A mutual friend introduced me to Erin (not her real name). She has given me permission to reprint some of her emails which contain fabulous insights on how TM has affected her.
My first reaction when XXXXX told me you’d started writing about spiritual abuse at Teen Mania was kind of funny and telling, so I’ll just start with that, by way of introduction. It was a sense of relief that it was you doing it, not just as opposed to not me, but as in, someone “important.” I was glad it was being said by someone who had been accepted at Teen Mania and was therefore entitled to have an opinion. I mean, I don’t remember you very well, but I recognized your name, and knew you were a GI. You know, a little bit of intern celebrity awe.
That first emotional reaction was so telling. I know better. I know that whether someone was there one year or two, was an executive assistant or on grounds, whether they looked like they had it all together or barely made it, all of us were subject to the same crazy pressures and impossible standards. But that first response was an immediate and real reminder of how completely successful the internship was at making me feel like a black sheep, someone with dangerous and rebellious thoughts, who could never be good enough. My first thought 10 years later was that I didn’t matter. TM discounted and invalidated my feelings and opinions, and it’s so easy to let them. Ugh. It’s so twisted. They take something true in some ways, that should be freeing, (I really can never be good enough, and that’s okay, I don’t have to be) and turn it into a tool of manipulation and condemnation.
Just more evidence demonstrating the environment at the Honor Academy is one of performance where the approved are celebrated and the “failures” are marginalized.
1 comments:
RA thanks for this post from your friend…
“My first thought 10 years later was that I didn’t matter. TM discounted and invalidated my feelings and opinions, and it’s so easy to let them.”
Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get to see that Person I was before I left for the HA. The one who Knew God Loved Me with No strings attached.
May 17, 2010 3:42 PM