Have you noticed that ever since the conference call we’ve had more combative comments and we are hearing less and less from those who are in the process of healing from their time at TM? That is bass-ackwards.
Some people have mentioned that they don’t feel as safe anymore with all the new people in the comments who are parroting pretty much the exact same party line we’ve all heard before. Instead of feeling safe to comment here about their real thoughts, feelings, and experiences, they feel they are attacked – so, why bother? That only compounds the problem, it doesn’t help it. And that is totally the opposite of the spirit of this blog. And frankly, I won’t stand for it.
So, until further notice, I’d like those of you who do not consider yourselves part of the recovering community to take a break from commenting on other people’s experiences. Feel free to share your own – but only your own. Any comments that sound judgmental or rude will be deleted. Any comments that are dismissive of other people’s hurts will be deleted. This place is supposed to be a refuge for the hurting and broken – not a place for them to get banged up again.
You wouldn’t show up to a recovery group for abused children and say, “Hey, you should just look at the positive – they gave you food and shelter, right? You need to move on with your lives and quit looking at the past!” If you did, I would expect the person leading it to throw you out.
So, that’s what I’m doing. The only acceptable comment tone here is one that is welcoming to the hurting, validating of their feelings, respectful of them as fellow children of God and understanding of the vulnerability they are displaying by sharing their stories and comments.
If you have a problem with this, start your own blog.
22 comments:
YAY! Well said! Bravo RA! 🙂
Josh ex-intern 00-01says:July 20, 2010 at 7:49 AM
Thank you RA for re-iterating that.
Myndasays:July 20, 2010 at 7:53 AM
Well done RA! This is not a democracy. This site has helped me through soo much in relationship with God and the people in my life. Don’t let people belittle it!
Kristasays:July 20, 2010 at 9:10 AM
Agreed – thanks RA 🙂
Hey Guys, FYI – had to turn on comment moderation for now.
This is a huge relief. I can see the other blogs now…
Candorsays:July 20, 2010 at 10:30 AM
Thank God!
Anonymoussays:July 20, 2010 at 10:43 AM
Jesus is the answer for the world today.
Renaesays:July 20, 2010 at 11:14 AM
What I think is happening is all these people who had “great” experiences at the HA or who are still there and insist we “get over it” or “see the good in it” have never been involved in recovery ministry before. They don’t know what it’s about. I started an intensive 7-month recovery group at my church in January and it’s been through that lens that I’ve been seeing this group. The recovery group is for broken gender identity and recovering from sexual brokenness (porn addiction, homosexuality, sexual abuse, etc. etc.). I can say my attitude towards people struggling with homosexuality has changed immensely. Yes, it’s a choice, but not like choosing between a donut or corn flakes for breakfast. I have so much more grace for people struggling in this area. I have so much more grace period. The problem with people who come here and argue is they’ve never had to recover from anything before, or they are in denial about needing to. It takes time. Sometimes God miraculously heals someone of addiction or the wound of abuse, but most of the time He uses the ministries and people He called to bring people out of their brokenness. It’s not easy. It never will be. But it is SO worth it to be whole. People who haven’t been in recovery don’t understand that. I didn’t before I joined that group. I’m very glad I did, even just for the extra grace I now have.
RA, you’re doing a great thing here. I myself have had revelations about my own walk with God because of this blog. Before I figured out how to post with a name I commented on a few entries as anonymous…several posts brought me to tears as I figured out (finally!) where some of the more blatant lies I believed about God came from. Funny how God works…I join a recovery ministry, get a super passive aggressive email from Ron about a blog I’d never heard of, go on a search for it (exactly the opposite of Ron’s intention but perfectly aligned with God’s), and find a tool that has been one of the main ones on my road to recovery from something I thought was totally unrelated to my experience at the HA. Perfect.
Thank you, Renae, that is a beautiful story and well said!
Mifunesays:July 20, 2010 at 12:08 PM
I don’t wanna be offensive or stir the pot or whatever, but…
I think it would probably be helpful for you to more fully define the purpose of this site. As long as its split between being a recovery group AND a teenmania watchdog group, I think you’ll continue to see the painful overlap of the crowds those two groups will attract.
Because its (1) not fair to have a place for people to recover from bad experiences that is not a safe place for that, and (2) its equally unfair to act as a watchdog group and start a debate about TM, then declare that debate to be over because your focus is on recovery.
Does that make sense?
I’m in no way dismissing people’s experiences or concerns, or that people have hurt others with their comments – I just think that this might work better if its purpose was more fully declared. Are you primarily a place for healing? Or are you primarily a place for reforming TM? If both, maybe the time has come to split the groups apart? I dunno. Just some thoughts.
Oh yeah, and isn’t Jesus awesome? So much grace. So much grace.
Justj33says:July 20, 2010 at 12:37 PM
Ra, I understand what is your doing here I really do.
also, I’m wondering the same thing as Mifune.
I’ve never stated that this site was a TM watchdog group. I have absolutely no desire to do or be that. I think where the confusion has come in is the work with the Board of Directors. We went to the Board of Directors, in accordance with Matthew 18, and they failed to offer any meaningful repentance, so we have moved on. I’m absolutely done talking with DH or anyone in TM leadership (again, in accordance with Matthew 18).
This is a sort of “damned if you do, damned if you don’t,” situation.
If we never talked to TM, we’d be decried as never going to the source of our complaints. Now that we have, and have been essentially blown off, we are also decried. Can’t really have it both ways….
Mifunesays:July 20, 2010 at 1:18 PM
Got it. That makes sense now. Thanks for clarifying. I agree that the whole BOD thing was where confusion was coming from.
RA that is part of the cycle of the abuse. In abusive relationships if you don’t tell them that they are in the wrong then you are partly at fault for not speaking up. Once you speak up you are considered by the abuser to be just causing trouble. Keep speaking for so many out there that do not have a voice or the ability to speak it!
Josephinesays:July 20, 2010 at 2:31 PM
What is meaningful repentance, RA?
I’d say not blatantly lying about health and safety issues would be a start.
Josephine – If you’ve kept up with things at all, and you still don’t know the answer to that question, then its not worth me trying to answer. And if you haven’t kept up with things, well then, read on. But, I’ll give you a hint – Cesna is on to something!
This post is awesome. I fully agree.
Fitzsays:July 21, 2010 at 2:22 AM
Thank you RA, the blog comments have been painful to read lately. This place means a lot to me. 🙂
I took a break, but that was because I started therapy. no kidding. the counselor in training needed counseling for overworking herself and trying to control everything. go figure. years of trying to fit the mold and i think i cracked it.
Moriahsays:July 23, 2010 at 9:01 AM
RA. Thanks for clarifying mifunes point. I had also wondered about that. Since the board response and conference call, the site seemed to be pulling in a lot of TM supporters and it was feeling a bit less about support and recovery to me. I am not at all interested in arguing with people about the merits or defects of teen mania, but I am continually interested in the expression of experience that gets published here that is so essential to healing and good communication.