Due to the recent nature of the comments, I think its worthwhile to re-visit the reasons behind why this blog is here and who it is for.
This blog (and the forums) are intended to be a SAFE place for wounded and hurt people who were, at one time, part of Teen Mania. This is a place to come together and support each other in our journey of healing. We do this through sharing our stories and critiquing the teachings and culture of the Honor Academy and Teen Mania in general. This is based on the techniques in the recovery movement and therapy.
I cannot be all things to all people. This blog cannot be all things to all people. I am NOT a neutral, third party committed to presenting “both sides.” I present the unvarnished truth of my experience. If it bothers you that this blog is “one-sided” then please feel free to start your own blog.
I will not apologize for giving people a place to share their hurts and fears without shame or judgment. And I will absolutely be damned if I let a place I’ve provided become another haven for spiritual or emotional abuse, shame or judgment. I will not allow my readers and commenters to be continually put into a place where they have to defend themselves. They’ve had enough of that in real life.
So, if you can’t dialogue with respect, if you cannot honor the hurt and the pain people have experienced then you are not welcome here and your comments will absolutely be deleted. I’ve given much grace on the comment policy, to the point where it is being abused. You are free to disagree as long as your opinions are presented without shame, judgment and rudeness. If they aren’t, they will be gone. And it is up to my sole discretion whether or not your comments are appropriate. My number one priority is healing for the broken – not explaining to you why we need it. If those two things become mutually exclusive, I will side with the hurting EVERY SINGLE TIME.
If you have a problem with this or anything else on the blog, you can email me personally. But you can’t abuse my precious readers who have finally had the courage to share their struggles.
Some of you might think I’m being too harsh here. And I can understand that. But if you talked to the people I’ve talked to and read the emails I’ve read you would understand the paralyzing amount of pain, shame and condemnation that so many alumni live with. And regardless of whatever else this blog accomplishes, my primary mission will always remain healing for those who have already been hurt. When anything else intrudes on that healing, it has to go.
That is my story and I’m sticking to it.
28 comments:
RA – I think I can speak for a lot of us when I say, thank you for protecting those that are speaking out. The protection of this website is something some have not experienced, especially with TM! You’re doing a good job!
May 6, 2010 4:34 PM
Jacqueline said…
Thank you RA!
May 6, 2010 5:41 PM
Nunquam Honorablus said…
Transition into hippie mode:
Can I just say that I love you guys? We’re kind of like a little family and I love that we can disagree on so many issues, but still support each other regardless. I think THIS is what the Body of Christ should look more like. We as believers have kind of mucked up the vision of Christ at large with our own elitism and legalistic atta-boys, so it’s refreshing to see that Jesus is so unconcerned with our strivings and just wants US.
It’s pretty amazing. So um my train of thought is dying but RA is awesome and so are you guys.
May 6, 2010 5:54 PM
moriah said…
RA
You are a hero.
This letter is incredibly well -written.
Thank you.
May 6, 2010 8:56 PM
kristen said…
RA… thank you, well said.
NH… i love this 😉
May 6, 2010 9:09 PM
Eric P. said…
Hear, hear! (Or is that “here, here”? I’ve never been sure.)
May 7, 2010 10:30 AM
Z said…
This blog needs a “like” button!
May 7, 2010 11:03 AM
Alum2000 said…
Totally agree with you RA – glad you’re refocusing things…
May 7, 2010 12:23 PM
Lady E said…
Thank you RA, what you are doing and what you have done takes great courage and I am so thankful that you are pressing through and determined to fight for and protect the hurting and spiritually abused, which are unfortunately many.
Nunquam- you have such a unique way or wording things that I LOVE! Keep being you. You’re awesome!
May 7, 2010 1:54 PM
Cesna said…
I’m still starting my own blog. Poopy Head RA.
May 7, 2010 2:25 PM
Anonymous said…
Thank you RA.
May 7, 2010 4:46 PM
kimlynn1225 said…
RA,
Thank you! If it weren’t for this blog I wouldn’t have even known that I was a victim of spiritual abuse because of my year at the HA. It’s so freeing to release that burden.
Thanks
May 8, 2010 9:54 AM
Anonymous said…
Thank you, RA. It is because of this blog that I’ve decided to go the route away from God and toward good relationships.
Thank you for not judging me on that decision here.
May 9, 2010 8:11 PM
Jacqueline said…
Anon- 8:11
It’s interesting to me that you would say that you are going away from God and toward good relationships.
It seems like you haven’t been reading this blog.
May 10, 2010 8:14 AM
Anonymous said…
What is this blog really doing other than providing a place to complain without facing people and dealing with it? Rather than boiling all the negative things that happened during your time at Teen Mania all together and making it worse by slandering, gossiping, and complaining, why don’t you just forgive and run to God in the midst of pain? Journal about these things, don’t put them on the web – “Thank you! If it weren’t for this blog I wouldn’t have even known that I was a victim of spiritual abuse because of my year at the HA. It’s so freeing to release that burden.” This person didn’t even have an issue, or think she was a “victim” until you wrote all this and now you are swaying others into negativity.
I’m not asking you to stop the blog by any means I’m just pointing out that it isn’t really beneficial for anyone to dwell on bad memories or issues from a different season of life. Glorify God.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23
May 10, 2010 9:43 AM
Eric P. said…
Wow. Only a spiritual abuser could possibly interpret “It’s so freeing to release that burden!” as “negativity.”
It’s particularly revealing to see how afraid TM is that people might actually say something honest about their experiences.
“They have healed the brokenness of My people superficially, Saying, ‘Peace, peace,’ But there is no peace.” (Jeremiah 6:14)
May 10, 2010 10:31 AM
Eric P. said…
Anon @ 8:11 / Jacqueline — I don’t know; learning to love your neighbor brings you closer to God than some people ever get. (1 John 4:20)
May 10, 2010 10:44 AM
Anonymous said…This post has been removed by a blog administrator.May 10, 2010 11:27 AM
Recovering Alumni said…
Re: Anon 8:11 – I think I understand what they are saying. Sometimes Christian relationships seem judgmental and abusive, so they are moving away from that. That is how I understood it.
May 10, 2010 12:04 PM
Eric P. said…
Anon @11:27– If you disagree with this blog, then by your own advice you shouldn’t comment on negative things about it.
May 10, 2010 12:06 PM
Alum2000 said…
Anonymous – in response to your comment,
“This person didn’t even have an issue, or think she was a “victim” until you wrote all this and now you are swaying others into negativity…”
If you study psychology and recovery from abuse, a huge part of the process is recognizing the problem and identifying a way to talk about it. What can be so frustrating for people dealing with abuse is that until a person has a language/vocabulary to talk about their abuse they can go on for years knowing something is wrong but with no words to “name” it and therefore deal with it. For example – sexual harassment – women dealt with this issue for years prior to the term being coined, but it wasn’t until someone was able to name it and talk about it using this term that it was really able to be addressed and dealt with in society as a whole. I think that is what is happening here for some people who have not been able to “name” the abuse they know they experienced and have found relief in knowing that they aren’t alone and there is a way to talk about it using the term “spiritual abuse”.
I don’t think a majority of the people who post to this blog would deny that God alone can bring healing and restoration and, contrary to your opinion, many of us are on our own personal journeys with Him outside of this blog…however, God uses community and relationships as a means of ministering his love grace to hurting people in the world and I think that’s what many people (including myself) have found here. That, and a place where we can finally name and talk about something that, for some of us, has been left unresolved within in us for 10+ years – is that so bad?
Also, I think if you read more of the blog you’ll see that many of us have repeatedly tried to take our concerns to the leadership at TM to no avail. Thanks to this blog, these issues have been taken to TM’s board of directors which has led to an investigation of TM’s practices. Given the steps we’ve taken, I don’t see how you can say, we are “complain(ing) without facing people and dealing with it.”
May 10, 2010 12:10 PM
Nunquam Honorablus said…
Well, um, to take a page out of the HA’s book, this blog isn’t for everyone. If it doesn’t help you in any way, then you really don’t have to get involved, bud.
May 10, 2010 12:12 PM
Nunquam Honorablus said…
Uh, whoops, the comment posted before I was done with it! Bummer! :C
Now that the comment’s been deleted, it’s kinda obsolete now rofl
May 10, 2010 12:14 PM
Shannon Kish said…
I can reiterate that I sent both RL and DH an email on May 6th. I haven’t heard a response.
Prior to that I sent one on Mar 29th, still no response. So, we are TRYING TO contact them, but they aren’t answering.
May 10, 2010 12:49 PM
Nunquam Honorablus said…
I sent an email a couple of months ago too, and it wasn’t answered either.
Granted, Hasz once told us that if we send him an email that’s any more than three or four lines long, he ignores it. Dunno if that applies to alumni, or just current interns…
May 10, 2010 1:08 PM
shouldcareless said…
i have an alum friend who sent DH an email very recently, outlining some of the specific issues he/she had with some of the TM grooming standards. Though DH technically apologized, he still put the blame back on her for not getting his point originally. So, the problem wasn’t with what DH said or taught, it was with how my friend and hundreds of other interns interpreted it. 🙂 it’s a nice thought, though, that whole reconciliation conversation. just wish it were applicable here.
May 10, 2010 3:33 PM
Moriah said…
3:33
What Dave Hasz did by putting the blame back on the victim is CLASSIC narcissistic behavior.
I recommend a serious inquiry into Narcissistic Personality Disorder for anyone trying to understand Dave Hasz’ approach. Believe me, you will see the similarities!
In my opionion, Dave Hasz suffers from this disorder.
May 10, 2010 10:09 PM
‘Derek’ said…
Anon@9:43 – Read my story, Derek’s Story. I am REAL, and I recognized my hurt and pain 10 YEARS ago. Yes, I wanted to “PLEASE” TM and my family by going back, and “PROVING” that I could finish the internship, but after a few years of feeling like crap because I didn’t finish the first time, I didn’t want to go back. Then when I was kicked out of churches because of my personal file be sent to a youth pastor, TM/HA as an organization sealed their fate with me. I no longer wanted anything to do with that organization. Those feelings still hold true to this day. I want to have friendships back with people from there, but not all of them. I know people that came out as TM clones, and I don’t want anything to do with them either. My distain for TM/HA as an organization runs deep because of the crap that I went through. When you, as a Christian, can say that you are prefect(and not a perfect TM clone), by all means throw a stone at me cause I will NEVER be perfect, but when you do throw that stone, pray I don’t catch it, and throw it right back at you for being a hypocrite. See we, the Recovering Alumni, use this as a way to journel, and warn others that TM isn’t all the glitz and glamour that you see at the events (ATF and Battlecry). Oh, and FYI, as I stated in my story, I DID email Dave Hasz my story first before submitting it here, and I did get a reply. How sincere it was, I have no clue, but most of the people from this blog, and the forums, have sent him and Ron emails to no avail. THANK GOD the Board has heard our cries, and has chosen to respond to them.
May 11, 2010 10:57 AM
