Hoo boy! Here we go.
I am ecstatic that this documentary is out! I have been antsy leading up to the release date. Part of me was happy but another part of me was anxious and I just wasn’t sure what to expect. The trailer suggested to me that I would see lots of older members of Teen Mania and the Honor Academy but I also recognized some faces from my time. Were they going to focus on just the LTEs or would they discuss more of the other aspects of the cult? I appreciated hearing the stories of the women in Mind Over Mania but it does seem like ESOAL was the focus in it. I wondered if Shiny Happy People would be similar.
So the title of this series is a little misleading since it’s not really live live. How does one do a live reaction on a blog? How does one elaborate on half-ideas hastily typed in the moment, especially when lots are happening onscreen all at once?
Well, here is my plan. I have included a time stamp that is ± 10 seconds then jotted some thoughts in response to what was discussed or shown on screen. Then I returned to this draft after some sleep to fine-tune these reactions into an actually coherent thought. I anticipate that some of these thoughts might need more commentary added so I’ll italicize the text to make these commentaries apparent. How will I differentiate thoughts I had yesterday vs writing this post? Good question. My goal is to try to keep my additional commentary to a minimum but there are some topics in this documentary that warrant more thought.
Full disclosure, I watched all three episodes the evening it came out then rewatched it again the following weekend. Here are my thoughts and reactions in the second viewing. Lastly, I added context clues to each timestamp after the fact.
@00:00 It’s interesting that they start with the Duggars but it makes sense since they need to bridge the two seasons. I do appreciate seeing the reaction that season 1 of the documentary got as people started flooding socials with their own thoughts. The same thing happened with MSNBC’s Mind Over Mania. Lots of people had lots to say for or against Teen Mania. I feel like SHP including this makes for good foreshadowing for what happened.
@2:00 (Now we start talking about Teen Mania) Awwwww yeaaaaaaaaa let’s go!
@2:45 (Everyone is talking about ATF’s sales pitch) I relate to this hardcore. I was sold this big Christian concert. My roomie also attended ATF for a few years and she was also told the same spiel.
@3:30 (ATF used to have pitches for Golbal Expeditions and Honor Academy although by my time, they played a promo video then had a breakout room for people interested in learning more or even apply. You then fill out a card to get more info) My Roomie: Oh you fill out one of those GE cards and you’d get hounded.
Yuuuup. Sorry if you signed up for the HA in late-2006 or 2007. I called a lot of people from New Mexico and Texas.
@5:25 MIIIIICCCCCAAAAAAAA!!!!
@6:25 (Mica is explaining their religious upbringing.) Okay, this is where I’m without honor… I didn’t read the Bible cover to cover during my intern year, let alone before the HA. Something about Deuteronomy broke my attention span and threw me off some groove.
@7:55 (The documentary discusses how inundated with pop culture. The image carousel is a bunch of screen grabs spanning about 30s of pop culture icon after icon.) “It’s the 90s, we’re consumed with culture!” Is it just me or does it feel like we’re even more saturated? I mean, it may not be all THAT different than 30 years ago but I definitely feel like we have so. many. ads. all. the friggin time!
@9:00 Ugh, James Dobson. My mom bought me his puberty book. We were big fans of Dobson in my household. We were definitely counter culture in my house. I was homeschooled and grew up Young Earth Creationist (YCE) because we weren’t going to let Satan and his army win! Ken Ham was my science teacher for a hot minute. James Dobson was almost as much of a mainstay as Rush Limbaugh.
Funny anecdote: While my mom did buy this book, she didn’t actually give it to me. She put it on the piano, in plain sight, and expected me to just understand that it was for me. I did not know what “adolescence” even meant even though I had already started it. Yeesh…
@11:00 DC Talk! I was a total Jesus Freak. I read Jesus Freak in high school and thought I would grow up to be a martyr. I felt the call to mission work when I was 9, China specifically, and felt the call to martyrdom when I was like 10 or 11. I know that this is talked about later, but I feel it’s telling that I hear 3 notes of their song and I immediately think back to imagining myself being in prison like Apostle Paul and getting killed like Stephen.
@14:13 Look at this goofy ah* guy. I don’t know this period of TM very well. I’ve only really heard this story from Ron’s and TM’s perspective. I didn’t even know about What’s Hot or Beach Bash (which I learned from Liz’s TikTok).
* goofy-looking guy for those who don’t speak Gen Z.
@16:35 I agree Ron, MTV is pretty bad. TLC too… I don’t believe they’ll drag you to Hell. I just hate most trashy TV shows.
@19:30 (In an interview with Family Life Podcast, Ron talks about his abusive childhood) I may not like the man, but my heart goes out. No one deserves to be abused.
@20:05 (Ron has an intense experience at a super energetic church. It looks almost like a Holy Roller kind of party. Ron mentions that he experienced an “Angry Christ” [this mention is referenced secondhand in the episode].) We have posts on how anger is good. I think that’s going to be a future post if I feel like there’s more to say than what has already been said on this blog, perhaps through a Trauma Informed lens. I have a very complicated relationship with anger. This gets discussed later in the docuseries.
@21:30 (Camera cuts to an ATF. Ron talks about getting rid of everything in your life that’s keeping you lukewarm. Music, other media, even certain friends. Ron says that we need to prepare for war. “No more Mr. Nice Guy”) Oh, I remember this speech! My roomie and I agree that the act didn’t change much between the 80’s and 00’s.
@23:20 (The discussion has shifted to describing the insane growth. Ron started at youth groups eventually getting into stadiums where youth groups come to him. It’s a tour now. There’s lights and explosions.) Carrie’s got it. The older kids would hype up ATF big time. I went to ATF when I was 12. I was expecting something big but they blew me away with the lights and pyrotechnics. Ron’s vibrant passion locked me in immediately. There were about 20 of us in my youth group and only one of us thought Ron was full of it. I often wonder what would change if I had listened to him a little more.
@26:17 (Journalist Jeff Sharlet mentions the cliché of rock & roll being a religion but describes it more like a mass ritual) Mass ritual indeed! The atmosphere in ATF is indescribable! Jeff does describe it pretty well though. The mood lighting, the music is pounding, the almost miasma in the stadium air. The countdown begins and when t-minus is zero, a big cracking boom! Like Mica said, goosebumps.
Since leaving Christianity, I am always surprised when I get the same sensations I did at ATF. Back then I did think it was the Holy Spirit. This was the same feeling I had when I “got baptized” so I always associated the tinglies with Jesus. Now that I have left the faith, I find it confusing when I experience these physical sensations. It’s kinda hard for me to describe it right now. I tend to get these sensations at big, exciting musicals like the Lion King or high emotion movies like the Lion King (1994). On the other hand, the opposite happens to me when I watch cheap cash grabs like the Lion King (2019).
@27:19 (Camera cuts to a hyped teenager describing being so full of God that “it’s insane” struggling to find a more descriptive word) This is me (not literally) at ATF in KC at 2005. I had this moment with my group. We had a rather intense worship session. I was kneeling on the upper-balcony, beer-stained floor in a complete meditative fugue. Time lost all meaning. After finally hearing from God and achieving some teenage enlightment, I huddled with a few of my friends to share my big epiphany. I’d like to think I was a little more eloquent than this kid but lets be honest…
@28:50 (The documentary shows a montage of altar calls from various ATFs.) Oh man, I can even feel the breeze I used to feel in these moments where everything gets dark and solemn. I would get tingly, sometimes some sort of tunnel vision. The religious fervor, music, lights, endorphins, pheromones, and everything else in this crazy concoction. It literally was a high. I want to emphasize that I literally felt these same sensations watching the documentary. It’s surreal being transported back into this scene.
@31:15 (April and Mica talk about how we become vessels of God when we get he sets us on fire and calls to change the world.) I was definitely his vessel. In fact, I was so much his vessel that my gamertag and username while I was at the cult translated to “Vessel of God.”@31:40 I remember my GE promo video being waaaay cooler. But we had CGI during my time.
@32:20 It doesn’t matter that you’re broke, you’ll get the money because [strike]we need money[/strike] Jesus.
@32:20 “And let me tell you what most young people say, ‘Well, I can never get the money.’ You can get the money. Anybody can get the money. God doesn’t have a problem getting you the money. You just got to find out whose pocket is that money in. [sic]” Or in other words: “It doesn’t matter that you’re broke, you’ll get the money because we need money we must spread the Gospel of Jesus!”
I inadvertently used this mentality against TM. I eventually tried going on a GE trip in the summer and winter but I just couldn’t get the funds. Summer funds were always easy (thanks for being rich, Granny!) but for some reason the cash just wasn’t flowing. I figured that if God didn’t have a problem getting me the cash when he wanted me to go then he must not want me to go if he’s not getting me the cash now. I still cried with my rep when I finally threw in the towel. I felt so much shame for not trying enough.
@35:20 I was a blond white boy so I was Jesus during my first mission trip in Juarez. We did the Ragman drama. In my other skit-based trip, I was the general in the Journey presumably because the other blond boy was prettier.
@35:30 (Liz recalls being a mime in her skit and that she felt an immense pressure to act the drama perfectly. Mica adds on that even wiping away some sweat might distract someone from the message and now they won’t give their heart to Jesus and go to Hell.) I felt a lot of this pressure too. I can’t claim that it was worded quite like this, but the training was intense and this was essentially the message. Now that I think about it, I think I came into TM with this mentality already. Growing up in Evangelical got me thinking about having people’s blood on my hands if I don’t bring them to Christ. This whole piece actually flies below my trauma radar since the HA internship did a lot more in that department.
@37:48 (On the intensity of the teens on these trips.) Our pretty-boy Jesus in the Journey straight up passed out during the whole crucifixion scene. We must have beaten him up a little too well in the Panama summer heat and he lost consciousness on the ground. We lost track of the beat because he didn’t roll like he was supposed to when the soldier kicked him. He finally came to as we hoisted him up onto the cross, really selling Jesus’ pain. Like us, he had no idea what happened and later described that he was so confused for the rest of the drama. We just laughed it off at the Tastee Freeze that evening.
@39:40 (Phil got appendicitis and needs surgery in India. He eventually gets an infection) Bruh, MRSA… Why were there sooooo many MRSA cases? There’s only one story on this blog but I feel like I heard at least 2 other cases. I guess staph was more common…
@40:35 (Ron visits Phil in the hospital) Ron Luce baptized me. I too got stars in my eyes so I get it, Phil. He was a big guy and it was so neat when senpai noticed us! A big part of me wanted to join the Fellowship of Burning Hearts. “This suffering has worth.” I feel like this was a common theme at TM. I’ve hurt myself so much, namely from ESOAL and IET but I never went to the doctor to get things fixed. I am still in constant pain from these events. Day in, day out, constant unrelenting pain in my hips and shoulders. Do you love me now, Jesus?
@41:15 (Things start getting more intense about the intensity) We’re Elite Warriors. In Sunday School, we used to sing about being in the Lord’s army. The military comparisons were insane, and not just at TM!
@42:05 By “Elite” that means you get to add an extra zero to your tuition, right? I bet that it means you get to add an extra zero. I see that it’s well worth the price. /s
@43:12 (Mica talks about what it’s like wanting to join the internship) Mica and I have the same experience. I saw the interns on my trips and loved their passion and their zeal. The first time I saw an ad for the HA I thought it was the dumbest thing ever. But, what 7th grader gets serious about post-secondary plans?
Episode 1 down. This one was kind of intense but it didn’t quite shake me like I expected. I related a lot with what people were saying, but for some reason, the bulk of the clips and materials were before my time so this was more like watching any other documentary. It was great to learn the early days. Like I said, there were some things that were surprising to me. I am so grateful for those who hoarded all the clips, images, books, and so on. I was worried that we would have a lot of lost media. I definitely didn’t hold onto much.
My roomie and I were talking about the “haze” at ATF. We remember the air just being charged. We all knew what was coming and the hype built. It was almost like we were getting ready to hotbox Jesus. The annual trips to ATF and GE were like a pilgrimage. Every time I would rededicate my life to God and aim to stop being such a sinner then try to win more people to Jesus. In reality, I’m just jonesin for another hit.
Anyway, I loved this episode and I am stoked to talk about episode 2. Unlike the documentary itself, I’m going to instead pull a Peter Jackson. I binged all three episodes and made my reactions, but I am going to release each post separately, a few days apart. Why? Good question.
