This email was sent in by Mike. If you would like to share your story, you can send it to recoveringalumni at recoveringalumni dot blog. Feel free to change your name and/or other identifying details if you prefer to remain anonymous.
Hi. My name is Mike. I’m 31 years old. I was involved with Teen Mania for the better part of my adolescence. I went on two missions trips with them in 1993 and 1996 before joining the Internship in August of 1999. Like you, I met God for the first time at Acquire the Fire. It was a powerful experience and I can really pinpoint that first conference at the age of 14 as the point when I really began to try and live the faith my parents raised me in. ATF became the highlight of my year each year. I even skipped my senior prom because it fell on the same night as the conference. I know your site is mainly geared towards the Honor Academy, but it’s important to relate the story of what happened when I went on a mission trip that same year to Ecuador. I had just graduated high school and had my heart set on another trip like the one I’d experienced in Nicaragua at the age of 15. All of the money from relatives (which could have gone towards college) was poured into the trip.
I arrived in Miami with excitement and enthusiasm at the adventure I was about to embark on. I was even made an MA. Two weeks into the trip, a member of my team loaned me a few dollars to buy a group picture we had taken earlier in the week. In an exaggerated display of playful thankfulness, I kissed her hand. Perhaps an hour later I was called into the PD’s room and told that a decision was being made whether or not I would be allowed to stay on the trip. Apparently, the girl’s boyfriend who had followed her on the trip saw this display and gone running to the leaders. The next morning I was pulled off the bus (which about to leave on a village trip) and told that I was being sent home. I was taken back up to my hotel room and told to remove my drama costume because they needed it. I wouldn’t be leaving for another 48 hours, so I was forced to accompany the PD’s, watching the other teams go about their days. I left without ever getting a chance to say goodbye to my team, all because I kissed the hand of a girl I had no designs or romantic feelings for. Needless to say I was devastated. I blamed myself and felt condemned. Even when I went before my church and explained to them the situation, and none of them blamed me, saying that they couldn’t believe I’d been BV’d for such a harmless offense, I knew that I had failed. It was this feeling that led to me seeking out the Internship, as a means of redeeming myself.
I worked for two years as a pipe fitter for a fire sprinkler company, sending TM as much money as I could afford to while still paying bills. I made up my mind that I wouldn’t live off anyone while I was there, and I would pay for the entire year in advance. Finally, I made it to Garden Valley, convinced that this was going to be the best year of my life. Well three months in, and a girl that I had become close friends with and I found that our relationship had developed faster than we had expected. I was 19, she was 18 and we were in an environment where romantic attraction was only whispered about. I won’t go into details, but I can say that this infraction of the rules was worthy of a expulsion. When I was confronted with my actions, it wasn’t in a friendly or gracious manner. I was interrogated. Dave Hasz himself sat with me and and rather than simply say “we know what you’ve done”. I was asked question after question in an attempt to get me to recount the story of what had happened (with an inclusion of explicit detail). I was then told that out of all the girls at the internship I had managed to make friends and seduce the one girl who’d be willing to get involved with me and that my actions showed signs of sexual addiction. At no point did the grace of God, the cross or my forgiveness breach the conversation. I was then made to call my home and tell my parents that I been expelled from the Honor Academy, and told to return my ring.
I want to be very clear about this; I deserved to go home. I knew the consequences of my actions, and I accept them. That’s not why I’m decrying Teen Mania’s practices. Being sent home was not the worse thing. As bad as it was, and as badly as it was handled, it wasn’t the worst thing. The worse thing was what happened after I was dismissed. I was driven to Dallas airport by a car of people I didn’t know (formers interns who happened to be on campus for a reunion), dropped off and faced the prospect of negotiating a ticket from Dallas to Baltimore with no money. Somehow I made it home. Now it was explained to me before I left that I could possibly be reinstated to the Internship and have the money I had already paid banked over until the next semester. I was given a list of scriptures to memorize, and books to read and told to contact my TL at least once every two weeks and he would report back and they would evaluate whether I could return. I found, bought and read the books, memorized the scriptures and called my TL nearly everyday. The TL never answered. Either my calls went straight to his voice mail or I would leave messages with his assistant, but I never spoke with him, and he never called me back. After two weeks of daily calls with no contact, I realized It was futile. I had been disowned, and Teen Mania was keeping $4000 for the privilege of working for them for three months.
Then a funny thing happened. I started to listen to secular music and wasn’t immediately assailed by a hoard of demons. I dyed my hair blue and got a piercing. I stopped telling my friends in church how to live their lives and I stopped riding them whenever they made a mistake. I made friends outside of church. I started dating. For the first time I felt comfortable in my own skin, and I realized it was because I had stopped trying to live up to Teen Mania’s ideal of what a Christian is supposed to be. I finally realized the full implications of Christ’s death on the cross. My salvation was not based on anything I could do. I couldn’t add or take away from it. I realize now that obedience to God’s word is a response to God’s grace, not a prerequisite to being saved, and if I fall then I’m free to repent and turn from that sin and try again. A far cry from the works-based tenets of TM and their ilk. Since that time I’ve realized that the forceful separation from TM was the best thing that could happen to me, because now I can actually enjoy being a Christian.
I pray that someone will eventually publicly rebuke and correct Ron Luce and Dave Hasz for their doctrinal problems and that Christ can be glorified through the Honor Academy. That wasn’t what I experienced while there. I experienced a lot of arrogance and self praise from those who acted the way TM wanted them to and a lot of condemnation and feelings of failure from those who didn’t. At no point did I feel grace, and when the organization in question is supposed to be furthering the gospel, that speaks volumes.
5 comments:
I can’t believe no one has commented on this. Not that I even know how to respond, but i sat reading with my mouth gaping open. It’s incredible to me that they would dismiss a 15 year old kid for kissing a girl’s hand without even asking you about it! Kids need to be INSTRUCTED on what is appropriate, not shipped off without a word – and CERTAINLY not without at least one shot at GRACE! And I am so sorry you felt like your redemption lay in the hands of TM. I absolutely believe that they gladly kept your money. Because of stories like this, my thought is that place isn’t an internship to nurture and grow teens and young adults. It’s a money-making machine that counts personal growth a side bonus.
April 21, 2010 10:29 PM
Anonymous said…
“I had been disowned, and Teen Mania was keeping $4000 for the privilege of working for them for three months.”
Mike, your story is one that leaves me at a loss for words. I do understand what it’s like to work very hard to get to the HA and leave being “disowned.”
I’m very glad that you are living in God’s grace and that you can “emjoy being a Christian.” I pray that many others who are processing their time at the HA will be able to do the same. Your story brings hope. Thanks for sharing.
April 22, 2010 10:25 AM
Mike said…
Lauren, Anon: Your comments affected me more than I can really convey. Thank you, so much.
I wrote this just to get it off my chest, and now I see 43 posts in the “True Stories” category. I’m overwhelmed. “Recovering”, seriously, thank you for this.
April 24, 2010 2:44 AM
Nunquam Honorablus said…
Holy cow.
Mike, you being BVed for kissing that chick’s hand is one of the most retarded things I’ve ever heard from TM (and I’ve seen/heard a LOT). I’m baffled.
I read this awhile back, but didn’t know how to reply. Heck, I still don’t have a clue.
We got your back, bro.
April 24, 2010 11:22 AM
gc1998 said…
“romantic contact” was the rule, i believe. um…yeah, if the guy doesn’t LIKE the girl…how is the contact romantic? blurgh.
i’m so sorry you experienced this, but i’m glad that it made your road to freedom and grace that much shorter. i’m 11 yrs out of TM, and i’m just now discovering some of these things.
April 24, 2010 3:23 PM