In last week’s post, “Be Beautiful…but Don’t Caust Lust,” we discussed Teen Mania’s teachings that women should put on makeup and wear their hair in specific ways because as Dave Hasz said, “we have to look at you.”
A couple of nights ago, Fitz added such an outstanding comment that it deserves its own post. Thank you, Fitz! (Emphasis is mine.)
This is just horrible. I’ve been sitting on the sentiments behind this and it is so disgusting. The Honor Academy boasts about being a culture separate from ‘the world’ but if you compare Dave Hasz’s ideas about women’s appearance and the world’s, they are EXACTLY the same in concept. If anything, the HA works as a magnifier for this kind of sexist dribble that is completely pervasive in our society.
The idea that Dave Hasz is sending these girls is that that women, above being people they are decoration, that they owe it to men and other onlookers to maintain a certain standard of decoration, and that their bodies are public property.
It breaks my heart to see a message so destructive coming from leadership that does nothing but claim they are teaching the young women on campus to be Godly, independent women. Prettiness when done as an obligation or penance is 100% divorced from independence.
To the women of the HA who are currently there or have been there and have been affected by this message, there is something you need to know and embrace:
YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE PRETTY.
You don’t owe prettiness to anyone.
You don’t owe prettiness to your boyfriend, spouse or partner.
You don’t owe prettiness to your co-workers or your fellow interns.
You don’t owe prettiness to your mother, your sisters or your core mates.
You don’t owe prettiness to your children.
You don’t owe prettiness to civilization or society in general.
PRETTINESS IS NOT A FEE YOU PAY FOR OCCUPYING SPACE WHILE FEMALE.
Prettiness, if you choose to look pretty, is for you. Because prettiness can be rewarding, pleasant and fun. Prettiness can make you and people around you happy, and making yourself and others happy is feels nice and is often satisfying! But NEVER is your obligation to make other people happy at the expense of your body. Your body is for you and God.
13 comments:
melcro28says:January 26, 2012 at 9:08 AMReply
“Prettiness is not a fee you pay for occupying space while female.” YES.
Isn’t it kind of oxymoronic that we’re supposed to take pride in God’s creation while simultaneously wearing makeup because God didn’t go a good enough job for men to be able to look at us for an extended period of time?
That redheaded onesays:January 26, 2012 at 10:33 AMReply
So true I is important for me to see that it is important for me and has been in my recovery to really start getting that being pretty/skinny/wearing makeup is not part of being a woman it is part of some man’s narrow minded view and isn’t what God expected from ladies at all.
Joisays:January 26, 2012 at 10:33 AMReply
“PRETTINESS IS NOT A FEE YOU PAY FOR OCCUPYING SPACE WHILE FEMALE.” Can we get that on a t-shirt or something? Because it’s SO TRUE. And HA is hardly the only place that teaches this stuff.
Natalie.says:January 26, 2012 at 12:11 PMReply
I’m actually tearing up. (rare thing…)
Thank you Fitz.
Moriahsays:January 26, 2012 at 8:48 PMReply
Great response.
I wholeheartedly concur.
Fitzsays:January 27, 2012 at 11:36 AMReply
Haha, thanks RA. *blush*
The treatment of women at the HA is one of the things that really painted my experience in a negative light. The men are also given standards of dress that I don’t agree with, but while I was there I never saw the importance of looking good being taught to men in quite the same way it was being taught to the women.
Teaching things like ‘paint the barn’ or look nice because ‘we have to look at you’ and even let other women ‘speak into your wardrobe’ create an environment where a woman’s body no longer belongs to her and her looks, as judged by other people, are prioritized above anything else she contributes. The heart of the message isn’t ‘take pride in how God made you’ or ‘your contribution to this organization matters’, the message is ‘if you’re not at least pretty then why are you here?’.
A part of listening and being open to someone is looking at them. If it’s such a hardship to even look at a woman if she doesn’t fit their standards, how can they value anything else she has to say or contribute? And if a woman does fit their standards, they aren’t respecting or valuing her contributions because what she says or does has inherent worth, they’re doing it because she wore lipstick that day.
shannon-ashleysays:January 27, 2012 at 2:42 PMReply
I love how men were not to my knowledge convronted for not dressing “masculine” enough, but feamle alumni were constantly confronted for not dressing feminine enough.
Who’s standard are they using? The Bible sure doesn’t give us their example of femininity and such focus on outward appearance.
Way to see the beauty in God’s creation–encourage girls to pile on the petro-chemicals and shop at Old Navy so they don’t miss the mark.
Anonymoussays:January 27, 2012 at 11:20 PMReply
Wow this site still exists. lol oh well
Anonymoussays:January 27, 2012 at 11:55 PMReply
Wow people still bitch about this site existing. lol oh well.
littlegraygirlsays:January 28, 2012 at 10:01 AMReply
Fitz, this was amazing. Loved the comments you added, too.
Anonymoussays:January 28, 2012 at 5:06 PMReply
wow the honor academy still exists. oh well….
Anonymoussays:January 28, 2012 at 6:23 PMReply
wow Dave Hasz is still a liar. lol oh well
lucas_rocheleausays:February 1, 2012 at 11:52 AMReply
I agree…and for something lighthearted, this is actually what TM and the Honor Academy mold women into
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=My92oE9RwRE