So it seems that I am a bit bitter…

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A quick aside:

Wow! It’s been over a year since my last post. It’s been a long year. My mother passed away, I graduated with my second bachelor’s degree, AND I got through my first year of teaching high school science. It’s been quite the ride. Sorry for not making posts. Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

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As I mentioned earlier, I began my career as a high school teacher, fully aware that the first year would be challenging. However, I underestimated just how tough it would actually be. On top of that, I had to cope with the sudden and tragic loss of my mother, which added to the difficulties I faced. This year has undoubtedly been the hardest one of my life.

Recently, a topic came up in one of my science classes that involved evolution, the Big Bang theory, and Christian beliefs. While the situation could have been worse, I must admit that I didn’t handle it with the level of professionalism I should have. In the heat of the moment, I inadvertently revealed that I am an atheist and expressed some grievances with certain Christians, including a local church that one of my students attends. Fortunately, the matter has been resolved through apologies and reconciliation.

After a conversation with the student’s parent, who happens to be an old family friend, and after much self-reflection, I’ve come to realize that I harbor some bitterness. It’s surprising how easily bitterness can take root without one even noticing. I’m sharing this with some hesitation because I want to avoid giving ammunition to those who dismiss any criticism as mere bitterness. I don’t want to provide them with an opportunity to arrogantly declare, “See! We told you! They’re just bitter.”

That being said, it’s true that I feel bitter. I’ve been hurt by the church at various points in my life, and the pain from those experiences resurfaces from time to time. My grievances with the church date back to my childhood, starting around the age of 9 or 10. It’s disheartening to realize that my church-related wounds have been with me for so long.

A decade ago, I believed I had completed the process of deconstructing my faith. I stopped identifying as a Christian in 2011 and ceased attending church in 2013 or 2014. At one point in 2015, I even distanced myself from the Recovering Alumni community because I felt that it was exacerbating my bitterness. I want to make it clear that I hold no ill will towards the community, as evidenced by my current engagement in writing this post. By 2016, I had entered a new phase of my life. I underwent a process of deconstruction, found healing, completed college, and secured a job. I thought that everything was behind me, for the most part.

However, here I am now, during summer break, confronted once again by the lingering impact of my involvement with Teen Mania and its effects on my life. This issue resurfaces every few years, prompting me to revive this blog in 2019 and bring it back to life in 2021. And now, as I reflect on my experiences during this break, I find myself contemplating my grievances with the church and organized religion in general. If I had the means to pursue consistent therapy, perhaps I could delve deeper into this matter.

So, yeah, I am bitter, but I’m working on it. None of us are perfect and we all struggle with our own issues. Just because I am bitter (or any of us are) does not mean that the damage wasn’t done or that it was actually more benign than we’re making it out to be. Hopefully sometime in the near future (5 years at the rate of my posting most likely) I will have some nugget of wisdom. Until then, I am content with admitting that I have a problem.