At the end of October, while I was working an ATF in Hamilton, Canada, my mom came to visit me. This was the first time we had seen each other since June, when I came back home to walk in my graduation ceremony. After seeing how bad my health was (especially as a result of ESOAL), her focus became getting me home and away from Teen Mania. Although she didn’t say any of this to me then, she was actually afraid that I would die if I stayed there any longer. To her this was (and still is) a matter of life and death.
While I was home on break I went to see my doctor. After my double ear infection and sinus infection in the beginning of the year, hospitals and doctors had a sense of safety. As I walked into the waiting room I began to cry uncontrollably. Although I was terrified of what my body was doing, I know now that I was having a panic attack. Once I was in an exam room the nurse asked me some questions, in which it was hard for me to answer. Next the doctor came in. She ended up talking with me for 3 hours! She sent Teen Mania the medical release that I felt they deserved. With the help of my mom, the doctor and I decided on the language of the note. The doctor took a neutral stand, but the my mother believed strongly that it should reference “emotional and physical abuse.” Still terrified of Teen Mania, I was afraid that those words would have repercussions for me. Even after that doctor’s appointment, it took me a week or so to open up to my mom and begin to tell her what my life was like at Teen Mania. After all, I had pledged never to speak ill of Teen Mania.
After I left campus, Teen Mania actually went into my bank account and got the final $100 that I would have paid if I had stayed the final six weeks. My mom was livid, reaching breaking point not only about that but also about my medical condition but also this. When she called to ask for a refund and complain about how they treated me, Sam Hasz simply hung up on her. She did not get an answer, an apology or even the beginning of an explanation.
The confusion that Teen Mania has brought to my life has completely altered my feelings toward religion and spirituality. Unable to connect my experience to the kind, caring religions I was taught as child, I feel I have no choice but to deny the existence of any sort of divine being. I don’t think I can ever return to the simple faith that I possessed just 3 years ago, because Teen Mania traveled deep in order to gain the leverage that they did. I do not think that I could have recovered, or at least began the road to recovery, as quickly as I have if I had chosen to keep my faith.
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