, cause it can be really confusing for a few years trying to work out what you believed and want Christianity to be as apposed to what it actually is. (a religion.) and how to find that ‘love of Christ’ in your life without being controlled.
Everything you said is spot on in my opinion. I freaking hated the HA and only hung in there because they thought they had some answer to life I was going to miss out on if I left. It sounds like you’re much more level headed about it all then I was. I was in a rant every second. And went to ihop afterward too which was an even bigger mistake then going to TM.
God, and that BS about that intern having a vision of you? Seriously, religion makes people literally crazy enough to have visions. Uhg. Have you watched Jesus Freaks? It’s a great documentary. (and Mind over Mania too.)
And I really don’t want to be rude, but this probably is. Anon… Take a reality pill. GE screws over everyone who works for them. They don’t care about you, if you weren’t there they’d just get someone else. They don’t take care of the missionaries. Literally… kids almost die because TM doesn’t take into consideration their individual diet needs or their housing situations. Kids are molested, I believe there was a group held at gun point, they’re almost kidnapped. GE is a complete disaster.
Kids are overcharged for trips. They are encouraged not to listen to their parents. A lot of TLs and Directors are on major power trips.
So what if some kid gave their life to Christ? That’s a personal spiritual decision. I ‘gave my life to Christ’ a few days after I’d gotten completely waisted and was hung over for 2 days afterward. That wasn’t GE. That was God. (If you’re a Christian.) but GE…. No… GE sucks.
(oh. Not Jesus Freaks. Jesus Camps. Where did that come from? lol.)
Thanks for posting Mark. It seems that the power of our experience isn’t always evident right away. That was the case for me. I didn’t know I was gay at the HA due to my severe repression, and the environment didn’t help by further pushing me away from girls. It was a tough road to walk after coming out. If any of your gay alumni friends wish to connect with other gay alumni we set up a place. Have them email us to find out. GLBTHAAlumni@gmail.com – keep pushing forward with your experience and know that there are plenty of us out there that care. Also a FB group for Recovering Alumni as well. Cheers.
Shiloh – A reality pill? um…..not sure how to answer that. What I can tell you is that if I personally care about the students on my team and I look after them. I had one student on a trip who had had brain surgery and would have “aftershock” seizures. The doctor had said that she was ok to go as these were not serious but gave some specific needs to care for her. Not only was I asked personally if I felt comfortable looking after her needs, my project directors and I worked diligently to ensure that she got extra rest, all the dietary requirements she needed, took her medication, and had easy access to medical care if it became necessary (which it did not – she turned out to make it through just fine). i can’t speak for all GE leaders but neither can you. I do care and every single PD I have personally worked with has demonstrated that care as well. What can I say? I don’t deny anyone’s experience so please don’t deny mine. And of COURSE it was God who changed both your life and that boy’s life – that’s what I depend on and pray for for months before each trip. I honestly wasn’t trying to debate so I won’t be posting anymore….I just wanted to hopefully let anyone who it may help know that there are at least some current leaders who truly do care.
Mark here. Like every other HA intern, I took a mission trip. It was a joke to say the least. I ate pb&j sandwiches 80% of the time, was not given an adequate amount of time to rest, as a TL. And surely did not see any advancement of the gospel in the children we preached to. I’ve heard from people whom I trust that it really does depend on the PD involved with the trip on how the actually ministry plays out. But that doesn’t give merit to the fact that the trips really are overpriced when you lOok at the amount spent on food. And the schedule on a GE trip is far more strenuous then even the HA, and that had its difficult moment.
Hate to break it to you, anon, but I would really doubt that you got put on k crew because they respected you so much they wanted to give you what you requested. I’m sure you’re an amazing, smart and talented person. You deserve all kinds of good things. The problem is that the HA is ridiculously performance-oriented….so if you had had a certain skill they needed in order to look great in front of the public or some donor, there is no WAY you would have been on k crew. Don’t care how much you volunteered. They absolutely would have manipulated and twisted and whatever it took for you to believe that “god” was calling you to do (fill in the blank job they needed your skills for). It’s just a fact. They’ve done it over & over, over the course of decades.
Mark, thank you for sharing your story. Keep at it with this journey you’re on. Honestly, you are very much not alone.
I will post this because it’s not debating: I just wanted to clarify that I did NOT want to be on custodial. I was actually upset about it at first and tried to get reassigned. No, I don’t believe it’s a complete “GOD” thing – That He speaks spiritually about each individual and where they should be placed. I think God could have easily used any other ministry placement the same way. I believe God’s hand was in my situation only because I needed to he pride dealt with in a major way – I was used to being “Top of the class” and being catered to. At least that’s how He chose to use it in my life. I was just pointing out not all of us fit the “profile” that was portrayed in the post….that’s all.
Anon – You’re right. In some cases, A-type, top-of-the-class interns were placed in custodial or k-crew. If challenged, the leadership claimed it was a lesson in humility. Sure. Sounds good and Godly (and so difficult to argue against). But the realty is, the “right kind of intern” was placed there to appease the k-crew/custodial leadership because they had to take in so many “wrong kind of interns”. I saw it happen while I was on staff. This isn’t something we’re making up.
Having said that, I want to note that I probably would have been placed in k-crew or custodial had I not had some very specific computer skills. I identified as one of the “wrong kind of interns”. The thing is, had I actually been placed on k-crew or custodial, no one would have ever said it was a lesson in humility. Not for someone like me, a bit of a weirdo with long blue-black hair, strange clothes and awkward conversational skills. You are allowed the privilege to stand on that pedestal because you were “top of the class”. The very fact that you felt like you could be reassigned if you asked shows that you were coming from a place of privilege. So while your experience may have been a beautiful lesson in humility, please consider that – for others – it was just another slap in the face for not fitting into the TM mold (or society’s perfect Christian mold, for that matter).
I find it funny how people are shocked when an organization who wants to put out the best product will separate people based on how they view their personalities and performances. If they had put me in IT the websites would have been horrible. At the end of the day it is a business. I worked K-Crew. I didn’t have much friends at HA because I had my own goals and plans in my own life in mind. HA was nothing more than a stepping stone in my life.
As for you coming out like (in your words) “A little bitch” that sounds like your own problem. No one should let an organization dictate your personality. In my opinion if you were not so much of a little bitch prior to the HA you wouldn’t have come out as one either.
> “…people are shocked when an organization who wants to put out the best product…”
I’m not shocked at anything about HA anymore, but it’s quite telling that you say TM “wants to put out the best product“. This shows a view of people as a commodity, which is precisely what this site has been complaining about all along. Since when is the Gospel a “product”? Since when can love and holiness be achieved by meeting corporate goals? Is it caring to see people as cogs in a machine?
> “In my opinion if you were not so much of a little bitch prior to the HA you wouldn’t have come out as one either.”
Classic victim-blaming. However, think for a moment that you’re suggesting a “little bitch” would look at the HA and say, “Hmm, that program looks like it would be a good fit for me”– and the HA experience would do nothing to change that.
I keep reading these testimonials and to say the least I am horrified. I had suspicions about the TM experience since a close relation of mine became a full-time staff member in the mid-90s. When the “internship” program was explained to me I realized that someone was ripping these kids and/or their parents off, but because the person I am referring to was broke and needed the work I bit my tongue.
While in college I worked two different internships for credit towards my degree, and never once did I have to fork over a dime to work. In fact I got paid a wage at one and wound up working there after I graduated. Didn’t cost $8000.
To be clear: I was never an “intern,” employee or contributor to TM, and only visited the campus once to have lunch with my relative. However, what I saw only confirmed my already growing suspicions that these kids were isolated and sold a bill of goods that they were in no position to question once they got involved. That coupled with the usual answer to my question “How is your job going?” revolved around money, budgets and a lack of interest in the quality of life for the kids that signed onto TM. These were issues of paramount importance to my relative and it became an uphill battle.
To my understanding the people controlling the money had little interest in what was being eaten, who prepared it, or in what conditions it was prepared. Their main concern seemed to be money, budgets and getting more people in to help TM make more money.
I am so sorry for what you all went through at the hands of those reckless maniacs.
To quote a former People’s Temple member “No one goes out looking to join a cult, they look for a place to belong.” It still disgusts me though, that these people continue preying on young impressionable minds under a banner of righteousness, piety and absolute authority.
Kudos to you and your courage to stand up and be heard.
Mark, I haven’t visited this website for a very long time. I was a 99-00 intern. I just wanted to say – I like your writing. It has nice rhythm to it, even if it was a stream-of-consciousness journal piece. Well done.
“I find myself frustrated by the fact that I severely scrutinize preachers from my pew seat, or that I laugh at the hypocrisy I see from the “Christians” in my life. I would like to know the love of Christ once again, someday…”
You took the words out of my mouth.
~ “Lacey”
I don’t get it my friend went to ha and seemed to come out fine even married a girl who went also and they seem perfectly normal
Isnt is all about the RELATIONSHIP with Christ, not people?
People have opinions, the noted above are, just as this one is.
Praying for recovery and the healing of Jesus for all. TM changed my life. Made me into the person I am, also married an alumni.
ALL ministries, businesses and people have faults…all of you and myself included. Remind yourselves of that.
I was a Jan 99 intern. I was booted from the alumni academy shortly after they found out I was bisexual. If I could get my money back, I would and tell them to shove it. I still remember being segregated from all of the “spiritual” kids, and how they treated those of us who weren’t so “holy”. I am so glad my eyes are open now though. And clearly Karma is doing it’s part for Ron Luce. Sorry buddy, you suck.
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Thanks for your story, Mark. I’m sorry you went to the Honor Academy. I hope you begin to heal and sort everything out. It’s a process that takes years, but it’s easier when you can relate to other people who have experienced the same thing.
It makes me mad that people at Teen Mania are reading the stories of those they’ve hurt and mocking them. So much for Christian love.
I was just thinking about the “unsaved” students on the trip…a couple of things. One, Teen Mania doesn’t accept missionaries who tell them prior to the trip that they are not saved. I know that much. That means somebody lied….I even know that in both the Honor Academy / GE applications they require students to give their testimony. I know of one intern our year who admitted she lied on the application…….. That’s probably how that happens.
Second, I am a Team Leader with GE (I’m actually going this summer) and just want to state for the record that I actually had a teen boy get saved on one of my teams….It was amazing! He had grown up in the church but the conversation went like this:
* Boy was crying after the altar call ministry was over.
Boy’s Youth Pastor: ” _________, what’s up, friend?”
Boy: “What day is it, Pastor __________?”
Youth Pastor: “It’s July 24th”
Boy: “Then that’s the day that I truly gave my life to Christ!”
The change in that boy was obvious for the rest of the trip. Turns out he had heard about Christ and believed in Him but had never really submitted his life to Him…It was awesome to see!
Also, I was on Custodial and then K-Crew. I scored high on all of my tests (I have an IQ of 138). Of course, I don’t know what I got on my personality tests (though I have never been considered anti-social – I’m more the social coordinator of my friends LOL) but I do know this: I was placed on custodial because I had volunteered for the campus reset and caught the attention of the custodial manager for my positive attitude. While I didn’t relish my ministry placement at first I learned to love it. It was where I grew the most in the HA.
Mark, thanks for sharing your story and your journey of recovering. I pray you continue to experience more peace and joy as you adjust to life.
Mark your story was refreshing to hear.
I was there for 2 years and I felt the same way. All I can encourage you on is to just wait it out a few years and everything will clear up, cause it can be really confusing for a few years trying to work out what you believed and want Christianity to be as apposed to what it actually is. (a religion.) and how to find that ‘love of Christ’ in your life without being controlled.
Everything you said is spot on in my opinion. I freaking hated the HA and only hung in there because they thought they had some answer to life I was going to miss out on if I left. It sounds like you’re much more level headed about it all then I was. I was in a rant every second. And went to ihop afterward too which was an even bigger mistake then going to TM.
God, and that BS about that intern having a vision of you? Seriously, religion makes people literally crazy enough to have visions. Uhg. Have you watched Jesus Freaks? It’s a great documentary. (and Mind over Mania too.)
And I really don’t want to be rude, but this probably is. Anon… Take a reality pill. GE screws over everyone who works for them. They don’t care about you, if you weren’t there they’d just get someone else. They don’t take care of the missionaries. Literally… kids almost die because TM doesn’t take into consideration their individual diet needs or their housing situations. Kids are molested, I believe there was a group held at gun point, they’re almost kidnapped. GE is a complete disaster.
Kids are overcharged for trips. They are encouraged not to listen to their parents. A lot of TLs and Directors are on major power trips.
So what if some kid gave their life to Christ? That’s a personal spiritual decision. I ‘gave my life to Christ’ a few days after I’d gotten completely waisted and was hung over for 2 days afterward. That wasn’t GE. That was God. (If you’re a Christian.) but GE…. No… GE sucks.
(oh. Not Jesus Freaks. Jesus Camps. Where did that come from? lol.)
Thanks for posting Mark. It seems that the power of our experience isn’t always evident right away. That was the case for me. I didn’t know I was gay at the HA due to my severe repression, and the environment didn’t help by further pushing me away from girls. It was a tough road to walk after coming out. If any of your gay alumni friends wish to connect with other gay alumni we set up a place. Have them email us to find out. GLBTHAAlumni@gmail.com – keep pushing forward with your experience and know that there are plenty of us out there that care. Also a FB group for Recovering Alumni as well. Cheers.
Shiloh – A reality pill? um…..not sure how to answer that. What I can tell you is that if I personally care about the students on my team and I look after them. I had one student on a trip who had had brain surgery and would have “aftershock” seizures. The doctor had said that she was ok to go as these were not serious but gave some specific needs to care for her. Not only was I asked personally if I felt comfortable looking after her needs, my project directors and I worked diligently to ensure that she got extra rest, all the dietary requirements she needed, took her medication, and had easy access to medical care if it became necessary (which it did not – she turned out to make it through just fine). i can’t speak for all GE leaders but neither can you. I do care and every single PD I have personally worked with has demonstrated that care as well. What can I say? I don’t deny anyone’s experience so please don’t deny mine. And of COURSE it was God who changed both your life and that boy’s life – that’s what I depend on and pray for for months before each trip. I honestly wasn’t trying to debate so I won’t be posting anymore….I just wanted to hopefully let anyone who it may help know that there are at least some current leaders who truly do care.
Mark here. Like every other HA intern, I took a mission trip. It was a joke to say the least. I ate pb&j sandwiches 80% of the time, was not given an adequate amount of time to rest, as a TL. And surely did not see any advancement of the gospel in the children we preached to. I’ve heard from people whom I trust that it really does depend on the PD involved with the trip on how the actually ministry plays out. But that doesn’t give merit to the fact that the trips really are overpriced when you lOok at the amount spent on food. And the schedule on a GE trip is far more strenuous then even the HA, and that had its difficult moment.
Hate to break it to you, anon, but I would really doubt that you got put on k crew because they respected you so much they wanted to give you what you requested. I’m sure you’re an amazing, smart and talented person. You deserve all kinds of good things. The problem is that the HA is ridiculously performance-oriented….so if you had had a certain skill they needed in order to look great in front of the public or some donor, there is no WAY you would have been on k crew. Don’t care how much you volunteered. They absolutely would have manipulated and twisted and whatever it took for you to believe that “god” was calling you to do (fill in the blank job they needed your skills for). It’s just a fact. They’ve done it over & over, over the course of decades.
Mark, thank you for sharing your story. Keep at it with this journey you’re on. Honestly, you are very much not alone.
I will post this because it’s not debating: I just wanted to clarify that I did NOT want to be on custodial. I was actually upset about it at first and tried to get reassigned. No, I don’t believe it’s a complete “GOD” thing – That He speaks spiritually about each individual and where they should be placed. I think God could have easily used any other ministry placement the same way. I believe God’s hand was in my situation only because I needed to he pride dealt with in a major way – I was used to being “Top of the class” and being catered to. At least that’s how He chose to use it in my life. I was just pointing out not all of us fit the “profile” that was portrayed in the post….that’s all.
Anon – You’re right. In some cases, A-type, top-of-the-class interns were placed in custodial or k-crew. If challenged, the leadership claimed it was a lesson in humility. Sure. Sounds good and Godly (and so difficult to argue against). But the realty is, the “right kind of intern” was placed there to appease the k-crew/custodial leadership because they had to take in so many “wrong kind of interns”. I saw it happen while I was on staff. This isn’t something we’re making up.
Having said that, I want to note that I probably would have been placed in k-crew or custodial had I not had some very specific computer skills. I identified as one of the “wrong kind of interns”. The thing is, had I actually been placed on k-crew or custodial, no one would have ever said it was a lesson in humility. Not for someone like me, a bit of a weirdo with long blue-black hair, strange clothes and awkward conversational skills. You are allowed the privilege to stand on that pedestal because you were “top of the class”. The very fact that you felt like you could be reassigned if you asked shows that you were coming from a place of privilege. So while your experience may have been a beautiful lesson in humility, please consider that – for others – it was just another slap in the face for not fitting into the TM mold (or society’s perfect Christian mold, for that matter).
I find it funny how people are shocked when an organization who wants to put out the best product will separate people based on how they view their personalities and performances. If they had put me in IT the websites would have been horrible. At the end of the day it is a business. I worked K-Crew. I didn’t have much friends at HA because I had my own goals and plans in my own life in mind. HA was nothing more than a stepping stone in my life.
As for you coming out like (in your words) “A little bitch” that sounds like your own problem. No one should let an organization dictate your personality. In my opinion if you were not so much of a little bitch prior to the HA you wouldn’t have come out as one either.
> “…people are shocked when an organization who wants to put out the best product…”
I’m not shocked at anything about HA anymore, but it’s quite telling that you say TM “wants to put out the best product“. This shows a view of people as a commodity, which is precisely what this site has been complaining about all along. Since when is the Gospel a “product”? Since when can love and holiness be achieved by meeting corporate goals? Is it caring to see people as cogs in a machine?
> “In my opinion if you were not so much of a little bitch prior to the HA you wouldn’t have come out as one either.”
Classic victim-blaming. However, think for a moment that you’re suggesting a “little bitch” would look at the HA and say, “Hmm, that program looks like it would be a good fit for me”– and the HA experience would do nothing to change that.
I keep reading these testimonials and to say the least I am horrified. I had suspicions about the TM experience since a close relation of mine became a full-time staff member in the mid-90s. When the “internship” program was explained to me I realized that someone was ripping these kids and/or their parents off, but because the person I am referring to was broke and needed the work I bit my tongue.
While in college I worked two different internships for credit towards my degree, and never once did I have to fork over a dime to work. In fact I got paid a wage at one and wound up working there after I graduated. Didn’t cost $8000.
To be clear: I was never an “intern,” employee or contributor to TM, and only visited the campus once to have lunch with my relative. However, what I saw only confirmed my already growing suspicions that these kids were isolated and sold a bill of goods that they were in no position to question once they got involved. That coupled with the usual answer to my question “How is your job going?” revolved around money, budgets and a lack of interest in the quality of life for the kids that signed onto TM. These were issues of paramount importance to my relative and it became an uphill battle.
To my understanding the people controlling the money had little interest in what was being eaten, who prepared it, or in what conditions it was prepared. Their main concern seemed to be money, budgets and getting more people in to help TM make more money.
I am so sorry for what you all went through at the hands of those reckless maniacs.
To quote a former People’s Temple member “No one goes out looking to join a cult, they look for a place to belong.” It still disgusts me though, that these people continue preying on young impressionable minds under a banner of righteousness, piety and absolute authority.
Kudos to you and your courage to stand up and be heard.
Mark, I haven’t visited this website for a very long time. I was a 99-00 intern. I just wanted to say – I like your writing. It has nice rhythm to it, even if it was a stream-of-consciousness journal piece. Well done.
“I find myself frustrated by the fact that I severely scrutinize preachers from my pew seat, or that I laugh at the hypocrisy I see from the “Christians” in my life. I would like to know the love of Christ once again, someday…”
You took the words out of my mouth.
~ “Lacey”
I don’t get it my friend went to ha and seemed to come out fine even married a girl who went also and they seem perfectly normal
Isnt is all about the RELATIONSHIP with Christ, not people?
People have opinions, the noted above are, just as this one is.
Praying for recovery and the healing of Jesus for all. TM changed my life. Made me into the person I am, also married an alumni.
ALL ministries, businesses and people have faults…all of you and myself included. Remind yourselves of that.
I was a Jan 99 intern. I was booted from the alumni academy shortly after they found out I was bisexual. If I could get my money back, I would and tell them to shove it. I still remember being segregated from all of the “spiritual” kids, and how they treated those of us who weren’t so “holy”. I am so glad my eyes are open now though. And clearly Karma is doing it’s part for Ron Luce. Sorry buddy, you suck.
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