Niki’s Story

Editor’s Note: This is the 2nd story of sexual assault I’ve been told in the past 2 weeks. If you have a similar story, this is a safe place to share it. You may remain anonymous.

I graduated HA in August of 2004. I was (what I feel) sexually assaulted during my Unreached People Group LTE. I had several correspondences with Dave Hasz and few others, but I do not have them as they were on my assigned computer. I personally wrote a one liner stating that I would not sue TM due to this and signed it because TM asked me to. I had no idea what to write other than they needed my signature that I wasn’t pressing charges. I was never offered an apology by those involved and my family was beyond upset, even after I totally downplayed it for them. I was 17 at the time. And I apologize for the poor writing, I was 17 after all. This was also written for my CA who was very angry with me at the time, and didn’t seem interested in hearing the truth or understanding how I felt inside.

This is one of the papers that I wrote as assignments, that I later made into a book for my graduation defense. I added things that are not part of the original paper in parenthesis.

Unreached People Group Life, Transforming Event March 12-14, 2004

I personally had a rather eventful LTE. My team was a missionary team. We had the aid of a wandering tribesman guide us to the tribe called Vasava. He took most of our chocolate as payment for the favor. The tribe accepted us quickly. They spit on our men, as is their custom, and married them. They put us in a large hole or tied us to trees to test our friendliness. I was captured on my way to the washroom and taken to jail. We were made to do physically draining things. We were made to hear the dramatized murder of a Christian. The woman who was watching me and the three I was with kept talking about wise and persuasive words, how Christians are no different than the rest world, in fact they are worse. Finally I spoke up and said, “Actions speak louder than words, which is why I have spoken little and done much.” She immediately requested that I speak to her. I did, I told her my life, I told her what I had gone through and what I had been delivered from. I told her the truth, I made nothing up. Later than evening she got saved. We were rescued and taken to the restrooms by some underground missionaries in the government. Grace and Michael; they were later killed.

At approximately 9:00 pm, everything changed. My LTE went downhill from there. I learned nothing, I did not witness. I did not talk about Jesus; I pretty much kept to myself. Apparently I offended the tribe and the three warriors were sent to capture me and deliver me to the government. What really happened is quite another story.

The government’s vehicles were coming closer. I ran into the woods to hide. My passport was coming apart and would be considered phony. (They had already previously questioned mine and another girl on my team.) The three warriors sent to capture me, followed me and one other girl into the woods. (I remember her trying to climb an evergreen tree.) I turned to face one warrior (at this point I wasn’t sure what was going on or why they had followed us into the woods, it had almost seemed at first like they were trying to help us hide or something…) and the one behind me attempted to loop his arms through mine and confine my arms to my back. (I think it’s called a Full Nelson) I quickly reacted and got out of that, only to two discover more bodies thrown into the mix. I hollered at the girl to help me, I yelled at her to grab them, to do something. I do not recall seeing her after that. I have no idea where she was or what happened. They grabbed at me, it was dark and they were big, I flailed wildly, using what little skill I have to fend the warriors off.

(So you have something in mind. I am 5’2″ and weighed 130, so I’m kind of small… One of them was at least 6′ and the other was probably 5’7″. I really don’t remember the other guy, other than I vaguely think him to be in between the two, they are all thinish, but certainly bigger than I am.)

They wrestled me to the ground and attempted to contain me. They taped my legs together (one was laying across my stomach trying to hold my legs still, the other was holding onto my shoulders and arms) and got off me. I sat up with my elbows slung casually over my knees and began working on the tape. The bottom wouldn’t rip all the way up. So I took a chance and quickly ripped it from top to bottom. They heard the rip. By the time I was fully to my feet and trying to run from these tall muscular fellows, they had already grabbed me again. I grabbed the hat off the tallest one and hit at their faces with it because I could not bring myself to hit them with my fists. Though in hindsight I probably should have. The biggest one wrestled me to the ground and was lying completely across me, I was in the perfect position to knee him in the groin, though full of fear, and feeling as though I was being raped, I refrained. I was crying. His hands and arms were across me inappropriately. One of his hands was across the top of my breast, (almost in a cupping fashion. With the weight of his body pressing down, it felt as though he were grabbing and clawing at my breast. I was on my back, so his entire body was fully pressed up to mine) whether he knew it or not, that’s where it was. His other arm was across me as well, one of his elbows digging deep into my ribs. I told him if he was gentle, I would not struggle, he gave about a quarter inch to move my arm. Both arms had lost circulation by this point. I remember telling him, “Bet you weren’t expecting such a fight, huh?!” He also mentioned (later when I started talking) that I said something about, “Is this how you treat your women?” These statements truthfully have no relevance because if he was really a tribesman, he wouldn’t have understood my English words. One of the warriors had gone to get a shovel, the other went to find the tape. When they arrived back, they also brought the other two men of the tribe. The Chief and the husband of the pregnant woman. They watched as a shovel was shoved across my ankles and held very firmly in place. (I had bruises on both my ankles for several days and could barely get into my bed which was the middle bunk.) The other two worked together to tape my hands together, I was crying. They kept on. I said over and over, “If you are gentle I promise I will not struggle.” I said it in English as well as their language. Seeing as I knew their language better than they did, I said it more times in English. They tried to roll me over on my back seeing as I was on my stomach. It would have been easier to control me if I was on my stomach, so I refused to roll over. They tried to pick me up, but I wiggled until I dropped the two inches they had gotten me off the ground. Finally the chief told them to loosen up a little bit. He (finally) noticed that I was crying and told them to loosen up again, he told them one more time, Be gentle.” This time they loosened up their grips on my hands. The two on my hands are both very large hands and were crushing mine in theirs. They were still trying to tape me though. After a few moments, the chief told them to let me go. (I was sitting with my knees up because my legs were taped together, with them holding my arms above my head at first and them trying to pull my hands behind my back to tape them. I seem to remember having to do one of those numbers where you crawl through your arms to get your hands in front of you, but I’m not positive, they might not have actually gotten them taped… ) I simply rolled over onto my stomach and sobbed. I just lay there sobbing. The chief said something… I do not know what (I think he may have been trying to calm me down or console me or something…) but I remember saying, “Not with them three here!!” My voice racked with pain and sobs. I rolled over (just enough) to toss the hat in the air so that whoever it belonged to could get it. There were three people on one side of me. Two on the other and one of the warriors had his feet next to my shoulders and was squatting near me. (Practically on top of me) They all rose and left and the girl I was with came to me, she helped me get the rest of the tape off my legs and held me while I sobbed. (I really wish I knew who she was…)

We were there for about five minutes, which is when the government came and told me that I had disrespected the tribe, why would I do that, what was wrong with me. They basically just degraded me for a while and asked the tribe what to do with me. (Please keep in mind, the government was only 2nd year interns.. so CA’s, LP’s, RD’s, etc…) They chose to send me with the government, that was when my persecutor from my visit to jail decided to get saved. She sent me back to the tribe and they said one word, “Ltheyeavechey.” Leave. So I did. I wondered around the woods for a few moments until, Akuna, the only nice tribal man, followed me and asked me if I was okay. He worked out an arrangement that I would chop wood and gather firewood out in the forest. Which was fine with me, it kept me away from the warriors. I cried most of the night. Every few moments, I stopped and cried. I think Akuna is the only reason I stayed around. I was going to go find another tribe, learn their language and see if they would take me as someone’s wife or daughter or something.

To be quite truthful, I felt as though I had been raped. I felt extremely physically violated and was ready to call it quits. I understand it was an LTE, but it was still an LTE. I can say that I learned nothing from this LTE. The only life changing that occurred was that I absolutely refuse to go near those guys, I will not travel to remote tribes and minister to them. I will stick to the business world, for that’s what I am called to. Anything I learned in the beginning was quickly unlearned through the traumatic experience I went through. I was afraid of guys (all males that is, I mean, run and hide, walk out of my way, show up late, sit in the back kind of scared) for a week (though it was really longer than that), I was not sleeping well, I isolated myself, and I was not particularly polite. I am still extremely jumpy if a guy slams or raises a fist, even against someone else. (we used to make a fist and roll our wrist and say “Suckaaa!” so there were lots of fists)

So that was my LTE, in conclusion, I learned nothing and walked away in a state of mind that is not good. I walked away dealing with something I should never had to deal with as an intern, especially not at the HONOR Academy. I felt extremely disrespected, violated and as though I had been raped.

End Paper.

So there you have it. My RD, CA, and room-mates all personally saw this paper. I think that Dave Hasz and a few other staffers did as well. It was quite the topic apparently among the CA’s. I guess all the CA’s have some meeting with the staff and RD’s and it came up… Everyone thought I was trying to get the boys dismissed…but really I was just hurting so bad. This is the first time that I had read this in a long time… I was sobbing and couldn’t finish it… I had to take a break. I didn’t realize it was still so emotional for me! I am so glad that you started this blog! I have been thinking about it for a long time and knowing that you are talking to the directors and sharing some of our real life stories with them is so good for me to hear. I have lots of other stories about a lot of stuff…but this is the one that really hurts me and that I think people need to know about.

It is so upsetting that nothing was ever done about this. I was made to feel as though it was my fault, it was all brushed over and swept under a rug. How unfair to me and the next girl, what if it goes further next time?

Thank you for caring so much about all of us who have been through stuff and have been hurt, and are still hurting. It is giving me the courage to deal with so pretty deep wounds from people I thought I should and could trust.

76 comments:

moriah says:
May 12, 2010 at 6:35 AM

are these LTE’s supposed to simulate the mission field?!
Really, I have no words for this. Its so ignorant on so many levels.

Why isn’t TM teaching their interns useful missionary skills, like how to more efficiently grow food, raise livestock, or build housing structures using the village natural resources?

Ashley says:
May 12, 2010 at 7:14 AM

Niki-
I am extremely shocked, appaled, speachless, and heartbroken in hearing your experience! Thank you so much for having the courage to step out and share your story. Know that you are loved here.

Hannah says:
May 12, 2010 at 7:40 AM

Niki,

I am sorry that this happened to you- it sounds like it would have been very scary. I am also sorry that no one seemed to take you seriously. We definitely take you seriously and what happened is NOT okay- your feelings so precious and so important. Thank you for sharing your story.

Anonymous says:
May 12, 2010 at 8:47 AM

Niki

while I don’t normally agree with most of the things on this blog and some of the stories that get put up I do remember this happening as I was on campus at that time and I remember feeling so much sadness in my heart for you and so much anger and rage for the men that were involved yet so much sadness for them as well as they just didn’t get it….this is absolutely rediculous and inexcusable and I let into the guys that did this 100% when I heard about it even though I didn’t know all the details at the time or really them for that matter 🙂 I think you absolutely should have kneed them in the groin :). i think that this is a common thing that when men are given opportunities like this, sometimes they can be taken to far and they don’t fully realize that its just a game or exercise and not real life and can be taken way to far. I want to let you know that I am 100% sorry for everything that happened to you (I hope thats not the only apology that you ever recieve)

Some people on here don’t agree with the idea that men should protect woman and look out for them but I am from the old school of believers that men are supposed to lead woman or at the very least show an example of a Godly man and I think these men failed in that in every way shape and form.

I hope that as you continue to release any anger or pain that you continue to find comfort and solice in the Lord. Blessings!

Nate

Shannon Kish says:
May 12, 2010 at 8:50 AM

I am sick to my stomach reading this. Niki I am so sorry for the pain you had to endure. They violated you in more ways than I care to imagine.

First, there is no contract that can legally bind you to not reporting a crime. You can and should report this as it is a complete violation.

Second, I am truly sorry that you bad to experience this. First to be iolated physically and then to e treated as If you were lying. My sis went through a similar experience at our church in which the man that violated her was treated as a saint by some and my sister was blamed because of her age and the wY she dressed. It was horrible for all of us.

And what, if anything did the ha do to rectify this?

Shannon Kish says:
May 12, 2010 at 8:54 AM

Moriah,

I agree. Our first need is that of food and shelter. Maslow’s hierarchy of needs expresses this. Our physiological needs are the most basic needs we have. Without those being met, the rest of our needs will not be met fully.

layne says:
May 12, 2010 at 9:18 AM

I was in a “government” role during the Unreached People Group LTE back in…maybe 2002? It is so easy to get caught up in this particular simulation. I have no doubt that the things that happened to you did, in fact, happen and felt very real.

I remember on the final day of the LTE, we (as government) stalked the back 40 with paintball guns (unloaded…no one, thankfully, was allowed to shoot interns with actual paintballs) and basically just harrassed missionaries. I remember trying to get this one kid to renounce God in order to save a fellow missionary, which he would not do. So she died (different topic for a different day, but I never understood why people were so adamently against “renouncing God” which, in no way, could effect a person’s salvation) I found out later that, while I had the guy on the ground, his face was sitting in an ant pile and he was bit. I felt pretty bad about that. In my mind, all he had to do was tap my leg and say, “hey, my face is in an ant pile…” and I’d have immediately moved him. He did not, and I think this shows just how involved people can get during UPG.

Take the Stanford Prison Experiement, for instance. I’ll take a quote from wiki…

“The Stanford prison experiment was a study of the psychological effects of becoming a prisoner or prison guard. The experiment was conducted in 1971 by a team of researchers led by Psychology Professor Philip Zimbardo at Stanford University. Twenty-four undergraduates were selected out of over 75 to play the roles of both guards and prisoners and live in a mock prison in the basement of the Stanford psychology building. Roles were assigned at random. They adapted to their roles well beyond that expected, leading the guards to display to authoritarian and even draconian measures. Two of the prisoners were upset enough by the process to quit the experiment early, and the entire experiment was abruptly stopped after only six days. The experimental process and the results remain controversial. The entire experiment was filmed, with excerpts soon made publicly available, leaving some disturbed by the resulting film.”

In six days, the simulation was out-of-control. That’s all it took.

“The experiment quickly grew out of hand. Prisoners suffered — and accepted — sadistic and humiliating treatment from the guards. The high level of stress progressively led them from rebellion to inhibition. By the experiment’s end, many showed severe emotional disturbances.

After a relatively uneventful first day, a riot broke out on the second day. The guards volunteered to work extra hours and worked together to break the prisoner revolt, attacking the prisoners with fire extinguishers without supervision from the research staff.

After only 36 hours, one prisoner began to act “crazy”, Philip Zimbardo says; “#8612 then began to act crazy, to scream, to curse, to go into a rage that seemed out of control. It took quite a while before we became convinced that he was really suffering and that we had to release him.”

A false rumor spread that #8612, who was now out of the experiment, would lead companions to free the rest of the prisoners. The guards dismantled the prison and moved the inmates to another secure location. When no breakout attempt occurred, the guards were angry about having to rebuild the prison, so they took it out on the prisoners.”

Though the UPG is not a scientific study, I believe the Stanford Experiament shows just how easily people can begin to identify with a simulation and almost-fully accept it. In turn, the emotions, the pain, the humiliation, the experiences (though false) are very real to the participants.

TM should be careful to acknowledge and prepare for this. I don’t think that they do, however. And kids are getting hurt.

Anonymous says:
May 12, 2010 at 9:23 AM

Trust the leadership that everything is better now. They fixed everything and nothing ever happens anymore (and they aren’t to be held responsible for anything that happened in the past because, well, its the past and you are supposed to forgive them so shut up already).

Sure.

anon

Eric P. says:
May 12, 2010 at 9:52 AM

This is obscene. Absolutely obscene.

The idea that this is remotely similar to a typical experience on the actual mission field is ridiculous. It shows that for all their “world-changing” bravado TM leadership has essentially zero knowledge of what real cross-cultural mission work involves. (I personally know dozens of career missionaries and have heard their stories. All of them would be appalled at this.)

Layne, you’re exactly right about the Stanford Experiment (I thought of that too). This whole thing has no practical value except as a set-up and cover for abuse.

Shannon is also quite right that whatever you signed is certainly not binding in any way, and you’d be entirely within your rights to report this to the authorities. The fact that the leaders manipulated you into signing a false waiver implicates them and might even qualify them as accessories to the sexual assault of a minor.

I’m going to have to stop this comment because I am so furious I’m worried I might say something I’d regret.

kimlynn1225 says:
May 12, 2010 at 9:55 AM

I agree with Shannon and Moriah. Jesus said when I was hungry, you fed me. When I was naked, you clothed me…As you’ve done it to the least of these you’ve done it to me.

More emphasis needs to be put on what’s important to Christ and that’s showing God’s love in a practical way not just telling them.

God’s love is in action not in words.

Nunquam Honorablus says:
May 12, 2010 at 10:00 AM

I wonder if Hasz reads these stories and actually feels bad that any of this happened… I really, really hope so.

Part of me wonders if he just sniggers to himself and waves it off as “fake”. The thought makes me ill, but considering his dismissive silence on the issue, one can only imagine…

CarrieSaum says:
May 12, 2010 at 10:19 AM

niki,

my stomach is literally churning right now. in no way was this YOUR fault. i hope you know that. i’m also comparing my experience with UPG (which was overall, very positive and even fun), and am so heartsick that this is what you experienced. and completely outraged. NOBODY should have to go through this. and it should never ever be tolerated.

did you ever do any sort of counseling? from what you wrote, it seems as though you are experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. this is something that can impact you for decades. if you haven’t spoken to anyone yet, i urge you to. for your sake.

and thank you. thank you for being brave enough to speak out here. you are deeply loved.

Eric P. says:
May 12, 2010 at 10:31 AM

Hey, Dave Hasz! If you’re reading this, I want you to do one simple thing: Read Niki’s post as though it was written by your own daughter. Then see if you can tell us with a straight face how wonderful and life-transforming your ministry is.

A tree is known by its fruits. This story is the fruit of what you have done. What does that make you?

Nunquam Honorablus says:
May 12, 2010 at 10:36 AM

*standing ovation*

Carol says:
May 12, 2010 at 10:49 AM

I cannot believe that you had to experience something like that, especially with an organization that you and your parents trusted. I am so sorry that you had to experience something like that. It sounds extremely traumatizing. I agree with Carrie – though I am not qualified to diagnose psychological disorders, I do have some personal experience with post traumatic stress disorder, and your experience sounds similar.

My PTSD did not develop until years later (but had nothing to do with TM). I chatted with a counselor about it, and that helped some. Perhaps chatting with a qualified professional would help?

I truly hope that Dave Hasz, Heath Stoner and Ron Luce all read this from the perspective of THEIR DAUGHTERS. Perhaps then they might see how traumatic and event like this can be, and for some, there are lasting effects, for years!

One thought though, or suggestion – perhaps a ‘safe word’ should be in place for TM participants during a retreat like this.

TM really should have a qualified psychologist on staff. Honestly, with all of the psychological effects TM participants have had over the years, this would be a good addition to their staff. Just a thought….

Mike says:
May 12, 2010 at 11:11 AM

This reminds me of stories from Dubai where women are raped and then jailed for having “illegal sex”. There’s no excuse for allowing this to happen in the first place, but the fact that the TM leadership brushed it under a rug only shows where their focus really lies: the ministry and it’s appearance, NOT the interns who paid to be there.

CarrieSaum says:
May 12, 2010 at 11:15 AM

@ Carol ~

I had the same thought about a “safe” word. That might have helped. Maybe DH and RL can read this and make necessary changes. (Trying to believe that some kind of simple, healthy change can come from this…)

And I am NOT a psychologist, but I also have some experience with PTSD (as a former paramedic, my co-workers and patients were steeped in it).

Also, just for the record: while I don’t know if their intent was to violate you sexually, their actions were in NO WAY appropriate. For any scenario. It was clearly about power and control in those moments, (and so is rape), not about an educational practice. And even if you are the ONLY person this happened to, it’s still one too many.

Eric P. says:
May 12, 2010 at 11:20 AM

@Carol– Good thoughts. I’m not comfortable about the “safe word” suggestion, though it does make me wonder if anything like [you know what I mean if you know what I mean; self-censored so as not to destroy anyone’s innocence] plays a part. Recall that ESOAL has a bell you can “ring out” on, but if you do you’re liable to be branded a “quitter” or a “complainer.” Just one more tool for manipulation.

They could always, y’know, not do “retreats like this” in the first place, which would be even better for mental health!

truthinlovesuckssometimes says:
May 12, 2010 at 11:25 AM

I would check the statues of limitation on assault.
When a flight or flight response in triggered and you feel that your person is in danger by another individual the law has been broken.
What you signed could be considered a coverup of a crime & is therefore null.
Your mental state when signing that one liner document also makes it void.
You have every right to bring a civil and lawsuit against tm and those who assaulted you providing the statutes of limitationbhave not expired. Civil statues tend to be more lax on time. I’m sure if you met with a lawyer they would give you a laundry list of charges.
this is just despicable. shame on any leadership who swept this under a rug

Anonymous says:
May 12, 2010 at 12:06 PM

I was a witch doctor during our UPG. I felt like I was under a very strange oppression and remember thinking, “Oh this must be what it feels like to be demon possessed”.

truthinlovesuckssometimes says:
May 12, 2010 at 12:09 PM

Ps. I know my grammer is atrocious. I have not yet mastered my touchscreen.
& I meant civil & criminal suit

Stephanie says:
May 12, 2010 at 12:23 PM

I am so so so sorry that you went through that. I am so sorry. It makes me want to punch everyone involved in the nose.

Eric Cockhill says:
May 12, 2010 at 12:25 PM

I think its time for a class action lawsuit.

Recovering Alumni says:
May 12, 2010 at 12:31 PM

Sadly, this story just reinforces what Stephanie shared yesterday – No one actually cares about the interns. Appearances and free labor will always win out.

Eric – I think that if the Board of Directors investigation and changes are not satisfactory, these things will eventually come to light through lawsuits or media attention. Its just a matter of time. There are too many people saying the same thing for this to be swept under the rug any longer. I hope the BOD recognizes that.

michael b says:
May 12, 2010 at 12:44 PM

First its not fair recovering alumni to say that “No one actually cares about the interns” as I served on staff for 8 years there and put a great deal of time and personal care into every intern that I managed and I know of about 20-30 other staff that did the same exact thing…..just sayin, there are some really great staff there that really do care about the interns.

Second Niki I think that you should look into some type of legal action for those 3 men just to see if there can be anything done as far as at least payment of any type of counseling or anything….it doesn’t hurt to look into it at least as I’m confident if the case is built right you could win something. Unfortunately because of the timing and the way that TM handled it, I’m not confident you’d get anywhere with TM other than something in the headlines. I think it is atrocious what happened to you and believe you me, if I would have known about this during my time on staff and know those men, I probably would have taken it upon myself to knee them in the groin! 🙂 At the very least I would have had a pretty good “ministry” time with them

Lastly with all of these comments encouraging pressing charges and lawsuits and what not I encourage everyone to really consider what your saying as honestly in a few (maybe far fetched) ways, TM has grounds as well to file lawsuits against some of the things on here thought I doubt they will…..not meant to be a debbie downer but I am about to receive my law degree and have studied similar cases and I know that TM could (with the right judge) win out on defamation and slander lawsuits against things on this website…might seem farfetched but I assure you that they could so just be careful what you write in comments, 🙂

Blessings to you Niki as you continue to search for recovery and truth.

Mike

Carol says:
May 12, 2010 at 12:54 PM

@Carrie – I agree. I’m hoping that some kind of change can happen, especially with a story such as this.

@Eric P. – I thought the same thing when I wrote “safe word”, but I think more along the lines of “time out” so folks can return to their former selves instead of being so caught up in the moment. Having participated in the unreached people’s group retreat (I had a wonderful experience), something like this would have helped. Actually, I ‘timed out’ some folks while I was participating because I felt like they were losing site of reality and getting a bit too involved. It worked! Though some folks didn’t like the ‘time out’ idea, I thought it was necessary when taking on a different role and living as someone else for a few days. The Standford experiment is the perfect example for this!

Recovering Alumni says:
May 12, 2010 at 12:59 PM

Mike – I’m sorry – let me clarify. Nobody with decision making power and ultimate authority cares about the interns. No doubt that some staff do care about the interns, but they are often over-ruled when it comes to matters of intern safety.

I’ve not written anything defaming or slanderous on this website, because nothing I’ve written is false. TM will NEVER take me to court b/c they woudn’t risk the truth coming out in discovery. I WELCOME a lawsuit. Let’s get it all out there!

moriah says:
May 12, 2010 at 2:12 PM

Im up for lawsuit as well. bring it.

i would consider it a noble battle.

Anonymous says:
May 12, 2010 at 2:21 PM

In the court of law, I click Bring it On.

Time to get the orange shirts.

Emelia says:
May 12, 2010 at 2:27 PM

TM does have a psychologist on staff, and he is a wonderful person. Unfortunately, I don’t think interns realize how much they could really have used his services until after they’ve graduated.

truthinloveblahetclol says:
May 12, 2010 at 2:34 PM

It is not slander or defamation if it is the truth. If TM would choose to even try to sue that the witness list would be mighty long.

If they would have handled these issues properly this site wouldn’t exist.

And Texas….umm not so lienient with religious institutions who abuse or allow it. They’ve already got enough bad press regarding cults. (Not that I am labeling.)

Nunquam Honorablus says:
May 12, 2010 at 2:37 PM

Are you referring to Jose? Isn’t there a difference between counselor and psychologist? Isn’t a counselor the in-between, one who refers to a psychologist?

I could be totally wrong on that.

Anonymous says:
May 12, 2010 at 2:39 PM

If DH and RL are reading these messages they are clearly ignoring them. All they seem to care about it getting more people into the call centers to get more money into the “ministry” (aka tax dodge) that they run. They are hoping that RA goes away soon so that they can stop having to worry about any impacts he might have to their bottom line profit statement.

bring on the lawsuits. we’ll destroy them in a court of law.

Anon

Recovering Alumni says:
May 12, 2010 at 2:40 PM

I question ANY psychologist or counselor that works at TM and fails to report the emotional, spiritual and physical abuse that goes on there. There have also been reports that Jose discloses confidential information to TM leadership. That is a SERIOUS violation of ethics…possibly even severe enough to lose his license.

Eric P. says:
May 12, 2010 at 2:43 PM

Mike – I’m not a law student, but what I’ve been told (I work in print media) is that for a statement to count as libel, slander, defamation etc. it has to be knowingly false and said maliciously with potential to cause significant damage. This especially applies to public figures, since they must expect to be talked about anyway. Corollary: a true statement (or even a mistake) cannot count as defamation. Legal precedent is very much in favor of First Amendment rights here, at least according to Wikipedia.

I think TM has enough bluster to threaten a lawsuit but, as RA said, they’d be too afraid of the publicity that would ensue if they actually followed through. They don’t even let anybody post a link to this site on their Facebook forums!

@Carol – The similarities to the Stanford Experiment are indeed striking and, at least to me as an outsider, deeply disturbing. Also, I’m not seeing any similarities to actual practical missions experience. Or am I missing the concept?

Niki says:
May 12, 2010 at 3:26 PM

Wow Everyone! Thank you so much for your support and kind words. It is such a relief to get it off my shoulders.

I have considered a law suit or at least something.. but I guess I kind if wonder, what is going to happen? If I go through the process (and money) of filing a lawsuit or attempting to press charges, where does that put me? Out attorney and court fees and no where closer to healing. The guys (and tribe and leadership and well, everyone) didn’t care then, what is going to change? They will tell me they are sorry and go back to their wives and kids…

I wish I had of been stronger when it happened, I wish I had of been smarter… but now, it just feels like its to late to do anything…

No, I have not been to any counseling.

No, I do not feel as though HA did anything to rectify the situation.

Nate – Thank you for “talking” to them.

Jose was a counselor (not a psych) during my time there, but I think perhaps he has gotten caught up in TM and forgotten about the real world. He is a very great guy though (when I knew him).

I would be ok with a class action law suit. I think there are plenty of people here who have been through so much!

Again, thank you all for caring so much and supporting me.

Niki

Eric P. says:
May 12, 2010 at 3:55 PM

Niki – I have some friends through my church who are Christian lawyers (not in Texas however). I don’t know if they deal specifically with this kind of thing, but they may have connections or know someone you could talk with to find out what you might reasonably expect if you pursued a legal option. (Definitely don’t give it up as hopeless before you’ve explored it!) If you like, I can dig up their contact information and send it confidentially via RA.

I also second the recommendation of looking into some kind of counseling, if not from a professional then at least from a good pastor or another abuse survivor. You don’t have to go through this alone. I’m glad our comments are encouraging, at any rate, but I’m sure it will help even more to get some face-to-face time in.

layne says:
May 12, 2010 at 3:56 PM

Nate:

“Some people on here don’t agree with the idea that men should protect woman and look out for them but I am from the old school of believers that men are supposed to lead woman…”

Of course you believe that, darling. You’re a man.

Sorry, wildly off subject. I just can’t let it go sometimes. I try to stay objective when it comes to other people’s veiws; I can stand back and say, “hey, that’s what you believe and that’s a-ok brother bear.” But when it comes to swallowing TM gender roles (or, perhaps, old man Christian gender roles), I get a little heated. Nothing personal. Just makes me a little nauseous.

Esther says:
May 12, 2010 at 7:14 PM

Niki, you are right. You experienced something extremely traumatic and violating. You should talk to a professional about this. I can say from experience that if this is still evoking that much emotion from you (crying while reading it) then it’s not going to get better on its own. Please, please consider seeing a counselor. You are very brave to share this story.

Esther says:
May 12, 2010 at 7:30 PM

Niki, I read your response comment and I just wanted to add something to my own comment. It is never too late to do something. You were not stupid. It’s impossible to know what to do in a situation like that while it’s happening even if you’ve prepared yourself in some way. You could not have expected those guys to do that to you.

For reference, I was sexually assaulted when I was 17. It took me 8 1/2 years to realize I needed help dealing with the trauma. Look for a Christian psychologist who takes your story seriously and will listen. I’d be willing to talk to you about this subject if you want, but I am not a professional (or a good substitute for one). I can send my email address to RA if you’d like to contact me(I think?)

Anonymous says:
May 12, 2010 at 7:59 PM

So for my clarity—I didn’t attend the HA—this was a role playing event the was supposed to mirror experiences in the mission field? When I first read it-I thought you were talking about real tribesmen and Gov’t officials on a real missions trip…but I see that it’s not. Do they still do this sort of event at the HA?

Shannon Kish says:
May 12, 2010 at 8:37 PM

The event is offered, along with several others that are similar every year

Recovering Alumni says:
May 12, 2010 at 9:28 PM

Last Anon – Yes, this is a required retreat each year. There are several other role-playing retreats as well.

jami c. says: May 12, 2010 at 10:48 PM This comment has been removed by the author.

jami c. says:
May 12, 2010 at 10:51 PM

…I should say “Thank you, sweet Jesus for allowing me to come down with bronchitis the week before my LTE.” I was spared from having to deal with this nonsense.

Niki, I’m so sorry that you had this experience.

Jessica says:
May 12, 2010 at 11:08 PM

Wow. Just wow. First, while I’m about to get my law degree too, everything I say needs to be prefaced with: I’m not an attorney yet so I can’t give legal advice. That being said:

Let’s remember the impenetrable defense to a defamation suit: the truth. Let’s also remember that a usual necessary prong of defamation is stating a fact – opinions like those on the comments section of the blog – are protected. We live in America. PLEASE LET’S KEEP TALKING about the truth and our opinions about TM.

I don’t even want to go into the legal claims with Niki’s story – because it is so obviously actionable if the statute of limitations hasn’t run.

What REALLY makes me angry about Niki’s story is that part of TM’s response was to get her to sign a contract that she wouldn’t sue!? WHY would they do that? Not only is she a MINOR, but she is also under severe emotional distress at the time of the signing – both make the contract voidable. Plus there is ZERO consideration (when you sign a contract and get nothing in return – like a settlement – it’s not enforceable).

So, let’s go beyond the legal implications and consider the moral ones: SHE’S 17 FOR HEAVEN’S SAKE! And she’s your intern. If it’s not enforceable, then why would TM want a 17 y.o. to sign a non-binding contract? They could have zero legal counsel.

Or – possibly it reflects TM-peer pressure to get people to act in conformity to further the best interests of TM – and not necessarily the best interest of individuals – the children of God – the 17 year olds that came to them to seek justice, spiritual guidance, and counseling – to rectify this atrocity.

Anonymous says:
May 13, 2010 at 8:35 AM

Staff shouldn’t participate in LTEs. Because the staff are playing the government or the “bad guys,” there’s no one interns feel safe reporting abuses to during the event. Also, what a screwed up dynamic that the people were are supposed to be learning about godliness and honor from are always our enemy in LTEs–shooting us with paintball guns, verbally abusing us, and often lying. It made me sick when a staff person lied to me during an LTE (and I knew it was a lie) and I was looking at his honor ring while he’s saying it, thinking, “This is messed up.”

Anonymous says:
May 13, 2010 at 8:38 AM

They should change the motto to “Always honorable–except during LTEs.”

Eric P. says:
May 13, 2010 at 9:44 AM

Or to steal a line from Arthur Dent, “Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word ‘honorable’ that I wasn’t previously aware of.”

layne says:
May 13, 2010 at 9:56 AM

“It made me sick when a staff person lied to me during an LTE (and I knew it was a lie) and I was looking at his honor ring while he’s saying it, thinking, ‘This is messed up.'”

Technically, everyone is “lying” during this particulat LTE. You are not a missionary or a tibesman, you do not work for National Geo nor are you an anthropologist. You probably do not worship the ‘god of fire’ or water or whichever god your tribe chose to follow. Staff are not really government, they do not care if you are ministering or if you have been “saved”. So… following the logic of the scenerio, why would it make you feel sick to hear a staff member lie during the retreat?

nate says:
May 13, 2010 at 10:36 AM

layne

🙂 appreciate your thoughts. When I say old school, I mean thats the way I was raised…I didn’t just start believeing that at TM. That mentality is not meant to say woman aren’t capable or strong or whatever, its just meant to say that man and woman are obviously different and it doesn’t make it right to treat a woman the way I would another man such as for example: wrestling or beating them up or whatever…konw what i mean?

I also agree with your last comment, something I was curious about as well

Moriah says:
May 13, 2010 at 3:48 PM

Does TM demonize National Geographic too? !!!!

This is killing me.
I can’t believe I wasted my precious time supporting their cause.

(Weep and moan)

Moriah.

C.R. says:
May 13, 2010 at 10:37 PM

Wonder what Mr. Hasz has to say to this. I really want to know what scripture wrapped excuse he would come up with to justify this.

hollie says:
May 15, 2010 at 1:20 AM

This is appalling. It makes me sick to my stomach to even think that they would try and cover this up and never take action to help you recover or make the parties evolved take responsibility for their actions. Disgusting.
As a side note, I firmly believe that after leaving HA most feel in shock when leaving…considering youre no longer around people that you can relate to completely. At least in my opinion it was quite an adjustment for me, thank God my best friend wad also an alumni and we could talk about it in person and not just over the phone.
.Hollie.

Anonymous says:
May 17, 2010 at 8:37 AM

Has anybody tried emailing Teen Mania? Perhaps if enough emails come in on this subject, or if someone can get to one or more of the board members… something can be done.

I’m going to see what strings I can pull. Bad things happen when good men do nothing.

Anonymous says:
May 17, 2010 at 9:49 PM

I have not read every comment, only a few–but I hope this my voice is only adding to the chorus of voices saying “Report this.” Please for your sake for the sake of other women still there, for the sake of others who have experiences similar to yours (I suspect that if they callously had you write a promise not to sue, that you are not alone and someone knows it). That note won’t hold, you CAN report. Please report.

Anonymous says:
May 19, 2010 at 7:41 PM

Hey, I’ve read a lot of comments, and I just want to share with you all that as encouraging as it might seem, I honestly think that it would only add more grief to report and try to press charges as the likeliness of having any success would be slim to none. That’s what the officer told me a week after my actual rape incident post Teen Mania. I know that what you went through was awful and has caused years of pain and somewhat permanent damage, but to pursue this lawfully will probably end bad. When I asked the officer what the likeliness of me winning my case, he said, honestly, you’ve got a weak case. Even though I had texts to verify that the “deed” was done, it’s up to the judge and jury as to whether or not I did not “consent”. You can however go to a sexual assault agency and receive free counseling. Good luck.

Anonymous says:
May 20, 2010 at 4:28 AM

ok NIkki……i am shocked to hear about your story…..i have never heard anything about till i read it here….please know that this kind of activity was NOT sanctioned by any TM leadership and i will check into how it could have happened, and why you were not treated properly afterwards. i am appalled and disgusted at your story and will get to the bottom of this so it could not possibly ever happen to others…oh this is ron luce

Anonymous says:
May 20, 2010 at 6:08 AM

Welcome Ron.

Nunquam Honorablus says:
May 20, 2010 at 8:25 AM

Hi Ron! That actually really encourages me, and I hope it’s sincere. Forgive my (and I’m sure other’s) skepticism, but I really do hope that leadership understands the gravity of Niki’s situation.

Shannon Kish says:
May 20, 2010 at 8:30 AM

Ron, what about the rest of us and our stories? There are pages and pages of stories here with things that have happened that shouldn’t have.

Recovering Alumni says:
May 20, 2010 at 8:47 AM

To the person claiming to be Ron Luce – You left this comment at 4:28am in the morning from the state of Illinois. Ron Luce’s 26th anniversary was yesterady and I’m pretty sure he is not in Illinois….

If this really is Ron, please contact me at recoveringalumni at hotmail dot com to verify. Otherwise, please we do not want impersonators.

Nunquam Honorablus says:
May 20, 2010 at 9:02 AM

Awww man 🙁

Anonymous says:
June 24, 2010 at 10:41 AM

RAPE is a very serious allegation.

(I feel) is a far cry from actual RAPE.

The way they touched you and restrained you wasn’t proper by any means, but it is a stretch to say you were RAPED.

Recovering Alumni says:
June 24, 2010 at 10:42 AM

Anon – She didn’t say she was raped, she said she FELT like she had been raped. There is a difference.

Anonymous says:
June 24, 2010 at 10:54 AM

I agree there is a difference and to compare actual rape to a feeling of rape is disrespectful and insensitive to those who have actually had to deal with such a situation.

Recovering Alumni says:
June 24, 2010 at 11:38 AM

Anon – I can understand where you are coming from, but she is describing how she felt. There is nothing wrong with that. She never said they were equal. It was traumatic to her.

I find it odd you are harping in this instead of showing compassion.

Niki says:
June 28, 2010 at 11:26 AM

Hi, I’m Niki. I wrote this story. As a victim of sexual crime, it was like being raped all over again, because that is all that was going through my mind. He may not have inserted himself, but all I could feel was history repeating itself. So Anon, you can say whatever you want, but so can I. I never said I was raped, I recounted the way it made me feel. And knowing what rape feels like… this was pretty close, minus actual intercourse.

Anonymous says:
June 28, 2010 at 2:38 PM

Niki– Don’t worry, you don’t have to “prove” yourself to anybody. This was a terrible thing, Anon hasn’t learned about the value of validation yet.

Peter says:
June 28, 2010 at 10:47 PM

Here’s the deal guys,

Yes, UPG can get a little out of hand sometimes. (I spent two hours up to my neck in a pond, got rolled in sand, spent the night on the side of a path, the works.)

But in the end, the blame lies with those that took it to the extreme, not with the ones who invented the LTE.

What those guys did is inexcusable, and they should be punished, but it’s not Dave Hasz’ fault.

Anonymous says:
June 29, 2010 at 10:09 AM

no, no, no! please do NOT discourage niki from reporting this and taking further action!!! niki, don’t you see that if you win (and i’m POSITIVE you will!) tm would be required to pay all your legal fees! plus, most attorneys do a deal where they do not require you to pay anything up front! basically, they wait until you win to collect the fees from the other party. so, you would NOT have to put any money to do this! and you wouldn’t have to pay for it when you win (because you will!!) and NO it would not just be something that TM just forgets about! a lawsuit is something that is public knowledge. if anyone ever researches TM they will see that a lawsuit has been brought against them! it is something that will FOREVER be on record! everyone in the world will know that TM not only allowed this to happen, but attempted to make you keep quiet about it! by doing that, they are admitted that something horrible happened! if it wasn’t actually a big deal, they would not have made you sign that! they realized something bad happened that SHOULD have been handled in a lawsuit, or else they wouldn’t have tried to stop you from taking out one!
niki, PLEASE press charges!! please! it is standing up for yourself, saying this is NOT RIGHT! what happened isn’t right! and by doing this, you will force them to CHANGE things so that no other women is ever assaulted again!
i, too, had a horrible experience in this particular “retreat,” but it was nowhere near to this level. luckily, the girl i was with and i escaped the men that were chasing us down. they chased us out into the woods as well and i will not lie i was honestly scared to death for my well being! we roamed the woods alone, cold, hungry, tired, and crying the ENTIRE night, constantly fearful we would be discovered and tormented. we escaped any physical harm by getting lost in the woods the entire night. we found the camps again when the sun rose, but we had been walking all night long, not daring to stop for rest in case they found us. this retreat is NOT normal nor do i believe beneficial.

monica says:
August 17, 2010 at 4:15 PM

I can’t believe people are still trying to justify the negligence of HA by speaking harshly to an already traumatized girl and trying to diminish the negative effect that this event had on her life. That boy never should have gotten away with that and the HA never should have let it happen. I would not place blame on HA so much if it did not happen on an LTE and if they hadn’t tried to cover it up. For people who are so rigid about religious morals I’m surprised they didn’t have a closer watch on the students. The fact that they didn’t do anything about only further exemplifies their Pharisaic attributes. The HA is a damaging and abusive environment in every possible way

Anonymous says:
August 19, 2010 at 7:04 PM

I work in law enforcement… not sure what the statute of limitations is in Texas … but i agree with others in saying I strongly urge you to pray about this and possibly seek legal advice.

Dr. Johnson says:
October 6, 2010 at 1:45 PM

Seek legal action, that was wrong and no matter how you explain it, has to be changed. If it happened once, it will happen again. This incident needs to be recorded and shown factual by law. That and only that will create change.

Anonymous says:
October 6, 2010 at 1:49 PM

I just read you signed a form….I would rethink it based on current issues….a form does not mean you cannot change your decision. You signed based on that event, they were quick to give the form. Making it legal makes it count more than just words. Did the form say they could sue if you filed? I would not move on if you cannot, seek counsel.

Anonymous says:
January 18, 2012 at 5:31 PM

WOW! My heart breaks for what you had to go through. It doesn’t sound like they were preparing you for the real mission field at all. That’s why people go to New Tribes Missions and study language and culture so as not to offend the tribal people. You don’t do it by humiliating people and abusing them! It reminds me of a similar story that I went through in 1999, though it is certainly not as horrific as your story. It happened at a camp in New York. We were simulating prosecution and how to respond to it. The camp counselors were instructed to tie us up with postal tape and shout angrily at us trying to get us to denounce Christ. If we didn’t denounce him, we would get all kinds of things dumped on our clothing and in our hair: maple syrup, honey, ketchup, mustard, mud, etc. I was a neat freak who hated getting dirty so the minute the counselors came in with water guns asking us to denounce Christ, I said, “I don’t know him.” I got sprayed with a water gun anyway. Then the rest of my group was forced to roll around in the mud “or else.” I stood by and watched them make fools of themselves while i stayed clean. My group was taken prisoner and forced to go off without me, because i denied Christ and then i was on my own. It was a sort of scavenger hunt and I had to find the next clue to get to the next checkpoint so I could finally find home base. It literally took all day and i was one of the very last people to make it to home base that night, starving from lack of food and exhausted from running away from the counselors all day. A show of hands proved that I was the only one in the entire room of 88 kids who denied Christ. I was also one of only 2 who was already a Christian when I came to the camp. (My sister and I were the only ones left in the building when the pastor asked everyone who wanted to accept Christ as their Savior to leave the building and pray outside with a counselor. I felt utterly ashamed.