The Grieving Process: Denial, Shock, Pain & Guilt

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The stages of grief are not an exact science. We do not move neatly from one to another in progressive order. We often go back and forth and sometimes we even experience more than one at a time.

Once again, it is important to interpret the stages loosely, and expect much individual variation. There is no neat progression from one stage to the next. In reality, there is much looping back, or stages can hit at the same time, or occur out of order. So why bother with stage models at all? Because they are a good general guide of what to expect.

The first stage of grief is denial and shock. For someone who has gone through the HA, it might look like any of the following…

  • Thinking things like “It wasn’t that bad” or “I’m fine – it didn’t affect me.”
  • Throwing yourself into your new life so that you don’t have to think about the pain or grief.
  • Being emotionally numb.
  • You might deny how deep the pain goes because it makes you feel weak or like you are a bad Christian.

The second stage is pain and guilt.

As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

We’ve been told for too long that feeling and acknowledging this pain is not a “Christian” thing to do. I beg to differ. Being absolutely honest with God and ourselves is the only way to true and authentic relationship with Him.

So I leave you with a question today. If you are the type to use a journal, I encourage you to write your answers down. You might be surprised at how you really feel.

Is it difficult for you to acknowledge the painful feelings you are experiencing during this time in your life?

Why or why not?

How do you think God feels about your feelings?

Part 2: Anger
Part 3: Depression & Loneliness

2 comments:

So much insight. I didn’t even know what I was experiencing until I found this blog in 2010. I thank God that it is possible to be healed from my pain and abuse I experience at TM. I had experienced it other places but not like what I experienced at TM. Once I learned the truth about the situation it made me not want to be involved in church period. Finding a loving church is not an easy task because many churches claim they are loving. I heard so many people use the term “tough” love at TM but there is no scriptural basis for that. I never heard Jesus tell the wounded to suck it up even if they were in sin. The bible says to bear one another’s burdens and if you find your brother caught in a trespass those of you who are spiritual restore him with a spirit of gentleness. There was nothing gentle about TM. God is love and it was not reflective there and not reflective in so many churches. There are so many legalistic churches it’s a shame so devoid of love which is why Christ died. I’m starting a ministry that deals with reconciliation and encouragement which is what Christ did. He reconciled the lost sheep back to God and encouraged the wounded and hurting.

Kimberly, we’d love to have you join the Facebook group if you’d like! Email recovingalumni@hotmail.com and you can get added!

3 thoughts on “The Grieving Process: Denial, Shock, Pain & Guilt”

  1. Pingback: Why It’s Ok to Be Angry ~ My Teen Mania Experience | My Teen Mania Experience

  2. Pingback: Why It’s Ok to Be Angry – My Teen Mania Experience

  3. Pingback: The Grieving Process: Depression & Loneliness – Recovering Alumni

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