Lauren’s Story: Part 1

I was a January intern several years ago, and I’ve always been afraid to talk openly about my experiences at the Honor Academy—in part because I have this underlying fear that Ron Luce will somehow find a way to punish me, and partly because people don’t believe me when I tell them stories about being locked in a coffin during ESOAL. Thankfully my husband (not an HA alum) has been willing to stick with me while I begin to sort out my past life as a cult member—something I’ve just begun to come to grips with in the last 2-3 years. To clarify, by “cult,” I am referring to “a religion or sect considered to be unorthodox or extremist, with members often living outside of conventional society under the direction of a charismatic leader,” according to Dictionary.com. Reading Recovering Alumni’s blog (which I found just this April 2010) has been so encouraging. The posts and the comments of others give a lot of hope that I am not alone in questioning the ideology and methods of the HA. Some of my very best friends are from my time there, but even they are split in their thinking: some are still very pro-HA, some very hurt and unable to move on, some plowing the opposite direction into “questionable acts” (according to many Christians, anyway), some still dealing with the reality and trying to move on…

I was initially very excited about my choice to attend the HA. I thought the challenge of the internship would bring me closer to God, and that’s all I wanted. The change for me happened in August when the mass of August interns was replaced. That was the fall they instituted uniforms for chapel. That fall was when things got really questionable for me, but questions were not welcome. I was asked to stay as a Leadership Professional and as a Core Advisor before I left, but I declined – and I’m so glad I did.

THE COFFIN

The following recounts a specific experience I had during a retreat called the Emotionally Stretching Opportunity of A Lifetime (ESOAL). This three-day retreat, fashioned after Navy Seal training, takes interns through obstacle courses, dares, humiliation, emotional abuse, deception, and “breaking” of the body, with very little sleep or nourishment.

The basic idea of locking someone in a coffin against their will is bad enough, but I was actually locked in a coffin twice during my ESOAL, with mice (which they tried to convince me were wild field mice) and Madagascar hissing cockroaches. Seriously. And they instructed my teammates to throw dirt on top of the coffin to make it sound like I was being buried. I was already claustrophobic for other reasons in my past, and this experience certainly did not help. And I now hate mice more than your average Jane. I guess I was a tough cookie to crack at ESOAL, so they threw a lot more things my way – like making me hold a metal bell in my mouth and carry two truck tires while running the obstacle courses.

Even more terrifying than the coffin, to me, was “vacation.” They would take a team to an abandoned well and make them crawl down the hole and through a pipe to come out at the base of a hill. The space is only large enough to squirm through (so they never picked bigger guys to go since they wouldn’t fit), and they crawl through one after the other. I seriously lucked out when it rained before they sent my team, which collapsed a portion of the hole and made it too dangerous. Just the thought of being stuck squirming through some hole with no way out stops my breath. I know for certain that if I wasn’t at least hospitalized for the panic attack that would have ensued, I might have even died of asphyxiation from anxiety.

I don’t remember any specific options for medical attention while I was at ESOAL. I do recall someone having to be run off by an ambulance one year, and I think they began to keep an ambulance on standby after that. We had to force one of the girls on my team to “ring out” because she collapsed from exhaustion due to various medical issues that facilitators and other leaders refused to acknowledge when challenging her to engage in dangerous activities—even pushups were an unwise enforcement to put upon her. When it was all over, I myself required medical attention. At one point, there were tables set up with things to eat that you might see on Fear Factor, and one of the facilitators made me eat raw oyster. I guess the oyster was bad because I ended up with food poisoning. A day or two later, one of the Core Advisors in my dorm found me on the floor of the bathroom, nearly unconscious and heaving whenever I came to. She drove me to the hospital. And even after all of this, I had to fight with all my might to be allowed to fly home that following weekend so my family could take care of me. All I could do was sleep and eat toast and applesauce. And yes, there were plenty of skeptics who thought I was faking.

I was one of those unfortunate individuals who did not actually learn much from ESOAL—at least nothing positive. Since I was a January intern, many of the facilitators that fall were my August friends who had just graduated. The experience severed several of my relationships. Since many of them were friends or Core Advisors of mine, I couldn’t take them seriously. So they used personal information that I had shared in confidence to try to break me down emotionally, in front of hundreds of peers. I found it difficult to reconcile their treatment of me over the ESOAL weekend and their expectation for things to go back to “normal” after the fact. I think I harbor more anger and hurt from those individuals than the big shots who were running the show (Dave Hasz, Ron Luce, Randy Olsson). I absolutely hold David Hasz primarily responsible for ESOAL and so many other outrageously horrible things that went on. He created an event that completely destroyed some of my friendships, and everything was twisted so that I was hurt on an even more personal level by my “friends” because they were so blinded by the unfounded power Hasz gave them, all in the name pushing kids to rely on God (by turning your trusted friends and leaders against you??). I hold Hasz responsible for much of that twisting and blinding.

Although this and other retreats and activities are labeled “optional” (save fasting retreats, which are mandatory), the pressure from peers and leadership does not make declining a genuine option. I think ESOAL creates the most pressure of all retreats. The stigma of not attending and completing ESOAL borders on hazing. I was one of those interns who chided my peers if they opted out of the year’s ultimate challenge. And I definitely looked down on those who rung the bell before the retreat was over—if not verbally, certainly within my heart. And when I completed ESOAL, I was regarded as a winner, a cut above the weak who gave up on God’s strength. Of course I was not the only one constantly judging others and deciding their worth based on performance. The pressure of following every single rule to a T was palpable. Grace and acceptance were hard to come by.

96 comments:

shilohsays:April 20, 2010 at 7:21 AMReply

Wow.
I am actually STUNNED reading this.
Wow.

…
I have no words right now. I’m just… really… stunned.
I don’t think any of the other stories have effected me more than this one. I never went through ESOAL (save the first really boring part then I bailed) this is really… bad.
The thing about the tunnel? The thought is enough to send ME to the hospital!
18 and 19 year olds (who just spent a year under T.M.’s leadership *not a good thing* ) responsible for making decisions about closing down the tunnel or not.
Again, I’ve got like, no words. I’m just stunned.

Anonsays:April 20, 2010 at 7:32 AMReply

I am appalled. A coffin? Really? I have no words. I am, like shiloh, stunned.

Shainasays:April 20, 2010 at 7:49 AMReply

Oh my God.

Lizsays:April 20, 2010 at 7:58 AMReply

I am having a hard time crafting a response that doesn’t simply descend into an angry swear-fest. I just CAN NOT understand how this is considered okay. I don’t know how someone from TM could read this — Ron, Dave, any current interns — and say, “You’re just overreacting,” or, “You’re just unable to move on.”

Again, I type a comment and then delete it because I’m so angry on your behalf that I can’t form an adequate response.

If there is any way for this story to be submitted to the Board, even after the packet of letters has been distributed, I hope it can be included. Because they need to hear this.

Shannon Kishsays:April 20, 2010 at 8:11 AMReply

Wow. It just gets more unbelievable with every story. A coffin, really? That is just over the top ridiculous and angering.

jennsays:April 20, 2010 at 8:19 AMReply

This makes my stomach ill. How in the world is this supposed to be a Godly idea? This is disgusting!!!
I’m so sick and saddened by this… Just one more reason as a Youth Pastor, I refuse to take my youth to ANY Teen Mania events! NEVER!!!

Eric P.says:April 20, 2010 at 9:28 AMReply

I’m with Liz– there are so many things I want to say right now, but they’re almost all completely unprintable. I am outraged.

I’ll also support Liz’s other point– if this hasn’t gone to the Board yet, it needs to. Today.

This isn’t just false doctrine. This is Reckless Endangerment. Reckless Endangerment is a crime.

And Dave Hasz, along with anyone else who supports this in any way, should be fired. And possibly given criminal charges.

This is wrong and unconscionable on every conceivable level.

former staffersays:April 20, 2010 at 9:34 AMReply

Okay everyone settle down. Yes this was stupidity on many levels but this happened ONCE…. a mistake made but things happen sometimes and then you realize how stupid or how unsafe things are and make change….this happened one ESOAL I think 6, maybe 7 years ago.

It doesn’t negate the fact it was probably not a good idea but seriously this is not happening there anymore.

I’m just sayin

Nunquam Honorablussays:April 20, 2010 at 9:37 AMReply

I don’t think a story has ever turned my stomach like this one. My head is swimming, seriously.

I really want to know their logic behind “lol guys, let’s bring out a coffin and FILL IT WITH VERMIN this’ll be great!!”. There has to be some sort of “legitimate” reason…

Maybe it’s wrong of me, but I just really want to understand. Hopefully the leadership realized how completely STUPID that was, because there wasn’t a coffin during my ESOAL a few years ago.

Recovering Alumnisays:April 20, 2010 at 9:39 AMReply

former staffer – I like how the continual reckless endangerment or criminal negligence at the HA are always toned down my TM supporters as one-time mistakes. Yes, thank God, the coffin filled with roaches and mice doesn’t happen anymore. But I still have 2 major concerns.

1) Why haven’t the people who received that treatment ever gotten a sincere apology?

2) This fits with a general pattern of abusive situations at the HA. This particular incident was born out of a culture that promotes a loss of individual boundaries in an unhealthy way. That culture is yet to be changed.

laynesays:April 20, 2010 at 9:43 AMReply

My ESOAL experience was not like this, so I’m assuming you were in a later class. Though very very very challenging, it was _not_ this extreme.

ESOAL, I think, was one of those ideas that could have been interesting – though completely useless on a spiritual level – scaled down and for a small number of masochists who, honestly, get off on military-style scenarios. But it sounds like things have are out of control; with the pressure to participate being so overwhelming within HA, the voluntary aspect becomes nil. The staff, in an attempt to “up the ante”, have become irresponsible. They’ve turned the whole thing into a psychological mind-f**** and people are genuinely getting hurt.

Becoming a GI does not an adult make. DH needs to stop giving 19 and 20yr olds the position and freedom to “speak into” the lives of undergrads. They are not adults! Though some may be just the greatest kids ever with so much potential and blah blah blah, they are still young and foolish in so many ways. When a GI (or a group of GIs) use secrets and personal information to shame and humiliate another human being, is it entirely the fault of those GI’s – those kids! – for not having the emotional maturity to see how much hurt and pain they were causing…? Or should we not turn to the adults in the room who enabled these things to happen, who should have damn well known better.

former staffersays:April 20, 2010 at 10:01 AMReply

RA, first of all I am not necessarily a TM supporter, you assumed that. Just because someone doesn’t agree with you doesn’t mean they support TM…I am at this point mostly unbiased. you make good thoughts in your comment though, let me attempt to address my thoughts in parantheses below:

former staffer – I like how the continual reckless endangerment or criminal negligence at the HA are always toned down my TM supporters as one-time mistakes. (What would you legitimately expect?, do you expect every single idea that they come up with to always be the right one? theres always going to be questions from everyone on everysingle thing they do regardless…we as humans learn things through mistakes sometimes. We realize something was stupid or wrong and we change….should this one have been thought through more, yes but I don’t think its right for you to negate that by saying they just always chalk it up to one-time mistakes, that is silly)

Yes, thank God, the coffin filled with roaches and mice doesn’t happen anymore. But I still have 2 major concerns. (it was not FILLED with roaches or mice, it had maybe 1-2 mice and roaches, again not negating the fact but don’t make it sound worse than it is to make your point seem more valid)

1) Why haven’t the people who received that treatment ever gotten a sincere apology? (Have these people come forward asking for an apology or are they just expecting one? you continuously point out that TM doesn’t understand they are hurting people…my question to you is that if they don’t understand how are they going to just know to apologize? If people are just expecting an apology, here is it is: I on behalf of TM that year sincerly apologize to you for not thinking through this process 100% and allowing this to happen. The intention of anyone in leadership was not at all to bring hurt to you in anyway shape or form however this should have DEFINITELY been thought through more and I assure you since then things have been though through a lot more and have changed, they have a long way to go but are slowly getting there…..)

2) This fits with a general pattern of abusive situations at the HA. This particular incident was born out of a culture that promotes a loss of individual boundaries in an unhealthy way. That culture is yet to be changed. (Correctino for you this culture is yet to be COMPLETELY changed. For you to say it hasn’t changed at all is completely false. I have been through every ESOAL since “the coffin” and significant change has happened for the absolute betterment of the participants. Does more change need to happen, yes but to get people to believe NOTHING has changed as an absolute is not accurate)

sorensays:April 20, 2010 at 10:02 AMReply

former staffer- I’m stunned by your comment. This might have been a bad decision on the part of HA, but this probably wasn’t a spur of the moment decision. How do you excuse this if it was part of the planning for ESOAL?

the other thing that strikes my about your comment, is that you seem to neglect the fact that this sort of action is happen to a person…a woman…named Lauren…who was created in the image of GOD. This sort of action by HA has consequences that persist for years and years in the lives of people who were emotionally and spiritually damaged. If this only occurred once, thank GOD, but I believe that this “one mistake” broke GOD’s heart.

Laurensays:April 20, 2010 at 10:07 AMReply

Former staffer – I appreciate your willingness to admit that it was a stupid decision to include the coffin. And I am very relieved to hear that it was never used in an ESOAL since. But even though it was only available “once,” there were 500+ interns there. I don’t know how many others besides myself had to spend time in the coffin, but I would like to believe that each individual matters, that this was painful and destructive even if it was just one person’s experience. It has taken a lot of years to begin to appreciate myself in that way, the way Jesus spoke when he described leaving the flock to save the stray sheep.

former staffersays:April 20, 2010 at 10:13 AMReply

soren, thanks for your thoughts but please explain what you would like done???? Also how am I neglecting that fact that this was done to a woman, a person, a man or whoever? I don’t understand that comment

you may be right that this one mistake hurt God’s heart, what am I to do? If you are wanting TM or someone at TM to specifically apologize to Lauren has she specifically talked to that person she wants it to come from at TM? If not I would believe that the idea “you shouldn’t complain about what your willing to tolerate” will apply.

I’m legitimately not trying to be a jerk here, healthy conversation is good so please know that I am really not trying to come across as just a big jerk….I appreciate your thoughts truly.

former staffersays:April 20, 2010 at 10:18 AMReply

Lauren, I sincerely appreciate your thoughts and am I am glad to hear that you are at the point in your life that you are able to really appreciate yourself as a woman of God.

I do believe that given the opportunity, someone from TM would apologize and speak with each of those people individually if they wanted that so you are right that each person matters and it was most likely painful and 100% destructive for them but would just a general blanket apology from TM suffice? i would say no, it would be more meaningful on a case by case basis but if they don’t know who to speak with and who to apologize to, of course nothing is going to happen? Does that make sense?

Again I do thank you and appreciate you telling your story.

Nunquam Honorablussays:April 20, 2010 at 10:19 AMReply

Former, thanks for your input. I think this is going to be a good healthy discussion 🙂

I’ll expound on my thoughts a bit later today…

Nate Csays:April 20, 2010 at 10:30 AMReply

Lauren, I think I was in that class with you…I was an August and I can say that was a jacked up year not just for ESOAL but for facilitation as a whole! There was some messed up stuff that happened there. i actually rang out before the coffin appeared on the scene but I heard about it. I stayed at TM for several years after that and haven’t seen the coffin appear since then and I’ve also sat in on a lot of ESOAL planning and I look back and wonder if things just legitimately weren’t planned very well back then because there really is a LOT of thought and safety consideration put into it nowdays but will be the first to say it DEFINITELY didn’t seem like it back then! 🙂

Anyway, glad to hear your doing well now.

laynesays:April 20, 2010 at 10:45 AMReply

I keep hearing that “things have changed” and I can’t help but wonder… Why not just stop doing ESOAL?

Laurensays:April 20, 2010 at 10:48 AMReply

Just to set the record straight, I have NEVER asked that anyone at TM apologize to me for anything that happened to me there. And I have never expected an apology nor really been interested in one. (I did not begin the apology discussion and I do not request one in the letter I sent to the board) I have already forgiven many individuals from my time at HA.

My purpose for sharing my story is in part for my own healing process, and to share with others in case it helps someone else – as many of the stories on this blog have helped me. I did submit my story to the TM Board of Directors for their review as well because I want them to be aware of what has gone on. Ron Luce is obviously on the board, so he will hopefully become aware of some of the damage that has been done (whether intended or not).

I think it is logical to request that individuals who have been hurt come forward to make their concerns known, and I think that’s exactly what several people have done by submitting their stories to the Board. I know that in my case, I have felt alone for so many years, that I was the only one who didn’t take from the HA what I thought I was supposed to (ie a healthier relationship with God and others and propensity to lead in a Godly way), so I felt like a frail individual coming before a huge corporation with my pain. From my understanding of how dismissals and discipline were handled (and the general feeling I got when I was there), I didn’t think I would be taken seriously, which would have driven the wound even deeper. I may have been wrong, but that’s just the way life has gone.

All to say, I haven’t asked for an apology and I still don’t. I’m not too proud to hear it; I just haven’t considered that to be a crucial part of my healing. And I was hurt by more than just the coffin experience. I sustained a lot more damage from the overall spirit of the teaching throughout the year (not just classes, also from CAs and others). There is more to my story, more than the multiple parts that will be posted here on this blog.

(I apologize for this INCREDIBLY long comment!)

dsays:April 20, 2010 at 10:54 AMReply

Layne when did you go through ESOAL? Have you been through ESOAL recently (last 1-2 years) or previewed it? The structure now is that it is completely run by staff. The GI’s play a role but really only as running the different events but in order to even speak with a participant, they have to go through the staff member over that participant. This change has definitely made the facilitation alot more meaningful and useful. Also keep in mind that it is 100% optional and yes there may be pressure from peers to do it but thats part of life, your always going to have pressure from peers no matter where you go. I’ve never facilitated myself but have went back the last 3 years to participate and I can tell you that as a woman of God I have gotten a ton from it, some things I received I don’t feel like were for me but nonetheless I still learned a ton as you no longer have the ability to just blend into the crowd but you get one on one faciliation with a staff member and it is legit. anyway, thats my 2 cents

former staffersays:April 20, 2010 at 10:57 AMReply

Lauren, I can sense from your writing that you are a strong, mature woman of God. I appreciate you sharing your story and for your comments. I am glad to hear that you have moved on and are not letting this control your life at all, I think that is awesome.

Blessings to you!

Eric P.says:April 20, 2010 at 10:59 AMReply

@former staffer – What I find most interesting is that your comments acknowledge that it happened. I was actually kind of expecting the party line to be denial: “Oh those bitter interns and their slanderous tales…”

The problem is simply this: How does “it was a one-time thing” remotely affect the fact that it happened at all? Imagine a lawyer trying that defense in court: “But your honor, this was a one-time thing; my client hasn’t murdered anybody else in six whole years!”

If you honestly don’t see why that comes across as looking like a jerk…. try putting yourself in the victim’s parents’ shoes and imagine you hear that from the lawyer. Hint: the subtext is, “The fact that you were hurt isn’t as important as preserving our reputation.”

You say: “…if they don’t understand how are they going to just know to apologize?” If (as you say) they changed it because they realized it was wrong, then that logically shows they understand it was wrong. When you understand that you hurt someone, basic human decency (not to mention the Christian doctrine of Repentance) requires you to apologize to them, whether or not they ask you to in person. So: Why hasn’t Dave Hasz ever done this? Is this “change” really for the right reasons?

It would be straightforward enough in practice: You send an open letter to all alumni from that year. “In 20xx we did this, and we have realized that that was very wrong and hurtful. We have repented of our actions and acknowledge that they were unChristlike; we will be implementing changes X, Y, and Z effective immediately. We sincerely apologize to any of you who were hurt. If you would like to discuss this further with us, please contact us directly at…”

Standard Public Relations practice, actually– compare the recent Toyota recall. (Another one-time thing.)

If they’re not willing to do something like this, then I’m sure you’ll understand why I’m skeptical of any claims that they’ve genuinely changed in any meaningful way.

kristensays:April 20, 2010 at 11:22 AMReply

i remember that coffin… UGH. lauren, i’m so sorry you had to go through that… i’d honestly blocked that part of ESOAL out until reading your story just now.

thank you for sharing you story, lauren.

Carrie Saumsays:April 20, 2010 at 11:45 AMReply

i am so stunned by this story, and the comments by former staffer, that i have no words.

lauren, i pray you feel His Love for you, even in the deepest, darkest, scariest places.

Jessicasays:April 20, 2010 at 11:50 AMReply

Lauren, please do not ever be afraid to share this story. If anyone should be afraid of this story, it is TM. Please see the following Texas Statute and how it applies to your situation.

“HAZING” means any intentional, knowing, or reckless act, occurring on or off campus of an educational institution, by one person alone or acting with others, directed against a student, that endangers the mental or physical health or safety of a student for the purpose of pledging, being initiated into, affiliating with, holding office in, or maintaining membership in an organization. The term includes:

(A) any type of physical brutality, such as whipping, beating, striking, branding, electronic shocking, placing of a harmful substance on the body, or similar activity;

(B) any type of physical activity, such as sleep deprivation, exposure to the elements, confinement in a small space, calisthenics, or other activity that subjects the student to an unreasonable risk of harm or that adversely affects the mental or physical health or safety of the student;

(C) any activity involving consumption of a food, liquid, alcoholic beverage, liquor, drug, or other substance that subjects the student to an unreasonable risk of harm or that adversely affects the mental or physical health or safety of the student;

(D) any activity that intimidates or threatens the student with ostracism, that subjects the student to extreme mental stress, shame, or humiliation, that adversely affects the mental health or dignity of the student or discourages the student from entering or remaining registered in an educational institution, or that may reasonably be expected to cause a student to leave the organization or the institution rather than submit to acts described in this subdivision; and

(E) any activity that induces, causes, or requires the student to perform a duty or task that involves a violation of the Penal Code.

TEX. EDUC.CODE ANN. § 37.151(6) (Vernon 1996).

Jessicasays:April 20, 2010 at 11:52 AMReply

Also, because ESOAL is an optional retreat, please know that CONSENT IS NOT A DEFENSE.

“It is not a defense to prosecution of an offense under this subchapter that the person against whom the hazing was directed consented to or acquiesced in the hazing activity.”
TEX. EDUC. CODE ANN.37.154 (Vernon 1996)

Anonymoussays:April 20, 2010 at 12:03 PMReply

Eric P and everyone else, I think Lauren addressed the fact that she is not looking for an apology. I think there are a lot of people here, just like normal, that read these stories and jump on to what NEEDS to be done or what SHOULD be done when in reality the person writing the story doesn’t really want anything other than to share their story.

Noellesays:April 20, 2010 at 12:11 PMReply

I just still can’t believe that they would put young people in a coffin with rodents and all other things ESOAL includes, in the name of God.

Seriously, how do they not see that it is wrong?

sorensays:April 20, 2010 at 12:23 PMReply

former staffer- I appreciate you asking for clarification. I don’t think you’re a jerk, but I did see you’re comment as insensitive. The story shared by Lauren and others here are glimpses into the lives of people who have been or still are experiencing deep wounds from a traumatic experience. RA has established this blog as a place for healing. All throughout scripture we see examples of people mourning and lamenting together, and providing a place to be able to mourn and lament is a very healthy thing. You asked if people have asked HA for an explanation or apology, and that’s a fair question, but from what I’ve read here many of the people mention fear as being a strong emotion in their lives since their time at HA. What struck me about your comment (and the comment more recently by “d”) is that at a time when people are talking about their brokenness, other people are choosing to brush past the abuse that’s taken place and tell them not to worry because that kind of abuse doesn’t go on anymore. Those type of statements give the impression that you have no concern for the person who is sharing their story.

Anonymoussays:April 20, 2010 at 12:24 PMReply

Noelle, have you read the comments above? why do you assume they don’t know that it is wrong? If they don’t do it anymore obviously they know it isn’t wrong. Your right though if they planned it how could they not know but I have a feeling it was probably done by GI’s trying to be funny or just downright stupid

Laurensays:April 20, 2010 at 12:32 PMReply

Jessica, if you wouldn’t mind sharing your email address (or other contact info) with RA, I would be interested in further discussing what you brough up in your comments.

Eric P.says:April 20, 2010 at 12:34 PMReply

Anon @12:03- I see that Lauren doesn’t feel the need to receive an apology; good for her. My issue is that TM apparently doesn’t feel the need to give an apology; shame on them.

When someone’s story shows that they’re a victim of abuse, then yes, I’m not the smallest bit ashamed of saying something needs to be done and should be done to stop that kind of abuse from happening to anyone else. That may not be Lauren’s purpose in sharing her story (again, good for her), but it’s an entirely appropriate response from the rest of us.

Jessica – Thanks for uncovering those statutes; I was trying unsuccessfully to find something like that earlier. Now we know for real: ESOAL is ILLEGAL!!!! (Is it too late to include this in the presentation to the Board?)

Shilohsays:April 20, 2010 at 12:44 PMReply

Wow. I know I’m often one of the first people to comment (cause I’m up so early) but I’m stunned to see 33 comments by 11-am. wow.
My Thoughts:
“I don’t care what Former Staffer thinks.”

“Maybe it would be good to get some solid stories told about what really happened during ESOAL. For real I get all anxious at the thought of 19 year olds running the O-course.
I’ve never actually had too much issue with ESOAL cause I rang out way early and never had to feel the effects. But what did the ‘finish finisher’s’ have to go through?!”

ESOAL IS ILLEGAL?! – That is NUTS. Does T.M. know that? They act like as long as you agree to it they can do what ever they want to you.

wow. ESOAL is a fiery subject…

Anonymoussays:April 20, 2010 at 12:50 PMReply

Somebody please call the police…….this is just beyond the pale of abuse, it’s criminal.

Lauren-thank you for speaking up about your experiences at HA!

Shannon Kishsays:April 20, 2010 at 12:50 PMReply

Eric, every time I read your posts I think, “he should be on staff at HA!”

While Lauren has not requested an apology and has no desire for one, what about the 400 or so other interns that went through similar experiences.

I was a counselor (much like a CA, except not spiritual) for a group of 12 girls at a residential treatment facility. When I made a mistake or decision that caused harm or hurt to any of the girls, I circled them up and publicly apologized to them. I acknowledged to them that what I had done was wrong.

Why? Because when you make mistakes, you apologize. When I bump into someone at the grocery store, I apologize. When I get in a car accident, I apologize. I don’t wait for the person to come to me to apologize.

laynesays:April 20, 2010 at 12:57 PMReply

I don’t agree that ESOAL is illegal. I don’t think it could be catagorized as hazing.

JMillerFamsays:April 20, 2010 at 1:01 PMReply

This is HUGE.


I’m sick reading this story. Oh Lauren, how unbelieveably awful that you underwent something so humiliating and disgusting. It’s what movies are made of, not real life….not a place that is supposed to build and edify.

Jessica’s points are interesting….this story is one that needs to be elevated for sure. I would be FURIOUS if this happened to one of my 2 sons…in fact, I’d probably be in jail myself if anyone ever did this to my kid…cuz I’d go nuts.

Thanks for sharing, Lauren….

Anonymoussays:April 20, 2010 at 1:02 PMReply

layne-

how would you define hazing?

if it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck….

Philip Esays:April 20, 2010 at 1:06 PMReply

“for the purpose of pledging, being initiated into, affiliating with, holding office in, or maintaining membership in an organization”

This is an optional event, and while there is social pressure to do so, you are not excluded from any office or membership because you did not partake in ESOAL.

In other words, it can’t be equated to hazing.

Noellesays:April 20, 2010 at 1:06 PMReply

Anon at 12:23-

I’m talking about all of ESOAL…how do they not see that putting kids through that is not helpful but extremely harmful in every way. It was just learning about the coffin that put me over the edge.

I don’t see how they can use sleep deprivation and other forms of spiritual abuse all in the name of God. It breaks my heart

Shannon Kishsays:April 20, 2010 at 1:11 PMReply

I would agree with Philip, it wouldn’t be considered hazing in the strictest sense… however, it could be considered cult-like, dangerous, and possible illegal in some other sense.

Eric P.says:April 20, 2010 at 1:12 PMReply

Shannon– Um, should I take that as a compliment? 😉

Layne– Try going point by point through the accounts of ESOAL and the qualifications in the “hazing” statue. Anon @ 1:02 stole my line: if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck, sounds like a duck….

Philip Esays:April 20, 2010 at 1:15 PMReply

I should also say that we didn’t have ESOAL my year, and while I loved the activity that eventually morphed into ESOAL, I don’t think it should be pushed on people as something that they should feel bad for not going to(my recollection of the sign up for the activity was staff saying, we’re going to do this event, if you want to come sign ups are in the cafeteria).

I don’t view the activities in ESOAL as any more extreme than a Fear Factor type event.
The difference being that if you don’t want to participate in Fear Factor, there isn’t a sense of shame attached.

Recovering Alumnisays:April 20, 2010 at 1:18 PMReply

former staffer – Eric P’s comments represent exactly how I would respond to you, so I won’t bother duplicating them.

I appreciate that you don’t mean to come off like a jerk, but I don’t think you understand the magnitude of the devastation that TM has caused in our lives. For someone to share a story like this and for you to suggest that we all “settle down” about it is just off-base.

And for you and everyone else – let’s quit pretending we aren’t biased. If anyone has ever been to TM, you have some sort of bias positive or negative. There is nothing wrong with that. But don’t tell me you have done ESOAL multiple times and you aren’t biased – its just not possible. (Especially since ESOAL is a brainwashing event!)

Anonymoussays:April 20, 2010 at 1:34 PMReply

I got shot in the head with a paintball.

I remember eating beans out of a diaper.

One of my teammates fell a considerable ways down onto a tree spread eagle. The facilitators laughed at him.

I remember my lips turning purple.

Zsays:April 20, 2010 at 1:55 PMReply

Wow! The stories keep getting worse and worse!

Anonsays:April 20, 2010 at 2:19 PMReply

As someone looking from the outside in (never been to HA or any TM event)- all ESOAL looks like to me is unnecessary pain, suffering, and delusion on the parts of both the facilitators and the willing or unwilling participants that believe this experience will cause them to develop a stronger faith or belief. For those that say it benefited them, this mentality seems akin to the mentality that kidnapped persons have towards their captor- they usually don’t want anything bad to happen to them or even end up loving them as a coping mechanism for their situation. This principle could apply to ESOAL. People cope with the things they went through by putting a positive spin on it to negate the abuse they went through (I made it therefore I am strong, or I made it as long as I did because I relied on the Lord more than I ever have and this was him testing me, ect. instead of “Oh my gosh, what did I just put myself through? Why did I do this? What should I do now? Essentially certainty vs. uncertainty or explanation vs. no explanation (most want an explanation and will try to find one))

We discussed this in my Sociology class. Pretty interesting stuff.

Anonymoussays:April 20, 2010 at 2:53 PMReply

I ate the beans out of the diaper too. I also ate an entire can of cat food in some sort of team relay for ESOAL. I rolled down the hill and puked. We got an hour and a half of sleep with no blankets and we were all muddy and wet from the activity. The new pants I had worn (bought at Walmart just for this event) got stretched out and I had to do all the activities with one hand holding up my pants and my feet tripping over my pant legs. I asked for permission to change them (you know… modesty and all) and I was told I would have to ring out if I wanted to change my pants. After I lost my shoe and had to run the muddy obstacle course with only one shoe, I decided it wasn’t worth it. Too bad I hadn’t had enough sense to see that eight hours earlier. My Counselor, Trish Hermanson had warned all the ladies in advance and had even cautioned us saying that it was something she’d never do. But with all the pressure from other interns and the other leaders, I thought it was something I needed to do to be made stronger. I think the strong ones were the interns who had the courage to never sign up for it in the first place!

laynesays:April 20, 2010 at 2:54 PMReply

Activities that go on during ESOAL are _similar_ to hazing, but are not truly hazing. That does not mean they aren’t just as terrible and (IMO) possibly even more destructive. When college kids are forced to drink tequila out of a plunger during pledge week, they walk away hung over, grossed out, shamed. They don’t, however, walk away feeling that drinking or not drinking said tequilla affected (negative or positively) their relationship with God.

“God has tested my faith in Him and I have come out wanting…..because I didn’t want to eat beanie weanies out of a diaper.” What?

That being said, I don’t believe that ESOAL is illegal either. As Philip said, “This is an optional event, and while there is social pressure to do so, you are not excluded from any office or membership because you did not partake in ESOAL.”

Anonymoussays:April 20, 2010 at 3:04 PMReply

well put layne

RA, you’d probably get a lot farther and get your point across in a deeper way if you didn’t pretend like you knew everything by always having the “right answer”….sounds harsh but I think theres some truth to it

Former staffer may not have been 100% right in everything he said or the way he said but he was on the right track with a lot of it.

I’ll check back later today as I’m sure you can’t resist responding to this comment 😉

Anonymoussays:April 20, 2010 at 3:37 PMReply

Anonymous 3:04 Just know that I am laughing right now because you would stoop so low as to try to turn this topic onto a “character slap” at RA. I hope he/she doesn’t reply to you. Your comment is nothing but a deversion from the real topic here. Have you ever been put in a coffin? If not then, don’t get nasty with people who have. And definately don’t pick on people who are trying to stand up for what is right.

RA, please don’t respond to that attempt to get under your skin.

Nunquam Honorablussays:April 20, 2010 at 3:42 PMReply

Hey, woah guys, you know what’s really cool? Puppies. I think this can be a very productive conversation if we can keep direct insults to character to a minimum.

I understand that this is a SUPER fiery subject, but let’s be civil. Please? Think of the puppy!

Anonymoussays:April 20, 2010 at 3:48 PMReply

by getting “nasty with those who have”, I mean, by trying to turn this into some sort of Temptation to start up a fight with RA. Instead, have some respect for people who are reading this story today and really need to get some healing.

No matter if it is hazing or not, It was wrong then and the pain is still proving it to be wrong now.

Nunquam Honorablussays:April 20, 2010 at 3:49 PMReply

Sorry, RA, I’m not trying to moderate, but I just wanted to inject some tension-release real quick. 😛

Anonymoussays:April 20, 2010 at 3:50 PMReply

You’re cool Nunquam Honorablus. Sorry to get too fiery. Thanks.

Matthewsays:April 20, 2010 at 3:55 PMReply

My ESOAL experience was positive. I found my emotional limit — which was the point of ESOAL — broken and weeping and unable to stand after another roll down that blasted hill (it wasn’t covered in cactus, just dry wild grass that made everyone’s allergies go nuts and made your skin itch). A friend broke out of his line, ran over, lifted me up bodily and put me back in my line, and we pressed on.

I know this wasn’t the point, but I went into the weekend deciding that ringing the bell would symbolize giving in to lust, and I used it as a way to teach myself to withstand temptation. So after another time down the hill and yet another opportunity to ring out (a ton of people did, and I was nearly one of them), Dave asked us to sit down in the shade of the trees along the edge of that wretched hill. He went out of character and explained that sometimes when it seems the hardest, when we’re most tempted to give up, when we have nothing left, we have to push on just a little bit more in faith, and we’ll see the way get suddenly easier. This valuable lesson about perseverance in the face of adversity — and the caring way he delivered it — has stuck with me.

After that, it was back to PT, slogging through the mud on the obstactle course again and again, carrying the picnic table, eating beans from diapers, blah blah, do this, do that, loud music, injustices, and other emotionally stretching experiences. But I think I got what I needed out of the weekend in that moment when I could go no farther and felt the hands of a friend helping me to keep going. Dave’s little object lesson / teachable moment about a period of rest coming when the way seems darkest cemented the whole thing.

I ended up falling asleep in the final exercise and getting booted, which was a bummer. But I don’t regret a minute of it.

Funny, though, that when I discussed this whole thing later with my mother, she could not understand at all why someone would voluntarily submit to such a thing. Why would you intentionally allow someone to push your boundaries? I explained that I can wait for life to accidentally exercise my physical muscles (which, it turns out, a cushy office job doesn’t do), or I can go endure some pain (P90X, intervals, marathons, whatever you prefer) and gain from it. I wanted to do the same with my emotional muscles, and I’m glad I did because marriage and ministry and parenting have so far kicked my emotionally flabby ass harder than ESOAL ever did.

That said, everyone here who noted that TM is more than happy to make mistakes but afraid to ever apologize for those mistakes is right on. This happens when the institution and its success / reputation / whatever is valued more than its people [and to Phil Boltz’ credit, he was saying this while we were interns]. I, for one, will not give another red cent to TM until Ron steps down as CEO [rumour has it he already has?] and lets a calmer head succeed him.

Matthewsays:April 20, 2010 at 4:01 PMReply

I should also mention that I 100% validate your concerns over safety, Lauren: I am claustrophobic and would have freaked out in an entirely unhealthy way if I’d had the coffin experience or the well experience. In fact, when I did ESOAL we had to climb repeatedly through a short (10 ft long?) tunnel dug through sand, and I was concerned it would collapse. It eventually did, though thankfully not while someone was in it. I don’t know if I’d call it reckless, but it just demonstrated a frightening lack of good judgment on the part of the people who designed the obstacle course.

Heh, maybe we could call it the unwritten Use Poor Judgment (or “UPJ”) policy…

Nunquam Honorablussays:April 20, 2010 at 4:25 PMReply

Anon- no sweat. 😉 The record should stand that I am a blatant hypocrite, as I’ve gotten pretty heated here too. It just seemed a little too personal in this instance, is all.

Matthew- I do have to ask, do you feel that your experience in ESOAL directly attributes to your emotional success in marriage? That’s what it looked like you said, so forgive me if I’m missing the point. But if I’m not, then why do you feel this way? I’m honestly looking for clarity here; not tryin’ to attack 😉

Also, LOL at your last comment. Oh, the possibilities…

Anonymoussays:April 20, 2010 at 4:36 PMReply

Anon 3:04 I apologize for responding to your comment so harshly. I realize it wasn’t even your comment that I was truly upset about. I do extent a very humble “I’m sorry.”

Shannon Kishsays:April 20, 2010 at 4:39 PMReply

Wait, RL stepped down?!?!?

Eric P.says:April 20, 2010 at 4:42 PMReply

Matthew: Your comment reminds me that I haven’t taken the opportunity to mention Colossians 2:20-23 yet:

“If with Christ you died to the elemental spirits of the world, why, as if you were still alive in the world, do you submit to regulations— ‘Do not handle, Do not taste, Do not touch’ (referring to things that all perish as they are used)—according to human precepts and teachings? These have indeed an appearance of wisdom in promoting self-made religion and asceticism and severity to the body, but they are of no value in stopping the indulgence of the flesh.” [emphasis mine]

No offense, but the Bible says ESOAL doesn’t work!

Nunquam Honorablussays:April 20, 2010 at 4:54 PMReply

About RL- all I know is the he’s known as the “President/Founder”, while Dave Hasz used to be the CEO, but is now the COO.

I really have no idea who the CEO is now. Hmm.

Laurensays:April 20, 2010 at 5:04 PMReply

Matthew, I want to thank you for your honest recount of your experience with ESOAL and for caring enough to validate my story, when it would have been just as easy to discount it.
And I thoroughly enjoyed your UPJ vs UGJ observation 🙂

Anonymoussays:April 20, 2010 at 6:21 PMReply

I have another question…why would there even be a coffin on the campus?
I mean, I get the whole, maybe we didn’t think this through thing, for a bunch of young adults…but why is their a coffin on the grounds to begin with? Just seems freaky to begin with….

Lauren-thanks for speaking up and telling your story.

Ex-intern Faithfulsays:April 20, 2010 at 7:59 PMReply

Former staff-Yes things may have changed over the years. i participated in ESOAL in 2008. From what i have read in Lauren’s story and from what i have gone through myself. they have “made changes”? They have replaced the coffin with garbage cans, which are even more cramped than a coffin. and you had to sit with them over you as a staff member would come and pound on the bottom. They also put up a navy seal grade obstacle course or the New OC. This was the most intense thing i had been through. Then there was that dreaded hill. After ESOAL i couldn’t so much as go by the hill for the fear of rolling it til i threw up and then i had to hop down it. all during this i was being belittled mental and spiritually by those who i had held in such high esteem. After ESOAL i could no longer look at the staff members the same way. this is just one of the many abuses i suffered at the hands of TM.

Carrie Saumsays:April 20, 2010 at 8:21 PMReply

@ Matthew:

If only they would take a page out of ORU’s book…

Anonymoussays:April 20, 2010 at 8:53 PMReply

lesson for all of us- seek first to understand, not to be understood

not just the TM lovers but everyone on all levels

and puppies are really cute 😉

Laurensays:April 20, 2010 at 10:21 PMReply

Thanks to all the anonymous (and identified) individuals who have shared about their ESOAL experiences. Whether or not we each experienced what is “legally” considered hazing or reckless endangerment, ESOAL was hurtful for many. Your experiences and your feelings matter.

Anonymoussays:April 20, 2010 at 10:51 PMReply

It was probably the coffin left over from the ’97 ATF – you know, the one where they had everyone come and throw their sinful stuff into the coffin (the whole burying generation X thing).

Anonymoussays:April 20, 2010 at 10:52 PMReply

This is crazy!!! I remember ESOAL like it was yesterday. I’m sorry lauren for what you went through. I got shot so many times in my back and bottom from paintball, that while I was running I tripped and fell.

People continued to shoot while I was down, and one of the guys on my team stepped in front of me so I wouldn’t get shot anymore.

I saw one girl get hauled off in the ambulance. I think she broke or twisted her ankle.

I can’t swim but I remember having to go in jeep’s swallow. One of my team members helped me so that I wouldn’t drown.

ESOAL is a very crazy experience. I completed it but I didn’t see any benefits from it other than people saying good job and receiving a patch to put on a jacket.

Shilohsays:April 21, 2010 at 1:40 AMReply

“ESOAL is a very crazy experience. I completed it but I didn’t see any benefits from it other than people saying good job and receiving a patch to put on a jacket.”

You know that is really true when I think about it.
There is all this crazy hype about ESOAL. oh man ESPECIALLY if you’re a January cause the Aug’s don’t tell you what happened (at least my psycho roommates. They REALLY got a blast torturing the January.)
anyways, it’s hyped up and there is all this pressure. Than after it’s like, a few days of wacky stories and it’s all over, no discussion really. no out let. No questioning. It’s just, over.
oooooooh I get chills….

Shannon Kishsays:April 21, 2010 at 8:40 AMReply

Just to clarify- Ron is still the CEO/president of TMM.

TruthInLoveSucksSometimessays:April 21, 2010 at 9:33 AMReply

arg.
much legalise to follow.

Emeliasays:April 21, 2010 at 1:37 PMReply

I was an intern the year before Lauren, and the coffin was used then as well, but with a dead snake inside.

Seriously, SCRAP ESOAL before someone dies or goes crazy. The whole thing is insane.

littlegraygirlsays:April 21, 2010 at 2:35 PMReply

Lauren,

I was a staff member the year you participated in ESOAL. I participated in it as well, because I never got over the fact that I rang out my intern year. No joke–I was depressed for a long time after my failed first attempt, and ever after if someone would bring it up. So I went back for more punishment. I have mixed feelings about it now; it is certainly dangerous physically and has so much potential to wreak havoc psychologically, and I agree with Emelia that it should be scrapped. On the other hand, I will never forget the feeling of having completed it. There are very few moments in my life that compare to that one (an embarrassing thing to admit), and I wouldn’t want to give it back. Had I not had the chance to try again, though, I know I’d feel completely differently. I’d probably still feel regret whenever the subject of ESOAL came up.

I remember the coffin, and the cockroaches, and the mice. I remember “vacation”, and crawling through that awful tunnel. And I remember that an ambulance had to be called SEVERAL times during the course of the weekend. I am really surprised that the hospital did not report TM to the authorities. I think I’m secretly hoping for a police raid during ESOAL some year.

I am very sorry that such horrific things happened to you, and that it caused so much hurt. You are brave for coming here and publishing your story. Thank you very much for your courage. I hope the board takes special note of your account and realizes that things cannot go on as they have been.

Programming4Lifesays:April 23, 2010 at 9:40 AMReply

All I have to say is “Thank God” I never went through ESOAL. I was an Aug. intern in 2000-2001, and was on security. Part of my “duties” was making sure that the ESOAL locker contents weren’t told to ANY intern, and that the speed dial for 911 was correctly set as no ambulance was on site at the time.

Jason Reuwersays:April 26, 2010 at 11:22 PMReply

dave hasz for president.

Recovering Alumnisays:April 26, 2010 at 11:35 PMReply

Wow, that is so rude, I am going to leave that up as a testament to how interns really are.

TruthInLoveSucksSometimessays:April 29, 2010 at 9:49 PMReply

Part 1.
Re: Hazing Laws/Texas
OK. This is long, if you don’t like it…scrolll.
Based on findings.
1. Hazing Laws that apply to hazing extend far beyond college fraternities and is experienced by boys/men and girls/women in school groups, university organizations, athletic teams, the military, and other social and professional organizations.
The HA is partnered with Colleges and offers college credit for a “fraction of the price.”
http://www.honoracademy.com/index.cfm/PageID/3380/index.html

2. CONSENT IS NOT A DEFENSE. Because a person volunteers for it does not make the offense permissible. Any documents signed under duress or social pressures, manipulations are considered NULL and VOID.

3. Because HA is parnered with educational institution and produces a “handbook” for interns, hazing laws are supposed to be included in that handbook.

4. For more info try these wikepedia links:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hazing
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bullying

The following in pulled from the law books:

6. “Hazing” means any intentional knowing, or reckless act, occurring on or off the campus of an educational institution, by one person alone or acting with others, directed against a student that endangers the mental or physical health or safety of a student for the purpose of pledging, being initiated into, affiliating with, holding office in, or maintaining membership in any organization whose members are students at an educational institution. The term includes but is not limited to:
1. any type of physical brutality, such as whipping, beating, striking, branding, electronic shocking, placing of a harmful substance on the body, or similar activity;
2. any type of physical activity, such as sleep deprivation, exposure to the elements, confinement in a small space, calisthenics, or other activity that subjects the student to an unreasonable risk of harm or that adversely affects the mental or physical health or safety of the student;
3. any activity involving consumption of a food, liquid, alcoholic beverage, liquor, drug, or other substance which subjects the student to an unreasonable risk of harm or which adversely effects the mental or physical health or safety of the student;
4. any activity that intimidates or threatens the student with ostracism, that subjects the student to extreme mental stress, shame, or humiliation, or that adversely effects the student from entering or remaining registered in an educational institution, or that may reasonably be expected to cause a student to leave the organization or the institution rather than submit to acts described in this subsection;
5. any activity that induces, causes, or requires the student to perform a duty or task which involves a violation of the Penal Code.

TruthInLoveSucksSometimessays:April 29, 2010 at 9:50 PMReply

Part 2
Personal Hazing Offense
1. A person commits an offense if the person:
1. engages in hazing;
2. solicits, encourages, directs, aids, or attempts to aid another in engaging in hazing;
3. intentionally, knowingly, or recklessly permits hazing to occur; or
4. has firsthand knowledge of the planning of a specific hazing incident involving a student in an educational institution, or firsthand knowledge that a specific hazing incident has occurred, and knowingly fails to report said knowledge in writing to the Dean of Students or other appropriate officials of the institution.
2. The offense of failing to report is a misdemeanor punishable by a fine not to exceed $1,000, confinement in county jail for not more than 180 days, or both such fine and confinement.
3. Any other offense under this section which does not cause serious bodily injury to another is a misdemeanor punishable by a fine of not less than $500 nor more than $1,000, confinement in county jail for not less than 90 days nor more than 180 days, or both such fine and confinement.
4. Any other offense under this section which causes serious bodily injury to another is a misdemeanor punishable by a fine of not less than $1,000 nor more than $5,000, confinement in county jail for not less than 180 days nor more than one year, or both such fine and confinement.
5. Any other offense under this section which causes the death of another is a misdemeanor punishable by a fine of not less than $5,000 nor more than $10,000, confinement in county jail for not less than one year nor more than two years, or both such fine and confinement.
6. Except when an offense causes the death of a student in sentencing a person convicted of an offense under this section, the court may require the person to perform community service, subject to the same conditions imposed on community service probationers by Subdivision (1), Subsection (e), and subsections (c), (d), (g), (h) of section 10A. Article 42.12, Code of Criminal Procedure, for an appropriate period of time in lieu of confinement in county jail or in lieu of a part of the time the person is sentenced to confinement in county jail.

Organization Hazing Offense
1. An organization commits an offense if the organization condones or encourages hazing or if an officer or any combination of members, pledges, or alumni of the organization commits or assists in the commission of hazing.
2. An offense under this section is a misdemeanor punishable by a fine of not less than $5,000 nor more than $10,000, or if a court finds that the offense caused personal injury, property damage, or other loss. The court may sentence the organization to pay a fine of not less than $5,000 nor more than double the amount loss or expenses incurred because of such injury, damage, or loss.

Recovering Alumnisays:April 29, 2010 at 9:52 PMReply

TruthInLove – Wow, great information. Any idea what agency we should report this to?

TruthInLoveSucksSometimessays:April 29, 2010 at 9:53 PMReply

Part 3
Consent Not a Defense
It is not a defense to prosecution for the offense under this subchapter that the person against whom the hazing was directed consented to or acquiesced in the hazing activity.

Immunity From Prosecution Available
In the prosecution of an offense under this subchapter, the court may grant immunity from prosecution for the offense to each person who is subpoenaed to testify for the prosecution and does testify for the prosecution. Any person reporting a specific hazing incident involving a student in an educational institution to the Dean of Students or other appropriate official of the institution is immune from liability, civil, or criminal, that might otherwise be incurred or imposed as a result of the report. Immunity extends to participation in any judicial proceeding resulting from the report. A person reporting in bad faith or with malice is not protected by this section.

Offenses in Addition to Other Penal Provisions
This subchapter does not affect or repeal any penal law of this state. Nothing in this subchapter shall limit or affect the right of an educational institution to enforce its own penalties against hazing.

Reporting by Medical Authorities
Treatment of a student who may have been subjected to hazing activities may be reported to police or other law enforcement officials. The doctor of medical practitioner so reporting shall be immune from civil suit or other liability that might otherwise be imposed or incurred as a result of the report, unless the report is made in bad faith or with malice.

Publication of Subchapter
1. Each postsecondary educational institution shall cause to be published or distributed to each student during the first three weeks of each semester a summary of the provisions of this subchapter.
2. The institution shall publish or distribute in the same manner a list of organizations that have been disciplined for hazing or convicted for hazing on or off the campus of the institution during the previous three years.
3. If the institution publishes a general catalog, student handbook, or similar publication, it shall publish a summary of the provisions of this subchapter in each edition of that catalog, handbook, or similar publication

I recommend that anyone even thinking about legal action consult a lawyer in Texas and file suit in the state of Texas so that anyone researching suits against TM/HA would find it.

TruthInLoveSucksSometimessays:April 29, 2010 at 10:18 PMReply

-It is recommended to report any activities to local authorities/police. (Keeping it local will allow records of activities to be linked easily.)

-The statute of limitations is two years. However complaints and offenses older than two years can be documented by local authorities.

-Interesting note: Hazing is a Class B Misdemeanor

Good article: (& Short)
http://media.www.tcudailyskiff.com/media/storage/paper792/news/2010/02/12/Opinion/Hazing.A.Serious.Crime.With.Unanticipated.Consequences-3870219.shtml

moriahsays:April 30, 2010 at 8:40 AMReply

good work truth in love!

Eric P.says:April 30, 2010 at 10:01 AMReply

Truth in love is awesome sometimes, too.

ESOAL-brand hazing abuse has got to be stopped, one way or another.

CarrieSaumsays:April 30, 2010 at 1:09 PMReply

way to go, Truth In Love! 🙂

Katesays:June 7, 2010 at 10:23 AMReply

Oh my goodness. Reading all this – I keep thinking I can just put it all behind me, but I guess I can’t. I am SO thankful I dropped out of ESOAL within a few hours of starting. I was a Jan ’99 intern, so I think maybe it was the first or second year for them to do it. I can’t remember. All I do remember is doing exersise, having DH in my face screaming “You will pass out before you die…say it! Say it!” I was terrified, plus, I worked in the kitchen so I knew what we are going to have to eat later, seeing as I’d ordered it all. I started to throw up, just thinking about the diapers with the beans in them, and so DH made the intern behind me scream “Kate, you will pass out before you die!” to me. The intern behind me was crying the whole time, I’m sure he felt really bad for having to punish me like that. I dropped out a few hours later when I got hit in the throat with paint from a painball gun. I couldn’t breathe and thought I was dying. NO ONE ever offered to take me to the doctor. It was awful.

To be honest, until the very moment, after reading L’s story and all these comments, I don’t think I’d actually thought about these particular memories since they happened. I’d forgotten all about the paintball and the screaming. Do you ever really get over it?

I am finally in a really great place in life. Married, have a little sweet son. But for nearly ten years after TM, my life…I don’t even know what to say about it. Downward spiral is a mild term to use, I’d think. I was so lost and ashamed and humiliated. I still have mixed emotions about TM. Parts of it were so good. I remember going to ATF in the mid 90’s…back when things were so different. TM was such a huge part of my life. I worked for years to raise enough money to be an intern and I don’t think I would take it all back, but still, I’ve had to work through so much and for years, I didn’t even realize it had anything to do with my year at TM. Mostly because I just blocked so much of it out. I guess I’m still doing that.

Thank you Lauren for sharing this story. It truly helped unlock some stuff that I didn’t even know was still there, in me.

I had a dear friend named Lauren who was BVed when we were interns together. I still think about her and wonder what ever happened to her, after they kicked her out. I can still see us crying together in the kitchen, me begging some of the staff to let her stay. Wow, what a year that was.

Laurensays:June 7, 2010 at 10:52 PMReply

Kate, I’m so glad you found this community. Thank you for reading and engaging in the ongoing conversation. Please join us in the forums, too. We are all at different stages of recovery, and I know for me personally, the growth and healing I have experienced as a result of the support I have found here have been transformational.

Anonymoussays:May 8, 2011 at 12:19 AMReply

hey my name is Ashley and I’m looking into being an intern at HA. I’m confused. what the heck is ESOAL? there must be some point to it. and is it optional? do the interns know what they’re getting into? why do they make you go through those things? they must have some sort of reason to give.. i’m so lost!

LizBRsays:May 8, 2011 at 9:26 AMReply

Ashley, just click the “ESOAL” tag under “Categories.” There are a lot of entries, but it gives a pretty clear picture of what ESOAL is all about.

Recovering Alumnisays:May 8, 2011 at 9:53 AMReply

Hi Ashely, I echo LizBR’s suggestion above…the short answer to your questions is that ESOAL is an unBiblical and abusive event designed to get interns to submit without question to whatever their authority tells them, even when it means injuring their body. That way, the rest of the year they will do whatever they are told. It is “optional” but there is A LOT of pressure to do it and you actually have to “opt out” – they just assume everyone will do it.

Anonymoussays:November 4, 2011 at 9:59 AMReply

My husband was an LP that year and I remember him telling me about that. I was in shock….he said he walked away from being a facilitator because of the coffin scenario.

I am an HA alum and I would like to make one point, in your last paragraph in so many words, you mention that YOU fell under PEER PRESSURE (which I know I did as well)…doesn’t that make us the responsible party and not TM? Just a thought.

Anonymoussays:January 5, 2012 at 12:10 PMReply

i just want to say this is nothing to feel bad for… the girl could have rung out. She didint makiing her the one who decided to go threw that coffin expirienceEricsays:January 5, 2012 at 4:53 PMReply

Anonymous: Clearly, you’re not familiar with the concept of “Bounded Choice.”

Just because something has the appearance of choice does not mean that the person is actually in an actual position to exercise free will. If I say, “It’s your choice whether to give me all your money or kill this kitten,” that still makes me a thief (or extortionist) even though I could argue you “freely chose to give me your money.” You would say that you didn’t really have a choice. You’d be right. Your choice was bounded.

In the case of ESOAL, the “choice” is (or at least was when this story took place– though I’m sure it’s still very similar with PEARL) specifically presented as “participate, or ring out and prove you’re a quitter who doesn’t really want to be close to God.” That is not in fact a free choice, since pressures (peers, authority, religious doctrine) are in place to make the second option completely undesirable. Rather, it’s a technique of manipulation designed to create the illusion of voluntary choice, so that the perpetrators of abuse can resort to blaming the victim. Which is exactly what you’re doing.

Either way, Lauren wouldn’t have had to make the “decision” to participate if Teen Mania leaders hadn’t come up with the concept of the coffin in the first place. Thus, they are the ones who need to take responsibility for it. They haven’t.

Anonymoussays:October 28, 2015 at 12:07 AMReply

Best reply of them all … thank you!