Recovery from spiritual abuse is a long road. Experiencing betrayal by someone you trusted spiritually is an agonizing thing. The last place you expect to be wounded is in the Body of Christ. The emotions are intense and brutal: confusion, hopelessness, hurt, abandonment, depression, despair, and suicidal thoughts are just some of the things we’ve experienced as former interns.
Here is a short list of what recovery has meant to me. Feel free to chime in with your thoughts in the comments.
- Recovery means I’m not guilt ridden.
- Recovery means my actions aren’t based on fear.
- Recovery means Dave’s disappointment with me doesn’t equal God’s disappointment with me.
- Recovery means not having to live up to someone’s false expectations of spirituality and greatness
- Recovery means I don’t have to constantly live in judgement.
- Recovery means freedom.
11 comments:
Meghan Fife said…
I was actually dismissed from the Honor Academy shortly after confessing a certain sin I had stayed in for quite some time and being Dave’s assistant he was the one to let me know I was dismissed. But never once did I feel like he was condemning or demeaning. In fact, he was EXTREMELY supportive toward me and my healing in that season praying for me and offering wise counsel.
I’m really sorry if you’ve had another kind of experience with TM or the HA and as another alumni I apologize for any hurt that may have been obtained. I pray you’re now walking in total healing and intimacy with Jesus.
July 2, 2009 9:39 PM
Recovering Alumni said…
Hi Meghan,
Thanks for your input. I’m glad to hear that your experience was different than so many others. However, the fact that you were Dave’s assistant is probably why. There are a few “favored ones” within the internship. In my day, we called them untouchables….Sounds like you didn’t actually disagree with Dave on anything, which is another reason why you didn’t feel his rejection.
July 4, 2009 8:29 AM
Anonymous said…
Yeah man.
I got all kinds of rejected from the H.A., unlike Meghan I chose to leave. No major sin issues with me, nope, just a weak vessel unable to handle keeping their commitment to the oh-so-highly-esteemed Honor Academy.
lol. People still dont talk to me.
I do feel kinda funny calling it ‘recovery’ BUT THAT’S TOTALLY WHAT IT IS! 🙂
haha.
There were so many mindsets forced on me in a way that I couldn’t help but believe them! I’m still feeling the effects…
September 27, 2009 10:19 AM
Dan Hillman said…
On one hand, there are those who are dealing with a lot of hurt that was caused by the sins of the leaders of Teen Mania. These people are suffering, and it would be horrible to self-righteously condemn such people – who are already hurting. Job’s friends are examples of such self-righteous people – who wrongly rebuked Job without compassion and without knowing what they were talking about.
But on the other hand, there are rebellious mockers who have resolved not to fear God and not to submit to any spiritual authorities. (Psalm 1, Psalm 2)
Be careful. Be wise.
Proverbs 9:10 – “The fear of the LORD is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding.”
While I do not agree with everything that is done at Teen Mania, I have a lot of respect and love for David Hasz. Be careful when you criticize, lest you commit the same sin that you are rebuking. And remember, those leaders at Teen Mania – they are people too – created in God’s image. God loves them – even though they have faults, just like God loves us even though we have faults.
At the risk of sounding trite, the Lord’s prayer really covers everything:
“Our Father, who is in Heaven. Hallowed be your Name. Let your kingdom come; let your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the Kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.”
Bottom line: Jesus Christ died on a rugged cross to save sinners like ourselves. Praise God.
God bless.
October 1, 2009 7:17 PM
Anonymous said…
I was never a part of the Honor Academy or Teen Mania or anything. I was in a program called Master’s Commission. I was let go about half way through the year. I clashed with the leadership and was considered disobedient, rebellious, and defiant… a trouble maker. A few months later, it was discovered that the leader who I kept clashing with (a male) was having inappropriate sexual interactions with underage males within the group.
It’s been about 5 years since that happened, and I still struggle somewhat with trust issues in the church, leadership, and being a “nice submissive girl”. However, I feel that I can hold my head high and feel God is with me. I have a supportive husband and family, and a God who hears my every cry.
I absolutely do not agree with everything you spew here. To me, some things that you say still appear to be said in anger and spite, and not in a loving, “just looking out for others” way.
However, I am very sorry you were hurt by religious leadership. You are entitled to your feelings, and -whether others agree or not- if you feel you were hurt, then it is real. Even if the leadership didn’t intend for that to happen.
I’ll pray for your healing and that you will truly be free and able to celebrate your recovery and delivery because of a strong and victorious God who loves you!
Love in Christ,
Marissa
December 8, 2009 5:50 AM
Anonymous said…
I am so thankful for this blog. Up to about 3 days ago, I thought I was the only one who had been hurt by the Honor Academy. It’s been over 10 years since I was an intern and I have lived with a lot of disappointment and (in many ways) Self hatred, just a little bit of the aftermath of my experience at the HA. Finding the blog and spending hours reading it, I have finally been able to talk about my days at TM in all honesty. I thought I was just “Not Good Enough” and I was making “excuses.” Don’t get me wrong. I am very thankful to GOD and His Grace on my life because I was still able to be used by Him. I could still function even though I was hurting Greatly. My Husband and I have made some Real break through and realized some of the unhealthy strings I have from the intern days. We are asking the Holy Spirit to help me to separate the Good from the Bad. I’m looking forward to the Victory in this and really excited about the Freedom I’ve found by just admitting what I have experienced for years. I’m even more excited about the JOY that God has restored in my life. We are not strong because of our integrity and Honor alone. It is by the Grace of God who LOVES us and HIS JOY that we can be Strong to stand as those Mighty Men and Women of God. Then we will Change this World. I do remember leaving the Honor Academy very sin Conscience and self controlled. However, If we have not LOVE or even been Loved through our weaknesses and trials we surely will not BE who God made us to BE.
March 22, 2010 6:59 PM
another anon said…
I feel very much like you do. . . such a freedom in being able to break the bond of silence! It’s refreshing to know that our works are meant to be an OVERFLOW of God’s generous love to us. Not as a way of earning his love. . .
March 22, 2010 7:39 PM
another anon said…
Isn’t it good to know that God loves you for you! I feel the same way as you do. . . a week ago was the beginning of letting the deceptions go.
March 22, 2010 7:41 PM
Anonymous said…
WOW! It’s funny how just reading someone’s comment that is directed especially to me could bring tears to my eyes. It’s good to feel like we are not forgotten or rejected anymore. Thank-you. Thank God for His Mercy’s are new every morning. His Joy OverFlows in us no matter what we’ve been through and His Love is shed abroad in our Hearts. It’s Good to Admitt, Forgive, and Move Forward with no regrets. Good Stuff.
March 22, 2010 8:18 PM
Recovering Alumni said…
Wow, thanks for sharing you guys. God is doing some awesome stuff in you – let the freedom overflow! Love, peace and joy – that is the Christian life! Forget the burdens and lies.
Romans 14:17 – For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit
March 22, 2010 8:49 PM
Katydid said…
Yeah, thanks for sharing–these comments are great to read–
–Yay RA for this blog! 🙂
Here are some more great bible verses:
John 8:36 So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed
and John 8:32 you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free.”
“For sin shall not be the master over you, for you are not under Law, but under grace.” (Romans 6:14).
March 22, 2010 11:52 PM