(disclaimer: I’m not endorsing the United Methodist church–I just think this is a good message.)
Christmas is complicated. At least, that’s my experience, but I would guess it’s a hard time of year for others in the community as well. In my case, the holidays stir up a deep loneliness and longing for family. Some years it applies pressure about giving the perfect gift, and other years stress results from not knowing what I’ll do on Christmas. Maybe I’ll stay home alone with my cat. Maybe I’ll find a place to volunteer my time for others. Maybe I’ll ask a friend if I can join their Christmas traditions.
In the past, Christmas meant family drama. It meant being a child and unable to control the violence or pain around me. It meant apprehension about the return to school after winter break, because I knew my friends would ask questions about what I did and the presents I received, and I would feel judged. If I’m honest, I actually have very few happy childhood memories involving any holiday, but it’s especially true about Christmas.
Despite my age or social/familial situation, Christmas has frequently inspired guilt. The holiday was supposed to be about peace, goodwill and Love, yet I would think about myself and feel envious of friends. I felt intense guilt as a little girl for the gifts given to me by my mother and grandma, because I knew they had to scrimp and save to give them to me. And coming from somewhat of a Messianic Jewish background, I carried guilt about Christmas being a secular holiday and not the actual day or season of Christ’s birth.
The truth is that I carry a lot of Christmas baggage. But I am slowly unpacking those issues and creating my own traditions and finding a bit of joy and different outlets to direct my Love.
How about you? Is Christmas Cheer a reality in your life? Or does it weight you down with pressure, excessive spending, too many calories, or arguments with extended family? Does it raise unpleasant memories or confuse you about religion or faith? I think that for most people, Christmas is at least somewhat of a mixed bag. It carries great cultural and spiritual meaning, so it can be difficult to overcome expectations and experience joy of the season.
To be completely honest, I believe that the point of Christmas has been lost in many if not most homes. Regardless of your religious conviction, Christmas is supposed to be about Love. And Love does not equal presents. Love does not equal food. Love does not equal expectations.
This is the time of year to pull together and Love someone. The crazy Aunt who makes you gawdy reindeer sweaters. The nosy grandmother who asks what’s wrong with you and when you’re going to settle down. The parents who just refuse to treat you like an adult. Yes, Christmas is the time to love the difficult people in our lives, while clinging tightly to the ones who are there for us, who are so unbelievably easy to love.
So if you’re feeling a little bit overwhelmed this season, take heart and remember that Love is the operative word here. Maybe you can start some new traditions that take some stress off of the whole family.
One of my personal Christmas traditions is watching Christmas or holiday films, like Elf, and the Snowman (above).
In the comments below, feel free to share your thoughts about Christmas–your struggles, your fond memories and traditions, your suggestions for others… anything you want. I’ll follow up with you all by making another post on Christmas day. I look forward to hearing everyone’s thoughts!
9 COMMENTS
Anonymous | December 20, 2012 at 7:13 pm | ReplyIts funny your comments should be so rawly open and honest, because I think you hit the nail right on the head. While you were agonizing in school over the holidays and the social expectations, as was I, and how many of our peers right in our own school. I too felt deeply saddened all the way through high school that I didn’t have grandparents homes to go to, that I was almost perfectly content what little I received- but felt suppressed as the kids around us came back from cruises, dinseyworld, and thousands of recently.acquired gifts. Christmas though is always my favorite time of year, because if you can see clearly that glimmer of love, doing for others, spending time with people and donating of yourself- it is the best natural high. Of course you can achieve this all year long, but during Christmas we should all come together and give for one part of the year. You were exactly right that Christmas is a grab bag, as I am actually a practioner of 3 religions, loosely. Connie- Anonymous | December 20, 2012 at 7:15 pm | ReplyI really enjoy your blog and writing Shannon 🙂 Connie
- admin | December 20, 2012 at 7:43 pm | ReplyConnie, I love it. Not that you were in pain when we were kids, but I love the difference honesty makes. For me as a Christian, I feel deeply convicted that a lot of problems in the “church” could be overcome with honesty. I believe the church would perpetuate significantly fewer abuses of power and generate much more good if we would simply get honest.I don’t care what the issue is–not one should have to feel alone because they’re too afraid to speak up about how they feel. Such fear is really damaging and it goes pretty far to keep people away from Love. There’s such a camaraderie born when an individual shares a piece of their painful past and another person pipes up–”Me too! I thought I was the only one.” And I think even as a kid, I had a sense that this had to be true–that there had to be people out there in whom I could share my honest thoughts. It kind of took me until 30 to find some, but what a blessing they are in my life 🙂Again, thanks for reading and commenting. I’m pleased when I can say something that touches another heart in some small way.
- Anonymous | December 20, 2012 at 10:23 pm | Replywhat does this have to do with tm or the honor academy?
admin | December 20, 2012 at 11:17 pm | ReplySorry if this post causes confusion, but this is a blog for Recovering Alumni. That does not mean that every post must directly relate to TM.Furthermore, many of the problems within TM are abuses also happening in other supposedly Christian groups. One of the RA members suggested doing a Christmas post and I thought it was a great idea.My hope is that recovering alumni can feel free to discuss their experiences with religion or their freedom from lies.I’m answering your question because I feel it’s valid, but further trolling or rude comments will be removed, fyi.- admin | December 20, 2012 at 11:19 pm | ReplyAlso, honesty *should* be a part of The HA, but was sorely lacking. Survivors of abuse can find a lot of healing in simply sharing honest conversations.
- Shiloh | December 22, 2012 at 9:58 pm | ReplyThis was a fantastic post. Thank you so much. I’ve been thinking about it the last couple days. I hate Christmas. It is always SO dramatic. One year, when I was in middle-school I actually got a pretty big tv. a vcr (this was like 15 years ago. lol.) and a new cd player. I was so freaking ticked off. (because of course no one loved me anyways. they only got me those presents cause they ‘had to.’ haha. WTF?)
Yup. Christmas for me = dysfunctional, un-necessary guilt and crazy. - That redheaded one | December 23, 2012 at 12:40 am | ReplyChristmas time was actually when I woke up from my TM brainwashing because my family was huge on togetherness and poor so small on gifts. I was an only child so our big thing was to pay it forward in love. I never envied the kids who got a lot of fancy things because I saw their relationship with their parents compared to me and mine and I realized what was important. When it came to HA it always seemed to be appearance but no real love and Christmas was wherr that hit home for me. It was like watching all the well off families and seeing no depth or love.Since I have grown to have kids of my own it has come to me that I need to teach the love forward quite a bit.
admin | January 9, 2013 at 2:58 am | ReplyRedhead, I think that’s beautiful. Teaching the love forward–that’s what it’s all about.
Its funny your comments should be so rawly open and honest, because I think you hit the nail right on the head. While you were agonizing in school over the holidays and the social expectations, as was I, and how many of our peers right in our own school. I too felt deeply saddened all the way through high school that I didn’t have grandparents homes to go to, that I was almost perfectly content what little I received- but felt suppressed as the kids around us came back from cruises, dinseyworld, and thousands of recently.acquired gifts. Christmas though is always my favorite time of year, because if you can see clearly that glimmer of love, doing for others, spending time with people and donating of yourself- it is the best natural high. Of course you can achieve this all year long, but during Christmas we should all come together and give for one part of the year. You were exactly right that Christmas is a grab bag, as I am actually a practioner of 3 religions, loosely. Connie
I really enjoy your blog and writing Shannon 🙂 Connie
Connie, I love it. Not that you were in pain when we were kids, but I love the difference honesty makes. For me as a Christian, I feel deeply convicted that a lot of problems in the “church” could be overcome with honesty. I believe the church would perpetuate significantly fewer abuses of power and generate much more good if we would simply get honest.I don’t care what the issue is–not one should have to feel alone because they’re too afraid to speak up about how they feel. Such fear is really damaging and it goes pretty far to keep people away from Love. There’s such a camaraderie born when an individual shares a piece of their painful past and another person pipes up–”Me too! I thought I was the only one.” And I think even as a kid, I had a sense that this had to be true–that there had to be people out there in whom I could share my honest thoughts. It kind of took me until 30 to find some, but what a blessing they are in my life 🙂Again, thanks for reading and commenting. I’m pleased when I can say something that touches another heart in some small way.
what does this have to do with tm or the honor academy?
Sorry if this post causes confusion, but this is a blog for Recovering Alumni. That does not mean that every post must directly relate to TM.Furthermore, many of the problems within TM are abuses also happening in other supposedly Christian groups. One of the RA members suggested doing a Christmas post and I thought it was a great idea.My hope is that recovering alumni can feel free to discuss their experiences with religion or their freedom from lies.I’m answering your question because I feel it’s valid, but further trolling or rude comments will be removed, fyi.
Also, honesty *should* be a part of The HA, but was sorely lacking. Survivors of abuse can find a lot of healing in simply sharing honest conversations.
This was a fantastic post. Thank you so much. I’ve been thinking about it the last couple days. I hate Christmas. It is always SO dramatic. One year, when I was in middle-school I actually got a pretty big tv. a vcr (this was like 15 years ago. lol.) and a new cd player. I was so freaking ticked off. (because of course no one loved me anyways. they only got me those presents cause they ‘had to.’ haha. WTF?)Yup. Christmas for me = dysfunctional, un-necessary guilt and crazy.
Christmas time was actually when I woke up from my TM brainwashing because my family was huge on togetherness and poor so small on gifts. I was an only child so our big thing was to pay it forward in love. I never envied the kids who got a lot of fancy things because I saw their relationship with their parents compared to me and mine and I realized what was important. When it came to HA it always seemed to be appearance but no real love and Christmas was wherr that hit home for me. It was like watching all the well off families and seeing no depth or love.Since I have grown to have kids of my own it has come to me that I need to teach the love forward quite a bit.
Redhead, I think that’s beautiful. Teaching the love forward–that’s what it’s all about.