We can all be deceived and fall into error, and we can do that though we have good character and the best of intentions.
So writes Cindy at the blog Under Much Grace. She is addressing a common misconception that an abusive environment = malicious leadership. In fact, that is not the case at all. Its very common for abusive Christian leaders to be nice people with wonderful intentions and lofty goals to impact the world for Christ.
So how does an organization that started out with such wonderful motives go so terribly, terribly wrong? How can a well intentioned person become so abusive?
Many also hold a false assumption that people who run such ministries could have only started out with some deliberate and conscious intent to harm people or use others for personal gain. I believe that in many cases, Christian groups that get off course and fall into patterns of spiritual abuse and thought reform do so because of the trappings of human nature as opposed to any deliberate choice to do harm or to be covertly manipulative. Those who have great aspirations very likely have great and lofty goals which are dripping with goodness and virtue. The problem is not one of intent or even in the desired end. The problem becomes one of the means one uses to achieve the desired end.
She goes on to describe how zeal and ambition can easily lead one into becoming gradually more and more controlling. Unfortunately, good intentions are not enough to guarantee an abuse-free environment. Read the whole thing.
I can certainly identify with this piece – my time at the Honor Academy turned me into a spiritual abuser. I judged people based on how they measured up to an arbitrary legalistic standard and confronted them over meaningless and petty things – but I did all this because I thought it was how to be a good Christian. My motives were good but my behavior was terrible. And other people suffered because of it.
We all do things out of ignorance that hurt other people – the true test of your motives is how do you respond once you learn that you are hurting people? Do you vilify them to protect yourself? Or do you grieve over the way you injured them and seek to make amends?
16 comments:
Peter Denshawsays:January 2, 2012 at 8:09 AMReply
‘Plotting covetousness and deliberate contrivance, in order to compass a selfish end, are nowhere abundant but in the world of the dramatist: they demand too intense a mental action for many of our fellow-parishioners to be guilty of them. It is easy enough to spoil the lives of our neighbours without taking so much trouble; we can do it by lazy acquiescence and lazy omission, by trivial falsities for which we hardly know a reason, by small frauds neutralized by small extravagances, by maladroit flatteries, and clumsily improvised insinuations. We live from hand to mouth, most of us, with a small family of immediate desires; we do little else than snatch a morsel to satisfy the hungry brood, rarely thinking of seed-corn or the next year’s crop.’ From George Eliot’s Mill on the Floss
Natalie Haskellsays:January 2, 2012 at 11:37 AMReply
Thanks for the post. It sits right with my heart.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what a jacked up terrible person I was to people after Teen Mania. The ones I love I expected to just take what I dished. Not realizing the consequences for my horrific attitude would most definitely lead to the ending of many good friendships.
Even today I thought this.
I realize I messed up BIG time. The pain that is there is real. But my only two options truly are to protect myself and deny that I made a major error or put on my big girl panties and admit I was wrong. It’s not Dave’s fault, it’s not Ron’s fault. I believed their asinine idea’s, for that I am highly regretful.
Live and learn I guess…
Thank you RA for everything you’re doing.
Nicolesays:January 2, 2012 at 12:38 PMReply
This is exactly it. I’m definitely of the opinion that Ron and Dave started out with great, genuine intentions. I still think they are sincere in believing they are helping young people to “change the world for Christ”. That’s why my Dad was so incredulous watching MOM and talking about my experience. He said he really “though Ron Luce was the real deal”.
I’m also trying to make sense of the fact that just like Ron, my Dad said that 10 of the 12 pastors he has been in ministry with have come from abusive backgrounds. Think of other big names like Mark Driscoll. I am not trying to pass judgment or say “this is why they are the way they are” or that everyone from abusive backgrounds turns out this way, but it’s too much to be coincidence. As if their past still keeps them from full accepting or giving grace, and they are still trying to gain the approval of their father through performance/strict rules….
I don’t have a degree in psychology so I’ll stop my musings for now.
Anonymoussays:January 2, 2012 at 1:48 PMReply
Excellent post, thank you. I believe this is an important point to explore.
RedRidingHood03says:January 3, 2012 at 12:19 PMReply
RA –
Great post. I’ve been reading your blog for the past few months and I have to say that you are 100% right on. At TM I was abused spiritually and as a result I now struggle to fit the mold they made for me.
Since you received so much healing through writing, I was also considering starting a blog to help me cope with my challenges. My husband recommended buying a domain and then setting up a basic BlogSpot site on it. So far I think TeenManiaGossipDOTcom would be my choice. I think they are hundreds of past interns who we’re hurt by TM and need a place to vent their abuses.
Anyways, thanks for all your inspiration. I look forward to having you guest post sometime in the near future.
Kaitlynn aka RedRidingHood03
Recovering Alumnisays:January 3, 2012 at 12:41 PMReply
RedRidingHood – Writing has definitely been a cathartic and healing experience for me. I’ve always been a journaler. I hope you have the same experience!
One piece of advice, you might consider a different domain name. “Gossip” has a pretty negative connotation…just a thought.
Doug Duncansays:January 3, 2012 at 3:30 PMReply
We had a lot of discussions among the former members of my cult regarding whether or not the leader was good at first and then corrupted by the power, or if he was off at the beginning. In Greek tragedies, the protagonist’s downfall is always an inevitable result of a character flaw. I am in the school of thought that says that Ron’s narcissism was inevitably going to pull anything he did in a bad direction.
shannon-ashleysays:January 4, 2012 at 5:33 PMReply
I agree with Doug.
It’s not to say that Ron or Dave or Heath etc. don’t have any, or never had good intentions. But good intentions/a lack of maliciousness do not a good leader make. Many narcicistic people have such a strong belief system that THEY have the (God-given) power to change the world, etc. and get clouded by their vision of the “greater good”.
I also believe that “good intentions” and “pure motives” are not the same thing, but it’s very easy to assume/believe/think that a leader with good intentions has a pure motive for the ministry. And how they conduct themselves in the face of criticism, is a pretty good indicator of the purity of those motives. Do they respond in love and grace and honesty? Or do they accuse and divide and tell hal-truths/lies?
I guess for me, I no longer ponder how TM became what it is. I think the callousness of TM leadership speaks for itself. If God is Love, but they don’t preach Love, what “good” spiritual leaders could they be?
Anonymoussays:January 4, 2012 at 6:40 PMReply
A therapist friend of mine once told me “religious organizations are a breeding ground for psychopaths”. Particularly Narcissistic Personality Disorder is common among a lot of very visionary, charismatic believers.
Shilohsays:January 6, 2012 at 12:40 AMReply
Anon- that is epic. Thank you.
Cindysays:January 9, 2012 at 6:35 PMReply
Thank you for your kind words about my website.
As Wendy Duncan states in her book by way of a chapter heading, “I never wanted to join a cult.”
I don’t think than any of these evangelicals who fall into the trappings of human nature that take on all the characteristics of LIfton’s list of thought reform dynamics because of the pitfalls of being human started out to “form a cult.” I tend to think of thought reform as what Paul’s works of the flesh looks like when they are employed to do God’s work without Him.
We all all paradoxically encumbered with the pressure to sin, even while we are being more and more conformed into Christ’s image. And leadership presents a whole other set of temptations and trappings for us. Our personal errors just have more potential to effect more people. Character is critical.
I think that when we figure out some virtuous goal and then do anything to accomplish that end (letting the end justify the means), it’s like we take our destination of bringing glory to God, we take the keys out of God’s hands, and then we put Him in the back seat of our plans to take God where we think He ought to “take” us. But it is what we do in our flesh.
Anonymoussays:January 10, 2012 at 8:53 AMReply
What you said here Cindy is right on. Many Christians feel that they cannot get caught in these traps and they are sadly mistaken. Our human nature tends to vear off into doing things in our own works, but the Lord continually tells us in His Word to leave our lives in His Hands. We tend to listen to others/ourselves instead of listening to the Holy Spirit. Pride is what puts us in very vulnerable situations and we start working in the flesh.
Thank you for your site.
Doug Duncansays:January 10, 2012 at 9:29 AMReply
I agree with Cindy about character being key. There is also an issue of accountability. Since we all have the tendency to fall into sin, we have to be accountable to others. Who is Ron Luce accountable to? Who does he have in his life who can correct him when he falls into error? Who is there who can point out his blind spots to him, and be heard?
Cindysays:January 11, 2012 at 11:34 PMReply
Doug,
You’ve nailed a big component of how so many of these Christian groups get so successful. The parachurch organization circumvents the checks and balances that would have been present to guide a ministry under a denomination don’t exist.
Lots of people and ministries have governing boards, but quite often, they’re comprised of people who share the same perspective as the group, so they don’t see the blind spots to start with. Or the nature of the relationship that people have with their boards doesn’t give them liberty to say much, and as you point out, will they be heard?
I know others who take a magical thinking view of anything done by a ministry towards a virtuous end. Many people expect that God would not allow anything that bad to happen if the objective is a good one. I’ve met people like this on a governing board for a seminary (one that my husband and I left because of errors in doctrine and practice). People don’t like to think ill of or to be too suspicious of religious efforts, and some seem to think that those who anticipate problems are pessimistic for malignant reasons. It’s easier in those cases to just stay silent and hope for the best. So that’s a significant pressure as well (all of that Cialdini commitment and consistency stuff). Everyone wants to be thought of as a nice guy.
Anonymoussays:February 14, 2012 at 2:06 AMReply
I went on a mission trip in 1989 with Teen Mania. Now I’m an atheist. This is one of the reasons.
KingBushwicktheToityToidsays:April 18, 2012 at 10:06 AMReply
True,so true.That’s how Jim Jones;David Koresh;Warren Jeffs and Charles Manson got started.
Now being of Scots-Irish Protestant descent,my religious history is right on the cusp between Main Stream-ie:Methodist,Presbyterian-and semi Evangelical-ie:Southern Baptist.
And while I see no real problem when someone converts to Christ after hitting rock bottom,too many of them seem to want to use their
religious beliefs to belittle someone else’s beleifs be they religious or secular or put on big production numbers like the Power Team!!
And I wonder if Christ would use big production numbers ala the Power Team or Ron Luce to get people to beleive in him?
Probably not.
Rather,he’d be feeding the hungry,healing the sick,comforting those in need,not running around having things like Manna Fest or stuff like that!!
And another thing I have with the Ron Luce’s and their kind is that while busy condemning today’s pop culture as the downfall of society,
theyr’e doing roughly the same thing!!
Contrary to popular belief,violence in America just didn’t pop up after 1963!!I guess Mr.Luce conviently forget about the Revolutionary War;Whiskey Rebellion;War of 1812;Mexican War;Indian Wars;Civil War;Spanish American War;Boxer Rebellion;Phillipine Insurection;The”Banana Wars”in Nicarauga and Haiti;WWI;WWII;Korea and Vietnam!!
And I guess he conviently forgot about Jesse James;John Wesley Hardin;Doc Holiday;Al Capone;Bonnie&Clyde;Pretty Boy Floyd and
Charlie Starkweather and Caril Ann Fugate!!
And I guess he forgot about the Civil Rights Movement and the insuing violence towards towards African Americans because they merely wanted to enjoy the same rights as other Americans!!
Mr.Luce,go back and read about Emmit Till,a young black man who was brutally murdered because he alledgedly whistled at a white woman!!
Or read about about how how four young black girls were brutally murdered because someone set off a bomb in their Sunday School Classroom!!
Or watch video footage of how firehoses and police dogs were used upon peaceful marchers in Birmingham and Montgomery.Alabama in 1965!!
Also,Mr.Luce,you need to read your Bible a little more in depth!!
According to the Good Book,if your’e a stubborn or rebellious child,the town elders are supposed to stone you!!
Eating pork’s a sin because”Pigs are unclean animals.”.
Also,eating shellfish is a sin.
Laboring upon the sabbath is a sin punishable by death.
So Mr.Luce,are you gonna blow up the local Big Box Store because theyr’e open on Sunday??
Also,”The daughter of any priest,if she betray herself by playing the whore,she hath offended her father,therefore she shall be burnt by fire.”.
Hmm!!In that case,why didn’t Todd&Sarah Palin do a”Johnny Cash”and throw Bristol on that”Burning Ring of Fire”after she got knocked up??
And how about pedophile priests and adulterous clergymen like Jimmy Swaggart and Ted Fag-OOps!!-I mean Haggard??
And especially Brother Ted!!By having a”Gay Old Time”with Mike Jones,he violated Leviticus!!
So,Ronnie,how come you haven’t popped a cap on Revrend Ted already??
“I’ll paint you the pitcure that I have in my mind but if it’s true I might kill myself.”
-Roger Sterling(John Slattery):”Mad Men”.
“I’ve got tiger blood and it’s dripping all down my fangs!!”
-Charlie Sheen.
“Here’s to alcohol,the cause and solution of many of life’s problems.”-Homer Simpson.