I’ve heard from parents of Honor Academy alumni who feel incredibly guilty and remorseful about sending their child to Teen Mania. After seeing how it affected their child, they feel like they should have known better and now they live with the constant pain of regret.
On the other hand, many parents are still clueless about how the Honor Academy has affected their child, even though it did great damage. I’ve spoken with many of my readers who purposely do not tell their parents about how bad their experience was – precisely because they don’t want their parents to feel guilty about it.
So, how have you handled it? Have you told your family? Why or why not? (Of course, there is no “right” answer to this question…everyone has a unique family situation and different levels of trust and closeness.)
For you parents out there, would you want your child to tell you or to shield you?
21 comments:
For me it was actually my mom who facilitated me having the courage to leave. When she saw certain things going on with my health around Christmas and noticed the total lack of care that Teen Mania was showing me she insisted I go to a doctor and be checked out over break. Between her and the doctor talking to me that holiday I really started thinking about what I was gaining/losing by staying at the Honor Academy and it was that knowledge that made me certain I didn’t wanna stay through the commitment and that doing so would only mean further harm.
January 24, 2011 7:24 AM
layne said…
I’ve never talked to my parents about it. They know my distaste for the internship now, but they have never heard specifics. I think they became clued-in on the nastiness of the HA when a hometown friend and fellow alumnus walked up to me (while I was in my hometown visiting) and laughingly acussed me of ruining his life by-way-of convincing him to join HA (I dragged him to a preview weekend after I had decided that I wanted to go to the HA…and the preview weekend convinced him to join as well. We both attended around ’00 – ’01). My parents had to have known that we both were realizing how damaging the HA is.
Still, talking to them about it is slightly emarrassing. They were against the idea from the very beginning and saw many of the cult-like signs that I, as a very young kid, missed. So. Yeah. Answer? We don’t talk about it. I hate that I wasted their money.
January 24, 2011 10:16 AM
J. said…
I’ve recently told my parents some of the details. They weren’t crazy about me going, either. My older brother went and had a fantastic experience… but also fit into that category of “holier than thou art”, so they were really worried that I was going to come out of it a self righteous hag 🙂
We don’t talk about it very much… because my brother still feels very positively about it. But thankfully my younger sister had no interest in it at all.
January 24, 2011 11:49 AM
Anonymous said…
Well I can now happily(sarcasm….cough…..cough) South Africa is getting the same opportunity for slave labour with HA starting there.
January 24, 2011 12:42 PM
Elizabeth said…
I haven’t told my parents about the negative evolution that TM has taken for several reasons.
1. My mother VERY much wanted me to go on a TM missions trip; and, then she became my greatest influence/advocate for me to attend the HA. (It was called the Internship back then.)
2. My father was very skeptical of me skipping college to attend, but Mom convinced him to let me attend and that he needed to pay for it. I am ashamed that I didn’t listen to my father’s wisdom disguised as skepticism.
3.I am also ashamed by the money that he wasted for me to attend a growing cult that used/abused/threw away so many of us. Who were we but children/impressionable young adults who were optimistic, seeking to be used by Christ, to find acceptance/community & outwardly demonstrate our love for Christ & our fellow man.
4. But the primary reason I haven’t told my parents about the abuse & current TM & this website, though I secretly want to, is that my mother believed and still believes as TM. She saw & sees TM & Ron Luce as doing no wrong and preaching truth and reaching the lost in our generations and the world. She also theologically believes as TM: i.e. anyone who gets sick or whoever goes through bad experiences caused these things to come upon themselves b/c they were in sin and had stepped outside of God’s protection & blessing. (She even believes this about my having had a brain tumor. She tells everyone I got the brain tumor b/c I’ve been in rebellion since I was 23yr.)
So I don’t want to have to add to our already lengthy and stressful dialogue. As I recognize that I need to prioritize & pick my dialogues/battles with her. So I know that when we are at a point where there is trust and mutual respect for differing ideologies I will be free to tell her. I pray that there be reconciliation with her and my father during their life time.
January 24, 2011 3:16 PM
phoenix said…
I haven’t told my parents about how corrosive TM is – I think they’d be devastated to know that know that 1) all the money then spent on me going was a waste and 2) and the level we all were manipulated.
At debriefing of my 1st mission trip RL gave us this phrase to use on our parents with in the 1st week of being home. It was to ‘show’ them how much we’ve changes and what a awesome influence TM was so they’d want to send us back next year.
Last year I was helping my mom clean out the garage and came across the box of TM junk, and I made a comment about what a waste it all was. She said the TM wasn’t all bad and the ‘greatest day of her life’ was when I got back from my 1st trip and said this phrase. I didn’t have the heart to tell her that we were coached to say this, manipulate our parents to sending us back year after year.
barf.
January 24, 2011 9:41 PM
Recovering Alumni said…
phoenix – what was the phrase??
January 24, 2011 9:58 PM
phoenix said…
I don’t remember exactly – something about serving your parents, or being helpful to them because they’ve given you everything you have. It wasn’t bad, it just sucks that the who point of it was to sucker your parents in to spending more money on TM – not to say hey mom I appreciate you.
January 24, 2011 11:14 PM
jeff said…
I hope parents read this!
If you want your kids to get coached how to elicit your support and feel obliged to NOT tell you the truth about how they’ve been treated, this is the place to send’em.
Who knows parents…they might even be coached into thinking they need that exorcism you haven’t been able to get to yourself.
(The preceding comment has been written deliberately heavy toward the sarcastic tone.)
January 25, 2011 10:39 AM
Krista said…
I’m with a lot of you here who’s parents have been in denial about how destructive TM was in my life. I’ve talked to them about it and told them about the stories on here, but their reply is more along the lines of “They still did a lot of good in your life” or “Some people may have just needed more discipline and structure than you did.” I probably shouldn’t have told them anything, because now I think they basically discount my experience so they can believe they did the right thing in allowing me to go there. Anyway, we don’t really talk about it anymore – we just agree to disagree.
January 25, 2011 11:59 AM
Anonymous said…
It can be hard to admit that you did something that hurt your own child….at the same time, parents are the ones that need to start calling Ron and Co. out for their abusive practices. Please parents, don’t remain silent and allow another teen to be run over by these “world changers”.
Speak out the next time you hear a youth leader saying their taking the group to a Teen Mania event, speak up when you see donations being sent as a part of the missions budget. Shaming people into silence is how abusers are able to continue their abuse on new victims….their is no shame in speaking the truth (though it might make you unpopular).
January 26, 2011 12:58 AM
Anonymous said…
Anonymous at 11:49am:
Rich and Michelle Franzen are running the HA in South Africa. They were my PD’s on a South Africa trip that was a month long and the trip was smaller so I got to know them pretty well. I found them to be sensitive and compassionate. While I don’t agree with many of Honor Academy’s practices, I don’t think it’s healthy to criticize parts of the ministry that you may not know about. The purpose of this site is for people to heal from past experiences at the Honor Academy, not to stand in criticism but in firmness and love.
PS-I tried to make a user account name but I’m URL challenged. Does anyone know how to do this?
January 26, 2011 9:40 AM
jami c. said…
Rich and Michelle Fanzen may be really fantastic people… but the HA in South Africa is still an extension of the HA we all… know and love 🙂 They will still answer to the authority that we have all grown disillusioned with and been hurt by.
January 26, 2011 10:50 AM
Recovering Alumni said…
Michelle was my direct superior during my first year at the HA. I would not put her in the same class as Heath or Dave – not by a long shot. But, at the same time, the Franzens still support an abusive ministry – whether they realize it or not. And they still answer to people whose main occupation in life seems to be the abuse and exploitation of teens.
I hope South Africa’s geographical distance lends itself to an emotional and psychological distance from the HA. Perhaps living in another country while working under long term missionaries will sufficiently change the HA dynamic.
I hope.
January 26, 2011 11:33 AM
phoenix said…
@Anonymous – Just choose Name/URL, if you don’t have a url to link to (like facebook), or don’t want to link up, you can leave it blank.
January 26, 2011 11:34 AM
Lupita said…
im planning to go to HA why is it so bad?
January 28, 2011 10:24 PM
Ambre said…
Lupita – I’m sure that someone can come along and give you more direct info, but to start (since I’m so dang tired right now!), you could check out the ‘Allegations’ tab at the top of this page which will give you a basic overview and direct you to several lengthier pages. After that, clicking on ‘Is TM a Cult?’ will lead you to four different posts regarding that.
If you’d rather start by reading everyone’s stories, you can click on ‘True Stories’ under the sidebar ‘Categories’ (there are currently 87 that are posted most recent to oldest).
Lupita, I ask that the Lord will lead you firmly and guide you clearly on the path that He desires to take you.
January 29, 2011 12:00 AM
Heather said…
My parents know a lot about my year. They don’t fully understand it and can’t comprehend how it has changed my whole way of thinking but I don’t think anyone can if they haven’t been there. My parents were the ones that cried along side me when they realized how awful it was and how alone I felt. They spent time in prayer with me and have walked along side me as I have learned how to forgive.
They also have apologized many times for not taking me out of the HA. My Mom didn’t have a sense of peace in her heart the whole time I was gone and wished she would have acted on it. However, I knew all the right things to say so they wouldn’t have known what was going on. They know I don’t hold them responsible for ANY of it.
January 29, 2011 2:38 AM
Josh said…
I’ve told my parents everything and they support it, and myself 100%.
We still go out to the worship sessions on Wednesday Nights every now and then as a family.
I volunteer my time there to help out with the IT department. Love spending time there with MT and other G.I.’s/Alumni/Staff I know that are still on campus.
Positive experience for me throughout the whole year, except when I twisted my ankle, which was entirely my doing, landing improperly during a long jump contest. 😛
January 29, 2011 3:40 PM
Candor said…
While I was there, I called my parents many times crying and said I wanted to go home (or rather, back to my sophomore year at college). I NEVER gave any specifics because I had signed a written agreement never to “speak ill” of the cult and/or it’s past, present, or future members. It was really difficult to have all of those secrets bottled up.
Now that I’m out (and have been for 10 yrs) I’ve finally had the maturity and courage to tell my parents about it at length. They feel guilty for not rescuing me from it. There was really nothing they could have done though. I had already been brainwashed not to tell anyone anything “negative” and I wasn’t going to “sin against God” by not upholding my commitment.
My parents also feel guilty because I no longer go to church or want anything to do with organized religion as a result of my time there.
One of the biggest problems at the cult is its lack of transparency. Look how well hiding everything under the rug went for the Catholic church. If you’re not doing anything wrong, then you shouldn’t have anything to hide. Good luck to you, deceivers.
January 29, 2011 3:57 PM
Melissa said…
I’m a parent, I have allowed RA to put my story here, (You can find it in True Stories) And I want to share some hope.
To all of you who haven’t told your parents, I encourage you to do so. When my son first began to tell me of the horrific things he experienced at HA, I admit I didn’t believe him. I still supported the staff there. It took some time, and I know my son was praying for me to understand. It did happen and I am an example of learning to support my son and his coming out about the abuse that he experienced at HA.
Yes, I felt a huge amount of guilt, and still do at times. Knowing that is a tactic the enemy uses helps me work through it. Yes I regret the large amount of money we threw to them because of their artistic ability to use the name of God. My son doesn’t hold me responsible. We are healing together.
I have contacted leadership, and received one reply, it ignored my questions completely and appeared to be written by an intern. (spelling and grammar were my biggest clues.)
Just be encouraged to tell your parents and friends. Yes, it may take them some time to see through the veil of lies, but it will eventually sink in. Yes, they will feel a great deal of guilt and may go through a crisis of faith. But I am so very thankful that my son began to share. It has helped me grow and become more compassionate to him and others who have had these terrible things done to them in the name of a Loving God.
I know RA is willing and able to help you through all this. She has been such an inspiration to me and I am so thankful for her love, boldness, and amazing compassion. If you can’t tell your parents yet, I would encourage you to start telling RA. Small steps are still steps in the process of healing. Just start talking! Please!!
If you need to practice on a parent, contact RA and she will email me with your information so I can contact you. I give her full permission to do so. I would love to help you.
Finally, know that you are loved. Abuse of this magnitude is heartbreaking. It did alter your life. Be encouraged and seek help. There are those in this big world who do love you and will understand what you have experienced and are probably still experiencing.
Share your story with your parents.
February 2, 2011 1:22 PM