I have a different kind of story to tell, but I think it is an important story for both recovering and non-recovering alumni. I was an intern August 98. I would describe my internship year as a positive experience, but I would like to explain that in more detail. Having read all of the stories posted on this site, I can see how many in the recovering community might have questions about this.
I always say everyone had a different experience at the internship and there were several factors that made my experience unique. First of all, I came from a church that frequently had speakers from different denominations/theological backgrounds, and I had been taught to test teachings by Scripture and hang onto whatever was good and helpful and let everything else go. My best friend from home came to TM with me, so I always had a like minded person that I could talk to about anything. Secondly, I was an athlete in high school, so I was already familiar with the difference between “good pain” and “bad pain,” and I knew how hard to push and when to stop. Thirdly, I worked in IT, which is a small department, and I had a lot of special privileges—especially regarding computer and phone access. Also, I had a car at the internship, which enabled me to go to the doctor or anywhere else I needed to go, and my supervisor was very flexible with giving me time off to do things like drive other interns to the airport. Finally, my work supervisor, my focus group leader, and my CA were all very supportive, positive influences on my year.
I first heard about the Recovering Alumni website a few days before RA sent out the email to all (RA correction: many) HA alumni. Some of my alumni friends were encouraging other intern alums to read the stories, even if they considered their personal experiences to have been positive ones. I read a little bit and immediately got angry and quit reading. Then I received the email from RA. I felt a little conflicted after reading the email, but I still felt angry.
Some of my best friends, including my husband, are people I met through the Honor Academy. When I first started hearing about the negative experiences that others had at the internship, I could only hear the stories through the lens of “These people are trying to take away from my good memories and my friendships!” I didn’t understand WHY someone would want to do this to ME. (I’m just speaking honestly, this is how I saw it at that time.) I felt confused and angry and I didn’t know what to do, so I emailed Dave Hasz about how I felt. He replied saying, “Hold steady and keep praying for those who are obviously in pain and hurt.”
Somewhat ironically, that was what opened my eyes to the fact that this website was not about attacking “me” or “my experience.” These were stories of people who were in pain, and some had been hurting for a long time. I decided to read all the stories on the website and really do it with a heart to hear what people were saying. When I did, I can only say I was shocked. There were so many things that I recognized as having the ring of truth. I was especially saddened and heartbroken by several stories submitted by people I knew personally. I felt heartsick that 12 years later I was just learning about these things.
All of that prompted me to ask some of my closest friends from the HA to tell me about whether or not they had a good experience there. Out of 6 people, 2 reported having had negative experiences—that I was hearing about for the first time! The worst part was that I knew I never would have been receptive to hearing about those experiences before now.
After this whole journey, I was left with one conclusion. God calls us to love the weak and the defenseless. Teen Mania is a large ministry with many supporters and people to defend it. In this situation, as an alumnus, I have to be on the side of loving my fellow alumni who were wounded while they were at the internship. It’s not about me. It’s not about Teen Mania. It’s about binding up the broken hearted and releasing the captives. It’s about joining with other voices asking the HA to constantly evaluate their practices to make sure the interns’ best interests are being served during their time at TM.
Many of the comments from other pro-TM alumni have hurt me deeply, because I know that once I would have felt justified making those remarks, too. I would have been too intent on protecting “my memories” or “the ministry” to listen with compassion. For those who still feel the need to make those types of remarks, I would like to say two things. First, we have no right to judge whether we think another person’s pain is justified or not. A comment like, “Corporate wasn’t that hard, get over it” is of little comfort to someone with a permanent knee injury received while beating their body to make it their slave. Secondly, you don’t have to completely agree with someone in order to see they are hurting, feel compassion, and offer support. Even if you don’t agree with all the things that are said on this site, you can still love and pray for your brothers and sisters. In fact, if your first response to someone who is in pain isn’t compassion, you might want to check your heart and see where your reaction is coming from—mine was born from selfishness.
Finally, I would like to ask the forgiveness of anyone that I hurt during my time at TM. If I hurt you in any way, please give RA your email, because I want to apologize personally and ask your forgiveness. If I didn’t commit a specific offense against you, I want to apologize for refusing to listen for so long. I’m sorry that I didn’t want to hear your hurts, but I’m listening now. I’m praying for all of you in your recovery, and I support you!
9 comments:
Wow. THANK YOU.
This really means so much, I don’t have words to type.
Wow.October 6, 2010 7:13 AM
heartsfire said…
Hayley, thank you for your understanding. It is my prayer that everyone that is an intern has blessings poured out on them regardless of their experience at TM. I pray that no one attacks this post and that through it there can be healing between all those that have chosen to give any portion of their year(s) to TM.October 6, 2010 8:28 AM
Shannon Kish said…
Haley,
Thank you so much for taking the time to tell us your story. I think what you said is extremely important because while we all do experience things differently, it is important not to minimize those experiences that are different from our own.
THANK YOU for being a compassionate listener!October 6, 2010 8:44 AM
Anonymous said…
Wow. I’m crying. Why? I can’t put it into words. This brings me healing to read that someone understands. Personally, I’m glad not everyone had a bad experience at TM. I just would like for those who did to have compassion on those of us who didn’t. Thanks Haley. I appreciate and recieve the Love that you give so freely.
When we seek the Truth, we shall find it, and most of the time we find it when we Walk In Love.October 6, 2010 9:09 AM
Joe said…
Wife,
I am so proud of you for sharing your story here. Thank you for helping me (someone who has also had a positive experience at the HA) see that as fellow alumni, we need to ultimately love the hurting and open our arms to them, not be angry or push them away.
You are a very special, compassionate, and caring person, and I am a better person for knowing you.
Thank you for showing the Love of Christ to everyone you come in contact with.October 6, 2010 9:37 AM
Anonymous said…
This is a very important post. Because we cannot minimize the pain of others just because we ourselves may have not gone through that pain. I grew up with a father who had been severely abused in every way possible. The church rarely understood his pain and encouraged him to “just get over it”, “move on”, and “pray/read the Bible more to heal”. There is not a timetable on healing. I think Christians can tend to hurt their brothers and sisters worse with these attitudes. I know my dad, who loves Jesus with all his heart, wishes he was not in pain still. But he is. And it may never fully heal. And I think that’s okay. He actually had to go to an atheist counselor to find some healing because the Christian ones he went to tried to cast satan out of him, got frustrated when he wouldn’t heal in their timeline, and wounded him further. We need to NEVER heap condemnation on other alumis who are hurting, or else we are killing off our own wounded and that’s not what Jesus would have us do. Good for you Haley, that you came to realize this compassion. Makes me smile 🙂October 6, 2010 3:12 PM
Natalie Haskell said…
@Joe
Like.
I honestly can say I do not have a clue what it would feel like to have a good experience at T.M.
I have one good memory from T.M. other than that one memory I hated my entire experience. It was a really REALLY traumatizing time in my life that I still hate to think about.
BUT – the best part about all of this is that I know that God was in control and that in the end He used all the bad for good and I don’t regret a moment. I embrace it all. Bad things happen. *Shrugs shoulders.
It does feel really nice to just have someone say, ‘It’s ok dude. God loves you. And I love you too.’
And I can totally relate to that initial jerk reaction – ‘Why are you saying this?! Why are you trying to ruin MY exprience?’
I felt that way when alumni said their exprience was good. I really just wanted to believe that T.M. totally sucked and no one’s experience was good. (just being honest.) I don’t feel that way now at all though. 🙂
In the end? Truth is all that matters. Our little offenses and emotions can do what ever they want. But truth is what will win in the end.October 6, 2010 3:14 PM
dan said…
I couldn’t have possibly put this into words like you did, Hayley. Thank you for saying this.October 7, 2010 2:15 AMg
Regor said…
This is amazing and captures my sentiments well, too.October 9, 2010 2:01 AM
Thank you so much. I am kid who grew up in HA. I’m looking for the truth. This makes me consider that maybe things aren’t black and white, and we should have compassion towards these people.