At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter what Teen Mania is doing. Teen Mania is going to do whatever its going to do. The question is – what are you going to do?
It’s great that we’ve been able to bring these hidden issues into the light. It’s great that each one of us has been able to realize we are not alone in our experience and that we are not awful, terrible people because we were hurt by Teen Mania. It’s wonderful that we’ve been able to connect and support each other.
But it’s sad that Teen Mania, by and large, has chosen not to validate our experiences and repent for their mistreatment of us. It’s sad that people we love and respected betrayed our trust and devastated our lives.
So what do we do now?
Forgive.
Recognizing the wrongs done to you is absolutely critical to forgiveness. How can you forgive something if you don’t know what you are forgiving them for? That’s a big reason why I’ve spent so much time discussing what we went through and how we were abused. Properly grieving your pain and loss by expressing your negative emotions instead of holding them in is also an important part of the process. And we’ve done that here as well. The next step is learning to move to a place of forgiveness and closure – if you stop short of that, then you are shortchanging the full extent of the healing work that God wants to do in you.
Forgiveness isn’t about letting someone off the hook, it’s about setting us free from the hatred, bitterness and resentment that want to eat away at the joy and promise of our lives. Luckily, we can learn to forgive even when the other party refuses to acknowledge their wrong doing. We only have control over our own lives and heart – and that is all we are responsible for.
Sometimes forgiveness is misunderstood or confused with reconciliation (which can only happen when both parties seek it). Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that:
- You trust them again.
- You become friends with them again.
- You let them avoid the consequences of their actions.
- You immediately quit feeling pain or anger over the situation.
- You never speak about the issue again.
Forgiveness means you give up the right and desire for revenge. It is not necessarily an easy thing to do, or something you may feel ready to do right away, but I believe with God’s grace and power, we can do it. Some of you might not even want to forgive, and that’s ok, as long as you are honest about it. God knows how hurt and broken you are, He does not chastise you for your pain. Ask Him to help you want to forgive and He can give you the desire to do it, even if it now seems unthinkable.
Again, forgiveness doesn’t mean that there are no consequences for actions, or that we silently stand by while abuses continue to go on. But, ultimately, my heart and my life is all I can control, and its all I have to answer for. I’m not going to allow some people mistreating teens in East Texas to infect me with a bitterness and hatred that takes away my joy, my zest for life or my sense of self-worth and community. I’ve got too much to live for. And so do you!
Now I know that some people will read this and think I’m off my rocker. I’m daily accused of being unforgiving and bitter towards Teen Mania. The truth, for those who have ears to hear, is that I forgave TM several years ago for what they did to me. My pain over my own personal situation is practically gone.
Now, most of the anger I feel is on behalf of those interns that TM continues to wound, year after year. Some of the most astonishing stories I’ve been told don’t even make it to the blog for reasons of privacy and safety. I do not apologize for being angry about injustice or standing with victims. However, at times, I’m also angered by the personal attacks I’ve gotten because of this blog. And that is an area where I have an opportunity to continually learn to walk in forgiveness.
Although it’s hard sometimes, I’m continually searching for the balance between seeking justice for the oppressed and wounded while still remembering that Teen Mania is not my enemy; that God loves each one of TM’s leaders just as much as He loves me. And He wants nothing more than for all of us to learn to live in that love.
5 comments:
Amen and well said RA…and thank you…October 4, 2010 5:34 AM
Shiloh said…
Hearty, ‘Amen.’
So much good stuff.
I have so forgiven T.M.
I think this statement sums it up pretty well,
“I’m not going to allow some people mistreating teens in East Texas to infect me with a bitterness and hatred that takes away my joy, my zest for life or my sense of self-worth and community.”
Fer real.October 4, 2010 6:00 AM
heartsfire said…
THIS!
The balance is a very hard one to find. People who make accusations of you have not noticed the heart you have and the understanding for each and every one of us. *HUGS*October 4, 2010 7:42 AM
Shaina said…
You are right friend,
I do love this post. Thank you for living and seeking Truth in every way.
You will baffle so many people. . . it’s ok. One day they will understand justice. . .October 4, 2010 8:48 AM
Heather said…This post has been removed by the author.October 4, 2010 9:06 AM