The Grieving Process: Anger

In the anger stage we start placing blame. We might be angry with ourselves, angry with God, angry with other people, angry with Satan. Personally, I know that I have felt most angry with God over my experience. And not just once, but at many different times.

While feeling angry is not sinful, we can choose to express our anger in either destructive ways or healthy ways. Some destructive expressions of anger include passive-aggressiveness, sarcasm, verbal abuse, retaliatory anger, and blind rage.

Here are some healthy ways to express your anger (taken from the LIFE Guide by Melissa Haas):

• Honest: “I am very angry with you right now.”
• Kind: No name calling, belittling or devaluing allowed
• Responsible: We own our anger. No one can “make us” angry.
• Fair: Cruel jokes are off limits
• Contained: We don’t get back at others. We trust God to deal with them.
• Controlled: We invite the Holy Spirit to take control of our anger.
• Interactive: Anger is expressed and talked through.
• Outward: No under-cover anger is healthy. Anger turned inward hurts us or others.

I believe anger is a God-given warning light on the dashboard of our lives. It signals to us that something is wrong. It tells us that our boundaries have been violated in some way. Ask God to help you express your anger in a healthy way. And remember as you are angry that this is part of the path of healing. You are not wrong, you are not bad, and you are not alone.

2 comments:

Hillary said…

Thank you for writing this. Anger is healthy too because it is one of the first steps towards truth ~ away from denial. Anger agrees “I was wronged”. And knowing this enables healing truth to pour into wounds.
December 9, 2009 12:16 PM

Anonymous said…

“No under-cover anger is healthy.” Wow. I could write a book about that. That’s the primary method in the church when dealing with grievances. “overlook.” It makes me mad that we don’t teach that anger is a signal that our boundaries have been violated. All we’re taught is “It’s not ‘nice.'” AHH!! God forbid we’re not nice. It’s ok to be angry. How many people resort to self-destruction rather than owning the raging anger inside for having been taken advantage of by ________. As someone who grew up a ‘nice girl’, it’s very scary to admit anger because it threatens the basic balance of my life. “Stay in control.” This becomes the mantra of how we feel about ourselves, our feelings, and how we feel we must operate in our spiritual lives. God can handle your anger. He is big enough. (I’m talking at myself.) Anger means things are not “ok,” and we work very hard to tell ourselves they are. It’s ok to not be “ok”! It leaves room for God to work. That’s another one of those things I would like to be tattooed on me. I know so many Christians who have left the church because they’re angry at God, at the church, and at themselves for failing expectations. If we don’t have a voice, the outcome is not good.

-Joy G.
May 18, 2010 7:42 AM