More firsthand accounts of disturbing experiences at ESOAL written by interns.
Here are a few “highlights” from a blog post written by an intern. Read the whole thing here. (2021 Update: Blog has since gone down.)
Picture yourself in a concentration camp and you’ll get a taste of what I experienced. We were nothing, nobodies, lesser beings than scum. We couldn’t talk, move, or eat without permission. We had to forget all insecurities and work our behinds off for a piece of bread or 5 minutes of sleep.
About 2 hours later we were woken up by our screaming majors. “Get up you filthy rodents!” I was taken aback by the things they were saying.
The next hours are all a blur to me. Many of us have tried to relive the experience by writing it down. I can’t tell you how many people have supressed the memories of this event, including myself.
Here is an intern who encountered a medical problem so severe he had to leave the internship for a month. On top of that, he was threatened with dismissal because he was gone too long! These people have some serious nerve.
Near mid-day on the first day, I got a strange pain in my side. By evening/dinner-time the top of my left leg had gone numb from the pain. So I rang out. Woot. (not)
The next morning my mother promptly rescued me from campus and took me to a number of doctors. (I have yet to truly meditate on what the Lord wanted me to learn from ESOAL.) For the next four weeks, I went to four doctors, had a total of 8 office visits, and 7 tests. They still don’t know what’s wrong with me. The Honor Academy finally said, “Get back or you’re dismissed, you’ve been gone too long.”
13 comments:
Ezrasays:November 9, 2009 at 9:39 AM
Thank you very much for putting up this post. I went to the media division of the HA called CCM, I don’t know whether they had it there when you went. But I only went through 30 some hours of ESOAL, and it was one of the worst times of my life. You are so right, it is brain washing, it was horrible, and it makes me sick to think of how messed up it is that they are doing it at all especially in Jesus’ Name.
Thank you for having this blog.
Anonymoussays:December 19, 2009 at 8:04 PM
If I remember correctly…you could ring out at any time,it was volentary. Also you had to sign up for ESOAL?? Don’t you remember?
The fact that its voluntary doesn’t make it any less dangerous. Interns are brainwashed into thinking its a good, Godly thing and that they are missing out if they don’t do it.
Nunquam Honorablussays:December 19, 2009 at 9:57 PM
Anonymous- oh dear me I can vouche for RA here.
I prayed about doing ESOAL my year, and thought I wasn’t supposed to do it (I’ll admit- I was terrified of doing it, and was willing to take the “sign” that I prayed for).
There is so much stress on “it’s optional but you really should do it unless you can’t”, so I ended up signing up to do it anyway.
I CANNOT express enough how much judgment there is for people who don’t do ESOAL, even because of injury! They’re either “taking the easy way out”, or “not having enough faith”, etc.
I had strep during the time when we were testing out to climb the mountain, but I STILL faced interns that were just SO SURE that I’d totally “be better” by then and that I needed to test out anyway. I mean, seriously??
They say things are optional, but they stress the opposite.
Anonymoussays:January 21, 2010 at 1:58 AM
What ever happened to Morgan and her blog? I noticed it only posted until early October, 2008. Anyone know?
Anonymoussays:March 11, 2010 at 3:38 PM
When I was there it was optional to do ESOAL (not sure if it still is). I choose not to do it. I didn’t feel right about. Not once did I EVER feel guilty for not doing it and not EVER did anyone make me felt guilty for not doing it.
Jamisays:March 11, 2010 at 9:15 PM
I was the first class to participate in ESOAL, it was optional. I didn’t have any pressure to participate and I didn’t have any ill feelings for the interns who didn’t participate. I learned a lot about myself personally and it was more of a personal journey for me and I’m glad I did it. On the other hand, if I hadn’t have done it I wouldn’t have felt guilty because there wasn’t that “pressure” others have talked about. Maybe because I was the first class in ’99-’00, I don’t know.
Also, my friends that didn’t do ESOAL were interested to hear what we had to do but none of us were judgemental of the other because we had or hadn’t done it.
liquidfusesays:November 4, 2011 at 2:26 PM
Comparing this to a Concentration Camp is absurd, you didnt fear death like the Jewish people did in World War II, that was extermination. Totally different scenarios, by no means is this justified. It sounds like they are trying to make you tough on the exterior when faced with people that will insult you but this goes way overboard.
Its not the military, they are not even a military academy, so what the hell?
Anonymoussays:November 6, 2011 at 12:28 PM
the best way of testing these kind of soo called movements is going to the scripture and finding out what the bible says. first of all the bible says that salvation is a free gift. for it is by GRACE that you are saved NOT OF YOURSELF lest no man should boast..having watched this stuff online I see that its like some kind of competition to proof to god just how strong you are. also the bible says this. the fruits of the spirit are love joy peace patience kindness goodness gentleness faithfulness and self control. I cannot see anything like the fruit of the spirit in this nonsensical cult. I was involved with a cult myself so my heart goes out to you guys. im not 43 years old.
Anonymoussays:November 8, 2011 at 11:56 AM
No ever look down upon me for not doing ESOAL. In fact, a couple of people who had been through it already reccomended that I opt out. Not because I was less spiritual, but because they thought with the things I was dealing with it would do harm instead of good.
Anonymoussays:April 19, 2012 at 9:53 PM
My sister was at the HA. She basically said that it was optional and you could ring out anytime. Basically means that you were looked upon as weak minded if you did not do ESOAL or if you rang out. Even if you made up your mind to ring out they tried to stop you from doing it.
Anonymoussays:February 25, 2013 at 2:58 AM
i won’t get into it too much, i was there during the 04-05 year. i rang out after about 4 hours due to the fact that i had a reaction to something. my eyes were swollen shut. i was unable to see anything. i asked dave hasz if i could ring out. he called me a wimp and that my eyes would clear up with some water. so he doused me with a bucket of freezing cold water. it didn’t help. i rang out. he never spoke to me the rest of the year. not a word. i was made out to be a fool.
Anonymoussays:September 9, 2015 at 5:55 PM
ESOAL lately has been on my mind and in light of some of the recent events with Teen Mania I felt it would be good for me to share my experience. Just my opinion on the matter and any feedback would be welcome.I like to tell people that my experience in ESOAL was a slightly less painful version of hell week that all the Navy recruits have to endure. Its has a number of similarities and quite a few differences. I don’t pretend that it was on the same exact level so I’d rather not get a bereavement of accusations about an unfair comparison. I’m not trying do an apples to apples comparison here.
I didn’t feel that it necessarily had a big impact on my spiritual world but it did have a big impact on my emotions. I would say that the overall experience cause me to “grow up” real quick. I am thankful that my particular group leader was not abusive as some of the experiences here suggest. That said I can see how with this program things do escalate and get out of hand. My year, an intern actually struck one of guards in order to get away and escape for a chance to sleep. Even well intentioned Christians can be brought to a place of violence if pushed hard enough. I’m glad I could get a first hand experience at the core of who we really are as people. This is something that quite frankly, Christians have very little experience with. We tend to live like eggs in an egg carton, take the eggs out an one of them may crack. I honestly think that there are mistakes being made on both sides of the argument. On the one hand without the intense pressure and tough tactics of the event, it would be a distant memory, probably would have had no impact on my life and ultimately could fit into a “summer camp” experience category. On the other hand, just because I ultimately had a positive experience, I don’t naively pretend that this event did not do damage to others. Perhaps others had leaders who were truly abusive and did not know when to stop. Perhaps the whole event shocked many who were expecting something completely different. I don’t want to shut people out just because my experience made me a better, stronger person. Also I don’t think its fair to shut out those of us who did become better because of this. I think one thing that they should have done would be to debrief extensively. This would have allowed them to determine if the were taking things to far, but they just assumed that the program was ok the way it was. This is sadly another one of those complicated, difficult to dissect conflicts. Seems that there are a lot of those these days. Anyways, I just wanted to share. Thanks
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