How many Christian teens have suffocated under the weight of false guilt and condemnation for engaging in something that has never been explicitly condemned in the Bible?
Yes, its time to talk about masturbation.
Teen Mania tells interns that masturbation is a sinful act that should always be confessed and renounced. Interns are told that masturbation is not something that can be done in moderation, but that it is a sinful, lustful act that must be stamped out in order to have true purity. One male alumnus told me that Heath Stoner, Current Director of the Honor Academy, even claims that he has never personally masturbated. (riiiiiggghhht….)
Here are the slides from Ron’s PowerPoint presentation on the subject:
First off, it is important to note that the Bible is completely silent on the topic of masturbation. If it was so important to God that single people do not engage in masturbation, don’t you think he would have mentioned it? Especially since there are so many rules pertaining to sex, especially in the Old Testament.
And yet, nothing.
(Hint: The story of Onan “spilling his seed on the ground” is not about masturbation. It’s about greed and disobedience because he didn’t want to give his brother’s widow an heir. Saying that “spilling his seed on the ground” is a prohibition against masturbation is like saying the story of the Fall is a prohibition against eating fruit.)
Without hearing the audio of the message, I’m not sure if Ron was arguing from the story of Onan or not…but he does preach that masturbation is a sin because it is equal to lust and a lack of self-control. So, let’s examine that claim.
There is no question that masturbation is often combined with lust and a lack of self-control. I do think that Scripture is clear that we should not entertain sexual thoughts about someone who is not our spouse. Unfortunately, lust is a very real problem for a lot of us and it does need to be dealt with.
However, I do not think that masturbation = lust. And here’s why…
God created us with an innate sexual drive. Our desire for sex and our biological need for sexual release is NOT evil or sinful. It is only when we attempt to fulfill those desires and needs in ways that are unhealthy and wrong that we run into problems.
For example, God created us with an innate hunger for food. There is nothing wrong with that. However, we all know that there are various ways to abuse this God-given desire – bulimia, anorexia, addiction, gluttony, obesity, etc. If you eat without self-control, you could be a glutton or an addict. Does that mean that in order to overcome your food issues you should quit eating entirely? No, that would be silly. You have to learn to understand where your food issues are coming from and how to interact with it in a healthy way. The same could be said for your sex drive. (Ironically, there are plenty of verses about gluttony in the Bible but none about masturbation.)
God gave you a sex drive. It is good. It is from Him. And guess what? He is not going to take it away from you while you are single. You have to learn how to interact with it in a healthy way – not in a lustful, addictive way. This may look different for different people, just like our eating habits do. Different people are triggered by different things. I have a friend that is a food addict and she cannot have even one taste of chocolate cake, or she will lose total control. Other people do not have to restrict their diet to that degree, but they do have to interact with food in a way that is healthy for them.
Now, I can hear the arguments coming already. We need food to survive, but we don’t need sex. While we may not need sex three times a day and we may not die from sexual starvation, it is still a biological need. In fact, there are many physiological benefits to masturbation. Teen Mania’s favorite news source, Fox News, lists these:
Health Benefits for Men:
— Improving his immune system’s functioning.
— Building his resistance to prostate gland infection.
— Making for a healthier prostate.
Australian researchers have reported that frequent masturbation may lower a man’s risk of developing prostate cancer. A survey of men found the more frequently a man masturbates between the ages of 20 and 50, the less likely they are to get prostate cancer. In fact, those who masturbated more than five times a week were one-third less likely to develop prostate cancer.
Health Benefits for Females:
— Building her resistance to yeast infections.
— Combating pre-menstrual tension and other physical conditions associated with their menstrual cycles, like cramps.
— Relieving painful menstruation by increasing blood flow to the pelvic region. This will also reduce pelvic cramping and related backaches.
— Relieving chronic back pain and increasing her threshold for pain.
Health Benefits for Both Sexes:
Masturbation rewards both men and women because it’s:
— The safest kind of sex, keeping you free of sexually transmitted infections.
— A great form of stress relief.
— A mood booster in releasing endorphins.
— A natural sleep sedative.
— A mechanism for building stronger pelvic floor muscles, which can lead to better sex.
— A natural energetic pick-me-up.
It is my opinion (and the opinion of many psychologists) that masturbation, when used in a healthy, non-addictive way, can be God’s gift to the single person, a way to obtain the sexual release that is needed by their body without endangering themselves with short term sexual relationships. It is a way to learn what their body likes and to appreciate that sexuality is a part of them – but it is not all of them.
If, like me, you spent many years under intense guilt over this topic, I hope that you can understand that God is not condemning you for fulfilling a need that He gave you. He wrote an entire book and never once said that He cared that you are touching yourself. He does care about your heart, how you view others, and how you view yourself.
Live in freedom, not addiction. Live in love, not lust. Live in joy, not guilt.
40 comments:
Here is one authors view on masturbation from her blog I follow
http://www.sexuallyconfidentwife.com/blog/category/masturbation/
Thank you for this. I felt a LOT of guilt and shame for this prior to the HA and then definitely while at the HA. Sadly, it isn’t just RL or the HA that teaches this type of stuff.
It’s been said that, statistically, 99 men out of every 100 admit they’ve masturbated, and the 100th is known to be a liar. We now know the liar’s name is Heath Stoner!
Playing devil’s advocate here. How do you feel about the argument that it’s impossible to masturbate without lusting when you’re single?
@Renae that entirely depends on what you define as lust. To me it’s not enough to just look at someone’s form (clothed or unclothed) and find their body attractive, it’s wanting that body for my own. You can accept that someone is attractive and even think of a quality that you would like while masturbating and to me that is not lusting after a specific person because you are finding qualities you are interested in seeing not the whole person. It’s when you want after that person that you become lustful for me.
@Anon I think the post is a well reasoned one. Taking anything to the extreme is inadvisable, whether it be masturbation, drinking, eating, whatever. Everything in moderation. I think that verse where Paul says “All things are lawful for me, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful for me, but I will not be mastered by anything.” If you’re being mastered by masturbation that’s an issue but otherwise I think the teaching that masturbation is a sin that makes you bad and dirty is a terrible burden for young people who are resisting sex. The urges aren’t going to disappear. That’s just not gonna happen. Too many hormones buzzing around.
The idea that I was dirty because of masturbation severely hurt my relationship with God. I felt unworthy to come before him, unworthy to talk to him. I felt doubly terrible because I’m a girl and I thought I must be some sort of sexual deviant because only guys were supposed to want to masturbate as far as I knew. And I was terrified I was hurting my future marriage. I wouldn’t want those feelings of fear and self-loathing for anyone else because it was horrible.
Pardon my incredulity, but how in the hell are you supposed to masturbate without lusting?
Gosh. Christians are so repressed, aren’t they? I grew up being taught that masturbation was an evil spirit. I thought it was one of the worst things I could do in my Christian life. How stupid.
Actually, learning how to masturbate properly (not just getting off) will teach you a lot about your body and how it responds sexually to different things. (Guys – it can help you learn how to delay your orgasm, something future partners will appreciate, if you take the time to learn your body.)
Personally, I wouldn’t even get caught up in the Christian legal-speak of “as long as it’s only in moderation.” Good grief. Just embrace yourself as a sexual being and this is how God made you. Really, masturbation is ok.
BTW, I’m an ex-staffer at TM. And a solid Christian. And I masturbate. And I have an amazing sex-life with my husband.
I remember filling out the application to be a Team Leader and it asked if you masturbate. I think I lied because I was like – well damn – I’m an intern and that is shameful and they will judge me. Meh. Thank God I quit TMM before my trip anyway. But that is definitely something that shouldn’t be on a TMM application. Obviously they think its wrong – so why not add other questions like – do you molest children, or lie on your taxes. Good grief.
Hi, I’ve been lurking on this site for quite awhile… I was raised fundamentalist so I can relate to a lot of the issues raised here regarding excessive legalism.
Additionally, I have relatives who have been interns at the Honor Academy. Some of us in the family were disturbed just from the promotional material that HA puts out –even more so by the personal stories– but it is extremely hard to argue against people when they feel called by God to do something and quite frankly aren’t interested in hearing about competing points of view.
I can’t thank Recovering Alumni enough for creating this site and getting the word out about Teen Mania.
Regarding masturbation and Mifune’s question “how are you supposed to masturbate without lusting,” I think that this gets to the heart of the matter, not only on this topic but on other subjects where extreme positions are taken.
For instance, I was raised in a fundamentalist group where any alcohol consumption was considered a sin. Cited were many Bible verses about drunkenness.
However many people can make the distinction between drunkenness as a chronic state or condition of alcohol abuse, and enjoying wine with good friends at a wedding.
A similar conflation happens when the Bible verses about lust are taken to mean all sexual desires. It seems to me that this is a big assumption taken mainly to overly simplify the issue by making it easy to condemn every behavior or thought that doesn’t fit a rigid ideology.
In other words, enjoying the male or female form, finding someone sexually attractive, and even masturbating is not lust –it’s just healthy sexual desire that is perfectly fine and even fun and pleasurable if not taken to an extreme.
While it’s good to recognize that it’s not at all a sin to think someone is hot/have sexual desires, I would just submit that there is a difference between sexual desire/attraction and the protracted fantasizing that is going to take place during masturbation.
We aren’t chasing unicorns, here. This isn’t theoretical.
If someone can practically explain to me how an unmarried person can masturbate without lust entering into the picture, I’d love to hear it.
I’m having a hard time with this one as well… due to my own failings, it’s practically impossible for me to masturbate without lusting. I’m married now, but I had the same problem when I was single. I was introduced to pornography at a relatively young age, and had an addiction to it for a long time. I can’t masturbate without those images coming forth in my mind, even when I try to think about my husband instead. My opinion is of course shaped by my own experiences (and it is just my opinion, certainly not fact), but I have a very hard time believing that a single person can masturbate without imagining the actual act of having sex with someone, especially in our current over-sexualized culture.
I have no clue how it is for a man seeing as I’m not one, but for me I honestly don’t think about sex when I have masturbated. The only thing going through my head is how good it feels.
Mifune said… “If someone can practically explain to me how an unmarried person can masturbate without lust entering into the picture, I’d love to hear it.”
Hmm this question puzzles me. In my mind you think only unmarried people masturbate, or it’s no longer lustful once married. Can you clarify? I dont want to put words in your mouth.
I think Anon is no the right track – it feels good.
It’s not necessarily about sex. And as RA pointed out above it has health benefits for men and women, like going to the gym and eating healthy…all things in moderation.
In my mind it becomes lustful when you are no longer in control. ie you ‘have to bang one out’ after X days/hours… or because you saw Y person on Z billboard, or other addict-like behavior.
As “visitor” pointed out ‘it’s just healthy sexual desire that is perfectly fine and even fun and pleasurable if not taken to an extreme.’
There’s nothing wrong with knowing your body, what feels good, what doesn’t.
Sexual repression can be just a damaging as being ‘lustful’. There’s nothing “dirty”, “icky”, or “gross” “down there”.
Our bodies are beautiful and there’s a lot of power in being in tune with them. Masturbating is as much a part of that as eating healthy or exercising.
I’m a mid-20s guy. I’ve masturbated since I was 9 years old. Unfortunately, I was introduced to the differences of males and females when I was 4 years old and it lead to a lot of explorative situations throughout my childhood. Thankfully I am still a virgin, but I masturbate daily, sometimes up to 5 times.
The biggest reason I masturbate is because I want to have sex and I start getting angry and impatient, so I figure it’s easier to just go in my room and release some anger. The only problem is that it’s always accompanied with porn, or thoughts of sex with a girl I know.
It is impossible for me to masturbate without commiting adultery in my heart. I’ve gone back and forth through depression and hating God because He hasn’t taken the desire away. I know now He won’t take the desire away, but I still despair when I think about it all.
If someone can practically explain to me how an unmarried person can masturbate without lust entering into the picture, I’d love to hear it.
I think this is a great and very practical question. As Renae alluded to above, I think this is different for different people. Personally, I have never been exposed to pornography, so when I was single, that never popped into my mind. I think its possible to just enjoy the physical sensations without attaching a fantasy to it. I think it is also possible to imagine what kinds of things you might do in your future marriage with your future spouse. I would personallynot consider that “lusting.” It’s more like imagining your future. 😉
Last Anonymous – I’m so sorry you are going through such a difficult struggle with this. I can resonate with being angry and frustrated with God over not taking away a certain struggle.
It sounds like there might be more at play here than just sexual desire – you mentioned some anger and impatience. Have you ever thought about seeing a counselor? They might be able to help you work through some of those things and release some of the tension and despair you are feeling.
Thank you for your honesty, I’m sure there are many people reading here that can relate to your struggle. You are definitely not alone.
I held myself back for so many years because I thought that there couldn’t possibly be a way to pleasure oneself without lusting, especially considering that even though I’m a woman, I have a “mental rolodex” of sexual images, so to speak, that constantly pull up in my mind, which sounds a lot like what I’ve heard that guys struggle with (generally speaking).
However, what I’ve found is quite the opposite. I am able to enjoy myself and what’s happening with my body without attaching a specific face, body, or situation to it, and most of the time, imagining future situations, sort of like what Recovering Alum wrote above, provided that I marry someday. When particular images do surface, I mentally pull myself back to the situation I was in, with the very vague image that seems to be my companion these days. And it’s working well thus far.
Oh, another thing, about masturbation and TM: One of the reasons that I repressed my natural sexual drive for so long is that I honestly thought that as soon as I started pleasuring myself, I wouldn’t be able to stop. Instead, I have LESS sexual thoughts throughout the day and feel more satisfied with myself overall — I didn’t become the out of control sexual monster that I thought I would (that Ron makes you think you will become). Instead, my sex drive seems much healthier. I hope that’s encouraging.
Ambre, that’s a great point. Might be a perfect case where TM and other ministries that push this line are actually creating the problem so that they can sell the solution.
For me, healthy sexual desire becomes lust when it is obsessive in nature. Ironically, I think that when TM tries to take such a hard line on sexual desire they are encouraging people to obsess about it; they are actually creating more lust in the long run than if they just let people rub one out in peace. 😉
One thing I thought of: If Ron is using that passage about spilling seed in Genesis as his basis for God hating masturbation, following that line of logic, God must hate any form of birth control, because it is preventing conception!
Why do these complicated issues of sexuality even need to be taught, especially when it is one flawed mans opinion and personal convictions?
Why not preach Jesus and let interns (if they are really the intelligent world-changers Ron and Dave say they think they are) come to their own conclusions. They are so afraid to let people think for themselves. It’s all about control.
Anyone find it interesting that Shannon Ethridge- from the blog link above- used to work at TMM?
Considering the stuff she writes in her blog–and how much freedom she offers in her book “The Sexually Confident Wife”… I’d say there’s a big reason it’s “used to work” and not “still works.”
i thought she did a great job while she was there and filled a big gap in HA curriculum- which was working with the female interns to recover their sexuality and self worth- often there were interns that came in with a “past” who needed a lot more care and love than condemnation and Shannon is excellent in that role- was sad to see her role leave TM
I love Shannon Ethridge! She truly did an amazing job at the HA and helped to bring a lot of healing to the women on campus. I was extremely sad to see her go. She brought a lot of life to the internship as she was willing to go to the dark pasts that many ladies had come from.
Amen to all this. After my evangelical upbringing AND TM indoctrination, I am SO thankful that my husband and I found the Christian book Sex 101 before we married. We were both virgins, but both masturbated. Of course we both dealt with all this guilt and shame from our upbringing. This book basically set us free from a lot of bogus expectations of wedding night sex, the fact that masturbation is not a sin and actually advised the groom masturbate the day of the wedding night to avoid a lot of frustration for both haha.
It also advised to talk openly about sex before marrying. How else are 2 nice Christian virgins supposed to go from 0 to third base in one day?! Haha.
Whoever said that once they felt free to masturbate that actually helped heal their sexuality, that was me. Instead of us getting ourselves into a situation based on sexual tension alone, I could release that during our courtship phase. No, I didn’t get crazier, it helped tremendously.
So about the argument that it is impossible to masturbate without lust that probably has already been hashed out I will add my 2 cents anyways:
#1: again, it is nowhere in the Bible. It obviously is NOT an issue to God.
#2: you can’t tell me that people who don’t masturbate don’t lust. What the heck is the difference if you just release your sexual tension?
#3: I don’t know which God you serve, but my God has made everyone in His image and no one should hate themselves, beat themselves up for anything, let alone releasing a drive HE created us with.
Of course, I don’t buy anymore into the protestant doctrine of total depravity or being born into sin, so there’s that. The oldest Orthodox view is that humans inherintely good because they were made in the image of God. =)
#4: masturbation is one of those ill-chosen battles. We have so many more important topics at hand. If we could just get over this, we could see ourselves as God sees us and effect so much more good in the world.
P.S.: This ties into the general evangelical fear of science. Since they have to prove that God created the world in 6 literal days everything science is bad. Science has proven masturbation in moderation is healthy physically and psychologically, you really think our God set it up so what is healthy physically and psychologically is damaging spiritually. Sad, very sad.
For those of you who think masturbation is not a sin, you out of your mind!
A man cannot possibly masturbate without even one tiny sexual thought. It is call sexual immorality.
Masturbation is undoubtedly a full on sin. Read the book “Every Mans Battle” its all right there. Even the smallest hint of a sensual image triggers a chemical in our body giving us that urge. And the image is in our head along with other sexual thoughts. And every sexual thought (unless married and being about your wife) is sin!
For those of you who think masturbation is not a sin, you out of your mind!
A man cannot possibly masturbate without even one tiny sexual thought. It is call sexual immorality.
Masturbation is undoubtedly a full on sin. Read the book “Every Mans Battle” its all right there. Even the smallest hint of a sensual image triggers a chemical in our body giving us that urge. And the image is in our head along with other sexual thoughts. And every sexual thought (unless married and being about your wife) is sin!
Neverquit–
Do you have any evidence to back up that claim? I happen to know several males who are able to masturbate without having any sexual thoughts or lust.
Here are a few links from Christian websites that discuss the possibility to masturbate without lust—
http://forums.crosswalk.com/m_277840/mpage_1/tm.htm
http://biblesays.faithsite.com/content.asp?CID=8357
Also, do you have any biblical evidence to back that up?
“And every sexual thought (unless married and being about your wife) is sin!”
WAIT….WHAT?!?!? Where in the world did that idea come from? It certainly doesn’t say that in the Bible. I feel bad for you if that’s what you’ve been taught.
Telling single people that any sexual thought they have is sinful, because they aren’t married, is pretty damaging….sexual thoughts are a process of human biology, and aren’t something that can just be controlled with will-power. Thoughts can get taken out of hand to the point where they might be sinful….but I don’t see any Biblical and/or logical arguments that would make me believe that ALL sexual thoughts are sinful.
I love to masturbate. Ive been doing it since a young age, and think its great. I dont look at porn or anything while doing it, so their isnt any lustful sin involved. I personally dont think theirs anything wrong with it, but yeah to each his own. – Tim
Is it wrong and sinful if you masturbate with a friend? I mean like if you to don’t have sex or anything but masturbate together?
It is not, in fact, sinful to have any sexual thoughts before you are married. It is, however, wrong to entertain them.
I have some points, which some people may or may not consider right, but I would still like to share.
Since the fall of man at the beginning of time, men have had the same problem: Sin. It was what gave us the automatic tendency to be selfish, rude, arrogant, murderous, and lustful. The point I am trying to make here is this: just because it feels good doesn’t mean that you should do it! There are so many things that the Bible doesn’t specify that shouldn’t be done. Some people say that it’s okay to be gay, as long as you don’t get married or have sex. Now, true, the Bible does not specifically talk about this. However, in most Christian communities, this is considered truthful. Does the Bible say it’s wrong? No. Does the Bible hint at the fact that it’s wrong? Most definitely. I say this also to the idea of masturbation. Are you going to tell me that my church, who, considering that in this page the “no ministry is perfect” rule is ommitted and considered wrong, would be therefore considered a false teaching church, is ommitted from the right to be practicing believers because they taught me this? I know for a fact that I have the Holy Spirit, and I don’t need any fallible man, whether from my church or a complete stranger, to tell me that. I know God and He knows me.
Another point: I understand the frustration with Teen Mania, and I see the mistakes, but may I point some things out?
For one, what the heck is the problem with the slander on these pages? Maybe I’m missing something, but what I saw stated was that Heath Stoner is obviously a liar because he works for the Honor Academy and noone can go through life without masturbating. It is extremely fallacious reasoning. A called out someone I didn’t know for things I didn’t know about, I would know that I had sinned and done my best to fix it.
The other thing, though, is this: So many people on these pages have made the statement that they had received Christ at Acquire The Fire. The one run by Teen Mania. Which is the same ministry that they consider completely hateful and evil. Does that even make sense? I understand that there have been people that have come to Christ under false churches, but I would say that there was probably a reason that God brought so many children home through Teen Mania.
I would like to say another thing, and I truly want everyone to know. I do not know any of your hearts. I am truly sorry for what has happened to some of you at the Honor Academy, and I am not going to defend them in that regard. Please, check your hearts, though. See if God is truly is in what you are saying. I see that Collosians 3:8 mentions something very specific that I have seen broken here many times, and I would like to ask people to stop using the foul language that the Bible so obviously condemns.
God Bless you,
Jacob.
I completely disagree. The problem with masturbation is not ejaculation but the thoughts that get you there. As a single man anyone you imagine is not your wife, therefore, it’s sinful. Now as a married man, I find the temptation to masturbate comes through an adulterous thought not being shut down quickly enough. Also, by masturbating you teaching yourself that that feeling is for you to simply feel good. You’re teaching yourself that ejaculation is about self-gratification. But it’s not. That feeling is meant to be experienced with husband and wife in the marriage bed. I dare say that any man who says he can masturbate without thinking a lustful thought is most likely lying.
Jarrod,
you make huge assumptions about all men everywhere.
Can I just point out the fact that, while I was at TM in ’99-’00, during the Women’s Retreat, BB actually taught that, if you masturbated, you were having sex with a demon?
That really messed with me. I was already VERY repressed (thanks to some issues from my past and my upbringing) and felt VERY guilty with my struggles in this area, and was really devastated whenever I “stumbled” because of this teaching.
So thank you for this post, RA; this, along with teaching from my church in Toronto (the Meeting House), has been very freeing 🙂
Diane,
Yep. We were taught that in my year, also (’01-’02). So ridiculous.
I have just got to say that Onanism sounds a hell of a lot more like coitus interuptus (pull out)than masturbation. Oh and in response to TM ppl hating birth control, well yeah, it’s called the Quiverful Movement and it’s hella scary. Ppl like this WANT to be like the Duggars and believe me, they aren’t as picture perfect as they seem…
“Mifune says: May 16, 2011 5:00 PM
While it’s good to recognize that it’s not at all a sin to think someone is hot/have sexual desires, I would just submit that there is a difference between sexual desire/attraction and the protracted fantasizing that is going to take place during masturbation.
We aren’t chasing unicorns, here. This isn’t theoretical.
If someone can practically explain to me how an unmarried person can masturbate without lust entering into the picture, I’d love to hear it.”
This is quite possibly one of the biggest guilt-trips of the HA. I remember masturbation questions on the application and on the forms you had to fill out for your ministry placement, as well as the TL apps for missions (of which I was one). I’m sure most of us lied to avoid judgment. I remember it being made a huge deal, and both my AP’s having horrible guilt issues over it, to the point that they felt unworthy to stay at the HA. Yes, Alisa Stoner told us women that her husband Heath never once masturbated and she had a huge problem with it before they married, which was proof that not all men are perverts and women have JUST as high sex-drives as men. That was actually nice to hear at the HA for once, instead of the usual “men have sex drives that you just will never understand and you just need to submit and take it whenever your husband demands even if you really do not want to have sex.” Sad!
I do remember one awkward moment that I was just thinking about the other day, when a female GI who took a liking to me and decided to be my mentor, invited me over to her house (on campus) and proceeded to admit to me she struggled with masturbation and how she had to pray every time she felt tempted, and it was still a huge problem that was was struggling through. I felt very weird about her telling me this while we sat alone on her bed. I didn’t understand why she was saying it, unless she wanted me to admit the same thing. It seemed like she expected me to say “oh, me too!” Perhaps she was reaching out to feel less alone and hope someone else was as “bad” as she was at the HA. Who knows. But now that I think about it, masturbation was such a huge guilt-inducing topic on campus. So many people were made to feel like such huge sinners over it. There was even an announcement my year about an article that had come out in a christian mag that said masturbation wasn’t so bad if you didn’t have lustful thoughts, and it was denounced from stage that it was a horrible article. That said, to answer Mifune, I do not need to think any sexual thoughts to masturbate. I mostly only use it as a sleep aid. I think about nothing but calmness, darkness, and falling asleep. I don’t want to think anything sexual because that is an exciting thought, not a sleepy one. 😉 So for me, masturbation as a sleep aid when I have trouble sleeping (NOT every night!!) has been a great alternative to sleeping pills and I can honestly say is NOT a sexual/lustful experience at all. As soon as the orgasm comes I pass out immediately and sleep very soundly all night. But I also understand that people have sexual urges that are not related to sleeplessness, and masturbation is the only “safe” outlet. Once again, I think you just have to train yourself NOT to think about anything specifically sexual. I know it is possible for myself, so I’m assuming it’s possible for others?
Id like to share that I have masturbated since I was real young. I have never felt good about it, but completely shamed and guilty. Considering that, I do not consider it healthy. I take the stand of Elijah House ministries which is a ministry which focuses on healing that the need for release and rest/peace should be poured into prayer as Christians. This is difficult for single christians who have no mate to be there for each other and who want to save themselves for their spouse. But, like they say in Elijah house, your basically committing idolatry of self and adultry if fantisies are involved. From my study of relationships, and seeing how the divorce rate is so high nowadays, I see monogomous relationships as very healthy when following the proper steps of a relationship laid out by Life Skills International. As Elijah House says, though, because of the element of shame, guilt and secrecy, we shouldn’t focus on making people feel guilty because it just inflames the problem. But, rather, focus on laying out healthy ways to get the release/rest feeling. Also, we mess up from time to time. Don’t wallow in guilt, but forgive yourself and get back to living life and trying again.
http://www.elijahhouse.org/topical-articles/article-39/Does-Elijah-House-believe-masturbation-is-a-sin-
Life Skills International