The original Recovering Alumni wrote a magnificent piece on recovery time after experiencing a cult. It’s excellent and you should check it out. However, it’s steeped from a Christian perspective and not all of us still believe.
The stereotyped response to someone with depression is “just get over it” or “just go outside/smile/think happy thoughts more!” Of course that’s the solution. Why hadn’t I thought of that?
Seriously. If it was that simple, I would have been over my trauma long ago and with a fraction of the therapy. Instead, recovery is a long, bumpy journey and one we cannot rush. When an athlete seriously injures themselves they do not leave the ER ready to play again. They wear a brace and attend physical therapy for weeks, eventually getting back to playing again.
Mental health is the same way. We’ve been injured by the Honor Academy and we suffered depression, anxiety, and maybe other disorders (I’ve been diagnosed with a couple of personality disorders). Finally accepting that something’s up and that we need to see a therapist is like going to the ER or starting physical therapy.
Because these are invisible battles, things can take longer than expected. Because things feel like they’re finally getting better, we can be blindsided when a trigger pops up. This can make it feel like our recovery has halted. But remember, an injured athlete also has good days and bad days. They may have healed enough to no longer need a brace, but some of their movement is still stiff or they take a step just wrong and their muscles give out. The athlete might want to give up because they still struggle even after doing everything right.
I suffered two years of depression, anxiety, and constant, strong suicidal ideation. Then I came across this blog and had a lightbulb moment. I became an atheist and started questioning everything I had been taught in the church (mainly if I was cis and straight). My depression broke like a bad fever. A few years later I felt that I was basically past the brunt of it, save for the occasional bad day. Yet eventually I would come to feel that more work was needed. I now feel like I am going back into physical therapy even though my injuries were over a decade ago.
It’s not bad to need help again, it’s just what you happen to need at the moment.
How long does it really take to recover? The time frame is different for us all. I really wonder if we can truly be “cured.” What happened to us, depending on the severity of the abuse, shocked our very core. An earthquake may fracture and shift the ground, but it can also lead to a beautiful mountain. It takes forever for the mountain to grow.
We’re not broken, we’re just forming.