So in August of 2002, less than 9 weeks after graduating high school, I packed my bags and headed for Texas. I was ready for an intense year of learning and growing closer to the Lord as well as refining my leadership skills. My first day on campus was very intimidating to say the least, I really felt like the only one who didn’t know what was going on. It seemed like most people there had at least a little bit of Teen Mania exposure. There was so much chaos, I dropped off almost all of my things in some random dorm room then I headed to the barracks with a small backpack of necessities. The Gauntlet – the first 10 days of my internship were pretty much awful. I cried every night and called home when I could, begging my father to let me go home. My father, who had no idea what was going on but trusted I was with “God’s people” and in good hands, told me to stick it out for a few more weeks and see if it got any better and if at that point I wanted to leave he would buy me a plane ticket home. I come from a fairly conservative Lutheran background, by this I mean I never saw someone raise hands during worship, speak in tongues, get “slain” in the spirit or get “healed.” Day One at the Honor Academy I experienced each one of these things – I felt like an outsider because these things were so foreign and misunderstood to me. I remember people telling me stories about how they received spiritual gifts from the Lord, how they made the lame walk, how they fought off demons and witnessed exorcisms. All of this felt so strange and odd to me, my whole life I’ve loved God and knew Jesus was my redeemer, I had memorized countless scripture, witnessed my testimony and strived to live a life that best represented Jesus Christ – I suddenly felt like some kind of Christian rookie, like I was starting all over again. I was told that the music I enjoyed was a vessel of Satan that was corrupting my soul. I was told that the movies I found funny were in fact not, that these things were “feeding my flesh” and I needed to cut these things out of my life if I wanted to grow closer to God. I had never felt so much pressure to fit in, in my entire life. I was told that if I wanted to follow my desire to be in ministry full time that I had to become a leader, to live above reproach and kill my fleshly desires.
Before the Honor Academy I felt close to God, I enjoyed praying to him and reading his word. His grace was sufficient. I really felt as though God listened to me and loved me as his child. Although, after some time at Teen Mania, I learned my previous conceptions of my Lord were false. Grace was not enough anymore, in order to be his vessel I needed to change everything about myself – who I spent time with, what I read, what I listened to, even how I dressed affected how God’s power would reveal itself through me and to me. The Honor Academy alienated me from my church, friends and family because these people did not line up with all the teachings I learned at HA. I actually got into an argument with my Pastor halfway through my internship. He and my church friends and family had believed I had joined a cult and staged an intervention for me while I was home for Christmas. Luckily the Honor Academy prepared me for such persecution and I was able to convince everyone that I was fine, I even went as far as to verbally challenge a few of them on their personal faith and convictions(yuck!).
The Honor Academy taught me that God is limited and conditional when it comes to grace, love and power. I feel like I could write on forever detailing all the lies and untruths taught to me throughout my year at the Honor Academy. It saddens me to see people that had such a fire for God and his love at the Honor Academy profess that they are now atheists or agnostics. That their faith became so much of a chore or burden that it has hindered them from continuing to pursue God. I will even admit that for myself it has been incredibly difficult to unlearn all the false teachings of Teen Mania. I still long to be that girl I was before the Honor Academy, the one who had such an unbridled passion for Christ and loving his people. The Honor Academy put so much emphasis and restrictions on my behavior that loving God and his people turned into a long list of do’s and don’ts.
Even now, I have a very hard time finding people that understand spiritual abuse and it can make me feel very alone. It does make me feel a bit better to see that there are others out there who have shared similar experiences, but the fact that Teen Mania is still doing this to God’s children is very upsetting.
51 comments:
Kara said, “I still long to be that girl I was before the Honor Academy, the one who had such an unbridled passion for Christ and loving his people.”
I haven’t been able to find that person in myself just yet. Here’s to hoping she may return someday. I would even settle for the fun loving, joyful girl I was without all the passion for Christ.
Kara, I’m so sort for what you experienced. I wish your church never got that mailer. I wish your dad would’ve let you go home. I wish your church could’ve convinced you not to go back. I’m sad for the girl who was lost. I hope by being part of this community, you will continue in your recovery and find the things you’ve lost. I pray God continues to break through all of the lies and junk with the truth of who He is. Kara, you are a beloved child of God and nothing you can ever do will make Him love you more or less! Grace and freedom to you on your journey!
*so sorry, not sort!
Kara said, “I still long to be that girl I was before the Honor Academy…”
Yeah, me too. : Thank you for sharing your story Kara, I can totally relate to feeling like I was the only one who didn’t ‘get it’.
Oh Kara you sound so much like me in many ways. *HUGS* it was because of family/church/friends intervention that I walked I pray that you will find the Joy that is simple faith again. I pray that your heart will be healed and that you can find your way without feeling so attached to legalism. *HUGS*
Kara, your story hit me pretty hard, thank you for sharing. It’s good to hear that another has had problems with putting the puzzle pieces back together. especially this belief that everything we do is bad. We can never be good. It’s really sick and harmful.
Teen Mania needs to be shut down.
“Even now, I have a very hard time finding people that understand spiritual abuse and it can make me feel very alone.”
This perfectly summarizes something I’ve struggled to identify for months.
I’m sorry Kara.
It has been a while since I have visited this site. I finished the HA in August 2001 and can completely relate to a lot of the stories I have read. Since I started the HA I have always felt that the reason I went there was so I could learn what I didn’t want to be like as a Christian. It also helped me to figure out where I stood on many topics. I never felt like a victim though. Maybe that is because the guys in my room for the most part felt the same way. (When we left I am told that no one was allowed into the room until they held a prayer vigil in the room to cast out any rebellious demons.)
I encourage everyone here to take a few weeks to think about what bullshit you went through and what you learned that was wrong. Then throw it in a trash can and move on with your life.
I am convinced that there is nothing that can be done to help a brainwashed intern until they come to a sudden horrific self realization that they are full of shit.
my son is at the honor academy now as an intern….i dont believe it to be the same place that all of you claim it was. I believe that many changes have been put in place to address the problems that were there. Is it perfect?…probably not…nothing is but I do believe that they have apologized for their errors and tried to remedy the situation and make restitution to those who were involved in “abuse”….what more can they really do?…recoveringalumni needs to recover and move on…really?….8 years…come on!!!
Anon, When have they tried to make amends, Whenever I have talked to Dave or Heath in the last year they seem to blame the interns for any problem they have and seem above correction. This may not be what you want to think about the place you willingly sent your child but all of these things happened at this place. For many of us nightmares still happen for many of us watching other kids get hurt is not something we want. For me I was told that because of my denomination I was not a christian, how much more emotionally abusive do you get to a young adult? You are welcome to your opinion such as it is (from a place of only hearing certain things from your own son) but Sadly all of this happened and continues (there are stories on this site from last year and there were people within the last year punished with not just campusing but extra fasting as part of their growth plan. Following God should never be about punishment.
well, at some point you have to let go of the anger and move on….there is no way that it is God’s plan for someone, any of you to live in anger and grief for 8 years…there is a time to let go and rebuild your life…the great physician can and will heal all of these hurts if He is allowed to do so…i am not saying that these things didnt happen or werent wrong…my point is that to keep it going on and on and on isnt doing anything productive for anyones life…including recoveringalumni…it really is just keeping it going…we all have been wounded in life…just by life or at the hands of someone else…my father died when i was 9…i was wounded by that but i cannot continue to live my life in the grief and wounding…God’s plan is to make us whole even through the grief and woundings in our life….i dont think this is productive for any…it is just spreading hate….
Anonymous, everything you have brought up has been covered in past posts. Please read the posts listed under “frequent objections” to get started.
You are also violating the comment policy. Please consider reading it before you post again.
Anon, please NEVER go into any form of counseling! Would you tell a rape victim to “just get over it”? NO. My mom passed away 6 years ago. According to you, I should no longer be grieving her loss. Bullshit! I will be grieving that loss for the rest of my life– and the pain is just as real today as it was 6 years ago.
Anger is present— not because of what I experienced.. I have moved on from my experiences. Anger is present because the abuses CONTINUE to happen. I believe it is righteous anger!
You believe it has changed, but have offered no proof or reasoning as to how it has changed. Similarly, the leadership at TM have also claimed that it has changed— yet we continue to hear stories of current or recent interns that echo our stories. No one has yet to offer any specifics on how it has changed.
Until it actually changes quite dramatically, or is shut down, I will continue to share my story and continue to support those who wish to share their stories.
No hate is being spread. Healing, love, and friendship is being spread among us.
Anonymous Mother – You are entitled to your (factually deficient) opinion – but how dare you speak rudely to a person who was brave enough to share her pain and her difficult journey of recovery. The fact that its taken 8 years to get to this point should show you the SEVERITY of the trauma and abuse, not turn it into a blame the victim session.
I wonder if you were this person’s mother – if you watched their personality change, if you watched them become depressed and confused – I wonder if your opinion would be different?
you all have not been talking to the overwhelming majority who graduate every year passionately in love with Jesus and ready to change the world, thanking GOD FOR WHAT he DID IN THEIR LIVES BECAUSE OF THE honor academy
that’s what i think…other anonymous….really…what are the numbers?…out of what 600-900 students a handful have problems?….i believe that anytime a ministry is doing good for the Lord and changing lives that it will be under attack!!!
and by the way…recoveringalumni:…if i saw a worrisome change in my son i would go get him….and i would hope if HE was noticing control issues that he was not comfortable with or if HE was becoming depressed he would check out of there….my point in starting this conversation was NOT to create anger…it truly is sad to me for you and the others to continue to carry around the baggage of the wounds that were caused to you…Jesus died to free you from this bondage and to set you free…completely free….
Wow you can’t go and say “I never meant to create anger!” when you’re going around throwing out triggering accusations.
My parents didn’t see any “worrisome changes” in me while I was there. Hell, it wasn’t until three years later that I was even able to bring myself to tell them how I was abused. And they were also the parents commenting on blogs just like these, about how “great” their child was doing at the HA.
All that to say, it’s great that you are involved with your son’s journey through the HA, and he may genuinely not be suffering any direct abuse! That’s a beautiful thing. But uh, chill with the accusations and Christianese and know that the HA is systematically and irreverently abusive in its practices.
The truth will set you free…completely free….
Spiritual abuse reminds me of that old expression about frying frog legs. You can put a frog leg into steaming hot water and it will jump out but if you put the frog leg in at a luke-warm temperature then slowly heat it up, it will stay in the water and be boiled.
Anonymous, I believed the things that you are saying for a long time. It took me 10 years to uncover the “boil marks” in my heart. Please be a little more sensitive around this blog. Many of us are still hurting and comments like yours drive hard (instead of lovingly) a message that we don’t matter.
Dearest Anonymous,
The Jesus I know and love, cared for the broken sheep who were left behind. He took those wounded lambs and carried them until they could walk again. I never read that Jesus told them to get over their anger and move on. He left the healthy ones and went back to pick up the battered ones who had fallen behind.
I pray that your son is not one of the broken and scarred sheep. But if he is, I pray that there will be people in his life who will love him back to a healthy relationship with God. One of the most important truths that was a part of my healing from a spiritually abusive group (not Teen Mania) was to figure out how to separate the god of the abusive group from the true God.
everyone gets hurt as we go through life by someone, or by a church. the question is do you allow that hurt to turn into anger, then bitterness. it seems like this blog is mis-named. people here don’t seem like they want to recover, just trying to share with the world they hurts they have never recovered from that are now bitterness. it is like cancer and please hear me i know, if you do not deal with it at the Cross, will destroy you from the inside.
Anonymous,
Dealing with it before the cross is exactly what I am trying to do. In that process of dealing with it, I have discovered that Spiritual abuse is something that takes each person through a different process. Just because someone writes about their experience directly or passionately doesn’t mean they are bitter. Anger is not such a bad thing. In my experience, God has used anger to propel me into the beginning of healing for my life.
Again I ask you to be a little more sensitive around this blog. Get to know these people before casting them into some sort vast/blanketed judgement.
I am a christian. I love Jesus very passionately. MOre than I did at the HA. Now, I desire truth and compassion above anything that I learned there. Honor and integrity only take us so far. They are just pieces of ourselves that we can control. BUT LOVE is something far greater and can move mountains.
The rest of the world will know us, Christians, by our love one for another. Not harsh judgemental corrections and ill mannered attempts to lead the broken to healing by first “proving a point.” Healing comes by Love, compassion, and understanding.
“everyone gets hurt as we go through life by someone, or by a church.”
That’s true, but that doesn’t make it okay. It doesn’t mean we should sweep it under the rug or ignore it happened. It doesn’t mean we should sit by passively and allow the abuse to continue to happen to others. If you had a child who was molested by a pedophile, would you tell them to get over it and allow the molester to continue to go about his business, harming other children? No! And it wouldn’t make you bitter for warning others that the person was dangerous. What happened to people on this blog was extremely destructive. Do you realize people have LOST THEIR FAITH because of their experiences at Teen Mania? How could you ever be okay knowing that is going on, year after year??? People who participate in healthy ministries are not indoctrinated with false teaching and works based mentality. And even people who report having a positive experience at Teen Mania find some of the teaching questionable (especially about sex) or feel there was too much emphasis on works. Those are not complaints of only the recovering alumni!
“the question is do you allow that hurt to turn into anger, then bitterness. it seems like this blog is mis-named. people here don’t seem like they want to recover, just trying to share with the world they hurts they have never recovered from that are now bitterness. it is like cancer and please hear me i know, if you do not deal with it at the Cross, will destroy you from the inside.”
Wow, you sure feel comfortable judging people you don’t even know who are just sharing their experiences and trying to get the word out about abuses that continue to happen at Teen Mania. I know you believe the “things have changed” party line, but the fact is that interns graduating one year ago were reporting the SAME abuses. Do you know that quite a few people on this website believe they have recovered? But we continue to speak out for the sake of those who are being harmed every year by practices that haven’t changed.
Now let me be judgey judgey with you. Christ is close to the broken hearted. If you are not close to the broken hearted, you might want to evaluate some things in your Christian life. If your walk is not reflecting the mercy and compassion of Jesus Christ, you might ask yourself what you are reflecting. I do not understand how anyone can think they are being Christlike by attacking people who are hurting. It says a whole lot to me about Teen Mania’s defenders that their zeal for protecting the image of Teen Mania is much greater than their compassion for brothers and sisters in Christ who are in pain.
Speaking personally and as a mental health professional, what these young people are doing by telling about their experience and expressing their anger is very healthy. Everyone who experiences a major loss goes through stages of grief. The stages, which were first identified by Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These young people have experienced huge losses: loss of a dream, loss of time, loss of opportunity, loss of innocence, loss of faith, to name a few. This blog has given voice to hundreds of alumni who had no other place to express their grief.
Unfortunately, churches and Christians are uncomfortable with anger and often make unhelpful remarks to individuals who are processing an experience like Teen Mania. Saying things like, “get over it,” “quit dwelling on the past,” “don’t be bitter,” “just forgive,” etc. only compounds the problem and lends support to the fear that churches are not a place for hurting people.
The Teen Mania experience has changed their lives totally and irreversibly. The process of blogging their stories and expressing their sadness, anger, and outrage is the most healthy recovery tool that they have to work through the emotions and to integrate this experience into their life story. It is precisely because they are articulating their experience that they are moving toward recovery.
Time in and of itself does not heal, but a healthy grief process does take time. Thwarting that process by telling people to stuff their feelings is not only unhelpful, it is, in and of itself, abusive. The Jesus I know is the One who said, “The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim liberty to the captives and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty those who are oppressed …” (Luke 4:18, ESV)
Telling people that they need to get over their bitterness and “deal with it at the Cross” is the opposite of setting them at liberty. It is colluding with their oppressors.
Wendy,
In this moment, you are my favorite Christian. Your words here brought comfort to me and I consider myself fully recovered! That validation never gets old for someone who has been abused.
i wish someone would answer and there is no way to have exact figures….but…out of the thousands….probably at least 10,000 students to come out of ha…how many are claiming abuse?…i see 53 followers on facebook….
You’re right, Anonymous (I don’t know if you are the Anonymous whose son is in the HA right now); there is no way to have exact statistics, because most of the people who had bad experiences probably never even find their way to this blog. There is no way to truly know how many were damaged by the experience.
However, I would like to make a slightly different point. Wendy and I have had occasion to talk to several people who claim to have had positive experiences with the Honor Academy. I am not sure those folks are any better off, as they seem to have been through a process of thought reform. Talking to some of them (not all) feels kind of creepy – sort of like talking to a Moonie.
Anonymous, what percentage of hurt people would you be ok with? Five percent? One percent? Are you ok with the Honor Academy continuing their program without making any changes to it or apologizing for the hurt they’ve caused if only one percent of people who attended come away hurt and abused?
Matthew 18:6-7 “If anyone causes one of these little ones—those who believe in me—to stumble, it would be better for them to have a large millstone hung around their neck and to be drowned in the depths of the sea. Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to stumble! Such things must come, but woe to the person through whom they come!
Matthew 18:12-14 “What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.
My understanding of scripture is that God is not okay with a single person being hurt or abused. How would you feel if it WAS your son (which, by the way, you might not find out about for several years after graduation, like many here) who came away disillusioned with Christianity, burned out on works, and ready to step away from God because of the hurt he experienced there? Would you say, “Well, 500-600 others graduated with no problem this year, so the Honor Academy is still good.” Of course not (at least I hope not). The hurt of even one person is real. It would be real to you if it was your son, so why is it ok because you’re hearing it from people you don’t know? Any instance of hurt or abuse should bring the Honor Academy to repentance and change (SPECIFIC change, not claiming “things have changed” with no examples). There is more than one person here claiming they have been abused, and TM still has not apologized or implemented real change. Therefore, we will warn others so they hopefully won’t end up like us.
I’ll give you another example. Let’s say there’s a daycare in town that is very popular and and they have about 100-200 different kids there per year. One year a child claims they’ve been abused by someone in the daycare. The daycare says they’ve investigated it, and they’ve “changed things” so it won’t happen again, but they don’t claim responsibility and you notice no one has been fired. Next year another child claims they’ve been abused. The daycare says you can’t always trust the word of children, and maybe what happened wasn’t really abuse. All the other children talk about how much they love the daycare and the workers and how sad they would be if they had to go somewhere else. Would you send your child there?
no…one person being hurt is not ok…i strongly agree with that but as a parent i am trying to discern truth. When someone or several someones in this case use wording such as “evil” “abuse” and “cult” it is strong language..so i am just trying to get a feel for how big the problem really is…
I commend you, Anonymous, for your willingness to try to find out the truth. We have three grown daughters, none of whom went to HA. Several years ago I would have let them go if they had shown any desire to do so, but knowing what I know now I would not recommend that anyone allow their son or daughter to attend the HA.
Well let’s take a look at some numbers a guy who crunched numbers for TM was willing to admit to on the You know you went to the HA if board: According to him 40% felt at the end of their year like they had an amazing and wonderful life changing experience and then responses ranged with 10% having a horrible experience at the end of their first year. Now these are the numbers that only reflect those who graduated not those who either got dismissed or left of their own accord in the middle of the year (I would argue adding those might create a more like 15% number but this is besides the point). If you asked all of us who are a loyal commenter on this blog you might find out that many of us would have been in that 40% or at least in the other 50% at the end of our year, this however does not change what happened after we left Teen Mania, it doesn’t change how we lost of sense of self, innocence, and in some cases faith. The thing is not everyone who is dealing with their TM issues can be found here, many were here but walked away after they got their healing while others stayed to help the healing of those who are still to come, which is good because we get a few that are hurt at the end of any given year.
Now that said lets take A’s numbers from his time reading the end of year comment cards, If we are to say that it’s only 10% in total Then from 2000 that’s 100 kids abused, From the class of 2011 thats over 50 kids that are now (or will be) hurting. If it were only 150 that should be enough but then compound it over the 20ish years of TM history and even it out to maybe 80 a year, are 1600 people hurting over what happened there regardless if that hurt is here or not are those 1600 enough to do something? Would my 15% or over 2000 be enough? Or is it the case that you are just here to argue with us to justify to yourself that you made the right decision because in the back of your mind there is a bit of doubt because you know your teenager is the type to not tell you when things are too tough because he thinks that’s what makes him a stronger man? I would suggest you seriously think about those 1600-2000+ kids whose innocence was lost and who’s hearts are scarred and think what you would do if it were YOUR son who became part of that 10% after the first year or more like A few on here after year 2 or 3.
Anonymous said, “i wish someone would answer and there is no way to have exact figures….but…out of the thousands….probably at least 10,000 students to come out of ha…how many are claiming abuse?…i see 53 followers on facebook….”
I won’t speculate about how many people are harmed by the HA or even TM as a whole. Personally, I follow this blog, the fb page, and the forums. All have helped me one way or another. However, I am “Thinks A Lot” here, Anon in the forum, and haven’t friended RA on FB. And my reasoning for that is I don’t want to be mocked, made to feel I am less than, confronted, guilted, and have TM supporters jump down my throat just for being hurt.
I wouldn’t have to remain anonymous if TM followers or the HA were actually people who I could trust to be kind, loving, or at least understanding without a smirk or a condesending tone in there voice/writings.
My parents once believed that they would know if I was ever in a compromising situation. They sent me off to the HA as bold and loving Jesus. At Christmas, I had changed only to be thought of as a bit overzealous and that would calm down. My next break, I came back talking, walking, and reacting like a trained robot. My parents wished they would’ve been able to keep me from all of this. The truth is, a few months a the HA and we are already lost to them. ON the outside I looked like I was part of the generation of “leaders” prepared to change the world. On the inside I was in broken, torn, and almost lifeless.
You don’t have to believe me. I pray the same doesn’t happen to your son.
As for your statistics, here’s a thought, some of us don’t want to come out of hiding just yet. It would be like coming out in a hurricane. And comments like yours remind us of that.
Thanks your RA for being so brave! Your blog is like the lighthouse in the midst of the storm.
Another thing is I am so tired of hearing Statistics. Who gives a crap.
Mrs. Duncan just explained very well the importance of this blog and how recovery from these types of things works. She did it in a very polite and nice way. And the next question was about statistics. Who cares.
Bringing up statistics after getting someone to explain in such detail matters of the heart was Very disrespectful.
Thinks a Lot I am sorry for my part in being disrespectful that certainly wasn’t my intent, The anon mother person asked for them so I wanted to point that there are those who have given out figures that are low because of people who don’t want to come out for fear of those they would alienate or those who just keep squashing it till it eats all of them. Again thinks a lot I really wanna apologize for my part in that and you can find me on the forum for a more personalized apology!
That redheaded one,
Your’s was in noways the comment that I was responding to. I apologize. I wrote that very quickly without thinking it through. Not living up to my AKA name at all.
I was speaking more of people wanting to know statistics before even listening to the heart behind the hurting.
I thought of you after I responded the way I did. I am the one who should apologize for being so quick to react. (0:
“it seems like this blog is mis-named. people here don’t seem like they want to recover, just trying to share with the world they hurts they have never recovered from that are now bitterness.”
Listen you. There is a semi-permanent community on this blog and the forum. They engage with those struggling with the pain and deceit of this recovery process. But many of us like me, came here for a time and then moved on. Posting on this blog is only one form and one stage of the process.
But of course, you don’t really care about that. You view this as an attack against your Church and your God, and you react accordingly. Now I understand that. Many in the larger culture have been conditioned to believe anything which they hear against the Church, so it is natural for you to develop a counter conditioning to instinctively reject any bad news against one of the “good” people.
This is only one of the ways in which the “counter-cultural” movement is a perfect mirror image of the larger culture, and thus suffers from many of the same problems.
However, sir or ma’am, if you genuinely serve the God of truth, I beg you to look into the truth of these accusations. Do not reject them merely because you have a perception of Teen Mania or the Honor Academy as one of the “good places”.
My God rules the heavens and the earth. His place is secure. He does not require manipulation, deprivation, or personal on His behalf. If those things genuinely exist at the HA you should not defend it. Not if you serve the same God I do.
This conversation reminds me of this:
http://www.nakedpastor.com/2011/06/18/bad-samaritan/
To whoever said, “it seems like this blog is mis-named. people here don’t seem like they want to recover, just trying to share with the world they hurts they have never recovered from that are now bitterness.”
People who are recovering alcoholics are in recovery for life regardless if their last drink was yesterday or 8 years ago. There are people here that are on a similar journey. It doesn’t end when they leave TM, or after a year, or when they’ve heard ‘grow up and move on you bitter fool’ for the thousandth time. Some will always be recovering. And that’s OK.
And yes there is a semi-permeant community here, as Watchman Trent pointed out. Anonymous Mom, be thankful for that. We are going to be here for YOUR son when he gets out and cant stop spinning, not TM/HA, not Heath Stoner, or Dave Hasz, or Ron Luce, they will have moved on to another class full of new cash cows. But RA will be here to say that feeling depressed is normal, so is the guilt, and night terrors, and feeling like you don’t measure up, but are better then everyone else. And I’ll be here, and so will Thinks A Lot, That Redheaded One, and Shanninkish. We’ll all be here to say there are better day’s a head, and most of the things they told him are lies, and no he’s really not bitter. Anon-Mom someday you’ll be a happy that this blog exists as I am.
And by the way Anon-Mom: you probably won’t see a worrisome change in your son. TM trains kids on what to say on the phone to sound fine, and act in person to look great. That’s what cults do.
Anon mom, the above response comments to your questions are what I agree with. I was an AVID TM supporter and, if you are looking for the truth, I suggest you read thru this blog and it’s comments. You can find my son’s story/experience throughout comments on postings starting around Nov 2009, when I found this blog as we were trying to pick up the shattered pieces of our son’s life when he was dismissed from the HA and thrown out like trash.
As to your question on numbers of abused kids….one is too many, in my opinion…even Jesus says that in the bible. And believe me, when ‘one’ of those statistics is your child…it’s devastating. My son is still recovering from his experience and living under God’s grace and going to a safe church community.
I also participate in this community because I choose to be there to help other people’s kids as they sort out their experiences. Countless alumni have parents that won’t listen or believe their kids when they finally tell them what happened.
I pray that your son has a positive experience at the HA, and if he doesn’t, I pray you’ll be a safe place to fall..but if not, we will be here for him…
Comments like “no way that it is God’s plan for someone” and “great physician can and will … if He is allowed to do so”, are more examples of performance based “gospel.” It implies that God will only grant healing if we perform, and following this line of reasoning leads to self deception. Since no one can heal themselves anymore than they can make themselves good, performance “gospel” requires one to lie to themselves about their own condition, feelings, pain, etc. In addition, performance “gospel” really only deals with external symptoms rather than core issues because that is all that can be “measured.” I’ve found the process to healing and freedom to a lot more difficult, painful, and scary than “performance” gospel healing, and it certainly hasn’t been on my desired schedule or anyone else’s.
One other statistic. In Teen Mania’s 2010 annual report, they claim that 70% of HA alumni spend time with God at least once a week. Think about that without the spin: These days, only 70% of the graduates of a program designed to bring people closer to God pray even once a week. Of course, TM didn’t offer any documentation at all for that, so likely as not they made the numbers up out of thin air. But in their own official publication, even allowing for their possible optimistic thinking, they say that 30% of all HA alumni don’t even engage in Christian spiritual practices once a week (including church?). That speaks of a pretty stark rate of failure and burnout over faith.
For comparison, according to the Pew forum 78% of all evangelical Christians in the U.S. say they pray once a day.
That particular financial report disappeared from the internet once this blog commented on the disparity, by the way. That should tell you something, too.
Julie, you hit the nail on the head when you said:
“Christ is close to the broken hearted…I do not understand how anyone can think they are being Christlike by attacking people who are hurting. It says a whole lot to me about Teen Mania’s defenders that their zeal for protecting the image of Teen Mania is much greater than their compassion for brothers and sisters in Christ who are in pain.”
I think that it is the Anons in here defending TM that are struggling with bitterness and anger. They are so miffed that there are people in this world who will think for themselves, step back and say “Hey, this isn’t right” and stand up for the truth. They are blinded by their rage, defending something that is not God and not Christianity. TM was created by man. To follow a man(who is not Jesus Christ) and stand behind it as if it is truth is wrong and dangerous. The fact that these avid TM supporters keep coming into the forum to comment is stupid. This forum is not for people who are in love with TM. This forum is for followers of the one true God and for those seeking healing from real spiritual abuse. If you don’t like what you are reading in this forum, please leave.
here is what i dont understand and this is directed to ra only….if the teachings and preachings are so vile and evil then why in the world would you be listening today on the livestream of the chapel preaching?
I wasn’t listening today but I have several times before. Someone has to keep abreast of what is going on there so that they can sound the warning when dangerous teachings like this one are given to your son.
http://www.recoveringalumni.com/2011/02/if-you-leave-honor-academy-early.html
What made you think I was there today?
someone was chatting under the ra name….
Unfortunately, its easy to impersonate people on the internet. This isn’t the first time and it won’t be the last…
Anon Mom –
I’ve gone on several mission trips with Teen Mania and I spent several years on campus at TMM. I have several family members who were also involved in TMM mission trips – including my mother. My parents were avid supporters of TMM. Just this last weekend my mother and I were reminiscing about TMM and my mom says that, in hindsight, she wishes we never would have had any involvement with TMM. There are several reasons – physical, mental, and spiritual – why we regret our service with TMM and would never advocate anyone attending a TMM-sponsored function / event.
I can tell you that if anything has “changed” at TMM, they have only become more staunch in their teachings and more … well “political”. They are masters at “word-smithing” and discrediting those who hold a dissenting opinion. A perfect example is their response to the RA community. I believe they have since taken down their actual response website, but I found it to be done in very poor taste.
In my conversations with alumni, I have found that those who claim the experiences they had at TMM were highly beneficial to their mental, physical, and spiritual lives, to be the exception – not the rule (and many of the “exceptions” are on the payroll of TMM). The majority of individuals I have interacted with seem to be indifferent towards TMM. Most of the alumni I know are uncomfortable with labeling their experiences as “spiritual abuse,” as RA does – but every single one of them will say that the teachings and practices and stories that RA has submitted are 100% true – meaning that RA is not fabricating anything. In my humble opinion, even though many alumni might agree with RA that the stories and teachings being posted are true representations of TMM, they don’t want to label it “spiritual abuse” because they don’t want to admit that they may have been abused.
I have many thoughts on all these items and would be more than willing to answer any of your questions at gracemakesfree@yahoo.com
Anon Mom,
I am a former staff employee at TM and these posters are telling the truth- IF your son is fortunate to get a good work assignment and IF your son gets a good Core group and IF he has even semi-mature leadership, there is a chance he will emerge with only slightly warped views. There are MANY people who read this blog and use the information and just dont post. As a staff member, I was very uncomfortable with many events and programs and TM- interestingly, since I moved on to another job, I have stayed in the Texas area and have refused to let my own children attend anything sponsored by TM. I did not want them taught that their salvation was emotion dependent, I did not want them taught to be judgmental of other Christians and I did not want them physically abused- yep physically abused at TM. The physical abuse was minor compared to the emotional and mental abuse- and the fact that you are paying a lot of money for your child to be taught like this and worked like they are slave labor is incredible to me still to this day.
As a note- No I did not participate in those events while I was on staff- I did not work for the Honor Academy- my home was a refuge for many interns who came on the weekends, hung out and relaxed, many times they worked around my house to earn enough money to stay in the program- it was a home of Grace and happiness and comfort which was something they were starved of while at the Honor Academy.
I applaud RA and this community- I dont think they are just teaching hate- they HAVE recovered and are sharing their journey with others- others who WILL need this support and information when they get out of the TM environment
Well, I’m late to the party, but Anon Mother, I would like you to read MY story. My name is Niki. AFTER you read it, then you can tell me to “get over it” or that “it was a long time ago.” I hope you have a daughter, because I am someones baby girl. I was also only 17 when this happened. I was still a baby.
@ Andy, I remember when we heard that story concerning our room. Only I remember them using the word exorcism. They literally thought we were of the devil…Though, in reality, we, as a room supported one another. Some of us were more “liberal” in how we followed rules and others that were more “conservative”. We had so many great discussion about the teachings as well as circumstances we found our selves in. My room was Gods grace upon me while I was there. Glad we roomed together Andy!