Now, it is a very curious thing that even though I left the internship, and even though it almost killed me, I still held rigidly to what I had been taught there. After all, there were times that I had heard God speak to me and I had grown closer to Him. I did not have the discernment at that age and level of life experience to tell the good from the bad.
In what can only be called a miraculous divine appointment, shortly after leaving the internship, God provided a way for me to live with a pastor and his family whom I barely knew in another state.
I spent countless hours talking with them about my depression stemming from my seeming lack of relationship with God. Why had God left me? Why couldn’t I sense his presence? I remember over and over, they reassured me that it didn’t mean that God had left me. It did not mean He would never speak to me again. In fact, this desert experience was a normal part of Christian life.
What?!
This was news to me.
Some referred to it as “the dark night of the soul” others called it a dry place.
He tenderly explained to me that this seeming lack of God in my life, was actually not a lack at all. It was simply God trying to speak to me in a new way. Teaching me to not be dependent on a constant spiritual high. Growing me up to maturity so that I wouldn’t have to always depend on “feeling” Him. Growing in trust. Knowing He is there not matter how I feel.
Wow.
They did not teach this at Teen Mania.
And with this knowledge, my recovery began.
22 comments:
Amazing how freeing it was to actually receive GRACE!!!
That was the biggest help for me after my stay with ‘TM’ as an intern back in the day. It was amazing to know that Grace wasn’t just for those ‘sinners’ who didn’t know God- but to actually experience grace in my life as I was striving to know him better. I mean I knew all of that before but for the first time in my life I actually was given grace- it was wonderful!!
I am glad you are doing better. However not all feel or go through this. We have several in our church who went through the 2 years. My son is currently there. It was a positive experience for them and has been a blessing for my son. He now is much closer to Jesus and it turned his life around. I do agree many are different and what may not be for some but be great for others. Once again, i am glad you have turned a negative experience into a position. I pray you grow with Jesus daily.
RJohnson,
I appreciate your spirit of kindness. You should know that a prominent trend I’ve noticed is that many interns don’t experience these feelings until about 1-2 years out. The true test of the Honor Academy is the long term effects. What will your son say about it in 5 or 10 years?
Also, many interns who are hurt don’t express those feelings because of shame and guilt.
I guess im one of those interns that dont express my feelings. the guilt is so powerful.
i did not always feel this way. At one time i was “TM was the best thing that happened to me” over the years I came to find out that, in the real world out of the bubble (AKA the greenhouse) it was hard and what you are taught is so different then your year(s) at TM and you struggle. It saddens me with the comments of most saying we just need to grown up, move on, stop being bitter. It not bitterness i have. its more like shame and guilt. Why……i feel i have to follow a formula to be in Gods good graces.
did you have a quite time
are you going to church
are you in worship
are you accountable
are you confession your sins
are you beating your body and making it your slave.
if i dont do the above then im sinning and the people that are put in my path will not hear about Jesus, souls will be lost. I still struggle with that today. My walk is getting better but a i have a long way to go.
thanks for the site. keep it up
MM
Micheal – thanks for sharing that. Yes, the shame and guilt are crushing. Its like you are taught that you have absolutely no value as a person so you have to become “good enough” by doing all the things on that list. Not to the mention the crushing guilt of thinking your inadequacies are allowing people to go to hell.
I feel you.
you guys are insane, im an intern now and wow i love my experience God has used me in so many ways. i have learned how to be accountable to everythig that i do. i have learned in the honor academy that God loves me no matter what i do. i have learned through my c.a’s that god has made me pure and whole. i’m sorry for you guys cause you all have these stings from your experience at the H.A, cause the H.A challenged you about your flesh. people get very uncomfortable when someone touches their comfortable spots in their sinful lives.But i’m praying for you guys who are art of this site and the creators of this site, i honestly mean no disrespect cause i am positive that all of you are older than me. but yah know that a current intern at the H.A is praying for you so that God can free you from any and all unnecessary anger you all have for thses godly mena and women of God serving at the H.A now they are not perfect they have admited that themselves but they are doing a great job at leading this generation of young people to change the world, with giving them great tools and showing us the un compromisable word of God. from the bottom of my heart i bless you all with all of the blessing of heaven and i will be praying for you all.
Maybe the “excellent mena and women” could help “this generation” with some basic grammar and spelling? Don’t the intern computers have spell check? Grammar check?
Can’t someone help them!?
I don’t have anger but thank you if you are trying to be sincere. I do have a desire to see 18-24 year olds not be told that their physical ability or actions have anything to do with pleasing God save for being love to their fellow man. I do have a problem with CAs and cores willing to look at young people and say there must be some sin in their life or they wouldn’t be sick. I have a problem with any group that physically pushes a person with Posters that basically say that ringing out of PEARL = to not giving God your best and then forcing those people to work the very next day after 5 days of physical pain a full shift when in the real world there would be people getting time off because they did this WITH their company. I do not become ok because I am not angry with a visual image of several interns standing on CRUTCHES directly after PEARL because they injured themselves then being told hours later they had to be at work and classes at 8 am the very next day and would have a full day of work. My heart aches for kids who pay thousands of dollars but get no grace if even a GI kisses another GI before the first set of time was up. You will find many people in their 20s and 30s here who see what happened to them and what is still happening not through rose colored glasses but who see the reasons there should be great change in this organization if it is to continue. That isn’t anger that’s just accepting facts and being willing to say so regardless of “Oaths” to the contrary!
“you guys are insane”
“i honestly mean no disrespect”
I’m getting whiplash here.
Are they serving kool-aid at HA? Anon sounds like the poster child for the poor discernment corp.
Anon-You sound like you have a precious heart. You couldn’t be more wrong about most of what you said, however, I believe you are trying to be loving. I hope you have a wonderful year at the HA, but if not, or if in future you are struggling, this mom (who is much older than you, haha) is here for you and so is the rest of this community.
Anonymous, I am praying for you that God gives you a strong spirit of discernment and you don’t believe everything you are taught just because it came from a leader at the HA.
Many of us do not have any anger toward the leadership at TM for what happened to us, personally. We have forgiven and moved on toward healing or are in the process of doing so. But as long as interns are still being seriously injured during LTE’s, interns are getting staph infections, and interns are walking away with false beliefs about who God is, we are not going to stop speaking out. You don’t know this right now, but we are speaking out on your behalf. You are one of the people we care about enough to make what happened in private a public matter to prevent it from continuing to happen. We’ve opened ourselves up to criticism, unkind remarks, and personal attacks from people we know and people we don’t. And we’ve done it so we can be a voice for you. We’re demanding an environment that is spiritually, mentally, physically, and emotionally safe for you. If TM completely changed today, it wouldn’t do anything for us, but it could make a huge difference for you.
So be blessed. And know that as much as you may think we are “insane,” we do what we do for the benefit of you and all the other interns at the HA.
Hello RA, it is very poignant to hear your story, and I also truly hope that you are doing better. As a fellow member of the body of Christ, I’m so sorry for our imperfections, for how we sometimes give well-meaning but crummy advice, and for how we can hurt one another with our trite, “band-aid” replies to something that needs more than that. To comment on your post with rjohnson, I was an intern from August 1999-August 2000 and I am truly grateful for that year. It was not a year of complete roses but the Lord used it to do a great work in my heart, in my character, and in my deciding what I wanted to do with the rest of my life. Still to this day, I am grateful for how God used Teen Mania in my life. I’m so sorry that you got hurt. I’m so glad that the pastor shared this with you (Recovery 1). You are a precious, valuable person. I hope that you will continue to recover and be well 🙂 God bless you.
Sincerely,
Alycia Szilagye Williams, RN
I love the Honor academy! Everything I learned I will teach to every one and I am more of a man then you will ever be. AKA the person who made this web site.
Anon: LMFAO.
Oh my god best comment- RA please don’t delete it.
Hmm, did they un-ban the site?
Hey I just applied to the HA and I know feel like its not a good place after reading some blogs and comments. I know most of you guys are much wiser and have more experience then I do. So I was wondering why most of you think its so awful,like are the leaders corrupt and do they not want to build a relationship with God. See I do not want to waste money but on the same side I feel like God is calling me there. I’ve only ever heard good things about the HA until I saw this. I thought the HA was coming (judgement free) like its all being yourself about having that close relationship with God ya know?
Hi Alyssa,
A good place to start your research would be to read this: Dear Ron Luce & Dave Hasz: Is This Honorable?
and the look at the tabs at the top of the page, especially Honor Academy teachings.
If I had to sum it up, I’d say that the Honor Academy is a controlling and legalistic environment that uses fear and guilt to change the interns behavior instead of grace and love. Let us know what you decide.
I read this earlier and found much of it suprising, thats why I am not 100% positive if the HA is the place for me, even though I feel deep down thats where God wants me to go.I don’t want to go there if they cover everthing up just to look good on the outside, and then when you get there its all a big covered up lie.
alyssa, I also recommend that you have someone older (perhaps your parents?) look into the HA further as well. Sometimes it’s easier for adults to see past the hype, glitz and glitter and get to the real hard truth of what is actually going on (or being sold to you).
That being said, I remember my parents having extreme concerns regarding my attending the HA…and did I listen? Nope. Do I regret that? Yes, and I’ve told them as much.
I will there input is very important to me.